TOW: the Jam

Joey: dislocates his shoulder jumping on the bed. He's really excited about Monica's jam plan because he loves jam. He ruins an entire vat of jam because he tastes it when it's too hot and spits the bite back into the pot. Monica gives Joey a jar of jam and he takes it to Central Perk where he smothers it on a scone (I think). He keeps spitting on Phoebe when she talks to him about the stalker. Monica brings him the last jar of jam. Joey's sad she's not going through with her jam plan. Joey is one of the sperm donors Monica has information for. He donated sperm after he did the study for NYU. Joey's surprised that the sperm bank still has any of his donation left and he wants to help it get picked more. He's at Monica and Rachel's before Monica goes to the sperm bank. Joey tells her all about the life he saw her having and Monica changes her mind. Joey goes to the sperm bank and learns nobody wants his sperm and he doesn't understand why.

Monica: decides to make jam to help herself get over Richard. Things go well for awhile, but she realizes the jam endeavor won't be profitable. She gives Joey the last jar and tells the gang her new plan. She's going to have a baby. She's wants to go to a sperm bank and doesn't listen to anyone telling her it's a bad idea. Monica gets the information on various sperm donors to pick her choice. While going through the options, she realizes that one is Joey. She finally picks a donor and prepares to go to the sperm bank. She and Joey talk before she leaves and Joey describes to her the man and life he always expected Monica to have. Monica really likes and wants the stuff Joey describes. She decides not to go to the sperm bank.

Chandler: finds Joey after he falls off the bed. He asks Rachel and Ross for advice after an incident with Janice. She asked if she looked fat and even though Chandler said 'no', he still got in trouble. Rachel and Ross tell him what he did wrong and give him more relationship advice. Chandler tells them about his trouble sleeping when Janice wants to cuddle. Rachel says she and Ross cuddle when they sleep and that they can't help him. When Rachel leaves, Ross tells Chandler about the 'hug and roll.' The next time Chandler and Janice go to bed, Chandler tries the hug and roll and ends up rolling Janice off the bed. Janice tells Rachel about the hug and roll. Chandler gets in trouble with Ross for Rachel finding out about the hug and roll.

Ross and Rachel: give Chandler advice about Janice. They tell him what he did wrong in the fat conversation was looking at Janice before he answered. They give him other pointers about how to answer questions like that. Rachel tells Chandler that she and Ross always cuddle when they sleep. She leaves to go to work and Ross quickly tells Chandler that they do not cuddle. Ross demonstrates the hug and roll for Chandler. Rachel learns about the hug and roll when Janice comes into Central Perk with a bandage on her wrist and hand. Rachel's furious with Ross and refuses to speak to him. Ross is mad at Chandler and scolds him for Rachel finding out.

Phoebe: notices a guy following her (David Arquette). She stops and talks to him and learns that he's actually meaning to stalk Ursula. She tells him he needs to get over Ursula and invites him to get coffee with her. She tells the gang about talking to him and that his name is Malcolm and she wants to help him get over Ursula. Everyone thinks it's a bad idea for her to see him, since he's crazy. Phoebe meets Malcolm at Central Perk, where they go through his stalking kit. They kiss. She tells the gang about the kiss and they all think it's a horrible idea. They make Phoebe start to wonder if he's still stalking Ursula. They suggest Phoebe follow Malcolm. Phoebe follows Malcolm around a subway station, but he catches her. He's upset that she doesn't trust him. Ursula walks by and Phoebe breaks up with Malcolm. Even though she doesn't want to date him anymore, she still wants to help him. She offers to let Malcolm stalk her to help get over Ursula. He hangs out on the balcony waiting for her to come back to Monica and Rachel's.

• Joey jumping on the bed and dislocating his shoulder wasn't in the original script. They added it to explain why the character would be in a sling after Matt LeBlanc hurt himself on set.
  

• This episode's alright. I love David Arquette, though. I'm not entirely clear on why, but I think it's because Scream is one of my favorite movies. Also, I think he and Courtney Cox are adorable together.
  

• I love the hug and roll, cuddly sleepers, thing.
  

Not connected in any way with the hug and roll, but Chandler's clothes bother me. I'm opposed to paring khaki's with white shirts.

• Monica wanting to have a baby is really stupid. I mean, wanting to have one isn't, but she's doing it for the wrong reasons. She was on the right track with the jam.
  

• I keep forgetting that Janice had a baby.

I was actually sorta wondering if they decided to forget about Janice's baby. Guess not. But--but what happens to the little guy when she's off with Chandler?

• Joey tells Rachel he doesn't understand why nobody wants his sperm.
  

He looks like this for most of the conversation. Hot.

• Another mention of the hot girl from the copy place. Y'think she might be important later on in the season??
  

Oh. My. God.

"See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed." -Chandler, after Joey falls off the bed.

"Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you could get it wholesale."
"I didn't know there were docks." -Monica and Rachel, about how Monica got all the fruit.

"Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?"
"Because the kids need new shoes." -Joey and Chandler, about their lack of jam.

"I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam." -Monica, on her jam plan.

"So, uh, how do I tell her that without, y'know, accidentally calling her fat or something?"
"Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, cause we're cuddly sleepers." -Chandler and Rachel, about cuddling.

"Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you roll away. Hug for her! Roll for you." -Ross, describing the hug and roll.

"You're pretending the pillow's a girl, right?" -Chandler, after the hug and roll demo.

"Remember when you were a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?"
"You're so pretty." -Joey and Rachel.

"Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked, or--or a big tub of jam?"
"Put your hands together." -Chandler and Joey.

"So, I've got a new plan now. Babies."
"Well, your gonna need much bigger jars." -Monica and Chandler, about her new plan.

"And there--there are places you can go to get that stuff."
"Down at the docks again?" -Monica and Rachel, about where Monica can get sperm.

"Look at all that room on her side. You could fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though." -Chandler, before he tries the hug and roll.

"No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard." -Chandler, when Joey offers him jam.

"Lips moving, still talking." -Monica, snapping at Ross for interrupting her.

"Check it out! Jam crackers!" -Joey, dipping a Graham Cracker in jam.

"Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order." -Chandler, about Malcolm.

"Where you going?"
"To the bank."
"Sperm or regular?" -Joey and Monica.