TOW: the Cat

Phoebe: gets done playing a set in Central Perk, when a cat crawls into her guitar case. Phoebe calls Gunther over to get rid of it, but Gunther doesn't. Phoebe picks the cat up, and upon touching it, believes that the cat is her mother. Or, well, that Lily's spirit is inside the cat. Phoebe explains all this to the group, and takes the cat with her. At Monica's, Phoebe explains that she feels weird talking about Phoebe Two around her 'mom.' She goes into Monica's bedroom to call Phoebe Two. Ross and Rachel discuss the likelihood that the cat is really home to the reincarnated spirit of Phoebe's mom. At Central Perk, Phoebe tells the gang how great of a time she's having with her 'mom.' Everyone (except Ross, who's having dinner with Ben), acts really weird, pretending someone's calling them so they can have an excuse to get up. Phoebe's at Chandler and Joey's; she has the cat with her. Ross comes in and sees that Phoebe still has the cat. He tells Phoebe that there's a little girl in the city looking for the cat. Rachel shows Phoebe the 'missing' poster. Phoebe isn't going to give the cat back, thinking that the cat found her for a purpose. Ross tells her she's being ridiculous, that the cat isn't her mom, and she needs to deal with her guilt issues stemming from meeting Phoebe Two. Phoebe gets upset with Ross, because he's never lost a parent and doesn't know what it's like. In the end, though, Phoebe decides to do the right thing and take the cat back to its owner.

Chandler and Joey: Chandler walks out of his bedroom and rips his suit on the corner of the unit. He's sick of running into it all the time, and tells Joey they're throwing it out. Joey doesn't want to just throw it away, having built it himself, so Chandler agrees to sell it. Ross and Chandler read the ad Joey put in the newspaper. It's incredibly misleading about the niceness of the unit, plus, Joey's asking for $5,000. Chandler changes it to $50. Also, no one knows what Chandler's job is. Joey thought he was an accountant. Later, Ross asks if they've gotten any calls about the unit. They have, but Joey decided none of the callers would work out. Chandler's not too happy about that. Two guys, roommates, come in to look at the unit. They don't have the money, but they're willing to barter a canoe. Chandler tells them to take the unit and throw away the canoe, but one of the roommates built the canoe and refuses to throw it away. In fact, he storms out at the suggestion. Joey's alone and showing the unit to an interested guy. As a selling point, Joey mentions that a grown man can fit into some of the cabinets. He tells the guy about Chandler locking him in for a bet. The guy doesn't believe Joey actually fit inside, so Joey decides to prove it. He climbs in and shuts the door; the guy locks Joey in with a hockey stick. Chandler comes home and throws his keys onto nothing. Everything in their apartment is gone except major appliances, the unit, and the ceramic dog. He lets Joey out and freaks about their stuff being gone. Everyone gathers in Chandler and Joeys to check out what they lost. Chandler and Joey didn't have insurance, so they're pretty much out-of-luck. Chandler's pretty mad at Joey for climbing into the unit in the first place. They end up with the canoe. They sit in it and pretend to be out on a lake, or something.

Monica: walks into her apartment with Ross. She checks her messages and got a call from a guy named Chip. She squeals when she hears the message, and Ross asks who Chip is. Apparently, Monica ran into Chip Matthews, the guy Rachel dated in high school. Monica calls him back, and she and Chip set up a date. Rachel finds out about the date and confronts Monica. Monica wasn't going to tell Rachel, knowing Rachel'd have some issues with Monica dating him. Rachel does have issues with it, but Monica convinces her. Monica wasn't popular in high school like Rachel, and always wanted to know what it was like to date the popular guy. Chip (Dan Gauthier) picks Monica up and, at first, things seem okay. Chip still has the same motorcycle from high school, but Monica's excited instead of thinking it's weird. Chip also still hangs around with a lot of people from high school, which is the first warning sign for Monica. He goes on to tell a story about how he (recently) gave a guy they went to high school with a wedgie. Monica's a little concerned, but goes to dinner with him. At dinner, all Chip can talk about is people from high school. Monica steers him into other conversational waters, but to no good result. Chip still works at the same movie theater he worked at in high school and lives with his parents. He hasn't matured even a tiny little bit. Monica walks into Chandler and Joey's, and Rachel asks about the date. Monica tells her how awful it was and that she dumped him.

Rachel: comes home and sees a message pad that says Chip called. She assumes Chip called for her. Since Ross is there, she talks about Chip to make Ross jealous. Ross knows that Chip called for Monica, but he urges Rachel to call Chip back. Rachel does and quickly learns her mistake. She's not okay with Monica dating Chip. She confronts Monica about it. She can't believe Monica would date Chip after what he did to Rachel during prom. Apparently, Chip disappeared for two hours to have sex with another girl. Monica makes her big speech about being the overweight, unpopular girl in high school. Rachel decides to relax and let Monica date Chip. Rachel and Ross get into it over whether the cat really is Phoebe's mom. Rachel's doing it to aggravate Ross; he always has to be right. Rachel comes into Central Perk, having just found the lost cat posters about Phoebe's 'mom.' She doesn't want to tell Phoebe, but Ross tells everyone that they have to tell Phoebe the truth. Ross leaves and the group can't go through with telling Phoebe the truth. Chip comes to pick Monica up, and Rachel talks to him about how great her life is going and how happy she is. Chip doesn't really care. She also brings up prom. She doesn't want Monica to go, and almost says something, but Monica scurries out before Rachel can. Rachel goes over to Chandler and Joey's after the robbery. She suggests Ross apologize to the cat after he hurts Phoebe's feelings. She and Monica go with Phoebe to take the cat back to its owner.

Ross: tricks Rachel into thinking Chip called for her. He's really quite pleased with himself at Rachel's expense. He does not believe, even a small amount, that the cat is a vessel for Phoebe's mom's spirit. He starts to argue with Rachel about it, which is what Rachel wants. He realizes what Rachel's doing, though, and won't get into it with her. After Rachel finds the poster, Ross tells the group they have to be honest with Phoebe and let her know someone's looking for their cat. Of course, when he gets to Chandler and Joey's, he sees that Phoebe still has the cat. He tells her about the poster, saying she has to give the cat up and get over her guilt. He's pretty mean about it, hurting Phoebe's feelings. Phoebe calls him on his behavior, pointing out he knows nothing about losing a parent. Ross feels really bad, but doesn't know how to make it better. Rachel suggests he apologize to Phoebe's 'mom,' knowing he'd have trouble doing it. Ross apologizes, though, and Phoebe accepts. He offers Chandler and Joey a futon.

• The chick and duck have a bitchin' fowl bachelor pad.

I especially like the disco ball and Christmas lights.

• My first thoughts upon seeing Monica:

That is some Gale Weathers in Scream 2 hair.

I tried to get a picture from the scene where David Arquette's all "by the way, nice streaks," but I couldn't find a good one. Pity.

• Ross and Rachel = awesome. They're great as a couple, but, boy, when they hate each other it's absolutely delightful.
  

• Now would be the time to address the issue of Phoebe's reincarnated mom.

I have a healthy belief in the paranormal and supernatural (most Wednesday nights, you'll find me watching Ghost Hunters and Destination Truth), but I'm also a natural skeptic. I think reincarnation is a nice idea, and I'd like to think it could be real. But I don't think the cat is Phoebe's mom. I'd find it more sympathetic if Phoebe's logic wasn't so flimsy, which I know is supposed to be the humor, but the episode'd be more touching if her most sound argument wasn't orange felt being similar to Lily's love for orange ruffie. Huh?

• Even though I feel the same way Ross does about the cat thing, he's unnecessarily mean about it. Yes, it's ridiculous Phoebe thinks the cat is her mom, but he could've at least let her down easily. Sure, this is about Phoebe's guilt about having a relationship with her birth mom, but he could have gone about telling her in a totally different way.
  

• Chip is lame with a capital 'L.'

I'm all for a hint of high school nostalgia, but ugh. Having the same motorcycle is okay, but the same job?? Living with your parents?? It is funny, but I don't think Monica would ever date this guy. I mean, I was the fat girl in high school, too, and I've lost a lot of weight, but I'd never ever date one of the guys I liked back then. Ew.

• The robbery is some great TV.
  

Oh, Joey...You gotta wonder the exact moment when he thought, "y'know, maybe this wasn't such a great idea."

Chandler's reaction is effing delightful. I heart when he throws his keys, expecting them to land on the Foosball table and they just clatter to the floor.


When all else fails...fake canoe.

• Their magna doodle says something along the lines of "Thanks for all your stuff." Such witty criminals.
  

Oh. My. God.

"I'm tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed!" -Chandler, to Joey, after ripping his suit on the entertainment unit.

"Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? They seem all right with it!" -Chandler, to the chick, duck, and Joey, about selling the unit.

"Good! Cause I've got a product report to read, it's like eight pages, I hope I don't fall asleep."
"Why? Did you write it?" -Rachel and Ross.

"Hey, here's a question, where'd you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?"
"Uh-huh, first you tell us where you got the prettiest lace in all the land." -Ross and Chandler, reading the ad for the unit in the paper.

"You mean the mom you met in Montauk? She was a cat?!" -Rachel, to Phoebe, after the revelation that the cat is Phoebe's mom.

"Are you sure she's in the cat, or have you been taking your grandma's glaucoma medicine again?" -Ross, to Phoebe, after the discovery of the mom/cat thing.

"You had me at orange felt." -Ross, to Phoebe, after she lists her reasons why she thinks the cat is her mom.

"Dude, Phoebe's mom has got a huge peni--" -Joey, before being interrupted by Chandler.

"I went to one where I wore a band uniform they had to have specially made." -Monica, to Rachel, about what high school was like for her.

"And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I--I owe her this. I never let her eat." -Monica, to Rachel, really wanting to go out with Chip.

"Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails." -Chandler, when Joey decides callers aren't worthy of owning the unit.

"You'll have to pardon my roommate, he wanted to marry this." -Chandler, to the guys who come to look at the unit.

"Apparently, Phoebe's mother also goes by the name Julio." -Ross, looking at the missing pet flier.

"Little girl misses her cat. Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat." -Ross, showing that they have to tell Phoebe about the flier.

"Aww, man, he took the five of spades!!" -Joey, going through the pack of cards after the robbery.

"Oh my God! What happened?"
"Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!" -Monica and Chandler, after the robbery.

"Oh, they said uh, 'You don't have insurance here, so stop calling us'." -Chandler, to Ross, after calling the insurance company.

"It was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When, clearly, you are also the reincarnated spirit of my friend's mother." -Ross, to the cat.

"Pheebs, if she could come back as a couch, we'd really appreciate it." -Chandler, to Phoebe, about her mom's spirit.

"Oh! Y'know, I've got an extra futon!"
"Dude, you don't have to brag! We got nothing here!!" -Ross and Joey, when Ross offers his futon and Joey misunderstands.