TOW: the Dirty Girl

Ross: makes out with an incredibly, way out -of-his-league, attractive woman (Rebecca Romijn) in front of Central Perk. The gang is shocked, as is Ross, at his amazing good luck. Rachel questions Ross about his date, Cheryl, demeaning her by assuming she's something like a brainless model. Ross informs everyone that Cheryl is a doctoral candidate who specializes in the Cenozoic era. Rachel makes a crack about the reason a woman like Cheryl's dating Ross, but Ross doesn't care the reason, he's just feeling lucky to be with her. Ross has another date with Cheryl. They kiss outside her apartment, and she invites him in. Ross can't say 'yes' fast enough, but he's completely turned off when he sees that her apartment is a dirty, garbage filled mess. It's not helped any when Cheryl starts throwing food and calling for her pet hamster, which has been missing for several days. Ross suggests they go to his place, but Cheryl doesn't want to because she thinks Ross' place has a funny smell. Ross helps Joey tie his tie, and tells Joey about the gross apartment. Ross ended up just leaving because it was soooo nasty. He doesn't know what to do, since Cheryl doesn't like going to his place either. Joey tells Ross he has to suck it up if he really wants to be with Cheryl. Ross agrees that that's the thing to do. Ross goes on another date with Cheryl. He works on ignoring the mess, and they start making out. They lay down on the couch, in the garbage, and Ross has serious trouble dealing with it. He puts his hand in something that may be chocolate... or motor oil..., is horribly disgusted, and gets even more garbage on him. He pulls away from Cheryl, watching a chip bag wiggle on her coffee table. He flips out (as he should), starting to beat the chip bag with what might be a toilet brush. Cheryl's upset because she thinks the thing in the bag is her hamster. She checks, it wasn't her pet, but a rat.

Chandler and Joey: Chandler goes to Monica and Rachel's, telling the gang (minus Joey), that he bought Kathy a great present for her upcoming birthday. He was able to find an early edition of Kathy's favorite book from childhood, The Velveteen Rabbit. It's super, super nice, and probably not a little expensive. They all think it's a great gift, but Phoebe points out that if he give it to her, it'll be totally obvious he has feelings for Kathy. Ross agrees, especially because Joey won't be getting her a gift that nice. Chandler decides to make sure Joey gets Kathy something nice. Joey and Kathy come in, and Kathy goes to the bathroom. Chandler asks Joey what he's getting Kathy for her birthday, but Joey doesn't really have many ideas. A day or two later, Chandler and Rachel are hanging out when Joey comes in. He had a hard time shopping for Kathy, of course, he went to OfficeMax. Joey's gift is a pen, that's also a clock. Chandler makes fun of him. Joey doesn't have any other ideas, and doesn't have time to shop more. Chandler offers to find something for Joey to give to Kathy. Later, Chandler's back at Monica and Rachel's, not having been able to find anything better than The Velveteen Rabbit for Kathy. Rachel suggests Chandler return the book, and get Kathy a gift that's worse than a clock pen. Chandler decides he'd rather Kathy get the book, even if it isn't from him. Joey comes in, and Chandler gives him the book to give to Kathy. Joey doesn't get what's so exciting about a book, but Chandler says Kathy'll really like it. After Joey and Kathy get back from her birthday dinner, Joey thanks Chandler because Kathy absolutely loves the book, and Joey's going to get thanked in the bedroom. Kathy comes in, and Joey makes Chandler give Kathy the clock pen. Chandler's embarrassed by the pathetic-ness of the pen, but gives it to her anyway. Joey scampers off to his bedroom, leaving Kathy and Chandler alone. Kathy thanks Chandler for the book, because she knows he had something to do with they purchasing of it. Kathy knows that Chandler has feelings for her, she may even reciprocate, but Chandler doesn't make a move because Joey's his best friend.

Monica and Phoebe: Monica gets a phone call that doesn't seem to go well. When she hangs up, she tells everyone that she just got offered a catering job for a funeral. She'd have to serve sixty people, but it was such short notice and for so many, that she had to turn the job down. Monica explains that she doesn't have the money to buy the equipment and ingredients she'd need. Phoebe offers Monica a loan, encouraging Monica to go out and cater. Monica takes Phoebe's advice. Monica returns from the job, having had a great experience. Not only that, but she got hired for another funeral happening the next day. She shows Phoebe all the great catering equipment she bought, but all Phoebe cares about is where her money is. Monica doesn't have the money to pay her back, because she didn't realize Phoebe'd want it back so soon. She promises to pay Phoebe back after she caters the next funeral. Monica and Phoebe both go to the next job, which also starts out really well, until Monica has to go ask the widow to pay the bill. Monica asks the widow (Gretchen Wyler) for the money, but the widow says her husband took care of that, and starts to cry. Monica runs back into the kitchen. Monica still can't get the money, every time she asks, the widow cries. Phoebe opens the kitchen door and the widow is putting on a little musical show. Monica doesn't feel comfortable asking the widow for the payment, even though the widow doesn't seem too upset. Phoebe tells Monica that she talked to a few other people, the florist, the limo driver, and the priest, and they weren't paid either. Monica thinks Phoebe should get the money, so Phoebe confronts the widow. The widow pays up. Monica leaves some business cards for the other guests. They go to Central Perk when they finish, finding Rachel there, too. Monica tells Rachel how the catering went, explaining about the trouble with the widow. Monica suggests she and Phoebe should be partners. Phoebe should be in charge of the money, while Monica cooks. Phoebe thinks it's a great idea. Monica can't sleep, worrying about the dirtiness of Cheryl's apartment. She goes over to clean it, and Cheryl shuts the door in her face. Monica cleans the door.

Rachel: makes it her goal to finish an entire crossword by herself. Phoebe offers her help, but Rachel snaps at her. She has quite a bit of trouble with it, but muddles through. She's sitting with Chandler, and suggests they all go see a musical. Specifically the 1996 Tony Award Winner. Chandler guesses a few, but finally gets it right (Rent). Rachel finishes the whole puzzle while she's in Central Perk. She jumps up to celebrate, but no one's around for her to hug. Gunther runs out of the back, wanting to be the one to hug her, but he trips and falls. Monica and Phoebe come in, and Rachel gets her hug.

• Hey! It's Rebecca Romijn! I just talked about her in the post for TOW: the Ballroom Dancing! But, seriously, she'd have made a really good Maria, the gym treat.

• This is Cheryl's apartment. I'm not an obsessively clean neat freak like Monica, but Cheryl's place may be my worst nightmare.

I quite like that Cheryl, who's hot and smart, is a slob. It's quite an amusing flaw. She could totally be on Hoarders.

• So, when the chip bag on the coffee table moves, Ross uses a toilet brush to kill the creature inside. Cheryl has a toilet brush in her living room. Ew. And I really, really hope that the brown, gooey stuff Ross sticks his hand in, is chocolate.
  

• I have major, major love for the Chandler/Kathy storyline. It's all very angst filled and tragic in a Friends sorta way.

It's just the sweetest thing that Chandler'd go through all the time and effort to find her a rare, early edition of The Velveteen Rabbit.

• I'm also proud of myself for knowing that the 1996 Tony Award Winning Musical is Rent. It actually hurts me a little when Chandler's first guess is Grease.
  

• And, oh, the fact that Kathy knows Chandler has feelings for, and Kathy may reciprocate, but Chandler won't make a move because Joey's his best friend...it's all so painful and sweet.

• I'm pretty appalled by the widow. Dude, your husband and his best friend just died, stop pretending you're Liza Minnelli.

I can't get "Jeepers, Creepers" out of my head now.

Oh. My. God.

"Yeah, come to papa." -Phoebe, looking at Cheryl.

"Probably the only time I'll ever say this, but did you see the ass on her?" -Monica, about Cheryl.

"Well, maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek."

"Fine by me; hope she wins!" -Rachel and Ross, on why Cheryl's dating him.

"Okay, but don't touch it, because your fingers have destructive oils."

"Huh. Well, then you'd better keep it away from Ross' hair." -Chandler and Rachel, after Rachel tries to touch the rare book.

"Yeah, and what a great way to say, "I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend!" -Phoebe, to Chandler, when he buys Kathy the rare book.

"You sound like Monican't, not Monican." -Phoebe, to Monica, encouraging her to cater.

"Aborigine!!" -Rachel, attempting to do the crossword puzzle.

"Did Homo-Erectus hunt with wooden tools?"

"According to recent findings!" -Ross and Cheryl, being scientists.

"Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!" -Chandler, to Joey, when Joey buys Kathy the clock pen.

"Well, like that only instead of chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived!" -Ross, describing Cheryl's apartment to Joey. Also, pretty much the plot of Wall-E.

"What kind of smell?"

'I don't know, soap?" -Joey and Ross, when Ross says that Cheryl thinks his apartment smells.

"Alright, now you go get that beautiful pig!" -Joey, to Ross.

"Guess who!"

"Department of Sanitation?" -Cheryl and Ross, at Cheryl's apartment.

"Yeah. Hard Ass and Wuss. We could fight crime!" -Phoebe, after Monica tells Rachel what happened with the widow.

"I can cook and you can take care of the money!"

"Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!" -Monica and Phoebe, discussing their partnership.

"Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me he said, 'This is cause I know you like rabbits, and I know you like cheese'." -Kathy, to Chandler, thinking him for The Velveteen Rabbit.