TOW: the Hypnosis Tape

Chandler: started smoking again in TO: Without the Ski Trip. He continues smoking here, much to everyone's chagrin. Chandler's scolded by Gunther as he walks into Central Perk with a cigarette. Chandler doesn't want to put it out and Gunther agrees as long as he can have a drag. Chandler gives him the whole thing. Chandler sits down with everyone and pulls out another cigarette. Rachel pulls it out of his mouth and throws it away. They do this a couple of times, before Chandler gets sick of it. Rachel gives him hypnosis tapes that helped a co-worker stop smoking. Chandler agrees to try it, with little hope it'll work. That night, Chandler listens to the hypnosis tape while he's sleeping. The tape is geared specifically to women. The more Chandler listens to the tapes, the more he starts acting like a woman. He comes into Monica and Rachel's for chap-stick and tells Rachel her blouse is 'stunning.' He puts the chap-stick on like it's lipstick, even blotting it with a tissue. Chandler goes to play basketball and notices Joey's keys still in the door. He throws them to Joey over-hand and sloppy, a stereotypically girlie throw. He comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and one turbaned on top of his head. When Pete comes to pick up Monica he gives her advice like one of her girlfriends would. Chandler's sleeping one night when the voice on the tape changes. It's Joey, asking Chandler to make him cheese sandwiches and buy him hundreds of pairs of pants. Chandler wakes up. The good news, Chandler does stop smoking.

Phoebe: gets a surprise visit from Frank Jr. at Central Perk. Frank's really excited because he's getting married. Phoebe's mostly excited until Frank introduces his fiancee, Alice (Debra Jo Rupp), a middle-aged high school Home Ec. teacher. Phoebe tries to act supportive, especially since Frank is confiding in her, hoping she'll understand, unlike his mom. She becomes even more concerned when Frank and Alice talk about starting a family right away, but she doesn't say anything. She talks to Ross and Joey about her fears regarding Frank Jr.'s marriage. She wants to talk some sense into Frank, but isn't sure how. Instead, she asks Ross and Joey to do it. They reluctantly agree, but it doesn't go well. Phoebe learns that Ross and Joey are now part of the wedding party, so she decides to take matters into her own hands. She asks Alice over about a Home Ec. disaster, a marinara sauce stained white, lace tablecloth. She then tells Alice not to marry Frank. Phoebe comes home to a dark apartment, thinking she's alone. Frank Jr. is on her couch and scares her. Frank tells her how horrible his day was because Alice called off the wedding. He tells Phoebe how happy Alice made him, how she made all the awful stuff in his life not so bad. Phoebe tells him what she did and Frank is furious. He won't talk to her, so Phoebe brings Alice in to explain why their relationship wouldn't have worked out. Alice does pretty well at first, but then she and Frank end up making out on Phoebe's couch. Phoebe gives up and leaves.

Monica: is working one day when she asks Rachel to fix her up with someone. At the same time, she walks over to see if a frequent customer, Pete (Jon Favreau), needs anything else. Pete has a huge crush on her and asks her out all the time, but Monica always says no. Later that evening, Monica and Rachel argue about why Monica should date Pete. Monica isn't really attracted to him and doesn't want to lead him on. Rachel thinks it's only one date and Monica should just go for it. Chandler comes over for chap-stick and Rachel tells him how Pete wrote Monica a check for a $20,000 tip. Monica shows him the check and Chandler realizes that Pete is a millionaire, who invented really popular office place software. Monica goes to Pete's office to confront him about the check; she thinks he's trying to buy a date with her. Pete tells her that isn't the case, that he really likes her and thinks she likes him. She agrees to go out on one date with him. Everyone's really excited to meet the millionaire, but Monica keeps introduction brief. Pete says they're going out for pizza. They go to Italy. Like, really the country, not Little Italy or anything. The date seems to go well.

Rachel: is disgusted by Chandler's smoking and gives him the hypnosis tapes. Ross makes fun of her for advocating something as dumb as hypnosis. She says that he was hypnotized in Atlantic City, so he shouldn't make fun of it. Ross acts like it wasn't a big deal. She also really wants Monica to date Pete. Not just because he's a millionaire, but because he seems to really like Monica. And she thinks the $20,000 check is cute.

Ross and Joey: end up having to talk to Frank about not settling down with Alice so young. It goes really well until Frank says it's important to meet someone you really love and he has that with Alice. Ross says he had that with Rachel, but blew it. Joey wishes he had that. Instead of talking Frank out of marriage, they all think it's a great idea. Joey's going to be Frank's Best Man and Ross's supposed to be the Ring Bearer. Joey gets up to use the bathroom late one night and hears Chandler's hypnosis tape. He changes it.

• Monica and Joey practice their fake laughs. Monica's reminds me of Roseanne's. Like, Roseanne's laugh that was on the end of the opening credits. Which is kinda funny because Roseanne really hated Friends.
  

• The age difference between Frank and Alice doesn't bother me.
  

But she looks so much like a middle-aged soccer mom that watching her make out with Frank Jr. is just creepy. She should be serving cookies and going to church potlucks.
Also, you gotta wonder if they started doing it when Frank was still her student and under age.

• I heart the hypnosis tape. I say "I'm a strong, confidant woman" all the time. But, like, there's also this:

And this:

Chandler really manages to pull that look off.

• I get that Phoebe's trying to stop her brother from making a mistake, but despite being creeped out by the kissing, I think Frank and Alice are kinda adorable.

And not being with Alice makes him do this. Weird and sad.

• So, Jon Favreau plays Pete. I, for really no reason at all, love Jon Favreau. I sorta wish he'd lasted longer. Stupid, Ultimate Fighting Championship. Monica has the best boyfriends. He freaking takes her to Italy. ITALY.
  

• Out of all the things Joey could've asked for on the hypnosis tape, why freaking cheese sandwiches and pants? Not, like, all the money in your bank account?
  

• I'm irritated by them repeating gags. I know in a show with this many episodes, some things will happen twice, but it bugs me. In this episode, Ross hands Rachel a cup of some coffee like substance, but she didn't want cinnamon. Ross just scoops it out with his fingers. Monica and Chandler do the same thing in TOW: the Race Car Bed.

Oh. My. God

"Oh, dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit." -Gunther, taking a drag from Chandler's cigarette.

"Okay, that's like the least fun game ever." -Chandler, to Rachel, when she keeps taking his cigarette.

" Nope, that patch is no good." -Chandler, trying to use the hypnosis tape as a nicotine patch.

"Y'know, I would've bet good money that he'd be the first one of us to get married." -Chandler, about Frank's upcoming wedding.

"Yeah, or--or to get a hooker."
"Always illegal, Joey." -Joey and Chandler, talking about Frank Jr. being too young to drink at his own bachelor party.

"If that doesn't keep kids in school, what will?" -Chandler, watching Alice and Frank kiss.

"Well, that shouldn't be a problem I mean, I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men." -Rachel, to Monica, after Monica asks Rachel to hook her up with someone.

"No, no. Oh, I'm fine with the age thing, y'know, until it starts sticking it's tongue down my little brother's throat!" -Phoebe, to Ross and Joey, about Alice and Frank.

"Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around." -Chandler, about his briefcase.

"This is your time y'know? Yeah, you're young, you're--you're weird, chicks dig that." -Ross, to Frank Jr, on why he shouldn't marry Alice.

"You're supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania." -Monica, to Pete, after he gives her the $20,000 check.

"Yeah, if the best is, like, unbelievable pain!" -Frank, to Phoebe, when Alice ends their relationship.

"My mother didn't want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch." -Frank, to Phoebe, discussing his mom's reaction to learning about Alice.