TOW: the Girl from Poughkeepsie

I'd like to preface this by saying that Poughkeepsie is very hard to spell.

Ross: goes to Chandler and Joey's after he has a date. Ross met the girl on the train when he was going to a museum upstate. He sat in such a way that the woman had to talk to him to get past. The date goes really late because the woman is from Poughkeepsie, which is, like, a two and a half hour commute. A couple days later, in Central Perk he gets up for another date. This date isn't with the girl from Poughkeepsie, but a new woman who lives in the City. He doesn't really like the new woman as much as the girl from Poughkeepsie, but it's more beneficial to date a woman who lives closer. A few days later, Ross falls asleep in Central Perk. He's exhausted because he's been dating the woman who lives in the City, and the one from Poughkeepsie. He has another date that night, but he needs to chose between the two. He doesn't know which one to go with, because they both have good points. Phoebe suggests that Ross just break up with both of them. Ross decides that's a good idea. He gets on the train, planning to break up with both women, only he falls asleep. He sleeps through his Poughkeepsie stop, even though the girl he's dating sees him and bangs on the window by his head. Ross doesn't wake up until the train stops in Montreal. There's a cute woman sitting beside him, who flirts with him. Montreal is her stop, and she asks Ross to go get coffee with her. Ross agrees, then learns she doesn't live in Montreal, but Nova Scotia.

Chandler and Rachel: Chandler's reading a paper in Central Perk, when he sees that the Christmas tree lighting is that evening. He's totally excited, until he's informed that the paper is old and the lighting was actually several weeks ago. He's disappointed because he wanted to take Kathy to the tree lighting. Rachel starts complaining that she doesn't have anyone to do stuff like that with. She's tired of being alone and wants to start dating again. Chandler offers to set her up with a guy he works with, and Rachel agrees. She tells Chandler that she isn't necessarily looking for a relationship, that a fling wouldn't be a bad thing. At work, Chandler approaches a co-worker, Drew, about dating Rachel. Chandler mentions that Rachel said she'd like to have a fling. Another guy overhears Chandler say this, and both guys start sucking up to Chandler for the chance to date Rachel. They offer him several different gifts, and one of them ends up giving Chandler his coat and tie. Later in Central Perk, Chandler tells Rachel about all the guys who are eager to go out with her. They're all giving him stuff as incentives to pick them. However, one guy, Patrick, really stands out. Rachel goes out with Patrick, ending up having a great time. Chandler is quick to remind Rachel that she's only looking for a fling. Rachel realizes that Chandler told the guys he worked with she only wanted a fling, which is particularly bad because she slept with Patrick on the first date. She yells at Chandler. Chandler's doing...something that may involve a golf club, when Rachel walks in. She slams the door, making Chandler drop the club. Patrick just ended things with her, and Rachel's certain it's because Chandler told Patrick that Rachel wanted a relationship. Chandler thought he was making things better by telling Patrick that, not realizing it'd make things work. He comforts Rachel by telling her that all of the guys at work wanted to go out with her based on her merits, he didn't have to lie about her at all. Chandler invites Rachel to go to a Rangers game to make her feel better.

Monica and Joey: In Central Perk, Monica tells the gang that she's still having trouble at work. The other employees hate her, and pick on her all the time. They wrote "quit bitch" on her chef hat. Monica tells them she hadn't been picked on that much since kindergarten, where the kids made fun of her weight. Monica explains that she won't quit because it's her dream job, plus, she doesn't like confrontations. Chandler tells a story about a director, maybe Orson Welles, who would hire someone just so he could fire them, and scare the other people on set into behaving. Monica wishes she could do that, and Joey volunteers. It turns out that Joey was a good choice, because he forgets he's supposed to work his very first day. When Joey gets to work, he notices that Monica's chef jacket has a huge burn mark on it. She explains that the other employees decided to bake it. Joey starts smacking her chest, because she's still on fire a little bit. Further on in the week, Joey asks Monica to start calling him 'Dragon;' it's his cool, new work nickname. Joey gets his tips from his first couple days, and makes nearly $500. Monica gathers the employees to tell them the specials. They won't write them down, because they're going to make up their own specials and force Monica to cook them. After this revelation, Monica makes her big firing speech, but totally fails at it. She waits for Joey to argue with her, but he remains silent. Monica scolds Joey for not speaking up, but he really likes the money he makes and doesn't want to get fired anymore. Joey tells her that he's going to get the other employees to trust him, and then get them to like Monica. Another day at work, Monica asks one of her employees to get more swordfish from the freezer. The employee refuses, so Monica goes to get it. Another employee shuts her in the freezer. Monica starts panicking, begging them to let her out, and knocking a thing of sauce over on herself. She flips out, then realizes that there's a handle on the inside of the freezer. She let's herself out, yelling at the employee who shut her in. The employees all think it's funny, but Monica freaks. Joey feels bad, so he steps up, staring a fight with her. Monica fires him. It scares the other employees, and they start listening to her. As Joey leaves, he bemoans being fired because now his children will go without Christmas gifts. Monica thanks him.

Phoebe: wants to write a holiday song for all her friends. She keeps coming up with different versions, but none of them really work out. At the end, she plays her song at Central Perk. She never came up with anything to rhyme with Chandler and Rachel, and just mumbles that part of the song.

• Chandler and Phoebe (mostly Chandler, I'm guessing) dare Joey to eat fifteen Oreos at once. Which he does.
  

That's quite an accomplishment?

• Chandler's surprised when Rachel wants a fling; he didn't think women ever wanted flings. But, uh, in TOW: the Flashback, he overhears Rachel saying she wants a fling before she marries Barry, and he tries to be the guy she flings with. Maybe he didn't think she was serious the first time because nothing happened between them? Or maybe the writers just forgot about the whole flashback thing.

• I really feel quite bad for Monica. It's hard enough starting a new job, can you imagine what it'd be like if your co-workers/employees hated you, and made it their mission to make you quit?

Monica's chef hat. Personally, I find it rather jaunty.


It seems like Monica's boobs are always catching fire.

This could turn into a really great commercial for laundry detergent.

• When Ross sells the Brown Bird cookies, Monica doesn't want anything to do with them because she started gaining weight when she was a Brown Bird. I thought she was at least seven or eight when that happened, but in this episode she was supposedly (supposably?) overweight all the way back in kindergarten.

• It's pretty awesome that all those guys start giving Chandler stuff (tickets to Ranger's games, their clothes, cigars, apparently their 401-k's) for the chance to date Rachel.

Ah, the beauty of pimping out your friends.

• I honestly could care less about the girl from Poughkeepsie storyline.

• Phoebe's finished holiday song.

• Why does Monica magically have this fear of confrontations? Cause, I don't know if you've noticed, but she can be pretty damn aggressive and controlling. I'm pretty sure, if Monica was my boss, I'd be terrified of her, and that she wouldn't have a whole lot of trouble making that happen.
  

• And, another thing, which I totally just thought of, Phoebe and Monica were roommates, but Phoebe had to move out because she couldn't stand living with Monica. So, how was she supposed to be able to work with Monica in a catering business? I'm thinking Monica wouldn't be less controlling in a professional setting, but those issues were never brought up. Funny how those things just disappear.
  

Oh. My. God.

"I sat near the door, so she'd have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy."

"Were you so late because you were burying this woman?" -Ross and Chandler, about how Ross got a date with the girl from Poughkeepsie.

"Well, believe me, it's been a long time since I've been flung."

"Well, I know what I'm giving you for Christmas." -Rachel and Joey, during the rachel-wants-a-guy conversation.

"I don't like guys with boring jobs."

"Oh and Ross was like what? A lion tamer?" -Rachel and Chandler, when Rachel goes over who she doesn't want to date.

"Hey, maybe they meant to write, 'Quiet, bitch'." -Phoebe, to Monica, to make her feel better.

"I mean, I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me." -Monica, talking about childhood trauma.

"Wait, do you know how to waiter?"

"Good enough to get fired." -Monica and Joey, discussing their firing plan.

"Does this Orson Welles guy direct Burger King commercials?" -Joey, not knowing who Orson Wells is.

"I know but it's hard! Nothing rhymes with your stupid name!"

"What are you talking about? Lots of things rhyme with Rachel. Bagel. Mail. Jail. Bail. Able. May-pole." -Phoebe and Joey, on things that rhyme with Rachel.

"Guys are signing over their 401-K's to me!"

"You work with robots?!" -Chandler and Phoebe.

"And, at the end of the date, the other time, she--she said something that was--if she was kidding, very funny. On the other hand, if she wasn't kidding, she's not fun, she's stupid, and kind of a racist." -Ross, about the girl who doesn't live in Poughkeepsie.

"Chandler!! You have the best taste in men!!"

"Well, like father, like son." -Rachel and Chandler, when Rachel's date with Patrick goes well.

"Why not?! I'd be thrilled if I heard that some hot girl was just looking to get--oh I see." -Chandler, realizing he said the wrong thing.

"Y'know, you should never be allowed to talk to people!" -Rachel, scolding Chandler after he tells Patrick that she wants a relationship.

"Well, actually, it's a hockey team, so it's angry Canadians with no teeth." -Chandler, explaining to Rachel that the Rangers are a hockey team.

"I don't speak English." -An employee at the restaurant, when Monica asks for her help.

TOW: They're going to Party

Chandler, Ross, and Joey: Chandler walks into Monica and Rachel's, asking Ross if he's ready to party. Ross answers this question as one would expect, he's okay with a few beers, but there's a documentary on the Discovery Channel about bumblebee's he wants to catch. Chandler asks him, one more time, if he's ready to party, and Ross understands. An old college buddy, whom they call Gandalf, is coming to town. They use the word 'dude' a lot to express their joy. Anyhoo, the gang asks who Gandalf is and Chandler and Ross explains that Gandalf is a seriously fun dude, with whom anything can happen. Joey is jealous, because he thinks they all have a lot of fun together. Chandler and Ross tell Joey he'll really like Gandalf, and explain why the gave him that nickname. Anyone wanna take a guess? It's because he's the party wizard. Dude!! Both Chandler and Ross call out of work. The next morning, Chandler's eagerly anticipating Gandalf's arrival. Joey's irritated, and still jealous. Chandler explains that the fun of being with Gandalf is that they never know what's going to happen. For example, the last time Chandler and Ross hung out with Gandalf, they ended up on a boat to Nova Scotia. Ross comes in, bringing supplies (socks, passport, snake bite kit), and he and Chandler shriek some more. Joey starts to leave, and Chandler and Ross are shocked. Joey has an audition, but wants to meet up with them around noon. Chandler and Ross have no idea where they'll be at noon, so Joey leaves. Once Joey walks out the door, the phone rings. It's Gandalf, calling to say he's stuck in Chicago and won't be able to make it. Chandler and Ross are angry and sad. Joey comes home from his audition, finding Chandler and Ross sadly watching a soap opera. Joey scolds them for sitting around at home, moping, and tells them they can have just as much fun without Gandalf. Chandler and Ross are reluctant at first, but Joey convinces them. That evening, the three of them stroll into Central Perk for coffee and energy. Joey goes over their plans for the rest of their part evening, but Ross says he's tired. Chandler seconds it, and Joey's relieved. Ross and Joey order decaf, and Chandler orders hot water with lemon. They talk about noise and dirtiness of the clubs they were in. They then decide that they aren't lame, just grown ups who enjoy doing adult things.

Monica and Phoebe: bring the gang out from Central Perk to show them the van they bought for their catering business. It's blue, with a lady riding a dragon, holding a sword painted on it. Her nipples also blink. Monica and Phoebe are going to fix it up, of course. Later, Monica excitedly tells Phoebe that she's filling in for the food critic in the Chelsea Reporter. At first, Phoebe's worried that Monica won't have enough time to work on the catering business, but Monica reassures her. Her role as critic will only take up one night a week, plus she can get everyone free food. Knowing this, Phoebe's okay with Monica taking the job. Monica brings copies of the paper into her apartment after her first review comes out. She shows Phoebe her review of Allesandro's, a restaurant which Monica says is awful. Phoebe tells Monica that she found someone who'll redo the van, and she has to take the van in. Phoebe leaves, and someone buzzes at the door. Monica responds, and it's Allesandro (Taylor Negron), who wants to talk to her about the review. Monica refuses to let him in, but Phoebe lets him go in when she leaves. Allesandro confronts Monica about her assertions that the food was inedible, and the waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants. Monica stands by her review and refuses to retract anything. She and Allesandro argue about the quality of the restaurant's pasta sauce. Monica decides to make some sauce to show Allesandro how it's done. Rachel comes home and Monica interrupts Rachel's news to tell her that Allesandro offered her the head chef position at the restaurant. Phoebe comes home with some news of her own, she got the van fixed up and a job catering a wedding reception. Monica has to tell Phoebe about the head chef job, and that she wants to take a step away from the catering business. Phoebe's pretty upset, but Monica offers to pay Phoebe back the money she invested and give her the van. Phoebe's so hurt, she leaves. Monica follows her. Things must not go well, though, because they meet in Central Perk later to talk. Monica made Phoebe a list of all the jobs she could have with the van. Phoebe doesn't like any of the delivering or picking up jobs, so Monica tells her she'll stick with the catering. Phoebe's excited, takes Monica's notepad, and prepares to start planning what they'll do for the wedding reception. Phoebe sees the pages, and pages of jobs Monica thought up for her, and tells Monica she should take the head chef job. Monica has her first day of Allesandro's. Allesandro introduces Monica to the kitchen staff, most of whom are relatives of the fired head chef. They all hate her.

Rachel: Learns of a job opening in the Junior-miss department at work. Rachel asks Joanna for her blessing to apply for the assistant buyer job. Joanna says it's okay, but then backtracks, but Rachel stops her. Joanna gives Rachel her blessing, and also tells Rachel she's on the hiring committee. During the interview, the other members of the committee seem really interested in Rachel for the position, but Joanna keeps saying things to undermine Rachel's chances. Joanna makes it seem like Rachel's barely good at being her assistant, and that Rachel has inappropriate relationships with designers. Later, Rachel confronts Joanna about her behavior during the interview. Rachel thinks Joanna really feels that she's a horrible assistant. Rachel decides to quit, and packs up her thing(s). Joanna begs Rachel not to leave, and promises to make her assistant buyer for their department. Rachel likes that idea, but wants her own assistant, a raise, and an expense account. Joanna agrees. Rachel buys a new suit, which she takes home to show to Monica. She starts to ask Monica how she thinks the suit would look on the new assistant buyer, but Monica interrupts to tell her about the head chef job. Phoebe comes in and Rachel asks her about the suit. Phoebe totally misses what Rachel's trying to tell her, but when she realizes they all celebrate. Until Phoebe learns about Monica's new job, but uh, beside the point. The next morning, Rachel goes into work, excited to start her new job. A woman, Mrs. Lynch (Jennifer Rhodes), comes out of Joanna's office. Mrs. Lynch informs Rachel that Joanna was killed the evening before. She was run over by a cab. Rachel asks Mrs. Lynch if Joanna put in any paperwork about the assistant buyer position before she left work. Joanna didn't, so Rachel's new job no longer exists. Sophie (Laura Dean), the other assistant, comes in to work quite cheerful. Rachel thinks she doesn't know that Joanna died, but Sophie already heard.

• This episode came out years before Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings movies. Can you imagine how freaking confused people were when they first saw this?? Now it's just, like, "Oh, Gandalf. Well, duh, like the wizard." Every time the say Gandalf, Elijah Wood's voice pops into my head.

Do I really need a reason? I <3 style="text-align: left;">

• Monica and Phoebe's catering van

There's a waterbed inside. As Ross says, "Bitchin'!"

• The partying makes me feel old. I'm only twenty-three and I don't like to party.
  

Let's pretend it's because I'm mature for my age, and would rather do all the things the twenty-nine year olds do (no Kenny G, please), and not because I'm lame.

• Joanna is so not Anna Wintour/Miranda Priestly. She should treat Sophie better.
  

Boy, Sophie's hair and suit are just bad. An assault on the eyes, really.
But maybe if Joanna'd been nicer to Sophie, she wouldn't have been hit by that cab.

• I don't blame Monica for taking the job with Allesandro's, but I do feel bad for Phoebe. She was so excited to start the catering thing!

• Anybody remember Angels in the Outfield? Cause I'm pretty sure the guy who plays Allesandro is the same guy who, like, is forced to hang out with Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character at the ball field.

• So, I know the song's Alejandro, but seriously, whole time I was thinking "Don't call my name, don't call my name Allesandro."
  

• I like this one, but, gah, I don't have much to say about it. It's pretty astounding that Joanna dies, though. The first time I saw this one I was just like "what? She's dead? Oookay."

• Did anyone else feel impossibly old when Glee's Rachel said her dads named her after Rachel Green? Cause I sure did.

Oh. My. God.

"Our eyes are closed and we're about to cross the street. Very good." -Chandler, when Monica and Phoebe show the group the van.

"What did you want to show us? Because all I can see is this bitchin' van!" -Ross, seeing the van.

"I think I lost my virginity in this van." -Rachel, more with the van.

"I don't know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but there's this thing about bumblebees on the Discovery Channel I was planning to watch." -Ross, responding to Chandler's asking him if he wants to party.

"Alright, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?" -Monica, to Ross and Chandler, when they're celebrating Gandalf's upcoming visit.

"Well, why do you call him Gandalf?"

"Gandalf the wizard. Hello! Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?"

"No, I had sex in high school." -Joey and Ross, about Gandalf.

"Don't you worry, I'm sure with your qualification you won't need to sleep with some guy to get that job. Although, I might need some convincing." -Joanna, after Rachel tells her she's applying for the junior-miss job.

"Oh man! I'm so excited, I may vomit." -Chandler, waiting for Gandalf.

"Somewhere maybe along the equator?" -Ross, to Joey, after Joey asks where they'll be at noon.

"Stupid, useless Canadian money!" -Chandler, learning Gandalf won't be making it.

"Rachel can carry two things at once!" -Joanna, during Rachel's interview.

"You can put your sad little muffin back in its drawer." -Joanna, to Rachel, when Rachel packs up her things.

"That you enjoyed the occasional drink...ing binge." -Joanna, to Rachel, explaining some other things she said to the hiring committee.

"I thought you'd be out partying with Gandelforf." -Joey, finding Ross and Chandler at home.

"I balanced my checkbook."

"Yeah, and I--I gave first names to all of the foosball players." -Ross and Chandler, telling Joey how they spent their morning.

"When, uh--when were we on a boat?"

"Remember that really cold morning, you woke up and all those dogs were licking your face? Well, those were seals, man." -Ross and Chandler, about the last time they were with Gandalf.

"Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but I'm soo happy!" -Rachel, to Monica, after Monica interrupts Rachel's news with some news of her own.

"You're the cook! Without you it's just me driving up to people's houses with empty trays and asking for money!" -Phoebe, to Monica, when Monica suggests Phoebe cater without her.

"Y'know, I'm 29 years old, damn it! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television, and go to bed at a reasonable hour!" -Chandler, explaining what he'd like to do with his evenings.

"And so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G, and take a bath!"

"We're 29, we're not women." -Ross and Joey.

"Besides, it might be kinda fun to form the new A-Team." -Phoebe, looking over Monica's job suggestions. Sadly, they've already started the new A-Team. I'm pretty sure Bradley Cooper's a member.

"Are you gonna kill me?" -Monica, after being introduced to the kitchen staff at Allesandro's.

A fun video

Many apologies, y'all. I'm taking a vacation from blogging today to do some family things. I'll be back on Monday with the next episode.

Until then, let this tide you over.

TOW: Chandler in a Box

Chandler and Joey: Joey refuses to talk to Chandler. Because Joey won't stay in the same room as Chandler, Chandler tries calling Joey. Chandler calls, and Joey hangs up. They do this several times. Chandler pretends to be a DJ, calling to say Joey won a contest. When Joey realizes it's Chandler, Joey hangs up. Ross calls, and Joey talks to him until Ross says he's calling for Chandler. Joey hangs up. Chandler strolls into Monica and Rachel's, where he laments its being Thanksgiving. Joey walks in, but starts to leave when he sees Chandler. They make Joey stay to draw Secret Santa names, but he leaves soon after. Chandler watches the Parade; he looooves the parade. Rachel leaves the room, and he asks Monica or Phoebe if they drew her name for Secret Santa. He already bought her a briefcase engraved with her initials. Phoebe cautions Chandler about Rachel's habit of exchanging gifts. Chandler decides to give the briefcase to Ross, because he and Rachel have the same initials. Chandler comes back to Monica and Rachel's, after trying to make head way with Joey. He's feeling pretty confident, because this time Joey only slammed the door once and flipped Chandler off. Ross is over, and asks Chandler to trade Secret Santa's with him, but Chandler can't because he needs to trade for Ross. Chandler warns Ross against trading with Phoebe, who drew Rachel's name. Ross goes across the hall to talk to Joey. Joey's packing up all the furniture Chandler bought, though he's planning to move the TV to his room. Ross wants Joey to make up with Chandler, but Joey argues that Ross would've been just as upset if Chandler kissed Rachel. Joey says he's going to punish Chandler for five years, and that Chandler's no longer his best friend, Ross is. Ross tells Joey, as his best friend, to talk to Chandler. Chandler's in Central Perk, telling Kathy about what's going on with Joey. Joey walks in, looking for Chandler. Gunther directs Joey to where Chandler's sitting, and Joey sees Chandler and Kathy kiss. Joey leaves, and Chandler chases after him. When Chandler reaches the apartment, Joey's packing his stuff. Joey's going to stay at his parents, while he looks for a new apartment. Chandler begs him not to go, saying he'll break up with Kathy if it'll keep Joey from leaving. Joey says Kathy isn't really the issue, it's that Chandler kissed her and is a bad friend. Joey tells Chandler that during the robbery, when he was locked in the unit, all he could think about was how he let Chandler down. Chandler says he'd lock himself in a box, if it'd make Joey forgive him. They have a box. The large packing crate for the foosball table is moved to Monica and Rachel's. Chandler's in it. There are Chandler-in-the-box shenanigans, because he keeps cracking jokes, infuriating Joey. Joey finally gets irritated enough to tell Chandler to start taking it seriously, or just get out of the box. Chandler promises not to talk anymore, which he follows through on. Kathy comes by Monica and Rachel's, looking for Chandler. She apologizes to Joey, who directs her to the box. Kathy tells Chandler they shouldn't see anymore, because she doesn't want to ruin a friendship. Kathy's going to stay with her mom in Chicago, but is really sad because she thought her relationship with Chandler could be something amazing. She leaves, and Joey lets Chandler out. They make up, and hug. Joey tells Chandler to go after Kathy, which he does. Chandler catches her on the street and they kiss.

Rachel and Ross: Ross learns from Chandler that Rachel always returns gifts. Ross doesn't believe Chandler; he got Rachel a gold necklace the year before and she loved it. When Rachel gets back from the doctor with Monica, Ross asks to see the necklace. Rachel brings one out, quickly showing it to him. He knows it's the wrong one. Rachel defends her behavior, saying she exchanged it for something she'd really like. Ross is pretty upset. During dinner, Ross won't stop mentioning how Rachel exchanges gifts, until he crosses the line and really upsets her. Ross says she's devoid of sentiment. Rachel storms to her room, coming back with a shoe box full of memorabilia from their relationship. She shows him various articles, a movie ticket stub, an egg shell, a piece of bone or horn (from the museum). Ross, abashed, apologizes, but informs her she shouldn't have taken the thing from the museum. Rachel goes with Monica to the eye doctor.

Monica and Phoebe: Monica prepares dinner for everyone, with help from Phoebe. They think that since money's tight, the group should draw names for Secret Santa, to cut down on Christmas costs. Monica already has names written out on. Monica goes over to the freezer, which is having some issues. It's too cold, and making too much ice. Monica starts chipping at it, and gets a sliver of ice in her eye. It hurts a lot, and looks pretty bad. Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe tell her she needs to get to an eye doctor, only Monica doesn't want to go, her doctor being Richard. It's so painful though, that Phoebe calls Richard's office. The receptionist tells Phoebe that Dr. Burke isn't in, but the on-call doctor can see Monica. Rachel goes with Monica, who is quite relieved she won't have to see Richard. Monica leaves Phoebe in charge of the food. Phoebe starts doing whatever she wants with recipes. Phoebe has to call her mom, leaving Chandler in charge. In the waiting room, Monica and Rachel watch a really cute doctor walk into the back. The receptionist tells Monica that Dr. Burke is ready for her, and Monica freaks. The receptionist meant Dr. Timothy Burke (Michael Vartan), Richard's son. Monica has her appointment with young Dr. Burke. It's a tad bit awkward. Her eye is scratched, and she has to wear a patch. Monica asks Tim about his Thanksgiving plans. He was supposed to have dinner with his girlfriend, but they broke up, and now he just has a bag lunch. At the apartment, Monica tells everyone she invited Tim over for dinner. They all, including Phoebe, think it's gross. They tease her about it, making her mad. She storms into her bedroom, listing all the dumb things her friends have done in their past relationships. Tim arrives, and Monica's super nice to him, even letting him use the fancy bathroom soap. After dinner, Monica and Tim go out to the balcony together. They discuss the weirdness, which both of them expected, but it's non-existent. They kiss. Tim moves in to deepen the kiss, but Monica flinches back. Tim's kiss reminded her of Richard. Tim's totally grossed out, and says Monica reminds him of a younger version of his mom. Monica spends the rest of the episode icked out.

• This is my favorite episode OF ALL TIME! It's not so much the stuff with Monica and Tim; after seeing that a few times, it gets kinda boring, but CHANDLER IN A BOX!!!!

• There's really no good reason that it's my favorite. I mean, Chandler in a box is amazing, but you'd expect the wonderfulness to wear off after awhile. Not really, though. I'd always liked the show, but it was my BFF from college's favorite ever. She had every season, so we spent most of our lives watching Friends. Somehow this episode became our favorite. So much so that we would expound on the purpose of the box, and do Chandler's sad finger wave to each other whenever one of us left the room.
  

We may have moved on, as far as our friendship goes, but this episode will forever have my heart.

• Chandler's, like, super adorable with his love for the Macy's Parade.

• Eye patch humor

it will never go away, will it?

• Ross is pretty mean about Rachel's gift exchanging. In his defense, Rachel should've been honest about how much she liked the gifts. It's totally okay to tell someone something isn't really your thing.

Also, what gift cards are for.

• Monica and Tim together is a little weird. Could you imagine family dinners with Monica, Tim, and Richard. Would you like to be able to say that you've slept with every man at the dinner table?

• I think what I find especially unappealing about Tim and Monica as a couple is that Monica reminds Tim of his mom. That's just super creepy. And it makes me wonder if that's something that attracted Richard.

• I don't think I can say this enough: the purpose of box is three-freaking-fold!!! It's possible that's the greatest line ever, in the world.

• Best Moment. The bestest of the best, in fact.

• Yeah, Michael Vartan looks nothing like Tom Selleck. Not even a little bit of resemblance.

• I've been thinking... Monica and Rachel never really have fights as bad as Chandler and Joey. Like, there was the thing with Jean Claude Van Damme, but they resolved it pretty quickly. Monica and Rachel just never seem to get so angry at one another, that one wants to move out.

Oh. My. God.

" Ugh, turkey! Ugh, giving thanks! Ugh!"

"Look, everyone! The spirit of Thanksgiving!" -Chandler and Phoebe.

"That's not true! I got her that backpack and she loved it! I remember how much she was crying the day when that big dog ran off with it... There was no big dog." -Chandler, to Phoebe, realizing Rachel exchanges all her gifts.

"Y'know what, though, it's kind of a girlie briefcase."

"Who cares? He works in a museum." -Chandler and Monica, about giving Rachel's briefcase to Ross.

"He's really picky about his patients." -Chandler, to Monica, when she says she can't go to Richard because she doesn't have a boyfriend.

"I gotta call my mom and ask her a left handed cooking question." -Phoebe, to Ross and Chandler, when Monica leaves her in charge.

"Well, she wore it all Christmas day, and then, uh..."

"Big dog?" -Ross and Chandler, on Rachel's gift exchanging.

"You've sentenced him?!"

"Hey! Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time." -Ross and Joey, discussing how long Joey's going to be mad at Chandler.

"I thought you were Chandler. But, umm, one of you is over there." -Gunther, to Joey.

"Oooh, so cute, that I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye." -Rachel, to Monica, about the cute eye doctor.

"Alright, look, if you're not gonna stay for me, then at least stay for them! Okay, they have had a very difficult year, what with the robbery and all! That chick used to be cute!" -Chandler, to Joey, on why they should stay together for the chick and duck.

"We've got a box." -Joey, to Chandler, after Chandler says he'd look himself in the unit if they still had it.

"I was probably waiting for it to open." -Monica, to Tim, after he says the last time he saw her was at Dairy Queen.

"It's like inviting a Greek tragedy over for dinner!"

"If it was a Greek tragedy, I'd be blind in both eyes!" -Rachel and Monica, after Monica invites Tim for dinner.

"Hey, y'know, Mon, if things work out between you and Richard's son, you'd be able to tell your kids that you slept with their grandfather."

"Fine! Judge all you want to, but, married a lesbian, left a man at the alter, fell in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, livin' in a box!" -Ross and Monica.

"The meaning of the box is three fold. One, it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two, it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three, it hurts!" -Chandler, explaining the box.

"What happened?? What happened??"

"You kissed my girlfriend!" -Chandler and Joey, during a football game.

"Like 'em, like 'em? Or, 'I'd like to get store credit for that amount' like 'em?" -Ross, to Rachel, when she says she likes a pair of sunglasses.

"Fancy soap? I thought we were savin' that for the Pope!" -Rachel, to Monica telling Tim to use the good soap.

"But Monica do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, 'that's not how your father used to do it'?" -Phoebe, to Monica, about dating Tim.

"Though, you're not supposed to take these. It's like, a million years old. We--we actually, we had people looking for that." -Ross, to Rachel, about the bone she kept from the museum.

"You--you have a very beautiful...eye." -Tim, complimenting Monica.

"Joey had his reasons."

"They were threefold." -Rachel and Phoebe, explaining the box to Kathy.

TOW: Chandler Crosses the Line

Chandler and Joey: Pretty early one morning, Chandler storms over to Monica and Rachel's. Everyone, but Joey, is over and he informs them all that he just walked in on Kathy naked. He hoped she'd have something funny about her body, but she looks pretty perfect. He's agonizing because he thinks Kathy knows about his feelings, and that she may like him too. Chandler sees Joey getting a girl's number in Central Perk. Chandler thinks it means Joey and Kathy broke up, but Joey's dating Kathy and the new girl, Casey. Chandler's upset because Joey's cheating on Kathy. As an alternative, Chandler suggests that Joey go with only Casey, because she seemed to really get Joey. Joey makes dinner plans with Casey and Kathy; he's having an early dinner with Casey, and a late dinner with Kathy. Chandler's home alone, watching Baywatch, when Kathy arrives for her date with Joey. Joey's not back yet, but Chandler invites Kathy in to watch some TV with him. Joey calls to tell Chandler that he and Casey had car trouble, so he's going to be late. Joey's on a pay phone and runs out of time. Kathy and Chandler start talking, but it's a little uncomfortable. Chandler mentions he was supposed to get his hair cut, but missed his appointment. Kathy offers to cut his hair. Chandler agrees, but has a difficult time dealing with Kathy touching him so much. Kathy crouches down in front of him, running her fingers through his hair to see if it's even. They end up almost kissing, but the phone rings before their lips meet. It's Joey again, calling to say that the car completely lost it's transmission, so he has to cancel his date with Kathy. Joey apologizes to her, and Kathy leaves. She knocks at the door almost immediately after she closes it, she forgot her purse, but she and Chandler kiss. They break apart. Chandler doesn't want it to continue because it'll hurt Joey. He tells Kathy they have to ignore their feelings, but Kathy's not really okay with that. She has some pretty significant feelings for Chandler. Chandler says he can't hurt Joey. Kathy leaves again, but they both end up leaning against the door. Chandler opens it when he realizes Kathy's still out there. They kiss more. Joey comes home the next day to find that Chandler bough all new furniture and an awesome new TV. Joey loves it, and also tells Chandler that he's taking Chandler's advice. He's decided to stick exclusively with Kathy. Chandler tries to convince Joey to date Casey, but Joey's made up his mind. Chandler walks into Central Perk and the gang makes fun of him about the furniture. He tells them what happened with Kathy. They're all appalled. Ross tells Chandler that Joey probably would've bowed out if he'd have known how much Chandler liked Kathy. Chandler wants to know why no one mentioned that before; they all meant to, but kept forgetting. Chandler knows he has to tell Joey the truth. At their apartment, Chandler tells Joey he likes Kathy. Joey takes it pretty well, mostly because Kathy broke up with him. Joey's okay with Chandler dating Kathy, though, since Chandler came to Joey about his feelings. Joey also warns Chandler that he thinks Kathy's got another man. Chandler confesses that he's that other man, and that he and Kathy kissed. Joey's pretty furious, but it only gets worse when Joey realizes Chandler bought the furniture and TV out of guilt. Joey storms into his room.

Ross and Phoebe: Phoebe's at Moinca's writing a new song. Ross and Monica are listening, and Ross chimes in with help when Phoebe's having trouble with her song. Phoebe asks Ross how he knew the solution to her problem. Ross confesses that he used to play the keyboard a lot in college. Monica cracks up, because she'd forgotten about what Ross named his "sound." Phoebe and Monica beg Ross to play for them, but Ross is self-conscious about his sound. They finally convince him, though, and he goes off to his apartment to get his keyboard. When Ross comes back with his keyboard, everyone but Joey's there to hear him play. He sets up his equipment, but hesitates to start playing. He feels the need to explain the motivation behind his music, but Chandler orders him to play. Ross does, and it's some horrible mess of a pre-programmed rhythm track and random noises. It's pretty awful. Phoebe thinks it's great and thinks Ross should play his music for other people. Rachel tells him to play at Central Perk. Ross thinks they all really like it, and runs home to get another disk with helicopter noises on it. When he's gone everyone makes fun of his sound, but Phoebe seriously thinks he's good. Ross plays in Central Perk; it's really bad. Phoebe's supposed to go on after Ross, but she doesn't fell comfortable following something as good as what Ross does. Monica and Rachel try to convince her that Ross' music is awful, but all Phoebe gets from them is that Ross isn't appreciated in his own time. They try to encourage Phoebe by telling her she's not any good either, but Phoebe thinks they're just being nice. When Ross is finished playing, he and Phoebe have a talk. Monica told Ross that Phoebe was giving up her music, because she was intimidated by Ross' talent. Ross offers to quit playing if it'll make Phoebe feel better, but Phoebe declines the offer. Ross plays in Central Perk again, only this time, Phoebe thinks he's lost his gift. When Ross finishes his song, he comes over to Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel and tells them he's lost it. He asks Phoebe to finish out his set. Phoebe agrees, since Ross played so badly. Ross tells Monica and Rachel he only played bad on purpose, so Phoebe wouldn't give up on her music.

Rachel: wants everyone to go to a new Italian restaurant for dinner. No one can, but Monica suggests she just go by herself. Rachel's not comfortable eating alone, because she thinks people will judge her. Monica tells her there's nothing wrong with eating by yourself, but Chandler confirms Rachel's fears by saying he judges women who eat alone. Despite all this, Rachel goes to by herself. She comes home, having had a great time. She plans to eat by herself more often. In Central Perk, Rachel gets hit on by an attractive doctor. He asks her to go out Sunday, but Rachel can't because she has plans. The doctor leaves and Monica asks Rachel why she wouldn't go with him. Rachel says it's because she's having lunch alone on Sunday, and doesn't want to break her plans. Monica can't believe she's doing that instead of going on a date with a doctor. Rachel goes out by herself one night, and ends up breaking up with herself. Eating alone isn't really as great as she thought. She runs into the doctor and tells him she's free Sunday, but now the doctor has to work. As the doctor walks away, he thinks there must be something wrong with Rachel because she's eating by herself.

Monica: spends a lot of time laughing at Ross' ridiculous sound. She eavesdrops on Rachel's conversation with the doctor, and encourages Rachel to go on a date with him.

• I love that the response to Chandler telling everyone he saw Kathy naked is "Could you totally see up his robe?"
  

I was thinking the same thing, though, when he climbed up on the counter.

• Oh, dear me, Ross' sound! I forgot this was the episode! I shrieked "Ross' sound!!!" frightening everyone in my vicinity.

Electrifying.

• I have a horrible confession to make. I don't eat by myself in public places because of this episode.
  

• Chandler and Kathy finally kiss.

The haircut thing is great setup. And I really like Kathy's outfit.


Chandler sorta looks like he's trying to eat her.

• The guilt furniture.

It's sweet. Sorta. But Chandler's remorse is genuine.

• The Magna-Doodle says "I love you, man." Aw. Of course, it'd be better if Chandler hadn't kissed Joey's girlfriend, but y'know.

• Phoebe says something about the chimps that followed the Beatles ,which isn't particularly important, except that a few times in the episode transcript, it's been spelled Beetles, like the bug. No.
  

• Click for 'the sound.' Seriously, you should. I think this gets to be a best moment ever. It makes me soo happy. I love that Monica and Rachel are legit cracking up the first time Ross plays.
  

• I heart, heart, heart this episode. Plus, it sets up the plot for the next episode, which is my most very favorite EVER.
  

Oh. My. God.

"I just walked in the bathroom and saw Kathy naked! It was like torture!"

"Y'know if we ever go to war and you're captured, you're in for a big surprise." -Chandler and Ross.

"Wow... Could everyone totally see up his robe?" - Phoebe, after Chandler tells them all about his Kathy encounter.

"Well,I'm upset--for you. I mean, having sex with an endless line of beautiful women must be very unfulfilling for you." -Chandler, upon catching Joey getting another woman's number.

"Make a choice, pick a lane."

"Who's Elaine?" -Chandler and Joey, when Chandler encourages Joey to pick one woman.

"Y'know, umm, you should--you should think of umm, my work as wordless sound poems." -Ross, about his 'sound.'

"Really bitchin'!" -Chandler, about the sound.

"Oh, I can't believe I ever let him touch me with those fingers." -Rachel, after hearing the sound.

"Yes, yes your breasts are just as firm and juicy." -Chandler, to the chick and the duck, as they watch Baywatch.

"Uh yes, but, uh, I just watch it for the articles." -Chandler, explaining why he watches Baywatch to Kathy.

"I like it in the stern... of the boat." -Chandler, to Kathy, after asking where in the boat she'd like to sit.

"Dog grooming, huh? Okay, just don't make my tail too poofy." -Chandler, to Kathy, after she confesses she learned to cut hair at a dog grooming shop.

"Well, thanks, I grow it myself." -Chandler, to Kathy, after she compliments his hair.

"Don't! Don't! See--see, you're getting me confused, I'm starting to yearn." -Chandler, to Kathy, during their talk about their feelings.

"Oh my God, he's not even appreciated in his own time. I would give anything to not be appreciated in my own time!"

"Okay, umm, Phoebe, you suck too." -Phoebe, and Monica, when Phoebe feels bad about her music.

"A TV that appears as if from nowhere! That's the dream!" -Joey, after seeing stuff Chandler buys.

"Joey has the best boyfriend ever!" -Monica, to Chandler, after he buys the furniture.

"What?!? That's even worse!!"

"How is that worse?!"

"I don't know, but it's the same!" -Joey and Chandler, talking about what happened with Chandler and Kathy.

"Over the line?! You--you're so far past the line, that you--you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!" -Joey, yelling at Chandler.

"Phoebe, his music could not get any worse. There are rats in the basement that are hanging themselves." -Rachel, when Phoebe realizes Ross isn't very good.

TOW: the Dirty Girl

Ross: makes out with an incredibly, way out -of-his-league, attractive woman (Rebecca Romijn) in front of Central Perk. The gang is shocked, as is Ross, at his amazing good luck. Rachel questions Ross about his date, Cheryl, demeaning her by assuming she's something like a brainless model. Ross informs everyone that Cheryl is a doctoral candidate who specializes in the Cenozoic era. Rachel makes a crack about the reason a woman like Cheryl's dating Ross, but Ross doesn't care the reason, he's just feeling lucky to be with her. Ross has another date with Cheryl. They kiss outside her apartment, and she invites him in. Ross can't say 'yes' fast enough, but he's completely turned off when he sees that her apartment is a dirty, garbage filled mess. It's not helped any when Cheryl starts throwing food and calling for her pet hamster, which has been missing for several days. Ross suggests they go to his place, but Cheryl doesn't want to because she thinks Ross' place has a funny smell. Ross helps Joey tie his tie, and tells Joey about the gross apartment. Ross ended up just leaving because it was soooo nasty. He doesn't know what to do, since Cheryl doesn't like going to his place either. Joey tells Ross he has to suck it up if he really wants to be with Cheryl. Ross agrees that that's the thing to do. Ross goes on another date with Cheryl. He works on ignoring the mess, and they start making out. They lay down on the couch, in the garbage, and Ross has serious trouble dealing with it. He puts his hand in something that may be chocolate... or motor oil..., is horribly disgusted, and gets even more garbage on him. He pulls away from Cheryl, watching a chip bag wiggle on her coffee table. He flips out (as he should), starting to beat the chip bag with what might be a toilet brush. Cheryl's upset because she thinks the thing in the bag is her hamster. She checks, it wasn't her pet, but a rat.

Chandler and Joey: Chandler goes to Monica and Rachel's, telling the gang (minus Joey), that he bought Kathy a great present for her upcoming birthday. He was able to find an early edition of Kathy's favorite book from childhood, The Velveteen Rabbit. It's super, super nice, and probably not a little expensive. They all think it's a great gift, but Phoebe points out that if he give it to her, it'll be totally obvious he has feelings for Kathy. Ross agrees, especially because Joey won't be getting her a gift that nice. Chandler decides to make sure Joey gets Kathy something nice. Joey and Kathy come in, and Kathy goes to the bathroom. Chandler asks Joey what he's getting Kathy for her birthday, but Joey doesn't really have many ideas. A day or two later, Chandler and Rachel are hanging out when Joey comes in. He had a hard time shopping for Kathy, of course, he went to OfficeMax. Joey's gift is a pen, that's also a clock. Chandler makes fun of him. Joey doesn't have any other ideas, and doesn't have time to shop more. Chandler offers to find something for Joey to give to Kathy. Later, Chandler's back at Monica and Rachel's, not having been able to find anything better than The Velveteen Rabbit for Kathy. Rachel suggests Chandler return the book, and get Kathy a gift that's worse than a clock pen. Chandler decides he'd rather Kathy get the book, even if it isn't from him. Joey comes in, and Chandler gives him the book to give to Kathy. Joey doesn't get what's so exciting about a book, but Chandler says Kathy'll really like it. After Joey and Kathy get back from her birthday dinner, Joey thanks Chandler because Kathy absolutely loves the book, and Joey's going to get thanked in the bedroom. Kathy comes in, and Joey makes Chandler give Kathy the clock pen. Chandler's embarrassed by the pathetic-ness of the pen, but gives it to her anyway. Joey scampers off to his bedroom, leaving Kathy and Chandler alone. Kathy thanks Chandler for the book, because she knows he had something to do with they purchasing of it. Kathy knows that Chandler has feelings for her, she may even reciprocate, but Chandler doesn't make a move because Joey's his best friend.

Monica and Phoebe: Monica gets a phone call that doesn't seem to go well. When she hangs up, she tells everyone that she just got offered a catering job for a funeral. She'd have to serve sixty people, but it was such short notice and for so many, that she had to turn the job down. Monica explains that she doesn't have the money to buy the equipment and ingredients she'd need. Phoebe offers Monica a loan, encouraging Monica to go out and cater. Monica takes Phoebe's advice. Monica returns from the job, having had a great experience. Not only that, but she got hired for another funeral happening the next day. She shows Phoebe all the great catering equipment she bought, but all Phoebe cares about is where her money is. Monica doesn't have the money to pay her back, because she didn't realize Phoebe'd want it back so soon. She promises to pay Phoebe back after she caters the next funeral. Monica and Phoebe both go to the next job, which also starts out really well, until Monica has to go ask the widow to pay the bill. Monica asks the widow (Gretchen Wyler) for the money, but the widow says her husband took care of that, and starts to cry. Monica runs back into the kitchen. Monica still can't get the money, every time she asks, the widow cries. Phoebe opens the kitchen door and the widow is putting on a little musical show. Monica doesn't feel comfortable asking the widow for the payment, even though the widow doesn't seem too upset. Phoebe tells Monica that she talked to a few other people, the florist, the limo driver, and the priest, and they weren't paid either. Monica thinks Phoebe should get the money, so Phoebe confronts the widow. The widow pays up. Monica leaves some business cards for the other guests. They go to Central Perk when they finish, finding Rachel there, too. Monica tells Rachel how the catering went, explaining about the trouble with the widow. Monica suggests she and Phoebe should be partners. Phoebe should be in charge of the money, while Monica cooks. Phoebe thinks it's a great idea. Monica can't sleep, worrying about the dirtiness of Cheryl's apartment. She goes over to clean it, and Cheryl shuts the door in her face. Monica cleans the door.

Rachel: makes it her goal to finish an entire crossword by herself. Phoebe offers her help, but Rachel snaps at her. She has quite a bit of trouble with it, but muddles through. She's sitting with Chandler, and suggests they all go see a musical. Specifically the 1996 Tony Award Winner. Chandler guesses a few, but finally gets it right (Rent). Rachel finishes the whole puzzle while she's in Central Perk. She jumps up to celebrate, but no one's around for her to hug. Gunther runs out of the back, wanting to be the one to hug her, but he trips and falls. Monica and Phoebe come in, and Rachel gets her hug.

• Hey! It's Rebecca Romijn! I just talked about her in the post for TOW: the Ballroom Dancing! But, seriously, she'd have made a really good Maria, the gym treat.

• This is Cheryl's apartment. I'm not an obsessively clean neat freak like Monica, but Cheryl's place may be my worst nightmare.

I quite like that Cheryl, who's hot and smart, is a slob. It's quite an amusing flaw. She could totally be on Hoarders.

• So, when the chip bag on the coffee table moves, Ross uses a toilet brush to kill the creature inside. Cheryl has a toilet brush in her living room. Ew. And I really, really hope that the brown, gooey stuff Ross sticks his hand in, is chocolate.
  

• I have major, major love for the Chandler/Kathy storyline. It's all very angst filled and tragic in a Friends sorta way.

It's just the sweetest thing that Chandler'd go through all the time and effort to find her a rare, early edition of The Velveteen Rabbit.

• I'm also proud of myself for knowing that the 1996 Tony Award Winning Musical is Rent. It actually hurts me a little when Chandler's first guess is Grease.
  

• And, oh, the fact that Kathy knows Chandler has feelings for, and Kathy may reciprocate, but Chandler won't make a move because Joey's his best friend...it's all so painful and sweet.

• I'm pretty appalled by the widow. Dude, your husband and his best friend just died, stop pretending you're Liza Minnelli.

I can't get "Jeepers, Creepers" out of my head now.

Oh. My. God.

"Yeah, come to papa." -Phoebe, looking at Cheryl.

"Probably the only time I'll ever say this, but did you see the ass on her?" -Monica, about Cheryl.

"Well, maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek."

"Fine by me; hope she wins!" -Rachel and Ross, on why Cheryl's dating him.

"Okay, but don't touch it, because your fingers have destructive oils."

"Huh. Well, then you'd better keep it away from Ross' hair." -Chandler and Rachel, after Rachel tries to touch the rare book.

"Yeah, and what a great way to say, "I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend!" -Phoebe, to Chandler, when he buys Kathy the rare book.

"You sound like Monican't, not Monican." -Phoebe, to Monica, encouraging her to cater.

"Aborigine!!" -Rachel, attempting to do the crossword puzzle.

"Did Homo-Erectus hunt with wooden tools?"

"According to recent findings!" -Ross and Cheryl, being scientists.

"Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!" -Chandler, to Joey, when Joey buys Kathy the clock pen.

"Well, like that only instead of chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived!" -Ross, describing Cheryl's apartment to Joey. Also, pretty much the plot of Wall-E.

"What kind of smell?"

'I don't know, soap?" -Joey and Ross, when Ross says that Cheryl thinks his apartment smells.

"Alright, now you go get that beautiful pig!" -Joey, to Ross.

"Guess who!"

"Department of Sanitation?" -Cheryl and Ross, at Cheryl's apartment.

"Yeah. Hard Ass and Wuss. We could fight crime!" -Phoebe, after Monica tells Rachel what happened with the widow.

"I can cook and you can take care of the money!"

"Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!" -Monica and Phoebe, discussing their partnership.

"Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me he said, 'This is cause I know you like rabbits, and I know you like cheese'." -Kathy, to Chandler, thinking him for The Velveteen Rabbit.

TOW: Joey's New Girlfriend

Joey and Chandler: Most of the gang's hanging out in Central Perk. Chandler notices an incredibly attractive woman (Paget Brewster) sitting at the counter. He wants to go talk to her, but doesn't have the nerve. He's so enamored with the woman, that he decides he has to go talk to her. He hits on her, and is adorable/awkward. The woman introduces herself, her name is Kathy and she's actually waiting for a date. Her date arrives and it's Joey. It's not as horribly uncomfortable as one would expect. Way later that evening (I think), Chandler comes out of his bedroom to find Kathy watching TV wearing Joey's hockey jersey. Chandler got up to watch an Ernie Kovacs special, and, surprisingly enough, Kathy got up to watch the very same thing. The start talking, getting along very well; they even bond over the 'wonder broom.' Their show starts, and Chandler sits down in the canoe to watch. The next day, everyone's in Central Perk, including Kathy. Joey and Kathy leave to buy hamsters for her job (she works for a medical researcher). When they leave, the gang talks about how much they like her. Chandler talks about all the wonderful things about Kathy, and they tease him for have feelings for her. Chandler's walking one day and sees Kathy out running. He chases her down the street so he can say 'hey.' He runs after her for quite awhile, only saying 'hi' when he gets her attention. Chandler goes to Monica and Rachel and tells them he's totally in love with his best friends girlfriend. He's pretty miserable. Joey and Kathy come in, having rented movies. Everyone sits around the TV, Chandler and Kathy ending up right next to one another on the couch. Chandler is so uncomfortable, he gets up and leaves, saying he has to meet other friends. Chandler's hanging out with the chick and duck later, when Joey comes in. He invites Chandler to dinner with he and Kathy, but Chandler declines. Joey gets upset because he thinks Chandler doesn't like Kathy. Chandler agrees with that, which only makes Joey more angry, because he tried so hard to like Janice. Chandler knows Joey has a good point, so he agrees to go to dinner. At dinner, Kathy points out an attractive woman, but Chandler's not interested. Kathy then says she has a single friend that she thinks Chandler'd be good with, but again, he's not interested. Chandler abruptly gets up for another beer. Joey follows him, confronting Chandler about his rude behavior. Kathy thinks Chandler doesn't like her, and Joey thinks Chandler should tell Kathy he does like her. Chandler can't take it anymore, telling Joey just how much he likes Kathy. Joey thinks Chandler's joking, at least he doesn't take him very seriously, but he's placated. Chandler's watching TV later, while Joey and Kathy fool around. He cant' stand listening to them, so he turns the volume up. Joey comes out and asks Chandler to quiet down. Chandler goes to Monica's and asks to sleep on her couch.

Rachel and Ross: In Central Perk, Ross keeps waving a napkin in Rachel's face. The napkin has a woman's phone number on it, which, obviously, Ross is very proud of. Phoebe's about to sneeze, and Rachel grabs the napkin from Ross and hands it to Phoebe. Phoebe blows her nose on it. Back in Central Perk, Ross keeps talking about how great his date with Amanda went. Rachel tells him she knows nothing happened; they took their kids to Chuck E' Cheese, and Ross didn't even kiss her. Ross is mad at Chandler, because Chandler told Rachel all that. Ross walks into Monica and Rachel's, talking about his upcoming date with Amanda (Laura Stepp). Monica informs him that Rachel isn't home. Ross proceeds to tell Monica that he expects his date with Amanda to go very well, thinking they may have sex. Rachel comes in with a young, college age guy, Josh (Brian Smith),who she's apparently dating. After Josh leaves, Rachel tells Monica and Ross how great it is to be with a fun guy. They argue. Ross does his flipping off alternative, which Monica explains. Ross goes to Amanda's with a bottle of wine. When Amanda comes to the door, she's dressed really great. Ross compliments her, but then learns he's not there as her date, but her babysitter. Ross tells Monica about the failed date. Later, Rachel walks in the apartment, kissing Josh. Monica tells Rachel that Ross isn't there, and Rachel pushes Josh away. Josh leaves; Rachel realizes he's stealing from her. Phoebe sees Josh wearing Rachel's leather jacket, causing Rachel to chase off after him. Ross and Rachel fight about whose date is better. Monica's got a cold and sick of hearing Ross and Rachel fight. She calls each on their bullshit, saying how both their relationships are failures. They fight some more, and fake flip each other off.

Phoebe and Monica: Phoebe prepares to play a set at Central Perk, but she's got an awful cold. Monica attempts to convincer her to go home and rest, but Phoebe says she's unemployed and doesn't have much to get her through the day. She starts singing, surprising herself with her sexy, phlegm-y voice. Phoebe plays in Central Perk again, this time without her guitar, having embraced her new blues-y voice. All the customers are really into her music, and she's really into how sexy her voice sounds. Phoebe's hanging out at Rachel and Monica's, trying to write sad songs to go with her new voice. Monica suggests some legit sad topics, but Phoebe doesn't like those. Phoebe gets ready to go to Central Perk. She clears her throat and the next time she speaks, her voice is clear. She's very upset about losing her sexy phlegm. Monica and Ross are talking about his 'date' with Amanda, when Phoebe runs through the kitchen, hair soaking, to stick her head out the window. She wants to get sick again, but Monica convinces her she'll get pneumonia by putting her head out the window. Monica sneezes, sure she's got Phoebe's cold. Phoebe doesn't want Monica to cover her mouth when she sneezes. Monica's very sick, lying on the couch in a sea of kleenex, when Rachel comes in with Josh. Phoebe comes in with soup for Monica. There's no chicken in it, or chicken broth, so it's basically just noodles. While Monica eats, Phoebe collects all the used kleenex. Monica scolds her. Phoebe snatches the soup cup away and licks the rim. She wants Monica's germs, so she can get her sexy voice back. Phoebe's in Central Perk, strumming on her guitar. Gunther walks by, sneezing, and Phoebe kisses him for the germs. Phoebe plays in Central Perk again, this time without her guitar and with her non-phlegm induced sexy voice.

• Guys, guys!!! We're getting close to my most favoritest Friends episode of all time. ALL TIME! I'm so, so, soooooo, sooooooooooooooo excited!

• I'm quite a fan of Kathy and the actress that plays her, Paget Brewster. According to her imdb page, she's been in quite a few shows, but what I'm most familiar with (besides her role as Kathy), is as Hank Azaria's wife on Huff.

And Paget Brewster is just a really awesome name.

• So, Phoebe's sexy phlegm voice... She reminds me of Bob Dylan at first. Later, though, it's more like Billie Holiday's. Well, okay, I've never heard much Billie Holliday, but in that part in Clueless, when Christian plays her music in the car? Phoebe's voice reminds me of that.

She also, at the very end, sounds kinda french.

• Chandler chases after Kathy to some really bad 70's cop show music.

I think it could've used some bionic man noises, too.

• Why is Phoebe showering at Monica and Rachel's?

She has her own apartment.

• It took me nearly all episode to figure out that Monica kinda reminds me of Meg Ryan.

• Chandler breaks my heart. I a-freaking-dore him this episode. No lie. Especially when he asks Monica to sleep on her couch.

• I do Ross' hand gesture thing all the time. I don't even realize I do it, it happens so often.

• Phoebe licking Monica's soup cup is super nasty. Ugh.

• The guy who plays Josh? His nickname is listed as 'Fish.' Appropriate, no?
  

Oh. My. God.

"I could die." -Chandler, explaining why he can't go talk to the attractive woman in Central Perk.

"I tell people secrets. It makes them like me." -Chandler, to Ross, on why he told Rachel about Ross' date.

"I was just trying to figure out a way to uh, demonstrate how I could get my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth." -Chandler, to Joey and Kathy, after he hits on Joey's date.

"What about the duck?"

"Well, the duck can swim." -Kathy and Chandler, after Chandler picks up the chick, while he's sitting in the canoe.

"Well, I think it's great the medical community is finally trying to help sick hamsters." -Phoebe, after learning Kathy and Joey are buying the hamsters for Kathy's medical research job.

"I bet he's never set foot in a museum."

"Well, maybe he'll get to go soon, like on a class trip or something."

"Y'know what else is really great about him? Oh, what is the word for the adult that doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?" -Rachel and Ross, comparing Ross to Josh.

"I remember I cried the night you made it up, 'cause it was the first time that I realized that I was actually cooler than my older brother." -Monica, to Ross and Rachel, about Ross' fake flipping off thing.

"Her date tipped me ten dollars." -Ross, to Monica, about the 'date' with Amanda.

"Okay, You were right. I'm in love with Joey's girlfriend." -Chandler, confessing his feelings for Kathy.

"Now, I don't eat chicken, so it's just noodle soup. And there's no chicken in the broth either, so it's really just...noodle soup." -Phoebe, to Monica, about the soup she made.

"Y'know what I think it is? It's the fishnet stockings. Y'know? Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings." -Chandler, to Kathy, about why he doesn't think a woman is attractive.

"At least I know she's not dating me to get into R rated movies."

"Why don't you just marry her? Oh no, wait a minute, you can't! I'm sorry I forgot, she's not a lesbian." -Ross and Rachel.

"You have nothing! You're not even going out! You're her babysitter! You have a 12 year old girl's job!"

"Ohh, that is soo sad."

"And what are you laughing at, Miss My-keg-sucking-boyfriend-is-stealing-from-me!" -Monica and Rachel, when Monica scolds Ross and Rachel for arguing.

TOW: the Ballroom Dancing

Monica, Rachel, and Joey: Monica catches Rachel putting an empty carton back in the fridge. Rachel put it back because the trash is full, and she has no intention of taking the trash to the trash chute. Monica makes Rachel take out the trash, including a pizza box. Mr. Treeger is in the trash room, unjamming the trash chute when Rachel comes in. She puts the trash bag down the chute, but the pizza box gets stuck. Instead, of stuffing the box down, she leaves it blocking the chute. Treeger yells at her for jamming the chute again, after he just fixed it. He makes Rachel cry. When Rachel comes back in the apartment, Monica thinks she's crying because she had to take the trash out. Rachel explains to the group what happened. Joey decides to defend her honor, and confront Treeger for making Rachel cry. Monica doesn't want Joey to make a big deal out of it, but Joey's mind is made up. He goes to Treeger's office, scolding the man for making Rachel cry. Joey's going to call the landlord. Treeger doesn't mind; he's decided to call the landlord himself because Monica and Rachel are living in the apartment illegally. Joey leaves, sure Monica and Rachel are being evicted. Joey goes to their apartment and informs them of the news. They're horrified. Monica makes Joey go back to Treeger, wanting Joey to suck up so they won't be evicted. Joey goes back to Treeger's office, begging him not to evict Monica and Rachel. Treeger suggests he just evict Joey and Chandler. Joey makes the mistake of mentioning the chick and the duck. Treeger gets up in arms about Joey having pets, but Joey says 'chick' and 'duck' are nicknames. Joey tells Treeger he'll do anything, just as long as Treeger doesn't call the landlord on Monica and Rachel. Treeger does have one thing Joey could do for him, be his dance partner. In Central Perk, Joey tells everyone about the Superintendent's Ball that Treeger's going to. Treeger wants to dance with Marge, but doesn't feel like a good enough dancer, and wants Joey's help practicing. At the first lesson, Joey's pretty uncomfortable, but goes through with it. Treeger's dancing isn't great, and he decides to just give up. Joey convinces him to keep practicing. Joey goes to Monica and Rachel's after the first practice. They tease him about the dancing lessons, especially when he does a dance hop across the kitchen. Joey tells them he really enjoys the dancing, and is getting good at it. Treeger comes by Monica and Rachel's looking for Joey for their last practice before the Ball. They've had some trouble doing a difficult spin, and Treeger's decided it's because his apartment is too small. They do their last dance on the rooftop. It goes great and Treeger's feeling good about himself. He starts to leave, but Joey's sad. Treeger invites Joey along, but Joey declines when he learns that the women aren't exactly his type. After Treeger leaves, Joey dances alone on the roof.

Chandler and Ross: Chandler gets a new wallet, having to transfer all his wallet stuff to the new one. While going through the stuff, he comes across a gym membership. Everyone's pretty surprised that Chandler belongs to a gym. He never actually goes there, but he can't seem to quit, even though it costs 50 bucks a month. Ross makes fun of him for his quitting failures, but Chandler defends himself. Everyone at the gym is so delightfully healthy, they always talk him into staying. Even if he's able to resist, they bring out their piece de resistance, Maria. Ross decides to go to the gym with Chandler and encourage him to go through with quitting. At the gym, the guy behind the counter, who we'll call gym rat 1, belittles Chandler for being a quitter, but Chandler is confident in his quitting abilities. Gym Rat 1 (Brien Perry) tells Chandler he'll have to talk to the guy in charge of accounts (Gym Rat 2), and Ross isn't allowed in the office as a non-gym member. When Chandler leaves, Gym Rat 1 talks to Ross about signing up for the gym. When Ross resists, Gym Rat 1 brings out Maria (Amber Smith). Chandler's in the office, telling Gym Rat 2 he wants to quit. Gym Rat 2's phone rings, it's Gym Rat 1, letting them know that Ross's joined the gym. Chandler and Ross go to Central Perk, bemoaning their failure. Rachel laughs at Ross upon learning he joined a gym. Monica suggests they try actually going, but they have no interest in doing that. Ross decides the next step they should take is closing their bank accounts, cutting the gym off at the source. They go to the bank, certain of their abilities to close their accounts. The man they talk to at the bank, calls over Ms. Lambert (Hope Allen), the woman in charge of closing accounts. Ms. Lambert's hot, so Ross and Chandler somehow end up not closing their accounts, but getting a joint account. They're going to use the joint account to pay their gym membership.

Phoebe: is nervous about going to work. She's got a huge crush on a massage client, but she can't act on her impulses. One, she'll get fired and two, it's against her personal masseuse oath. She plans on behaving herself, but as she leaves for work everyone notices that her feet, the only part of her the client can see, are all dressed up. Rick (Jason Brooks), the client, notices how pretty Phoebe's fee look and compliments her. She's trying to ignore her attraction, but Rick asks her to concentrate on his sciatic area. He tells Phoebe it's been bothering him since he participated in a Greenpeace sit in .Phoebe has to move the towel off his butt, and notices what a great ass Rick has. She bites him. She tells the gang about the biting, and is really upset over her inability to control herself. Joey tells her the things he thinks about when he's with a woman and trying not to come. The next time Phoebe massages Rick, she thinks of the same stuff Joey does. Baseball and sandwiches don't work, but thinking about Chandler does the trick. She gets so caught up in her mundane thoughts, she massages Rick for well over an hour. Finally, she admits her crush to Rick. Rick says he can get a new masseuse and they start kissing. Phoebe's boss, Mrs. Potter (Rhoda Gemignani), walks in, catching Phoebe and Rick in the act. Mrs. Potter is furious, it being against her rules for masseuse's to have relationships with clients. Phoebe tells Mrs. Potter that Rick is her husband, but Mrs. Potter isn't fooled because Rick's wife called looking for him. Later that day, Phoebe goes into Monica and Rachel's. She was fired. She spent the day walking aimlessly, offering massages to people on the street. Cops stop her, thinking she's a hooker. She doesn't know what to do, and is quite distraught at losing her job. At the end, Phoebe goes to an interview, but makes the mistake of telling her possible new employer that she was fired because her last boss thought she was a whore.

• Gah, this is such an effing great episode! Joey ballroom dances! I'll say it again. He. Ballroom. Dances. The fact that it's with Treeger is just icing on the potato-look-alike cake. (Ew). Chandler, Ross, and the gym is also epic, as well as Phoebe's ass biting.

• Is it wrong how delighted I am by Rachel crying? She's soooooo spoiled! I, uhh, I hate to admit it, but I'd cry, too.

In her defense, Treeger's, like, really mean.

• Maria, the gym treat.

I feel that this lady should be Rebecca Romijn, in the same way I feel that Glee's Mr. Schuester, should be Neil Patrick Harris. I also feel like I should look like that in spandex. Sadly, none of these things are true.

• Rick's pretty yummy, but his nose is funny. Not haha funny, just strange looking.

• Ms. Lambert, the bank lady.

Ross and Chandler just can't win. Well, I guess that depends on how you look at it.

• Yeah, Chandler should definitely be Chick and Joey Duck. It makes more sense that way. Somehow. It's really hard not to not type Chuck and Dick. I don't know why.

• Figuring out how to spell 'pas de bourree' was more difficult than I imagined.

• I'm legit upset that Rick's married. He belongs to Greenpeace, people! That's soulmate material right there.

• In which Joey and Mr. Treeger dance. And it's pretty.

Okay, so, it's set to "Spice up your Life" instead of "Night and Day," but sometimes you have to take what you can get.

There's an odd romantic quality to this moment with the original music, but somehow "Spice up Your Life" manages to make it even more sexual. And it makes me giggle. A lot.

Oh. My. God.

"Yeah, it was time. The old condom ring in the leather just doesn't say 'cool' anymore." -Chandler, to Phoebe, on why he got a new wallet.

"God, if you're gonna cry about it!" -Monica, to Rachel, thinking Rachel's upset over having to take out the garbage.

"That's easy for you to say, you weren't almost just killed!" -Rachel, to Monica, when Monica wants to let the incident with Treeger go.

"I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last 1200 times." -Chandler, on why he has a gym membership.

"Oh, Maria. You can't say no to her, she's like this lycra, spandex covered gym...treat." -Chandler, on Maria and quitting the gym.

"Your feet are all dressed up."

"Because that's the only part of you he can see when he's on the table!"

"You're gonna do some feet flirtin'!" -Monica and Chandler, on Phoebe's pretty feet.

"Because it's Arabian princess day at work! Okay?! Leave me alone!" -Phoebe, explaining why she's wearing a toe ring, anklet, and got a pedicure.

"Now, Joey, you go down there and you suck up to him. I mean, you suck like you've never sucked before!" -Monica, to Joey, when she learns of the eviction threat.

"No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!" -Chandler, to Ross, when they practice quitting the gym.

"Noo--no--no, those are nicknames. I'm the chick and Chandler is the duck."

"Huh, I would've thought it was the other way around." -Joey and Treeger, when Joey lets slip about the pets.

"That's not prison lingo, is it?" -Joey, to Treeger, after Joey's asked to be his dancing partner.

"Yeah, right, he almost danced me right down that... garbage chute." -Rachel, to Joey, on Treeger's dancing ability.

"Aww, man, now we won't be bank buddies!" -Joey, to Chandler, when Chandler and Ross are going to close their bank accounts.

"I bit him."

"Where?!"

"On the tushie." -Phoebe and Rachel, on what happened with Rick.

" Ah, forget it. I'll never be any good at this. My mom was right, I'm just a big potato with arms, and legs, and a head." -Treeger, to Joey, about his failure at dancing.

"Hey-hey! How goes the dancing? Gay yet?" -Monica, to Joey.

"And it wasn't a hop. It was a pas de bourree."

"You know the words! You are so into this!" -Joey and Monica, after she witnesses him do a little dance step.

"I wanna quit the bank!" -Chandler, upon being introduce to Ms. Lambert.

"Maybe Rick's pants come down a little..." -Phoebe's inner monologue as she massages Rick.

"Why wasn't I offered that? I'd definitely pay more for that." -Mr. Simon, Phoebe's next client, after Phoebe and Rick are caught kissing.

"I--I started asking people on the street if the wanted massages. Then these policemen thought I was a whore, too. It's been a really bad day, whore wise." -Phoebe, telling everyone about being fired.

"Hey, Duck. Is Chick here?"

"Yeah... Bunny rabbit..." -Treeger and Chandler.

"Yeah, they thought I was a whore." -Phoebe, during her interview.

TOW: the Cuffs

Chandler and Rachel: Rachel comes over to Chandler and Joey's for juice one morning. While there, Chandler mentions that he ran into Joanna on the street the day before. Instead of it being an awkward meeting, Chandler and Joanna hit it off. Rachel's horrified that Chandler's getting involved with her boss again; It gets worse when Joanna walks out of Chandler and Joey's bathroom, wearing only a towel. Rachel loses it, because she almost lost her job the first time around. Chandler agrees to breakup with Joanna, even though now he likes her more. Chandler and Joanna fool around in her office. They're sort of broken up, but they're still hooking up. The phone rings, and Joanna has to leave to meet with her boss. Chandler starts to get dressed, but Joanna has other ideas. She thinks she'll be back in a few minutes, so she handcuffs Chandler to her desk chair. When Joanna leaves the office, she locks the door. Rachel notices and asks the other assistant, Sophie, why Joanna decided to lock the door. Sophie thinks it's because Joanna's working on the Christmas bonuses. Rachel has a secret, spare set of keys for Joanna's office. She and Sophie decide to sneak in and look at the bonuses list. They find Chandler. After Rachel and Sophie find him, Joanna's office phone rings. Chandler answers. It's Joanna, calling to say she won't be back for quite awhile; she's out with her boss. Chandler buzzes Rachel and asks her to come in Joanna's office. Rachel's hesitant, but she eventually goes in. Chandler tells her where the keys are and asks her to unlock him. Rachel yells at him for not ending things with Joanna, like he said he would. Chandler argues, because he did breakup with her, just not completely. Rachel is going to leave him, but he convinces her to let him out of the handcuffs. He runs to his clothes, but before he can get dressed, Rachel realizes that Joanna will now know that Rachel has a key to Joanna's office. Rachel wants to handcuff him again, but Chandler refuses. Rachel tries to cuff him, and the fight. She handcuffs him to the filing cabinet. Even after he's handcuffed, they keep fighting. Rachel wants to keep him cuffed, but Chandler points out that Joanna's going to realize he's handcuffed to the wrong thing. Rachel tries to bargain with him, but Chandler just wants freedom. Rachel shoves Chandler's tie in his mouth. Rachel keeps coming up with different things she can do for Chandler, but Chandler refuses to agree. She decides that if Chandler'll stay handcuffed, she'll tell everyone a version of the story that makes Chandler come out looking really good. If he doesn't agree, well, she's going to make him miserable. Chandler walks into Central Perk, and Monica and Phoebe are quite happy to see him. Rachel told them a very good version of the story. Joey quickly disabuses the two of them of any notion that Chandler is secretly a sex god. Chandler tells Rachel he really did breakup with Joanna this time. The next morning, Rachel walks into work and Joanna calls her into her office. Chandler's left Joanna handcuffed to the chair.

Monica and Phoebe: Mrs. Geller asks Monica to cater at an event she's throwing. Monica agrees, even though she thinks her mom's doing it because she feels sorry for Monica. Phoebe helps Monica prepare the food at the Geller house. Monica asks her mom why she wanted Monica to cater. Mrs. Geller says she's heard good things about Monica's catering (sort of; she's pretty bitchy about it). Monica takes it really well, though, thinking her mom finally has some faith in her abilities. Phoebe doesn't get that from Mrs. Geller's answer, but she goes along with Monica. Monica and Phoebe continue to prepare the meal, until Phoebe notices something strange about Monica's fingernails. Monica was wearing fake nails, only now she only has nine. Monica realizes that one of her nails is in a mini quiche, which are now ruined. She tells her mom what happened. Mrs. Geller had planned on Monica screwing up, she had a bet with Mr. Geller, and had back up lasagna in the freezer. Mrs. Geller calls the mistake "pulling a Monica." Monica realizes her mom never really had faith in her and storms out. Phoebe finds Monica in what used to be her bedroom (her parents turned it into an exercise room). Phoebe encourages Monica to go back down and prepare a meal, proving her mom wrong. Phoebe thinks that they could make "pulling a Monica" a good thing. Monica agrees to go back downstairs, but she's going to make her own meal, not the lasagna's her mom froze. Monica makes a casserole, which goes over really well with Mrs. Geller's guests. Mrs. Geller tells Monica she enjoyed the food, and apologizes. She admits she should've trusted Monica more.

Joey: brings some rusty patio furniture up from the basement. Mr. Treeger told Joey they could have it. Joey's at home alone, scraping dried gum off the bottom of the patio table, when someone knocks. Joey opens the door and an Encyclopedia salesman (Penn Jillette) walks right in. The salesman begins his schpeel by asking Joey if he ever feels like he doesn't know what his friends are talking about. Joey has a montage of all the times the gang talks about things he doesn't understand (constitutionality, Noble Prizes, the Algonquin Round Table). The salesman goes through the 'V' Encyclopedia with Joey. Joey says some boneheaded things, and the salesman is certain Joey needs the Encyclopedia's. They continue to read about words that start with 'V.' The salesman is sure he had a customer, and tells Joey he can own the whole set for $1200. Joey laughs at him, because it's obvious that Joey doesn't have that kind of money. Joey tries to prove how broke he is by cleaning the junk out of his pockets, but he finds $50. He thinks the pants are probably Chandler's, but he uses the money to buy the 'V' Encyclopedia. When they're all in Central Perk, he compares Joanna to Mount Vesuvius. Everyone's pretty astonished. Joey brings out all the other topics, starting with the letter 'V,' he can talk about. He mentions Vietnam, but Ross starts talking about a documentary he watched on the Korean War. Joey knows nothing about it, and just nods along.

Ross: isn't in this one much. He's there when Monica gets the catering job from her mom. He's also at Central Perk at the end.

• Mrs. Geller's a bitch.

I get legitimately upset for Monica here. If one of my parents ever did this to me, I'd cry. Probably a lot.

• Rachel cracks me up when she's freaking out.

I think maybe she's freaking out more than the situation warrants, but it's pretty delightful either way.

• This whole thing, all of it, is friggin' amazing.

I feel this situation could only happen to Chandler.

• Okay, something I'm confused about...after Rachel handcuffs him to the file cabinet, the play tug-of-war with his pants...Why?...Rachel got him re-handcuffed, which was her goal, so she could just leave. I mean, okay, that happening might put a damper on the rest of the storyline, but, y'know.
  

• I love Penn Jillette for very little reason. He's a perfect Encyclopedia salesman.

• I can see Joey not knowing anything about the Algonquin Round Table, and maybe--maybe constitutionality, but he should totally know what the Noble Prize is.

• "Man, are they a violent igneous rock formation." YES.

• Good episode. I don't have much bad to say about it... most of the action is with Chandler and Rachel, which is good because you can never go wrong with work place bondage.

Oh. My. God.

"Oh, no-no-no, I'm--I'm paddling away!" -Chandler, to Joey, when Joey asks him not to go anywhere.

"Could we be more white trash?" -Chandler, to Joey, while they're sitting on their rusted patio furniture and the chick and duck come in.

"Umm, do you guys have any juice?"

"Just pickle" -Rachel and Joey.

"Okay, don't panic. I'm gonna go to the store, I'm gonna get you another set of nails. No one's gonna know, and you're gonna look great. Oh! Oh, it's cause they're gonna eat--that's the problem." -Phoebe, to Monica, upon learning Monica's lost one of her fingernails.

"When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me." -Chandler, to Joanna, on why he's getting dressed.

"But if you don't come back soon--there's pretty much noting I can do about it!" -Chandler, after Joanna handcuffs him and leaves.

"Hello sweet pants!!" -Chandler, to his pants, after Rachel lets him go.

"Well, this is much better." -Chandler, when Rachel handcuffs him to the file cabinet.

"Where does the Pope live?"

"In the woods!" -The salesman and Joey.

"Spock's birth control." -Joey, telling the salesman what vulcanized rubber is.

"And a fifty! Huh, these must be Chandler's pants." -Joey, finding money in his pants pocket.

"Oh! I'll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning!"

"With extra pulp??"

"Yeah!"

"No!" -Rachel and Chandler, bartering for Chandler's freedom.

"So, if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success. Which would make you..."

"A bitch?" -Monica and Mrs. Geller.

"And speaking of volcanoes, man, are they a violent igneous rock formation." -Joey, showing off his new found knowledge.

"Could there be more Kims?" -Chandler, talking about Korea.