TOW: the List

Ross and Rachel: Rachel tells Monica and Phoebe about her kiss with Ross. Ross tells Chandler and Joey. Everyone is excited about the kiss, but Ross is confused and upset. He's still with Julie and still cares for her, but he also cares about and wants to be with Rachel. Rachel thinks he's going to choose Julie. Chandler and Joey convince Ross to make a pro/con list on Chandler's new laptop. Julie's con is that she's not Rachel. Ross breaks up with Julie. Rachel comes over to Chandler and Joey's, where Ross is, and learns of the break up. Ross and Rachel decide to take a walk for a little privacy. Rachel ends up seeing the pro/con list. It hurts her feelings and she storms out. She refuses to speak to Ross. Ross climbs the fire escape when Rachel won't let him in the apartment. He wants to read her her pro list, but she refuses to listen to it all. She's upset because Ross's con list was everything she didn't like about herself and Ross listed them as reasons not to be with her. He calls a radio station and dedicates U2's 'With or Without You' to her. Rachel calls the station and tells them what Ross did and they refuse to keep playing his song.

Chandler and Joey: Chandler gets a laptop, which he's really excited about. It's his idea to make the Julie and Rachel pro/con list. He wants to do it on his computer so they can make perfect columns, and use different fonts and colors. He and Joey try to help Ross make a decision. Chandler tries to print out the list, but his printer won't work. He and Joey comfort Ross after his break up with Julie. When Rachel comes in to their apartment, Joey tells her of the break up. Ross goes to get Rachel's coat and while he's gone, Rachel see's her name on Chandler's computer screen. The printer also starts working. She wants to see why Chandler wrote her name, but he and Joey refuse to show her. When Ross comes back, he refuses, too. They tell her it's a short story Chandler's writing. Chandler 'reads' it to her. She snatches the print out from him and reads the list. At Central Perk the next day Joey tells Monica and Phoebe the list was Chandler's idea, getting him in trouble.

Monica: can't find a job. She has an interview with a Mr. Rastatter (Michael McKean). His company's made a chocolate substitute, 'mockolate,' which is disgusting. He hires Monica to make Thanksgiving themed mockolate dishes. Monica looks for and cooks up various mockolate dishes. Phoebe and Rachel try them and think they're gross. Monica brings in a tray of mockolate items for Mr. Rastatter to taste. He informs Monica that the FDA approval of mockolate didn't go through. At the end of the episode, Mr. Rastatter calls Monica back in and wants her to make some dishes using 'fishtachios'.

Phoebe: is excited for and comforts Rachel. She taste tests one of the mockolate dishes for Monica. She also plays a song at Central Perk the day after Ross and Rachel's kiss. The song is about a love triangle and Julie just happens to be there with Ross. It's really awkward.

• Chandler's computer makes me cackle with glee.

Now, that's a relic if I ever saw one. It has 12 megabytes of ram and a 500 megabyte hard drive. No way!

• Michael McKean, or whatever, the guy that plays Mr. Rastatter (what the hell kind of name is that?), creeps me out. I have no earthly idea why, but he just seems kinda evil.

• I think we can all agree that the pro/con list probably wasn't the brightest idea Chandler's ever had. Also, misspelling 'Rachel.' That's not so good.

• Rachel's con list: kind of ditzy, too into her looks, spoiled, just a waitress, and chubby ankles.

• I'm confused as to how chubby ankles can be a con. Why does Ross care? It's not like that trait is a deal breaker.

• Whenever I hear 'With or Without You' I think of Ross and Rachel. I love that the DJ cuts the song off when she learns what Ross did. Ha.
  

• Ah, moodily starring out the window as it rains...
  

...sooo cliche, yet so wonderful. Have I mentioned that I'm a sucker for sap?
Rachel's head looks like it's in a thought-bubble, or something.

• Let's, for just a second, ponder the possible existence of 'fishtachios.' Gross. Even the name makes me shudder.

Oh. My. God.

"Tongue?"
"Yeah."
"Cool." -Joey and Ross, about Ross and Rachel's kiss.

"How'd you make out last night?" -Phoebe to Ross, after his kiss with Rachel.

"You got all that from saline solution?" -Joey, about Ross's confusion over Julie and Rachel.

"Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call...Loolie?" -Phoebe's song about the love triangle.

"Ok, how about pilgrim Mockolate mousse?"
"What makes it pilgrim?"
"We'll put buckles on it." -Monica and Phoebe, searching for recipes to use mockolate with.

"Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh no, two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!" -Chandler, teasing Ross about being so upset.

"Ross, listen. I got two words for you. Threesome." -Joey, trying to help Ross.

"This is what evil must taste like!" -Phoebe, after eating some mockolate.

"It's always been you, Rach." -Ross, telling Rachel he broke up with Julie.

"It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end." -Chandler's 'story.'

"That's it!? That's all you wrote!? You're the worst writer in the whole world!!" -Ross, responding to Chandler's story.

"Now, that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type 'little', the idiot." -Ross, trying to make the con list seem better.

"She's not 'rachem.' What the hell's a Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress?" -Rachel, reading Julie's con list.

"You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency." -Monica, after Chandler realizes he could've told Rachel she saw his diary.

"Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list." -Rachel, fighting with Ross.

"Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down." -Rachel, when Ross calls.