TOW: the Dollhouse

Monica and Phoebe: Ross tells Monica that their Aunt Sylvia passed away. Instead of being upset, Monica is positively giddy. Aunt Sylvia wasn't a nice woman, but she also had a much coveted dollhouse. Monica was never allowed to play with the dollhouse as a child, but now that Sylvia's dead, the dollhouse goes to her. Phoebe's excited by the news, too, because she never had a dollhouse as a child. Monica checks out all the features of the dollhouse. Phoebe comes in with a bag full of dollhouse stuff. The bag's filled with random stuff, like a giant ceramic dog, a hankie (it's a ghost), and a dinosaur toy. Phoebe's also decided that the dollhouse was built on radioactive waste and an Indian burial ground. Monica doesn't like any of the stuff Phoebe brought, or the story Phoebe made up about the house. Monica basically tells Phoebe she can't play with the dollhouse. The next time Phoebe comes over, she brings her own homemade dollhouse. Rachel and Ross love her dollhouse, and stop paying attention to Monica's. Monica tries to awe them with a newly purchased china cabinet, but it's not as awesome as the licorice or aroma rooms in Phoebe's dollhouse. Phoebe's dollhouse burns in a tragic aroma room disaster. A giraffe and pirate were rescued, but, tragically, the foster puppets didn't survive.

Chandler and Rachel: Chandler takes Rachel out to lunch, and walks her back to her office. He's hoping to see some women in lingerie; Rachel gives him a catalog. Rachel's boss, Joanna (Alison La Placa), comes in and meets Chandler. When he leaves, Joanna asks Rachel all about him; Joanna thinks Chandler's hot. Rachel agrees to talk to Chandler about Joanna. Chandler's receptive to the idea of going on a date with Joanna. Chandler has an awful time on the date. Joanna's really boring. Joanna, however, had a great time and expects Chandler to call her. Chandler doesn't call and Rachel confronts him about it. Chandler did tell Joanna he'd call her, but he didn't really have any intention of doing so. Joanna bugs Rachel at work about why Chandler hasn't called yet. Joanna threatens to fire Rachel. Rachel finds Chandler in Central Perk and forces him to call Joanna. He agrees to go on a short lunch date with Joanna and properly end things with her. Chandler and Joanna come back to Joanna's office after their date. Rachel gives Chandler dirty looks so he remembers to end things with Joanna. He ends up saying he'll call Joanna and starts to leave. Rachel grabs him and physically forces him to tell Joanna the truth. He does really well, explaining he has commitment issues and apologizing. Then, he tells her he'll call her.

Joey: is really upset about the situation with Kate. He's never been in a position where a girl he likes doesn't like him back. At the next rehearsal, Joey tries to talk to Kate, but the director/ Kate's boyfriend (Reg Rogers) interrupts. Kate's understudy, Lauren (Jennifer Milmore) , introduces herself and flirts with Joey. She asks Joey for coffee, and Joey agrees after watching Kate kiss the director. The director is a huge, pretentious douche. At another rehearsal, the director interrupts a scene to take a phone call. He's really rude to the actors. Joey criticizes Kate for dating him, and Kate criticizes him for dating Lauren. The director comes back and says the play and the actors are horrible; he ends rehearsals for the night. Joey and Kate are talking when Lauren comes up to ask Joey to hang out with her for the evening. Joey declines, saying he wants to work on the play. He and Kate discuss the scene they were having trouble with. Kate says the scene lacked heat and Joey agrees. They discuss what the characters need to do to one another to convey their need. They end up sleeping together. Joey is ecstatic the next morning, running over to tell Monica and Ross about his night. He really cares about Kate, and they're pleased for him. Joey talks to Kate at rehearsal, telling her he broke things off the Lauren. Kate has no intention of ending her relationship with the director. She indicates that Joey just has stronger feelings for her, then she has for him. Kate points out that Joey probably slept with a lot of women that really cared about him, but he didn't feel the same way. Joey calls the women he's dated to apologize for hurting them.

Ross: brings Monica the news that Aunt Sylvia died. He's also very excited by Phoebe's dollhouse. He comes over to Monica and Rachel's one afternoon, while Monica is in the shower. He smells something funny and realizes that Phoebe's dollhouse has caught fire. He tries to douse the flames with water from the sink, but it doesn't go well. He ends up running the dollhouse into the bathroom and putting in the shower with Monica (she's not too happy).

• A friend of mine and I bought one of those Fischer-Price dollhouses because of this episode. We'd save our money about buy furniture packages and stuff. It's a wonder I ever graduated college.
  

• Monica's a big meanie. Yeah, I totally called her a meanie. She's such a grouch about Phoebe's dollhouse contributions.
  

If Phoebe wants a giant dog, a dinosaur, and a ghost, then by God, she can have 'em! I totes agree that every dollhouse has to have a ghost.
Also, Monica's a hypocrite, complaining that Aunt Sylvia never let her play and doing the same thing to Phoebe.

• Phoebe wins the day, though, with this masterpiece

It comes fully equipped with a licorice room (tootsie roll-away-bed included), an aroma room, and bubbles!!!
Epic.

• I like seeing Joey struggling with having real feelings for a woman, but I hate Kate. She's a snooty bitch.
  

• The stuff with Joanna and Chandler is mildly amusing. It's better when there's bondage, though.
  

• It's quite a tragedy when Phoebe's dollhouse burns down. Gotta be careful about that aroma room.

Oh. My. God

"Oh, it's so great to see you feeling like this!" -Phoebe, to Joey, who's discussing his unrequited feelings for Kate.

"Oh, she was a cruel, crank, old bitch! And I'm sorry she died." -Monica, after learning that Aunt Sylvia died.

"Thanks, it's, uh, Gaelic, for 'thy turkey's done'." -Chandler, to Joanna, when they're introduced.

"HARDWOOD FLOORS!!!" -Monica, as she's inspecting her dollhouse.

"That's a dog. Every house should have a dog."
"Not one that can pee on the roof." -Phoebe and Monica, as Phoebe shows Monica the ceramic dog she brought for the dollhouse.

"And is this in case the house sneezes?" -Chandler, to Phoebe, after finding a handkerchief in the stuff Phoebe brought.

"Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen." -Monica, to Phoebe, about Phoebe's dollhouse back story.

"Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin' out the Chan-Chan Man." -Chandler, to Rachel, upon learning that Joanna likes him.

"Come dinosaur, we're not welcome in the house of no imagination." -Phoebe, after Monica says her stuff is not wanted in the dollhouse.

"Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the subject, I just have to say, dinosaurs, they--they don't go rrroooofff." -Ross, correcting Phoebe's dinosaur noises.

"This is the coolest house ever!!!" -Ross, inspecting Phoebe's dollhouse.

"Of course, I didn't get to enjoy any of that, because Joanna's such a big, dull, dud!" -Chandler, to Rachel, about his date.

"Maybe he could slip her the tongue." -Joey, to Kate, about how to make one of their scenes hotter.

"Multiple, so many paper cuts!" -Chandler, to Rachel, when she rips a magazine out of his hands.

"By the way, I was just checking the shower massager." -Monica, to Ross, after Ross barges in on Monica showering.