TOW: the Baby on the Bus

Ross and Monica: Ross has Ben over at Monica's. Every time Monica is near Ben, he cries. Monica makes kiwi lime pie, but Ross thinks it's key lime pie. Ross is allergic to kiwi and begins having a reaction. Monica has to rush Ross to the hospital and Ross leaves Joey and Chandler in charge of Ben. Ross is afraid of needles and makes Monica ask the doctor if instead of a shot, the medicine could be administered orally. It has to be the shot, so Monica allows Ross to squeeze her hand. Ross squeezes so hard he nearly breaks Monica's hand and she has to have x-rays. When they return to Monica's apartment, she and Ross reminisce about all the times they hurt one another when they were children. Monica learns that Ross cut the legs off her Malibu Ken. Ross says he only did it because the legs were infected and Ken was going to die.

Chandler and Joey: were planning to play basketball before a) Monica threw the ball out the window and b) Ross had the allergic reaction and they agree to watch Ben. They decide to take Ben out for a walk; Joey thinks it'll be a good way to pick up chicks (oddly like pick up sticks). The first woman they meet, played by Lea Thompson, thinks that they're a gay couple who've adopted a child. Deciding the walk was a bust, Chandler hails a taxi just as Joey sees some girls getting on a bus. They abandon the taxi and get on the bus, beginning a conversation with the women. Chandler and Joey get off with the women at their stop, forgetting Ben. They call the transit authority and are told to come pick up their baby. When they arrive, there are two babies and they don't know which is Ben. They pick one and bring him home. They're worried they chose the wrong baby because Ben doesn't cry when Monica first picks him up. Ben finally cries and they think they're home free until Ross changes Ben's diaper. The diaper is has a stamp on it that reads, "Property of Human Services." Ross chases them out of Monica's apartment.

Phoebe and Rachel: Phoebe is preparing to play at Central Perk; she wrote a new song and plays it for Rachel. Terry, Rachel's boss, calls her over and informs her that Phoebe can't play as planned. Instead, he's hired a professional musician. He makes Rachel tell Phoebe she can't play. Phoebe's upset, so Rachel talks Terry into allowing Phoebe to go on after the pro. Phoebe is excited until she learns she isn't being paid. Phoebe sets up outside Central Perk and plays in protest. Stephanie (Chrissie Hynde, from the Pretenders) is the pro and Phoebe challenges her on her knowledge of the chords. Stephanie knows all the chords, but doesn't have a guitar strap, so Phoebe feels superior. Stephanie is a hit at Central Perk. While Stephanie plays 'Angle of the Morning,' Rachel goes out to see Phoebe and brings her a cup of coffee. Phoebe doesn't enjoy playing for money and decides to play for herself. Phoebe teaches Stephanie 'Smelly Cat.'

• Chandler and Joey use their basketball as a Ben stand-in to make fun of Monica. Joey cries every time Chandler holds the ball close to him...which is why Monica throws it out the window.

• The dreaded Terry is in this episode. Ugh, I hate that man. And not just because he won't let Phoebe play. His voice makes my ears want to shrivel up and die.

• Look! It's Chrissie Hynde!

I always forget she's in this episode and then get really excited...but I'm not entirely sure why I care so much...

• Frank Jr. is here! Only...he's not Frank Jr. He's just some guy who tosses a condom in Phoebe's guitar case and then comes back for it. But still, it's Giovanni Ribisi. He must've run back for the condom really well to get a recurring role.
  

I also really like Phoebe's jacket. It's so--shiny.

• This is the first time Phoebe plays 'Smelly Cat.' Yay!
  

Oh. My. God.

"Is your tongue swelling up?"
"Either that or my mouth is getting smaller." -Monica and Ross, after Ross eats the kiwi.

"And Tegrin spelled backwards is 'Nirget'." -Phoebe's song she wrote in the shower.

"You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?" -Chandler, taking Ben for a walk.

"My--my name is written out in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk." -Phoebe, learning Terry hired a professional to play at Central Perk.

"Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it in my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun." -Ross, showing his fear of needles.

"That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out." -Chandler, after all the women they meet on their walk think he and Joey are gay.

"No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff." -Joey, to the women on the bus.

"We live in the building by the, uh, sidewalk."
"You know it?" -Joey and Chandler, to the women on the bus.

"Hey! Hey! I got my S's back!" -Ross, after the swelling goes down.

"Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because ducks have heads."
"What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?" -Joey and Chandler, trying to flip a coin to decide which baby is Ben.

"Stay back, I've got kiwi! Run, Joey, run!" -Chandler, as he and Joey run from Ross.