TO: at the Beach

Phoebe: finds a picture of her mom, dad, and another woman. The label on the back of the photo was written by Phoebe's mom. Phoebe decides to track down the other woman, also named Phoebe, to ask this woman if she knows where Frank is. Phoebe Two lives at the beach, so Phoebe decides the whole group should take a trip to the beach. Phoebe's able to borrow a beach house from one of her clients. The group piles in Phoebe's grandma's cab. At the beach, it's pouring down rain and the beach house is filled with sand from flood damage. Phoebe goes off to find Phoebe Two. Phoebe Two (Teri Garr) is a Realtor and is on the phone with a client when Phoebe appears. Phoebe Two invites Phoebe in, and Phoebe introduces herself. Phoebe Two is really frantic and nervous around Phoebe. Phoebe asks if Phoebe Two knows where Frank is, but Phoebe Two says she hasn't heard from him in years. Phoebe asks for stories about her parents when they were younger. All Phoebe Two says is that the three of them used to be inseparable. Phoebe goes back to the beach house and tells the gang what happened with Phoebe Two. She's sure Phoebe Two was lying about knowing where Frank is. Phoebe found a picture on Phoebe Two's fridge and she's sure it's of her dad. She has plans to have dinner with Phoebe Two the next night, and she's going to confront Phoebe Two about Frank then. Phoebe picks Chandler to decide what they're going to spend the evening doing. The next night, Phoebe gets a call from Phoebe Two, canceling their dinner plans. Phoebe decides to break into Phoebe Two's house to find out anything she can about Frank. Phoebe climbs through a window and tries to be really quiet, but she wakes Phoebe Two up. Phoebe Two catches Phoebe, and asks why Phoebe's breaking in (as anyone would, really). Phoebe says she knows Phoebe Two was lying about Frank and shows Phoebe Two the picture she took from the fridge. Phoebe Two says the picture is of her and Chuck Magione, who she sold a house to; she really doesn't know where Frank is. But...she does know something about Phoebe's parents, namely that Phoebe Two is actually Phoebe's mother.

Ross and Rachel: the whole group, including Bonnie, are hanging out in Central Perk. Rachel is jealous of Bonnie's relationship with Ross, and wishes Bonnie would stop talking about sex. Phoebe arrives and tells everyone about the beach trip, but Bonnie can't go. Rachel's excited that Bonnie won't be there. When Rachel comes down to leave for the trip, she's wearing a frighteningly gigantic straw hat. They all make fun of her, but she likes it; plus, Ross bought it for her. When they get to the beach house, it's storming, so they can't do anything outside. They're all bored and Rachel ends up painting Monica's nails. When she's finished with Monica's, she wants to do someone else's. She decides she's going to paint Ross's nails. Ross refuses and runs away; Rachel chases after him. They fall on the couch together and play fight with the polish brush. They all end up playing strip Happy Days game, and Rachel and Ross flirt the whole time. Rachel gets up to make more margarita's and Monica follows her. She asks Rachel why she keeps flirting with Ross. Rachel tries to act like it's no big deal, but Monica points out that Ross is flirting back. Rachel's excited that someone else noticed, but before she can say much on the point, Bonnie strolls in. The next morning, Rachel comes downstairs, absolutely furious about the turn of events. Everyone got to hear how much fun Ross and Bonnie had the night before. Rachel can't stand to be around Ross and Bonnie, so she goes for a walk. She ends up reading a book on a bench outside the house. Bonnie comes up to her after going for a swim, complaining about all the sand in her hair. Rachel tells Bonnie how great she looked when she shaved her head. Bonnie's thinking about going with the bald look again, and Rachel tells her to go for it. Bonnie decides to go for it. The next time Bonnie comes down, she's bald again. Ross is not a fan. Rachel's sitting on the same bench, when Ross comes looking for her. Ross tells Rachel that Bonnie said shaving her head was Rachel's idea. Rachel argues with him, saying Bonnie wanted to do it, she just offered encouragement. Bonnie comes out to go for a midnight swim, and Ross and Rachel watch how the moonlight bounces off her head. Ross wants to know why Rachel's so upset about Bonnie. Rachel says she broke up with him because she was mad at him, not because she stopped loving him. Ross asks if she still loves him, and she admits she does, but that Ross still loves her, too. Ross wants to know if she wants to get back together. Rachel doesn't know if she wants that because she's still mad at Ross for what he did, but she really enjoys being with him. Ross kisses her, but it's interrupted by Chandler and Joey. Rachel goes upstairs, but Ross stays behind to talk with Chandler and Joey. While they're talking, Bonnie comes back from her swim and goes up to bed. Ross doesn't know what to do. He really wants to go up and finish his kiss with Rachel, but he's hesitant. He's finally moving on from Rachel, who he had a horrible time getting over, and he's with Bonnie. He goes upstairs, looking between the room he shares with Bonnie and Rachel's room. He finally goes into one, but we don't know which.

Monica and Chandler: are the first ones down at Central Perk to meet Phoebe before they leave. Monica sees a couple walk past and is jealous. She tells Chandler she's going to end up an old maid. Chandler disagrees, but says if she's worried, he could be her boyfriend. Monica laughs, but Chandler was serious. He doesn't understand why he'd be a bad boyfriend. He pesters her about it the entire episode, and she continuously says he's just a friend. Finally, Monica tells him that he's too immature for her taste. Chandler's hurt; he thinks he can be a good boyfriend. At the end of the episode, Chandler keeps coming to the door, pretending to be a blind date for Monica.

Joey: gets involved with the Monica and Chandler dating thing. Monica says she wouldn't date Joey either. While they're bored at the beach house, Joey keeps suggesting they play strip poker. Everyone says no, but when Phoebe picks Chandler to decide what they'll do for the evening, he picks strip poker. They can't find any cards, so they end up playing strip Happy Days game. When someone gets five 'cool points' the get to make someone strip. They all pick on Joey and he ends up just in his boxers, which he looses, but doesn't take off because he's cold. He passes out later that night and a couple of them bury him in sand and give him boobs. He keeps wanting Chandler to play strip poker with him as practice, but Chandler refuses.

• I always expect this episode to be more exciting than it is. It's not bad, but my expectations are always too high. It's like one of the Hawaii episodes from, like The Brady Bunch, or something. Y'know a ratings ploy. I can just imagine the writers sitting around like, "ah ha! We'll send them to Montauk!"

• Speaking of Montauk, it always makes me think of The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
  

• I don't know if the writers had already decided that Chandler and Monica would be a couple, or what, but I love their banter here. Even if it was just a whim on the part of the writers, it's a great bit of foreshadowing.
  

• Rachel's hat

No one should wear this hat. Not even a die hard Kentucky Derby fan. Though, it might not be out of place in the horse race scene from My Fair Lady. Can't you just see Rachel yelling, "Move your bloomin' arse!" I totally can.

• Phoebe Two is the biggest plot contrivance in the world.
  

I don't dislike her, or anything, but her existence is totally random. It's not like Phoebe doesn't have enough trouble. Cause tracking down your biological dad is a piece of cake.

• Strip Happy Days game, how I love thee.

Monica doesn't have any pants...I'm pretty sure she and Joey are the only two who've lost any clothes.

• MERMAID!!!

• Bald Bonnie

Some people look really great bald. She's not one of them.

• The cliffhang-yness of this episode is really great. Phoebe finds out about her real mom, but what next? How's Phoebe going to take this revelation?? And Ross and Rachel! Ross walks into a bedroom, but which woman is in it? I feel like a duh-duh-duuuunnnnnnn!!! is in order.
  

Oh. My. God.

"Joey, she was listing countries she's done it in." -Monica, to Joey, to show that all Bonnie talks about is sex.

"Ohh, big, fat bummer!" -Rachel, to Bonnie, when Bonnie can't go to the beach.

"You're not gonna die an old maid. Maybe an old spinster cook." -Chandler, to Monica, who's sad about not having a boyfriend.

"Okay, so we've established my name, and hit me." -Chandler, to Monica, as she tries to say why she wouldn't date him.

"Well, I'd probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice." -Monica, to Chandler, when he pretends to be a blind date.

"Wait a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I can't have children!" -Chandler, commenting on Rachel's hat.

"Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat." -Ross, seeing all the sand in the beach house.

"Yeah, no, it was great." -Phoebe, to Phoebe Two, during a discussion of Phoebe's mom's death.

"I think because of margaritas three, four, and nine." -Chandler, on why he chose to play strip poker.

"Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department!" -Ross, rolling the dice in the Happy Days game.

"Oh, yeah, I don't know what they were doing, but at one point sea turtles actually came up to the house." -Chandler, about Ross and Bonnie's night together.

"Good morning. Nice breasts, by the way." -Ross, to Joey, when he wakes up covered in sand.

"She said you gave her the razor!" -Ross, to Rachel, after Bonnie shaves her head.

"Rach, you balded my girlfriend!" -Ross, to Rachel.

"Noo!! I don't care! I'm not gonna play one-on-one strip poker with you for practice!" -Chandler, to Joey.

"I--I came to fill your ice cube trays!" -Phoebe, to Phoebe Two, after she gets caught breaking in.

"There is not one hair on that head." -Chandler, about Bonnie.