TOW: Two Parts, Part 2

Monica and Rachel: The last time we saw Rachel, she was hanging off the balcony on a strand of Christmas lights. Part 2 opens with Monica helping Rachel at the hospital. Monica is filling out the forms for Rachel when she learns that Rachel has no insurance and can't really pay for the visit. Rachel asks if she can just use Monica's insurance. Monica is reluctant, that being insurance fraud, but she eventually agrees. For hospital purposes, Rachel is Monica and Monica is Rachel. They meet two cute doctors, Michael and Jeffery (George Clooney and Noah Wyle!!), who know them by their newly assumed names. They invite Michael and Jeffery to the apartment for drinks; the two doctors are nervous because they haven't had much luck with women they met at the hospital. Monica and Rachel get into a fight because Rachel thinks they should come clean about the insurance thing, but Monica thinks it's a horrible idea. Rachel and Monica, still with identities switched, bring up the worst things about each other in front of the doctors. The next morning the hospital calls and says there was a problem with 'Monica's' forms; she forgot to sign one of them. Monica and Rachel go to the hospital and Rachel fills out a new set of forms as herself, paying the bill with a check.

Ross: is dealing with his realization that he's going to be a father. He has dinner with his dad, asking Mr. Geller when he first felt like a father. Mr. Geller tells Ross that it was when Ross first grabbed his finger the day after Ross was born. Ross is playing Scrabble with Chandler when he realizes that some letter tiles are missing. Marcel starts making gagging noises and Ross realizes Marcel ate the missing tile. They (Ross and Chandler) rush Marcel to the hospital, where the George Clooney doctor offers to take a look at him. Ross sits with Marcel after the tile extraction, but still does not feel like a father. Marcel wakes up and grabs Ross's finger, finally making Ross feel like a dad.

Joey: still dates Ursula. He makes plans to take her to the Rainbow Room for her birthday, blowing off Phoebe's party. Ursula stands him up and stops returning his calls. Joey is sad.

Phoebe: doesn't like that Joey is still dating Ursula. At her surprise party she notices that Joey isn't there and knows that he's with her sister. When Ursula stops seeing Joey, Phoebe is not surprised, but she's upset for Joey. She goes to Riff's to talk to Ursula about Joey. Phoebe and Ursula exchange gifts; Ursula give Phoebe the sweater Joey bought for her. Ursula tells Phoebe she's not going to tell Joey it's over. Phoebe goes into Central Perk in the sweater Joey bought Ursula, pretending to be her sister. Phoebe as Ursula breaks up with Joey. They kiss and Joey realizes it's not Ursula, but Phoebe.

Chandler: plays lots of Scrabble. He also helps Ross deal with his not-feeling-like-a-dad issues.

• Boy, there are a lot of identity switches in this episode. It's like reading a more complicated 'Sweet Valley' book. Monica and Rachel's switch is highly amusing, though I don't recommend committing insurance fraud.

• Oh my God, I love George Clooney.
  

This is the best picture I can find. You'd think there'd be more.

• The whole insurance fraud thing is really, really stupid. Like, it makes my cringe it's such a bad idea.
  

• I really hate Scrabble. I hate monkeys, too. This episode almost gets rid of two with one stone...or, one Scrabble tile, as it were.
  

• How does Riff's get any business if the service is so bad? The mind boggles. Is the horrible service a shtick? And wouldn't people get tired of it after awhile? The food has to be out-of-this-world.

• This is a horrible tie.
  

And Ross kinda looks like this guy:

• When Phoebe comes into Central Perk as Ursula, Joey is doing "she loves me, she loves me not" with a flower. That is so not a Joey thing to do. But adorable.
  

• Ross and Chandler go to the hospital with Marcel, not realizing that Monica and Rachel are there. This happens.

I love.

• Phoebe breaking up with Joey as Ursula is the sweetest thing. Joey thinks so, too, which is good because he's kind of a jerk about dating Ursula.

• Throughout the two parts, Monica and Rachel's tv has been stuck on Spanish. The little tidbit at the end is dubbed in Spanish. Ugly Naked Guy gets a hula hoop!

Oh.My.God

"Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinking they can take us. And so, I, uh--I just heave it downfield."
"What, Are you crazy? That's a baby!" -Ross and Chandler, as Ross tells about his baby-as-football dream.

"Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit." -Chandler, talking to Joey about Phoebe's party.

"What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me." -Ross, getting Phoebe's "Surprise!" at her party.

"I got a lemon shmush." -Ross, after dropping Phoebe's cake.

"Would you relax? Look around. Noooo pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine." -Dr. Mitchell (George Clooney!), on Monica and Rachel.

"God bless the chickpea." -Dr. Mitchell, trying to break the tension between Monica and Rachel.

"I use my breasts to get other people's attention."
"We both do that." -Rachel and Monica, during their switched identity fight.

"You know, um, he's really nutsy about you."
"He is? Why?"
"You got me." -Phoebe and Ursula, about Joey.

"No food with a face." -Phoebe, after Ursula offers her chicken.

"No, no, you got zero points for 'idney'." -Chandler, playing Scrabble with Ross.

"The doctor got the 'k' out. He also found an 'm' and an 'o'."
"We think he was trying to spell out 'monkey'." -Ross and Chandler, after Marcel eats Scrabble tiles.