TOW: the Thumb

Monica: Begins dating a man named Alan. She's worried about introducing him to the gang, but eventually she relents. Everyone loves Alan, but Monica isn't too excited about him. She decides to break up with Alan and everyone is devastated, acting like she is breaking up with them. When she breaks up with Alan he's relieved because he doesn't like Monica's friends.

Phoebe: This is the first episode where Phoebe gets her own storyline. It starts with Phoebe having $500 extra dollars in her bank account. She doesn't want to keep it, but when she notifies the bank they give her another $500 and a football phone. Phoebe gives the $1000 bucks and the football phone to a homeless woman, Lizzie (Beth Grant, aka the 'he asked me to forcibly insert the lifeline exercise card into my anus' lady from "Donnie Darko!"). In return, Lizzie buys Phoebe a soda, in which Phoebe finds a thumb. The soda company gives Phoebe $7,000.

Chandler: Helps Joey prepare for an audition. The character Joey is reading for is supposed to smoke, but Joey doesn't know how. Chandler tries to show Joey how it's done and ends up smoking again himself. Everyone attempts to help him quite (even Alan), but Chandler missed smoking too much. In the end, Phoebe says she'll give him the $7000 if he never smokes again.

Ross, Rachel, and Joey don't have storylines this episode. Joey hasn't had one yet in the series. Poor Joey.

• The episode starts with everyone discussing common phrases used during dating and what these phrases really mean. Rachel's all surprised about these 'codes,' which makes no sense because she was kind of a slut in high school.
  

• This is the first time we see Joey and Chandler's apartment. They have house plants. Cause all bachelors have those.
  

• Rachel is a really, really bad waitress and gives everyone the wrong drinks. But...if I were Rachel, I'd have assumed that those drinks belonged with those people. Maybe it's just me...

• Chandler tries to hide his smoking. This happens in Central Perk:

Does it strike anyone else as strange that nobody in Central Perk cares that a guy is hanging off a couch? I mean, you'd think someone would be making a 'what the eff???' face.

• Monica dresses like every teacher I had in grade school. This bothers me.

• Rachel wears, like, three different sleeveless denim shirts this episode. Rachel is too fashion conscious to wear the same type of shirt that many times in a row.

• Rachel, Ross, Chandler, and Joey play softball with Alan. Rachel doesn't play sports. They never play softball like this again. It's never even mentioned. And what kind of league are they in?
  

• I want Phoebe's luck! I wish my bank gave me $1000 and a football phone. How could anybody be upset by free money?? I'd even take the thumb-soda money! Though, I'd much prefer to do it without all the bother of the severed thumb. (How does a thumb get into a soda? I didn't realize cola companies used a lot of cutting devices in their production process.)
  

• Speaking of the thumb-soda, Phoebe's response when she opens the can is "Heh." Awesome.
  

• Chandler lists everyone's faults and they all start fighting. The only faults that remain during the series are Rachel's bad waitressing and Ross's over-pronouncing words.
  

• The gang loves Alan and Alan hangs out with them all.the.time. It turns out Alan doesn't like them. So, why go through all the bother? They play softball, he tells Chandler to stop smoking, they rent boats...pointless.

• Another best. moment. ever:
  

Oh. My. God

"That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm." -Ross, still believing his parents did not put his dog to sleep.

"I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell. Alone." -Chandler, making fun of Joey's smoking skills.

"Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand."
-Chandler, teaching Joey to smoke.

"Oh, Satan's minions at work again!" -Chandler's response to Phoebe's bank account having $500 extra in it.

"Yeah, but if you spend it, it'd be like shopping!" -Rachel's thoughts on what Phoebe should do with the extra money.

"There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a....while..." -Phoebe's nursery rhyme.

"I personally could have a gallon of Alan." -Chandler.

"Hey, y'know, I've had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it." -Chandler, telling Joey and Ross why he'll continue to smoke.

"God, he's good"
"If only he were a woman."
"Yeeeaaaahhh."-Rachel and Ross discussing Alan.

"Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?" -Chandler, trying to quite smoking.

"Yeah, he could row like a Viking." -Ross reminiscing over Alan's boating skillz.