TOW: all the Jealousy

Ross and Rachel: Rachel gets ready for her first day at work. She's really frantic and worried about what she's going to wear. Ross thinks she'll feel better if he takes her out to lunch, but Rachel says she's already going out with Mark. Ross is jealous again. He goes to Chandler and Joey's, complaining about Rachel's relationship with Mark. Mark is helping Rachel at work when her phone rings. Mark answers and it's Ross. Ross is upset that Mark's answering Rachel's phone. Rachel tells him that she and Mark work together, they're both Joanna's assistants. Rachel makes a mistake and has to hang up, but before she can she hears Ross repeatedly slamming the phone down. Rachel has a ton of gifts from Ross on her desk. Mark comments that Ross obviously wants everyone to know Rachel's unavailable. Rachel acts likes it no big deal, but then a barbershop quartet comes arrives. Ross and Rachel argue about all the gifts. Ross acts like he's just doing it to be nice, but Rachel knows that's not the reason. She's talked to Mark about Ross's behavior. Ross talks to Chandler and Joey in Central Perk and they tell him he needs to chill out about Mark. They think Mark is waiting to hit on Rachel. He wants to become the person Rachel confides in; Chandler and Joey think that Mark will take advantage of any problems Ross and Rachel have and make a move on Rachel. Mark is dating a woman at work. They're kissing in Mark and Rachel's office. Ross overhears Mark talking to his girlfriend and thinks Mark is talking to Rachel. Ross storms in and yells at Mark before he realizes Mark isn't kissing Rachel. Ross tries to play down his actions, but it doesn't work. Rachel and Chandler are at Central Perk talking about a bachelor party that Chandler and Ross attended. Ross comes in and he and Rachel discuss the jealousy and make up. Ross has to leave because he's set up a play date for Ben. The mother of the other little boy is the stripper from the bachelor party. Ross wants Rachel to get jealous, but Rachel pretends it's no big deal. She ends up chasing after Ross admitting her jealousy.

Joey: has an audition for a Broadway musical version of A Tale of Two Cities. He doesn't know that A Tale of Two Cities is a novel by Charles Dickens. Joey does really well at the audition and gets a callback. The director reminds Joey to bring his jazz shoes for the dance audition. Joey's surprised there's dancing, but the director assures Joey that he'll be fine, having such a strong dance background. Chandler and Phoebe look at Joey's resume, where Joey's listed years of intensive dance training. They ask Joey if he can dance at all and Joey says of course he can. He demonstrates some typical white guy dance moves. Chandler and Phoebe are horrified. He goes to the dance audition and when he arrives the director asks him to show the dancers the steps. The choreographer couldn't make it and Joey's the only other person with enough experience. The director runs through the moves with Joey and Joey pretends to get them. The director wants to run through the dance. Everyone does some of Joey's dance moves. The director is horrified and tells Joey to show everyone how it's done. Joey runs away.

Monica: is really attracted to a guy at work, Julio. A co-worker leaves early so that Monica and Julio can have some alone time. Monica and Julio discuss what Julio's reading (some Baudelaire). Julio is also a poet. They discuss his poetry and Julio kisses her. After a date with Julio, Monica comes into Chandler and Joey's to tell them (and Phoebe) how great Julio is. She says that while they were fooling around, Julio stopped to write a poem. She took the poem, which is about an empty vase, and has them read it. Joey's a really slow reader, so she leaves for work without learning what they think of the poem. Phoebe comes over while Monica wraps a vase to give to Julio. Phoebe hugs her. At work that night, Monica confronts Julio about calling her an empty vase. Julio says the poem isn't about her. Monica feels better until Julio says the poem's about all American women. Monica has the barbershop quartet come to the diner and sing about how horrible Julio is.

Chandler: has to help plan a bachelor party for a cousin. He asks Ross to go with him because the cousin doesn't have many friends. Chandler has to hire the stripper. After the party, Chandler plays with one of those pens with a dressed, then naked woman.

Phoebe: is the first to figure out that the empty vase poem is about Monica. She isn't sure if she wants to tell Monica, but she ends up explaining when she sees Monica wrapping the vase.

• More fun jealousy, which I've already discussed. I thought Ross felt better after her talk with Monica? Whatever.
  

• It's just one of the best things ever that Joey doesn't know what A Tale of Two Cities is.
  

• So, Julio...

Is sorta hot, I guess. Monica thinks he's so smart and awesome, but seriously, he's a busboy in a diner. I mean, I know there are really smart, talented people in dead end jobs, but puh-lease. Julio thinks he's just the best thing in the world ever. But no.

• I'm all for getting gifts from your significant other at work.
  

But this is pushing it just a little. I sorta want that stuffed bug, though.

• Endless fun with a barbershop quartet.

Barbershop quartets always make me think of The Music Man. Anyway, a selection of their songs:
For Rachel: "Congratulations on your first week at your brand new job! It won't be long before your the boss. And you know who will be there to support you? Your one and only boyfriend (It's nice to have a boyfriend) Your loyal, loving boyfriend Ross...Ross!"

For Julio: "Mister Pretension, you think there's no one finger, well your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner. You're no God's gift to women, that's all in your head. You are just a butt-munch (No one like's a butt-munch) And you're also bad in bed."
The Julio one is my favorite.

• Chandler is so amused by the pen he gets at the bachelor party. It's one of those that has a woman dressed in business clothes, but when you click it she's naked. And Chandler thinks his cousin's a geek.

• Joey dances.
  

Gah, I hate when people disable the embedding feature on youtube. Click for more Joey dancing fun!

Oh. My. God.

"Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as you're wearing that towel dress." -Chandler, responding to Rachel's question about her shoes.

"Y'know, botanists are such geeks."
"Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie?" -Ross and Chandler, about Chandler's botanist cousin.

"It must take you forever to find your keys." -Chandler, when Phoebe comes in with several purses.

"Well, if the magician can open my beer with his butt cheeks, then all right." -Chandler, after Phoebe suggests they get a magician instead of a stripper for the bachelor party.

"Well, it didn't rhyme, but I liked it." -Monica, after Julio kisses her.

"Three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!" -Chandler, reading Joey's dance background off his resume

"Well sure, you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?" -Joey, learning the stripper's name is Crystal Chandelier.

"It's from Ross. It's a love bug." -Rachel, showing Mark a stuffed lady bug.

"Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean, you might as well have just come in and peed all around my desk!" -Rachel, yelling at Ross after all the gifts and barbershop quartet.

"Well, why don't you send her a musical bug? Oh, no you already did that." -Chandler, giving Ross advice on the Mark issue.

"It's, uh, step-ity, step and jazz hands." -Joey, trying to do the dance steps at the audition.

"Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you pick me up some porn?" -Chandler, playing with his naked lady pen.

"Yeah. Either that or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper." -Chandler, after Rachel kisses Ross before he gets Ben for the play date.