TOW: Dr. Ramoray Dies

Joey: starts the episode out by telling everyone what's going to happen next to his character on Days of Our Lives. He does an interview with Soap Opera Digest where he says that he writes many of his own lines. Phoebe asks him if saying that will upset the writers, but Joey decides the writers wouldn't care. He's wrong. In the next script, Dr. Drake Ramoray is killed off. Joey is understandably upset. After his character falls down an elevator shaft, Joey refuses to let his friends into his apartment. When he finally lets them in, he's pretty much inconsolable.

Chandler: doesn't know what to do with Eddie. They don't spend much time together; Phoebe arranges it so they have to hang out and get to know each other. Things go well until Eddie starts talking about his ex, Tilly. Eddie gets really intense and kinda freaks Chandler out. Chandler's by himself the next day when Tilly comes by. She's dropping off Eddie's fish tank. Eddie comes home while Tilly is still there and decides that Chandler had sex with her and killed his fish. Eddie freaks out and won't listen when Chandler defends himself. Chandler comes home and Eddie's made cookies. Chandler takes one, but doesn't eat it. Eddie says that he got them a fish and named it Chandler. The fish is actually a goldfish cracker.

Monica: tells Richard how many men she's slept with. She's forced to do it when Phoebe makes a comment about Richard being her favorite of all of Monica's men. Monica makes a big deal about not wanting to tell Richard, which makes Richard think the number is astronomical. Richard, on the other hand, has only been with two people. Monica finally tells him, but the number isn't that high and he's relieved. They say 'I love you,' and plan to have sex. Monica runs to the bathroom to get a condom. She and Rachel fight over the last condom. Monica losses the fight.

Ross and Rachel: have the same discussion as Monica and Richard, only it doesn't go so well for them. Neither Rachel nor Ross have been with many people, but Ross is still jealous of the passion Rachel had with Paolo. Ross gets upset and Rachel has to convince him that he's the best she's ever had because of the intimacy of their relationship. Ross decides their going to have incredibly passionate sex. Rachel goes to get a condom and encounters Monica. They bargain over it before deciding to play a game of rock-paper-scissors. Rachel wins. Ross and Richard have an awkward conversation about Richard's mustache and Vietnam movies while Rachel and Monica fight. And the end of the episode, Richard and Ross meet at the bathroom in the hunt for condoms. They are both wearing their girlfriend's bathrobes.

Phoebe: decides that Chandler and Eddie need to get to know each other. She asks Eddie to hang out with her and Chandler, then she bails. Trying to do something nice for Monica, she unwittingly starts the 'how many people have you been with' conversation.

• I don't know what the right spelling for Ramoray is. I'm just going to start making it up. The spelling changes from Ramoray to Remore to Ramore, and I give up.
  

• I already talked about my strange love for Eddie, but this episode is the one that solidified that love. It's the freaking goldfish cracker in the fish tank. I don't know why that's so amazing, but it is. My friends and I used to talk about getting a small fish bowl, just so we could put a goldfish cracker in it. And name it Chandler.

The most horrifying thing about this picture is the gigantic canister of Crisco.

• I gotta say...the small number of men Rachel's been with makes no sense. According to this episode, she'd only had sex with two guys in high school, but what about the kid's dad she slept with?
  

• I think it's interesting that Ross and Richard have both only been with two women.

• There's some great awkward moments between Ross and Richard. In Ross's defense, you know you've been wondering how Richard gets his mustache so nice. (He has a little comb. Called a mustache comb. Who would've thought?)

Tom Selleck in that tiny pink bathrobe makes my life.

• Ross and Richard have a disagreement about people named John in Vietnam movies...Richard is right; John Savage is in Deerhunter and Jon Voight is in Coming Home. I had to look all that up because I had no idea what they were talking about. My knowledge of Vietnam movies rivals my knowledge of mustache maintenance.
  

• Dr. Ramoray falls down an elevator shaft. That sucks.

Oh. My. God.

"No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human rights violation." -Phoebe, on why she won't play Foosball.

"Oh noo, I have to go because I'm late for my um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um, tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train." -Phoebe, excusing herself from hanging out with Chandler and Eddie.

"She actually thought that Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia." -Chandler, telling a story about a girl he used to date.

"I don't know, I don't have my jammies."
"Well, maybe you won't need 'em."
"My baby sister, ladies and gentlemen." -Richard, Monica and Ross, making plans for the evening.

"Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul." -Chandler, meeting Eddie's ex, Tilly.

"Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark." -Monica, unwilling to say how many men she's slept with.

"All it really was was just, y'know, meaningless animal sex." -Rachel, talking about Paolo.

"Oh, this is--this is unbelievable. I mean, first you sleep with my ex-girlfriend, then you insult my intelligence by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?" -Eddie, on why he's angry with Chandler.

"Oh my God, am I an oat?" -Monica, worrying that Richard is sowing his wild oats with her.

"Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paolo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes." -Ross, reacting to Rachel's animal sex comment.

"Animal sex!? Animal sex!? So what you're saying, I mean, you're saying that like, there's nothing between us animal at all. I mean there's not even like, uhm, a little animal, not even--not even like, like chipmunk sex?" -Ross, still upset about Paolo.

"Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand..." -Richard, after learning he and Monica won't be having sex.

"So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes." -Chandler, on his latest problem with Eddie.

"Because sometimes, Phoebe, after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish." -Chandler, telling Phoebe why he'd kill Eddie's fish.

"Nah, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could've saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin'." Joey- on the death of Dr. Drake Ramoray.

"What're these, raisins?"
"Uh, sure, why not." -Chandler and Eddie, after Eddie gives Chandler a cookie.

"Well, that's not even a real fish. No, that's a goldfish cracker." -Chandler, meeting Eddie's new fish.

"Ok, good night. You big freak of nature." -Chandler, going to bed.