TOW: the Jellyfish

Chandler, Joey, and Monica: Chandler still can't let go of the fact that Monica wouldn't date him. Monica says they're out of soda, and Chandler promptly says he'll go get some. But...then he backs out because he's not Monica's boyfriend. The three of them go down to the beach. Chandler asks Monica if she'd date him if he was the last man on Earth in a post apocalyptic scenario. Her answers is, "eh." Joey wants Monica and Chandler to come look at the giant hole he dug. Monica and Chandler walk over to it, just as a big wave crashes on the shore. Joey's hole gets filled with water and Monica gets stung by a jellyfish. She's in horrible pain and can't walk back to the house. Joey and Chandler try to come up with a plan, but they have no idea what to do. Joey remembers something about jellyfish he watched on the Discovery Channel. The documentary said that pee was a good way to soothe a jellyfish sting. They come back from the beach acting really weird, but they won't tell the other three what's up. Joey sort of mentions the day at the beach when he and Chandler are talking to Ross in Central Perk, but Joey refuses to talk about it more. They have an awkward dinner together, so when Phoebe comes in they all encourage her to talk. Phoebe's upset about the stuff with Phoebe Two, so doesn't have much to say. Ross and Rachel come in and beg the three to confess what happened on the beach. Joey wants to tell, but Monica and Chandler encourage him not to. Joey can't take the pressure, though, and starts the story. Monica was stung, Joey remembered about the documentary. Ross butts in and says he watched the same documentary, but he thinks Monica peed on herself. Monica says she attempted it, but there was an angling problem. Everyone looks at Joey. Joey steps up, saying he wanted to help because Monica was hurting, but he got stage fright and couldn't go. Chandler is the one who peed on Monica. Rachel suggests they get therapy, but they don't like the idea. At the end, Chandler and Monica play cards together. Chandler says if they were a couple they'd be playing naked. Monica tells him he's a great guy, but now all he'll ever be is the guy who peed on her.

Ross and Rachel: Ross walks into a bedroom to find Rachel and Bonnie inside. Rachel was putting lotion on Bonnie's sunburned head. The room he went to was Rachel's; when Bonnie leaves, he and Rachel kiss. Ross stops it before it can go any further, because he wants to breakup with Bonnie. Rachel wants to know why it has to be right then and there, and Ross says it's because if he doesn't break it off, Bonnie'll be all over him when he comes to bed. Ross comes back to Rachel's room after a very long breakup with Bonnie. He tries to kiss Rachel, but Rachel wrote him a letter, which she wants him to read before they get back together. Ross is less than thrilled, it being 5:30 in the morning, but he takes the letter. He wakes up, not having finished the letter, just before Rachel comes downstairs. He tells her he read it twice. She asks him "does it?", but, since he didn't actually read it, he doesn't know the correct way to answer. He attempts to get out of answering, but Rachel's not interested in getting back together if he won't answer. Ross nervously says, "yes, it does." It was the right way to answer, and Rachel hugs him. Phoebe's the first person who they tell about their renewed relationship. When Rachel goes off to pack, Ross finds the "does it" passage. His "yes" answer to the question changes to an emphatic "no." Back in NYC, Ross complains to Chandler and Joey in Central Perk. Rachel wants Ross to take full responsibility for their breakup, which Ross doesn't agree with. Chandler tells him to relax about it; he's finally gotten Rachel back, he should be happy. Ross agrees to do that, but with many reservations. Rachel and Ross are in bed together, when Rachel brings up the letter. She's proud of Ross for owning up to his faults. Rachel really thinks he's maturing and proving her mother wrong. Ross can't keep his mouth shut and snaps. They get in a fight, and breakup. Again.

Phoebe: learns the story behind how she ended up being raised by Lily and Frank. Phoebe Two, Lily, and Frank were all in a relationship together. Phoebe Two got pregnant and was scared. She thought she was doing the right thing by leaving Phoebe with Frank and Lily. Phoebe Two didn't know about Frank and Lily until a few years before, and by that time Phoebe was grown up. Phoebe doesn't understand why Phoebe Two waited twenty-nine years and walks out. Phoebe's seriously upset about this. Because things didn't go so well with Phoebe Two, Phoebe can't wait to leave Montauk. Phoebe goes to talk to Ursula about their real mom. Ursula already knows about Phoebe Two because of Lily's suicide note. Phoebe didn't know their was a note and asks to see it. Ursula goes into her apartment and writes a note. Phoebe plays in Central Perk, and Phoebe Two drops by. Phoebe Two wanted to apologize, but Phoebe doesn't want to see her. Phoebe Two explains that she never looked for Phoebe because she was afraid Phoebe'd react badly. Before she leaves, she tells Phoebe if she was looking for family, Phoebe Two is it. Phoebe says she's not missing out on anything, and that she and Phoebe Two have nothing in common. They discuss some of their similarities (liking pizza, the Beatles, and thinking puppies are cute). They go out for lunch.

• Joey gives us the season 3 finale recap. I like the way they do it, with Joey saying he doesn't know what happened with any of the story lines.
  

• I think the Lily, Frank, Phoebe Two threesome is pretty awesome. And random. Like something out of a mediocre fanfic. But really, I wanna know how that worked. I'm curious.

• Why don't either Phoebe or Phoebe Two mention Ursula?? It seriously bothers me. Like, wouldn't Phoebe Two want to know what happened to her other baby?? She doesn't even mention she had twins. It's slightly better that Phoebe goes to talk to Ursula, but it still bothers me that Phoebe Two doesn't talk about her other daughter.
  

• I like Joey's giant hole. Hehehehe....

He reminds me of a prairie dog.

• Ah ha! An example of Rachel being completely unreasonable about her breakup with Ross!! It's really unfair for her to want him to take all responsibility for the end of their relationship.
  

Of course, Ross completely blows it out of proportion. I'm thinkin that if he'd just brought it up calmly, he and Rachel could've talked it out. But, eighteen page (I guess, that's actually 36 pages), is a lot to ask someone to read after staying up all night.

• The peeing on Monica is so hilarious I honestly don't know what to say about it. It's just so completely unexpected and wonderful. I mean, not for Monica, it pretty much sucks for her, but it's awesome for us.
  

Chandler's reaction to admitting he peed on Monica.

• It's pretty shocking that Joey is the one who figures out what to do about the jellyfish sting. Who would've thought he watched the Discovery Channel?
  

• Phoebe Two and Phoebe talk about all kinds of stuff they have in common. Some of the things are pizza, liking the Beatles, and thinking puppies are cute. Uh, generic much? There aren't many people who don't like pizza, the Beatles, and puppies.

• I freaking love Rachel and Ross's fight. Everything about it is utterly delightful. From the way Rachel shrieks, "you feel asleep?!," to Ross's numerous repetitions of "eighteen pages, front and back," and "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!" Though, nothing beats the "it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal," thing.

• Monica tells Chandler she'll never be able to date him because she'll never see him as anything but the guy who peed on her.
  

Uh, I guess Monica's into water sports, because not only does she date Chandler, she marries him.

Oh. My. God.

"I guess, y'know, I was born, and everyone started lying their asses off!" -Phoebe, to Phoebe Two, about the circumstances of her birth.

"I found a dried up seahorse." -Chandler, after Phoebe tells them Phoebe Two is her birth mom.

"I didn't even realize how late it was, until I noticed the five o'clock shadow on her head." -Ross, to Rachel, after breaking up with Bonnie.

"Damn all the jellyfish!!!" -Monica, after being stung.

"If you want some privacy, you can use my hole." -Joey, to Monica, when she needs to pee on the sting. Also, sounds really dirty.

"It so does NOT!!" -Ross, finally reading the letter.

"WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!"
"Oh my God! If you say that one more time, I'm gonna breakup with you!" -Ross and Chandler, in Central Perk, after Ross reads the letter.

"A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, ever talk about."
"What the hell happened on that beach?!"
"It's between us and the sea, Ross!" -Joey and Ross, about what occurred between Chandler, Monica, and Joey.

"Anyway, I--I tried, but I--I couldn't... bend that way. So..." -Monica, about peeing on herself.

"And if I had too, I'd pee on anyone of you!!" -Joey, defending his decision to try to pee on Monica.

"Joey kept screaming at me, 'Do it now! Do it now! Do it now!' Sometimes, late at night, I can still here the screaming."
"That's cause sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out." -Chandler and Joey, being emotionally scarred from peeing on Monica.

"You fell asleep?!?!" -Rachel, to Ross, learning he didn't read the letter.

"It was 5:3o in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages. Front and back!" -Ross, to Rachel, on why he didn't read the letter.

"And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!" -Rachel, to Ross, after the second breakup.