TOW: the Dozen Lasagnas

Monica: makes a dozen lasagnas for her Aunt Silvia, only Aunt Silvia doesn't want them because they're not vegetarian. Monica is stuck with all the lasagnas. She gifts the lasagnas to anyone she can. She has a lot of fun with Chandler and Joey's new Foosball table, but she is extra competitive and really cocky about winning. At the end, Chandler and Joey have to carry her out of their apartment because she will not leave.

Phoebe: is a masseuse. She's working one day when Paolo comes in for a massage. He unselfconsciously disrobes, but Phoebe quickly covers him up. The scene cuts away and the next time we see Phoebe she comes into Central Perk in a very bad mood. She tells the gang, except Rachel, who is waitressing, that Paolo hit on her during the massage. At Ross's prompting, Phoebe decides to tell Rachel what happened. Phoebe makes cookies and tells Rachel what Paolo did.

Rachel: is planning a trip to the Poconos with Paolo. She's really excited about the trip and is developing stronger feelings for him. Phoebe comes over and brings her oatmeal cookies. Rachel learns about what Paolo did. She's not angry at Phoebe, but is hurt and furious with Paolo. Rachel throws Paolo's clothes off their balcony and breaks up with him. She stays on the balcony, being sad, and Ross comes out to talk to her. She says she wants to stay away from men for awhile. While Ross is attempting to convince her not to swear off men, Rachel accidentally tells him the sex of the baby.

Ross: makes a point of being incredibly disgusted whenever Paolo is around or mentioned. He's been reading pregnancy literature to be able to help Carol. He has to take the books back to Carol and Susan and while at their apartment he learns that Carol had a doctors appointment and knows the sex of the baby. Ross doesn't want to know, but he's still curious and has to continually stop himself from asking what the sex is. The gang all know the sex, but Ross still doesn't want to know. When Paolo hits on Phoebe, Ross encourages Phoebe to tell Rachel. Chandler and Joey convince Ross to go comfort Rachel after the break-up with Paolo. While telling Rachel not to swear off men all together, Rachel lets slip that the baby is a boy.

Chandler and Joey: break their kitchen table. They go shopping for a new table, a big step in their roommate relationship. Joey is a little jealous of Chandler's old roommate, Kip. They go to the table store and argue about what kind of table they want. They end up getting a Foosball table. They play several games with Monica and Ross and with Monica solo. Monica always wins and they don't much enjoy playing with her after awhile.

• Joey does this little your-baby-is-tiny-and-this-is-what-he-sounds-like thing with Ross and is so adorable. I'm not all about Joey, but in this instance I want to, like, fluff his hair and pinch his cheeks.

So cute.

• Ugly Naked Guy makes shadow puppets!!!
  

• Chandler and Joey still have houseplants. How are they alive? Chandler and Joey can't even keep a table in one piece and we're supposed to think they can care for plants? I don't think so.
  

• Okay, seriously, where the eff does Paolo live? In TOW: the Blackout I thought he was supposed to live in the building. I mean if not, why is his cat in their apartment building and why is Paolo wondering around their building in the dark? Cause that's not creepy. But in this episode, Rachel has to wait a fair amount of time for him to come over. I'm confused.
  

• I like that Phoebe just rolls Paolo right off the massage table when he cops a feel. Yay, Phoebe!
  

I hate Paolo.

• I'm glad that the writers didn't make Phoebe and Rachel fight about the Paolo thing. If they had fought about it, I'd have lost my respect for the characters. Paolo really isn't worth it.

• Ross really has a problem with these giant necked sweaters. I kind of hate them. I can let the unfortunate sweater choice go, though, because of how sweet he is when he talks to Rachel.

• Any sort of sing-a-long, or in this case, hum-a-long, makes my life. This goes firmly in the 'best moment ever' category.
  

I am currently irritating everyone in my immediate vicinity with constant repetitions of the 'Odd Couple Theme.' Seriously, this is the most totally awesome thing ever. I fully support randomly breaking into song, or, uh, hum.

Oh. My. God.

"Ooh, this is cool. It says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta."
"And, we're done with the yogurt." -Phoebe and Chandler, reading Ross's baby books.

"How come you don't live with Mommy? How come Mommy lives with that other lady? What's a lesbian?" -Joey, pretending to be Ross's baby.

"Don't you want to know about the sex?"
"The sex? Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya..." Carol and Ross, having a misunderstanding discussing the sex of the baby.

"Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio."
"You knew about that?"
"Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination." -Chandler and Joey, discussing the broken table.

"I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt!"
"Or an uncle..." -Monica and Joey, talking about Ross's baby.

"All right, you know Paolo?"
"I'm familiar with his work, yes..." -Phoebe and Ross.

"Oh, boy scouts could've camped under there." -Phoebe, describing her encounter with Paolo.

"So what, like people are gonna come in and think, 'Uh-oh, I'm outside again?'" -Joey, wondering why he and Chandler can't buy patio furniture for their kitchen table.

"Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!" -Chandler, debating the merits of birds over lady bugs as furniture decor.

"Oh, but he was my pig man..." -Rachel, talking to Phoebe about Paolo.

"Ok, that's either, 'How could you?' or 'Enormous breasts!'" -Monica, interpreting the gestures Rachel's making to Paolo.

"And that would be a shut-down!"
"Shut-OUT!!!" -Monica, Joey and Chandler, playing Foosball.