TOW: No One's Ready

Ross: is giving a speech at a museum party to thank people who donated money to the museum. He comes to Monica and Rachel's to make sure everyone is ready to go. No one is. He tries to get everyone to get ready, but generally they don't listen. He scolds Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel for not being ready, but they all ignore him. He keeps giving everyone updates on how much time they have left, until his watch breaks. He finally reaches his breaking point when Rachel comes out to ask about what shoes go with her outfit and it becomes a big thing. He yells at her and she decides she isn't going. To make up for yelling at her, Ross says he'll do anything just as long as she comes to the museum. Ross almost drinks the glass of fat as a way of showing how much he cares for Rachel, but she stops him before he actually drinks any of the fat. They all leave for the party.

Chandler and Joey: start the fat drinking. Joey comes in and thinks the glass of fat in the fridge is cider. Chandler suggests Joey taste it, which he does. Chandler says he'd already tasted it, thinking it was cider, too. Chandler goes to the bathroom, vacating his chair. Joey takes the chair and then won't get up when Chandler comes back. They fight over the chair. During the fight, Joey's eating humus and throws some on Phoebe's dress. Chandler sits on Joey's lap to get him out of the chair, but that doesn't work. Ross sends Chandler to get ready. When Chandler comes back in, he and Joey run for the chair. Joey has to get ready and takes the chair's cushions with him. Joey finds that Chandler's stolen his underwear in retaliation for the cushions. Joey has to get him back and comes over wearing all of Chandler's clothes. And no underwear. Ross is sick of them fighting and not going to get ready and decides that they aren't allowed to come to the party. After Ross almost drinks the fat for Rachel, everything's okay and Chandler and Joey go to the party. Chandler gets in a fight with another guy at the party who takes his seat.

Phoebe: comes to Monica and Rachel's and is the only other person, besides Ross, who's ready. That is until Joey throws humus on her dress. Phoebe has to find something else to wear. She first goes with Monica. She finds a really cute sundress, which she shows to the group, but she can't wear it to the party. She doesn't find anything in Monica's closet, so she goes to Rachel's. She doesn't find anything in there either, but she does find a giant Christmas bow. She puts the bow over the humus spot on her chest. It doesn't look too great, but Ross isn't going to argue about it because she's finally dressed.

Rachel: gets done with her hair and makeup right after Ross comes into the apartment. She spends the rest of the episode trying to figure out what to wear. She brings various outfits out for the people in the living room to look at, but doesn't decide on any of them. She comes out in a blue dress, asking Phoebe which shoes she should wear. Phoebe suggests something different than what Rachel brought out and makes Rachel reconsider her choice. Ross gets upset and yells at Rachel about what to wear, throwing the shoes. Rachel comes out of her room again in her p.j.'s with a box of stationary. She's decided she isn't going and is going to catch up on her correspondence. Ross finally blows up at Chandler and Joey, saying that he doesn't want them to come because the only person he cared about coming, Rachel, isn't. He says he'll do anything to get Rachel to forgive him, hence the drinking of the fat. He's about ready to drink the fat, but Rachel stops him because she sees he was really going to do it. She gets dressed and she and Ross kiss.

Monica: comes in from shopping. Ross hurries her to get ready, but she checks the messages on the answering machine first. One of the messages is from Richard and Monica doesn't know if it's old or new. She decides she has to call him, even though everyone tells her the message is old. She calls him and leaves a message. She goes out to the living room, half dressed, to tell everyone she left a breezy message on Richard's machine. She decides it might not have been that breezy so she calls Richard's machine to listen to her message. The message isn't too good, but what really freaks her out is that there's a message from another woman on Richard's machine. Everyone tries to convince her the message is from Richard's daughter. Monica can't let it go and calls Richard's daughter. She hangs up when Michelle answers, but Michelle has caller ID and calls back. Michelle and Monica end up talking. It comes out what Monica did, with calling Richard's machine. Michelle scolds her, especially when Monica asks Michelle not to tell Richard what happened. Monica wants to call Michelle back, but Ross forbids her and sends her to get ready. Phoebe and Chandler take the phone from Monica's room. Monica comes out all ready, but decides she needs to delete her old message from Richard's machine and leave a new one. She does that, telling Richard the stupid thing she did, only to realize that the message she recorded was the outgoing. She has no idea how to fix it and has to leave it that way.

• This episode and I are running away together, I love it that much. The fat drinking is disgusting, but hilarious and the chair thing--oh the chair thing!--is just the best thing ever. The only part of this episode I'm not big on is Monica calling Richard.
  

• A quick rundown of what everyone ends up wearing:

I heart bow ties.

Monica's dress is my favorite. I'd totally wear that.

This is a great dress. Funny, through all the worrying about what to wear, she never mentioned it. Huh.

Yay, for all the bow ties! Also, this is after Joey comes in wearing all of Chandler's clothes.

We never see Joey ready. But this is better.

• I can't handle the Monica calling Richard thing. I get so embarrassed for her that it makes this episode hard for me to watch. Kinda beside the point, but I always wonder what Richard's reaction is when he hears his outgoing message.
  

• One of Rachel's sisters calls to ask if Rachel had sex with Donnie Mazio when they were in high school. This is only important because it is yet another person Rachel slept with in high school, even though she told Ross she'd only slept with Barry, Paolo, and Chip.

• Hehe, I love the random mention of A.A. Milne, author of Winnie the Pooh. "Get out of my chair, dillhole" does sound like something Rabbit would say.
  

• I find Michelle's "Hola" telephone greeting to be the most pretentious, irritating thing in the world. It's just the way she says it, she sounds so effing superior.
  

• Best. Moment. Ever.

This is one of my absolute all time favorite moment in the series. I mean, generally, the best moment ever denotes something that warms my very soul upon each viewing, but there's something about those stupid cushions that gets me to the very fiber of my being. I adore it. I could watch that clip, like, twelve times a day and it'd still make me giggle.

Oh. My. God.

"Glass of fat?" -Joey, offering said glass to Ross.

"Uh-huh, yeah. Right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey." -Ross, when Joey asks if he's in his speech.

"Oooh, are you gonna do magic?" -Monica, seeing Ross in his tux.

"Look, I don't care. It starts at eight, we can't be late."
"We could not, would not want to wait." -Ross and Phoebe, rhyming.

"You guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?"
"I don't know, you might be the first one." -Rachel and Phoebe, getting ready.

"Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called 'Get up'." -Chandler, to Joey about the chair.

"I'm sooo comfortable."
"Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable." -Chandler and Joey, after Chandler sits on Joey's lap.

"But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's...sitting in a chair!" -Chandler, leaving to get ready.

"Humus. I got the humus." -Phoebe, to Rachel asking what happened to Phoebe's dress.

"What a cool job. 'You have two new messages.' 'Pleas pass the pie'." -Joey, imitating the answering machine recording.

"So in the words of A.A. Milne, 'Get out of my chair, dillhole'!" -Chandler, to Joey.

"The cushions are the essence of the chair!"
"That's right! I'm taking the essence!" -Chandler and Joey, after Joey takes the cushions.

"We used them as pillows when we went camping."
"What?"
"The sheep."
"Hey, what you do on your own time..." -Chandler and Ross, after Rachel asks Chandler for her inflatable sheep back.

"You took his underwear?"
"He took my essence!" -Ross and Chandler, after Chandler takes Joey's underwear.

"Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place." -Chandler, when Monica calls Michelle.

"Y'know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what's that about?" -Chandler, musing about cartoon character pants.

"Look at me, I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing any more clothes?" -Joey, wearing all Chandler's clothes.

"Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight. Um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." -Part of the message Monica leaves as Richard's outgoing message.

"I'm going commando, too." -Rachel, before she and Ross leave.