TOW: Phoebe's Husband

Phoebe: is married to a gay, ice dancer, named Duncan (Steve Zahn). Duncan comes into town, wanting to meet up with Phoebe. Phoebe was in love with Duncan, even though she knew he was gay. They got married because Duncan, who's Canadian, needed a green card. Phoebe visits Duncan after his show, he's in the Ice Capades, and Duncan asks for a divorce. Duncan has recently realized he's straight and has fallen in love with a woman. Phoebe is horrified, especially since she was in love with him. She asks if they'd be together if he'd realized he was straight when she was around, but decides she doesn't want an answer. She signs the divorce papers, they kiss, and she goes on her way, but not before asking about Duncan's definitely straight brother.

Rachel: talks to her mom on the phone. Her mom is worried about crime in the city, but Rachel assures her she's okay. During the conversation, a pigeon flies into the open kitchen window, freaking Rachel out. She catches the pigeon in a pot, but lets it go again when Duncan comes by for Phoebe and says he's Phoebe's husband. Rachel is anguishing over Ross and Julie, despite being encouraged by Monica to get over him. She attempts to stop Ross from having sex with Julie for the first time. First, she tells him that girls like not having sex better, that waiting is sexy. Then, after Ross decides to go through with it, she tries to keep the gang at Ross's apartment for as long as possible. She hopes that by the time they leave, Ross and Julie will be too tired for sex. Her plan doesn't work. She tries to psych Ross out and it works until he says he's really happy. Rachel encourages him to go for it, while simultaneously attempting to seduce him. It doesn't work.

Ross: asks Rachel how long she'd been in a relationship before having sex. It comes out that Ross hasn't had sex with Julie yet. He's sort of afraid to have sex with her because of the whole, 'Carol being a lesbian' thing. He considers Rachel's position, that women like waiting, but decides to go with Joey's advice, which is to get over it and have sex with Julie. He and Julie make dinner for Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler. They all stay up really late while Rachel interrogates Julie about herself, starting with her childhood. Despite the late hour, Ross tells Rachel he's still going through with it. Rachel describes the way she'd want Ross to approach her if they were about to have sex. Rachel and Ross get really close, seeming to have a moment, but when Rachel finishes speaking, Ross hurries into his apartment to be with Julie. The next morning, Ross struts down the street to 'Singin' in the Rain.'

Monica: gets upset when she hears that Phoebe married Duncan. She knew that Phoebe was in love with him and that he was gay. She's also upset that Phoebe never told her about the marriage because she tells Phoebe everything. During this who-tells-who-everything argument, it's revealed that Monica's underwear are hanging from the light post by the apartment building. This resulted from Monica having sex with Fun Bobby on the balcony. The only person Monica told that story was Chandler, but he told Phoebe. To get back at Chandler, Monica tells the group that Chandler has a third nipple. She thinks Rachel needs to get over Ross.

Chandler: has a third nipple! He calls it his nubbin. He'd only told Monica and Joey about the existence of the nubbin. Everyone else want to see it and they tease him. To take the attention off himself, he tells that Joey was in a porn. It doesn't work, they all just want to know about his third nipple. He brings Joey's porn to the dinner at Ross and Julie's. He gets roped into staying and listening to Rachel interrogate Julie.

Joey: did a porn. He was the lead, but got cold feet. They let him be a repairman who comes in to fix a copy machine, but can't because people are having sex on it. He doesn't mind that Chandler rents it and they watch it.

• Rachel and the pigeon make me giggle.
  

It's so great that the newspaper was already nicely laid out on the table.

• Phoebe having a secret husband is totally plausible. She's the only one who is mysterious and off-beat enough. You hear Phoebe's married to a gay, ice dancer-- it makes sense.

Is it just me, or is there nothing better than Steve Zahn dressed as a sparkly matador? I'm a wee bit concerned about Phoebe's Stepfordian look, but am also quite a fan of that dress.

• I'm never really sure how to spell Ice Capade. It seems like one word, like 'icecapade,' or maybe a hyphenate, 'ice-capade'. What's also remarkable is how many times the Ice Capades have been mentioned so far in the series.
  

• I think it's absolutely hilarious that Duncan was peer-pressured into gayness. The idea of a closeted straight man just cracks me up because it's always the other way around.It's nice to see the gay husband thing turned on its head.

• I'm sorta confused why Carol being a lesbian makes Ross nervous about having sex with Julie...Is it because he thinks he'll make Julie a lesbian? Or does he just not want to make himself vulnerable to getting hurt? The latter I understand, but the former...not so much.
  

• I've seen this season several times, but seriously,

KISS ALREADY!

• I can't get 'Singin' in the Rain' out of my head. Thanks, Ross.

Oh. My. God.


"Hey, how--how did you do that?" -Duncan, after Rachel let's the pigeon out of the pot.

"You bitch." -Chandler, to Monica after she tells about his third nipple.

"Oh as--as opposed to your other mutli-functional nipples?" -Rachel, about Chandler's nubbin.

"So, what's it shaped like?"
"Yeah, is there a hair on it?"
"What happens if you flick it?" -Ross, Phoebe, and Joey, about the nubbin.

"Why yes, Ross. Pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia." -Chandler.

"The Ice Capades?"
"No, no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast, but when Snoopy falls...funny."
-Joey and Chandler, learning that Duncan is in the Ice Capades.

"Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright." -Chandler, walking in on Julie and Ross kissing.

"Looks to me like he's the one getting the job." -Ross, watching Joey's porn.

"You know, that's bad for the paper tray." -Joey's line in the porn.