Ross-gets a monkey, named Marcel. Ross is glad to have a pet since Carol left. Things with Marcel are not great; Monica doesn't like him, and he becomes distant with Ross. Chandler checks in on Marcel one night when Ross has to work late, and Chandler and Marcel have a great time. At the New Year's party, Marcel ignores Ross the whole night. Oh, Ross is the only person who doesn't have a date for New Year's at any time during this episode.
Monica-doesn't like Marcel at all, especially when he messes with her spatulas and pees on her coffee table. Really, can you blame her? She invites an ex-boyfriend, Fun Bobby, to New Year's. When Fun Bobby arrives he's no fun because his grandpa just died.
Phoebe- performs in Central Perk where she's interrupted by two geeky looking guys, David (Hank Azaria) and Max. They were discussing how beautiful David thought Phoebe was. David is a physicist. Anyway, he and Phoebe start dating and he becomes Phoebe's New Year's date. Before the party, though, David learns that he and Max got a grant to study in Minsk for 3 years, starting January 1. David doesn't know what to do and lets Phoebe make the decision, which is for him not to go. Max is furious. At the New Year's party, Phoebe sees how much going means to David and tells him that he has to go.
Joey-doesn't get the job as mall Santa Claus, a job he's had before. Instead, he's an elf. At work, he meets a single mom and invites her to New Year's. Sandy, the single mom, brings her kids to the party, which makes Joey feel awkward. He ends up taking care of the kids while Sandy hooks up with scientist guy Max.
Chandler- is freaking out about not having a New Year's date. To take the pressure off, he decides that everyone should make a pact not to have dates for New Year's. They halfheartedly agree. When Chandler learns Phoebe invited David, he acts all mad, but in actuality had already invited Janice. Janice thinks this means they are back together and spends most of the party saying how happy she is they're dating again. Chandler finally tells her the truth and Janice is mad.
Rachel-thinks Paolo is going to be in Rome for New Year's, so she's dateless irregardless of the pact. Paolo gets an earlier flight, though, but he misses it. Rachel is attacked by an angry woman at the airport, fighting over a cab. The woman tackles her, making Rachel hit her head on the curb and cut her lip on her attack whistle. Rachel tries to have fun at the party, but her eye is swelling shut and she can't drink anything without spilling it.
In the end, they all don't have dates, like they agreed on. Chandler really wants to kiss someone, but Phoebe's too sad and Rachel's lip hurts too bad. Monica doesn't want to kiss everyone. Joey ends up kissing Chandler to make him shut-up.
- I freaking love Hank Azaria!! Sweet, nerdy David is only one of the reasons I love Hank Azaria so very much. Agador, effing Spartacus???? I'm not sure if anyone else's ever seen Eulogy, but it's kind of awesome (also, Zooey Deschanel). And the Showtime show, Huff, which probably boasts one of the best, weirdest lines ever in, "You fucked my mother?!?!" Amazing.
- There are some incredibly, incredibly bad clothes in this episode. I think it's because the costume designers used up their budget on party clothes, but still. No excuse. Here's a sample of the bad.
Oh my God, the maroon. It hurts me. Chandler's sweater is frightening. Joey and Rachel are the only bright spots.
I feel physical pain looking at this.
I know better than to expect much from Janice, but yeesh. The big pink bow!
- I didn't realize getting a cab at the airport was so dangerous in the nineties. But, y'know, poor Rachel. I blame Paolo. Bastard.
- I'm with Monica on the Marcel thing. Gross, Ebola-ridden, flee-bitten thing.
- I'm legit creeped out by the chick Joey meets while dressed as an elf. That's just weird. I think there's a rule about not checking out dudes with pointed, jingly shoes.
- Ugly Naked Guy hangs candy canes...places.
- Chandler's midnight kiss.
" Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!" -Chandler, meeting Marcel the first time.
"I made a man with eyes of coal/ And a smile so bewitchin'/ How was I supposed to know/ That my mom was dead in the kitchen?" -Phoebe's song.
"That guy's going home with a note." -Chandler, while David is being scolded by Phoebe.
"...You are luminous with a kind of delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling." -David, explaining to Phoebe what he and Max were talking about.
"I mean, God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! Ooooh, did I just share too much?" -Rachel, learning that Phoebe and David hadn't even kissed by the 6th date.
"I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped!"
"Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history."
"I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!" -Chandler and Monica, as the dating pact unravels.
"Too many jokes! Must mock Joey!" -Chandler, seeing Joey in his elf costume.
"I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table." -Monica's response to Ross asking if Monica would treat Marcel badly if he was not a monkey, but Ross's girlfriend.
"And then your face exploded?" -Phoebe, seeing Rachel after she's attacked.
"I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocket book- starts yelling at me." -Rachel's explanation of the woman who attacked her.
"Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I mentally undressed an elf." -Sandy hitting on Joey. Ew.
"Kill me. Kill me now." -Chandler, responding to Janice asking Ross to take their picture.
"Yoko." -Phoebe and Max, after David decides not to go to Minsk.