TOW: the Yeti

Monica and Rachel: go down to the apartment building's storage room. Rachel wants waffles, and Monica's waffle iron is down there. It's really creepy, crowded, and dark in the storage room; both of them are a little freaked out. Monica finds the waffle iron under a can of bug bomb. They grab the waffle iron, turn to leave, and are cornered by a shaggy-haired, ax wielding, beast. They spray him with the bug bomb, and run away. They go to Central Perk to tell the others what happened, and end up saying that their attacker was like a yeti or bigfoot, because of all his hair. Joey wants to know more about the so-called yeti, so Monica and Rachel describe what he looked like. Joey tells them that their yeti was actually Danny, a guy who just moved into the building after being out on a four month nature adventure; he's actually a very nice guy. Monica and Rachel go to Danny's apartment to apologize for fogging him with bug spray. Rachel knocks, Danny (George Newbern) answers, she apologizes, and he's very abrupt. They do this several times, with Monica and Rachel becoming more agitated each time. Neither of them understand why he's being rude about their apology. Another day, Rachel's getting the mail at the apartment, and notices a really attractive guy. They smile and greet one another before Rachel realizes that it's Danny sans long, shaggy hair. She apologizes again for the fogging incident, and explains it's because he looked scary. He accepts her apology, saying he knows that some people are all about looks. Rachel's offended by this, and starts correcting him because he really knows nothing about her. He's abrupt, walking off to his apartment. Rachel follows him, still yelling. He invites her out for pizza, and she agrees, albeit a little confusedly. Rachel goes home after the pizza to find everyone, including Ross, over. She tells them all about her date with the yeti, then declines their offer to hang out. She doesn't want to get Ross in trouble by spending time with him. Ross and Joey beg her to stick around, and she agrees. So, of course, Emily calls.

Joey, Ross, and Chandler: Joey walks in on Chandler and Monica making out in his apartment. He scolds them because if he's going to pretend nothing's going on, they need to act like there's nothing to know. He chases them out of the apartment by telling them he can still hear them kiss, even once he's gone into his room. Ross hands out fliers in Central Perk; he's getting rid of all of his stuff. Monica asks him about what's going on, and he explains that Emily wants them to start their lives over with all new stuff. Everyone knows that it's because Emily wants to get rid of everything associated with Rachel. Joey's not dealing well with the situation between Ross, Rachel, and Emily. He hates that every thing's changing with the group. Joey's certain that once Emily gets to New York, Ross won't be hanging out with them anymore because of Rachel. Monica makes Joey promise not to say anything to Ross, because they want him to be happy and for things to work out with Emily. Joey promises, but not happily. Another day in Central Perk, Ross gets off the phone with Emily, and tells everyone that they're getting a new apartment. It's pretty far away from where the group congregates, and Joey freaks out, but is able to tone it down. Ross is trying to be okay with the move, even if it is far from the museum. Once Ross leaves, Joey complains a lot about the move. Everyone besides Rachel helps Ross move. Joey and Ross end up alone, and Ross starts reminiscing about all the good times he had in his apartment; he doesn't really want to move. Since Ross isn't happy about moving, Joey decides to speak his mind. Joey tells Ross that Emily isn't being fair to him. The others come back up, and Phoebe makes Joey stop talking. He defends himself because he only spoke up when Ross indicated he was unhappy. Ross really has no clue what's going on, and asks the others to explain. Joey's a little extreme about their feelings for Emily, so Monica and Chandler step in. They just feel that Emily's making Ross make a lot of sacrifices, and that Ross isn't getting much in return. Ross yells at them, because they're immature and not married, so they don't know what it takes to make a marriage work. The others go to Central Perk to mope. Joey says that what happened with Ross feels like his fault. Chandler tells him it is his fault, and Joey's quick to remind him that it's hard to keep all this secret stuff to himself. Chandler's suddenly very understanding of why Joey spoke up. They end up going back to Ross's to apologize. He's still pretty pissed at them, but they're able to patch things up. Monica invites him over to her place for dinner; she's planning on making his favorite meal. At dinner, Joey apologizes some more about what he said; going on about how he's an actor with a lot going on and is really emotional. Ross and Joey convince Rachel to hang out with them for dinner. They eat, see Ugly Naked Guy, and Monica mentions how it's the last time they all might be together. The phone rings, it's Emily calling for Ross. Ross has everyone say 'hi,' and puts Emily on speaker phone. Emily asks who she's talking to, and Joey says it definitely isn't Rachel. Emily's a bitch, saying that Ross should know better than to spend time with Rachel. Everyone gets upset and awkward; Rachel heads toward her room. Ross tells Emily that Rachel's with them, and Emily's super pissed. Ross goes out onto the balcony to talk to her. Emily's sure Ross can't stay away from Rachel, but before Ross can explain, Joey picks up the phone and tries to make a call. Once that's straightened out, Ross tells Emily he's doing a lot to make her happy, all he wants now his for her to get to New York. She agrees that'd be for the best, thinking that she'll feel better when she can always know what he's doing. Ross tells her there's no way she can know that, and says without trust they can't have a marriage. Emily tells Ross she can't trust him. Inside, Joey's explaining to everyone why he thinks the phone call's going well. He thinks Ross's smiling, and Joey demonstrates how you can tell facial expressions when someone's back is toward you. Ross hangs up, goes inside, and tells the others his marriage is over. Phoebe covers him with her fur coat. Rachel asks what they can do for him. Ross responds by asking them to get his furniture from Gunther.

Phoebe: gets a big box from Phoebe Two. It's a family heirloom, something Phoebe's grandma owned. Phoebe's really excited about what it could be, ripping the box open to find out. She pulls out a big fur coat, which she throws at Joey out of surprise. Joey really likes it, but Phoebe's freaking out because she doesn't wear fur. Phoebe isn't sure what to do with the coat, and really can't belive her mom gave it to her. Joey thinks the coat is awesome, and puts it on. Chandler makes fun of him. She's go to Monica and Rachel's, finally having some idea about what to do with the coat. She's got a friend who owns a crematory, who will cremate it for free. Rachel sees the coat for the first time during this conversation, and thinks it's awesome. She's horrified about Phoebe wanting to cremate it. Phoebe takes the coat from Rachel, putting it on to make a point about how horrible and selfish it is to wear fur. While wearing the coat, Phoebe realizes how warm and comfortable it is. She has to explain to everyone why she's started wearing fur. She defends her choice by saying that minks are mean. Monica asks if that means they deserve to die. Phoebe tells them it's the warmest, most comfortable thing she's ever worn. Phoebe goes to a newsstand wearing the coat, and thinks a squirrel is criticizing her for wearing fur. She can't handle it anymore, and gives the coat up.

• Uh-oh, Phoebe's got a fur coat!

I don't get why it's such a big deal. She doesn't have to wear it; she could just hang it in her closet, keeping it for sentimental, heirloom value.

• Gunther tells Ross he can't put up his flier about all the stuff he's selling. Other people are allowed to put up fliers, just not Ross.

• But then Gunther takes all the stuff Ross's selling anyway, because Rachel used it, touched it, or otherwise interacted with it.

Gunther's, like, a few steps away from being a serial killer.

• I've always enjoyed that Joey's the one who gets so upset about what's happening with the group because of Emily. It gives him a nice emotional depth.

• Uh, why does Monica keep her waffle iron in the storage room?

• The yeti!!!!!! Run for your lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• I find it admirable that Monica and Rachel immediately go up to apologize to Danny for bug bombing him. If it were me, I'd probably be too embarrassed to ever face him again.

• I don't get Rachel wearing all these outfits with flower embroidery.

This would be sooo cute without the flowers!

• His dismissiveness, though? Not endearing.

• Okay, my biggest issue with fur coats? I mean, I'm not big on senselessly killing animals for a coat, but gah, are they ugly. I will always see them as matted, smelly, pelts of grossness.

Case in point: Victoria from Twlight

So dirty.

• I'm glad Joey speaks up. Someone needed to. Emily's totally unreasonable, and Ross is so focused on making everything right, that he can't see it. No, the others aren't married, but they're able to see what Ross ignores.

• Danny's pretty cute without his mountain man look.
  

But, seriously, dude, if somebody comes at me in the dark, with an ax, I'd bug bomb him, too.

• I swear I once had a scrunchie made of this material.

• Aw, Ugly Naked Guy's back! I, uh, didn't even realize he'd gone anywhere.

• Emily, I'm going to give you a little pointer, people don't like it when you bitch about one of their friends. It's awkward. And won't make you any more popular. As a matter of fact, everyone will hate and resent you.

• Way to go Ross, speaking up for Rachel!

• I don't understand how Emily could go from the cool British chick of season four, to the heinous bitch of season five. I understand that she's threatened by Rachel and the relationship she had with Ross, but Ross never behaves inappropriately with Rachel. Ross makes a lot of sacrifices for Emily, but Emily's not interested in doing much for him. Like maybe getting the fact that Rachel's one of Ross's best friends, and it's not easy to let someone like that go.

• Uh, I think you can tell facial expressions when someone's back is turned. When someone smiles their ears move up.

I'd like to quickly point out how enormous Ross's hair is.

• I feel bad for Ross. He tries so hard to make it work. He deserves better than Emily.

The Magna Doodle says:

WHY?

Oh. My. God.

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman!" Joey, after Chandler asks him about an audition.

"Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!"

"Yeah, just some nine year old Filipino kids, who worked their fingers bloody for twelve cents an hour." -Phoebe and Chandler, after Phoebe gets her fur coat.

"So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale."

"Touched. Used. Sat on. Slept on." -Monica and Ross, on why Emily's making him sell his stuff.

"Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Sylvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green." -Phoebe, to Ross, about how bad Emily could be to him.

"What, Emily thinks Ross's furniture has Rachel cooties?" -Joey, expressing his disgust with Emily.

"Yeah, I know, we're losing Ross. Joey said 'hence'." -Chandler, about all the changes going on in their lives.

"Oh, here it is! Right underneath the can of--of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?" -Monica, finding her waffle iron.

"Oh my God!! Fog him! Fog him!" -Monica, when they're faced with the yeti.

"You're on in five, Ms. Minnelli." -Chandler, to Joey, when he puts on Phoebe's coat.

"Now, that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum." -Chandler, to Ross, after Ross says his new work commute will give him the gift of time.

"Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab, and I fogged his yeti ass!" -Rachel, about the yeti encounter.

"He's nice! Y'know, you always stick up for the people we fog!" -Monica, to Joey, after Joey explains about Danny.

"Crematorium Chris? Sure!" -Monica, to Phoebe, about Phoebe's crematory owning friend.

"If you destroy a coat like this, that is like a crime against nature! Not nature. Fashion!" -Rachel, to Phoebe, on why she can't cremate the coat.

"Okay, what is in here? Rocks?"

"No--no, this is my collection of fossil samples."

"So, rocks." -Chandler and Ross, when they're helping Ross move.

"We all hate Emily." -Joey, to Ross.

"I think he's right. You guys hand out at the coffeehouse way too much." -Phoebe, after Ross says that life isn't about hanging out at Central Perk all the time.

"Pheebs, are you wearing fur?"

"Okay, let's get some perspective people! It's not like I'm wearing a seeing-eye dog coat!" -Ross and Phoebe, when everyone goes over to Ross's to apologize.

"That yeti is one smooth talker." -Rachel, on how she ended up having pizza with Danny.

"I just realized this might be the last time we'll all be hanging out together."

"It's almost as if he knew." -Monica and Joey, when they see Ugly Naked Guy.

"Well, uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here, and that's Rachel!"

"Well, I should hope not. Ross knows better than that by now." -Joey and Emily. Bitch.