TOW: Ross's sandwich

Ross: meets the group in Central Perk after work. He's very sad, because someone ate his special Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. The others don't really understand what the big deal is, and Ross explains that everything in his life sucked, except that sandwich, and someone else ate it. Monica has enough leftovers to make one sandwich, and she offers to make it for Ross, who gratefully accepts. Even though he's getting another sandwich, he still can't comprehend why someone ate the first one; he left a note and everything! The note, though, was a feeble knock-knock joke. Phoebe tells him that she learned how to protect her food when living on the streets; the trick is to be tough. She writes a new note for Ross, which makes everyone thinks she's a bad ass. Ross puts the note on his sandwich, and it has the desired result, only better! Now people are scared of Ross, calling him mental, and doing whatever he asks without question. Instead of being concerned that he's giving people the wrong idea, Ross is delighted. He likes his new nickname (Mental Geller), and the power he now has over his co-workers. At work, Ross's boss, Donald, comes over to have a little talk. Donald's heard some interesting stories about Ross, his new nickname, and that he won't do his work on time, expecting others to conform to his wishes. Donald thinks Ross needs to see a psychiatrist. Ross laughs, starting to explain about the stealing of his sandwich. He explains that the sandwich is super special because of what he calls 'the moist maker.' The moist maker is a slice of gravy soaked bread that Monica puts in the middle of the turkey sandwich. After this explanation, Donald confesses to having eaten Ross's sandwich. Ross is understandable upset, but absolutely loses it upon learning that Donald threw most of the sandwich away. Ross wanders into Central Perk with a giant stick of pink cotton candy. He doesn't say anything to Monica and Chandler, until they ask him what's going on. He explains that the psychiatrist at work give him a tranquilizer for his rage. He had to take it when he freaked out upon learning he had to take a leave of absence. Now, he doesn't really care that he's not working for awhile.

Monica, Chandler, and Joey: It all starts when Phoebe realizes she's sitting on something uncomfortable on Monica and Rachel's couch. What she pulls out is a pair of men's briefs. Everyone's disgusted, and Rachel take the underwear from Phoebe with some sort of kitchen instrument. None of the guys will fess up, but it's obvious that the underwear belong to Chandler. Chandler and Monica make begging faces at Joey, who confesses. His reasoning is that he's Joey, and just likes to take off his underpants in other people's homes. After this, he drags Chandler and Monica across the hall to yell at them. The day before all this happened, Rachel came over and found Monica's razor in their shower. Joey ended up telling her that he was appearing as a woman in a play. When all was said and done, Joey ended up shaving his legs. Monica and Chandler convince him not to tell just yet. It's going really great for them, and they think it's because it's a secret. Joey brings a date home one evening, expecting to have the apartment to himself. Instead, Chandler and Monica have a whole set-up going in the living room, which candles, blankets and pillows laid out on the floor, and a video camera. When they hear Joey's approach, they scurry into Chandler's room. Joey's date walks in, and is at first pleasantly surprised by the candles. Then she sees the bedding and video camera. She storms out, but Rachel witnessed the whole thing. Chandler comes out of his room, pretending not to know what's going on. Rachel yells at Joey, and Joey goes along with it. He confronts Chandler and Monica again, wanting to tell the truth. They ask him to wait, hoping to come up with a good explanation Joey can use to explain his actions to the group. They don't have any ideas yet, but Joey agrees to give them some time. Monica and Chandler are in Central Perk together. Monica gives him a Polaroid of her naked, since the video camera thing didn't work out. Ross walks in, and Chandler stuffs the picture inside the magazine he was reading. Later, Joey comes home, picking up the same magazine Chandler put the picture in. The picture falls out, Joey picks it up, and sees that it's of Monica. Of course, right at this moment, Rachel walks over and sees what he's looking at. She's convinced he's a pervert, with a secret peephole in the girl's apartment. Everyone ends up over, and Chandler and Monica tell them that Joey's a sex addict. Joey vehemently denies this, wanting to explain with the truth. Monica and Chandler make their pleading faces, so Joey says that he slept with Monica. Monica doesn't want to deny it, afraid Joey will out her and Chandler, so she goes along with it. Joey says it's really Monica that's the sex addict. She stole his underwear as a memento, and set up the camera and gave him the picture to entice him into bed. Monica doesn't deny it, but agrees to get over her obsession with Joey. She then asks that they never, ever talk about it again.

Phoebe and Rachel: Phoebe comes into Central Perk reading Wuthering Heights. She's enrolled in a literature class at the New School. Rachel thinks it sounds like fun, and they plan to go together. Phoebe asks if Rachel's read the book, and Rachel says she did in high school. Rachel comes in late to the first class, asking Phoebe what the book was about. She remembered that she started the book in high school, but never got around to finishing it. Phoebe tells her it's a tragic romance between Cathy and Heathcliff. She goes on to explain that she thinks the wild moors of England represent Heathcliff's character. Rachel's called on by the professor to tell her interpretation of the book. She doesn't have a good answer, so she uses Phoebe's. Phoebe is furious. It gets worse when Phoebe's called on, and doesn't have an answer, since Rachel took hers. They go to Central Perk, still talking about the class. Phoebe doesn't understand why Rachel didn't tell the truth about not doing the reading. Rachel didn't want to seem stupid. They go to the next class, where they were supposed to have read Jane Eyre. Rachel didn't read the book, choosing Vogue instead. She asks Phoebe what it's about, and Phoebe tells her it's about cyborgs. The professor calls on Rachel, and she give an extended answer about robots. After the class, Rachel's furious with Phoebe for making her look like an idiot. Phoebe thinks it's hilarious. She doesn't feel bad, thinking that Rachel deserved it for not reading. Phoebe explains that she took the class because she really wanted to learn. She didn't go to high school like everyone else. Rachel suggests she take Monica to class with her. Monica is a know-it-all, and irritates everyone. Phoebe and another girl complain about her. Monica runs in to tell everyone that she convinced the professor to give them a test.

• ROSS'S SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Undies on a stick!
  

I hear that's a delicacy in some tribes of the Amazon.

• Man, Joey's got some great legs.

Damn it, now "She's got Legs" is stuck in my head.

• I can definitely see being seriously pissed about someone stealing your food. I mean, if I brought something special to lunch, and a co-worker took it, I'd be pretty angry. I wouldn't say or do anything about it--just silently fume--but still.

Ross totally reminds me of a gopher.

• I've always wondered what Phoebe's note said.

• Stabbing a cop? That's pretty intense, even for Phoebe.

• It's oddly adorable how excited Ross is about his nickname. He really doesn't get that they seriously think he's crazy.

• I hate Wuthering Heights. Stupid, stupid, stupid book. Cathy and Heathcliff suck.
  

• If Phoebe's so great with symbolism, why can't she think of anything else beside her comparison of the moors to Heathcliff's character?

• I feel bad for Joey. Everyone thinks he's disgusting, and he's only trying to look out for Monica and Chandler. I think it's sweet that he cares about them enough to continue lying, even when he's coming out with the rotten end of the deal.

Isn't Ross still living there? Does anyone else find it a tad bit unrealistic that Monica and Chandler would do this in the middle of the living room when Ross could walk in at any minute?

• I'm intrigued by this moist maker idea. I'm not a huge fan of turkey. Or sandwiches. But this moist maker sounds like the best thing EVER.

See, Ross thinks so.

• I think I like Ross on tranquilizers.

He looks like he's about to protect that cotton candy with his life.

• Oh my God, Jane Eyre and robots.Can you imagine the possibilities? Mr. Rochester and St. John, cyborgs from space, fighting for control of the earth, when they come upon Jane Eyre, secret cyborg sent to protect humanity...

The Bronte's really were ahead of their time!

• Unlike Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre is one of my favorite books of all time. It's the book that made me want to learn to read when I was kid.

• I never take into consideration all the implications of the fact that Phoebe lived on the streets for quite awhile after her mom's death. Of course she's never gone to high school, but that never occurred to me. Anyway, I think it's awesome she takes the lit. class because she's legit curious, and into bettering herself intellectually.
  

• I'm a big supporter of the whole Monica/Chandler thing, but Monica kinda deserves Joey claiming she's a sex addict. They kinda put Joey through hell.

Apparently I needed a montage of shocked faces.

Edited to add: Oh! The yelling at Donald is totally a best moment ever. Seriously, "You ate me sandwich?!" is one of the greatest lines of. all. time.

The Magna Doodle Says:

It's a nice little drawing of outer space related objects.

Oh. My. God.

"What am I sitting on?"

"Top of the world? Dock of the bay?" -Phoebe, and Chandler.

"Well, I'm Joey. I'm disgusting. I take my underwear off in other people's homes." -Joey, after the underwear discovery.

"And tighty-whiteys! What are you, eight?" -Joey, to Chandler, about the underwear.

"Well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took. Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something, y'know a little more intellectual, with a less painful final exam." -Phoebe, on why she's taking a class.

"Well, what did the police say?!" -Chandler, upon hearing that someone ate Ross's sandwich.

"Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!" -Ross, explaining why the sandwich was so important.

"Knock-Knock. Who's there? Ross Geller's lunch. Ross Geller's lunch, who? Ross Geller's lunch, please don't take me, okay?" -Chandler, reading the note Ross left on his sandwich.

"So, what would you say, Pheebs? Stuff like, uh, 'keep your mitts off my grub'?"

"Say, Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the streets, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?" -Ross and Chandler, when Phoebe prepares to tell Ross how to protect his food.

"Someday, I'll tell you about the time I stabbed the cop." -Phoebe.

"I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you!" -Rachel, to Phoebe, after their first class.

"I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low budget adult films." -Joey, to Rachel, after the video camera-date debacle.

"Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!" -Joey, to Chandler and Monica, after the video camera thing.

"Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a moist maker?" -Ross, to Donald, learning that Donald ate his sandwich.

"You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away?!"

"MY SANDWICH???!!!!"

"MY SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!" -Ross.

"Okay, alright, so Jane Eyre. First of all, you'd thinks she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg." -Phoebe, telling Rachel about Jane Eyre.

"Yeah, well, feminism, yes. But also the robots." -Rachel, to the professor.

"You're naked in this picture!" -Chandler, receiving a naked picture of Monica.

"On account of my rage." -Ross, explaining why he had to go to the psychiatrist at work.

"It's going to be weird not have a job for awhile. But I definitely don't care about my sandwich." -Ross, to Chandler and Monica.

"Joey's got a secret peephole!" -Rachel, finding Joey looking at the Polaroid.

"He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!" -Rachel, about Joey's perversions.

"I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants." -Monica, confessing to stalking Joey.

"I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs." -Joey, after saying he's not disgusting.