Phoebe: arrives at Central Perk during the discussion about Joey's hat. Tragically, her grandma just passed away. They comfort Phoebe, who's taking it remarkably well, already sure she'd see her grandma again. Phoebe goes to Ursula's apartment, to let Ursula know that their grandma died, and that they're having a memorial service. Ursula thought their grandma was already dead, and isn't going to come to the service. She's also got concert tickets for the same night. Phoebe hands out 3-D glasses at the memorial service. A man enters behind the gang, and starts talking with Phoebe. He tells Phoebe that he used to be close to Francis and Lily, and his name is Frank Buffay (Bob Balaban). Phoebe's understandably surprised, but when questioned, Frank claims his name is really Joe Hill. He gets flustered, running off. Phoebe tells the gang that the man is her father, and goes after him. When she comes back inside, she tells the group that she told Frank her name was Glenda, and that she was the executor of Francis's estate. They have a meeting set for the next day. The service starts, so they don't have more time to discuss the meeting. The next morning, Phoebe prepares to go to Central Perk to meet with Frank. Everyone wants to know if Phoebe'll tell Frank who she really is, but Phoebe's not sure if she will or not. Ross tells her he'd definitely tell, because he'd be so furious at being abandoned. Phoebe claims she's over all that, but Monica notices how tense she is. Monica attempts to massage Phoebe with disastrous results. At the meeting, Franks asks for what Francis left him, but all Phoebe has to give is a used tube of lipstick. She says Frank has to answer some questions to get the gift, but the questions make Frank uncomfortable. He's ready to leave, but before he does he gives a note to Phoebe to give to Lily. Phoebe's confused, since Lily's dead. She tells Frank, and he's horrified; he had no idea. He asks what happened to the girls, and Phoebe tells him about Ursula, then tells him that she's Phoebe. Frank apologizes for leaving, but Phoebe says it doesn't matter. Frank defends his actions by claiming he was a horrible father. They have a moment after Frank sings a lullaby he made up for the girls. It's got the same melody as 'Smelly Cat'. Phoebe calls Ursula to tell her about their father. Ursula doesn't really care, cause she thinks their dad is John Glenn, and she's in a paternity lawsuit against him.
Chandler and Monica: decide to give one another massages. Monica really enjoys hers, and informs Chandler he's lucky, because she gives great massages. As soon as she starts rubbing Chandler's back, he winces in pain. He tries to get her to stop, but she thinks she's great at it, and he doesn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. He tells Joey how horrible Monica's massages are, though. Joey encourages him to tell Monica the truth, but Chandler's afraid he'll ruin the first real relationship he's ever had. Everything's going pretty great until Monica attempts to give Phoebe a massage. Phoebe shrieks, and tells Monica it felt horrible. Monica's shocked, looking to the others for backup. Ross agrees with Phoebe, so Monica points out that Rachel used to like the massages until she became allergic. Monica then says that Chandler likes them, proceeding to start rubbing his shoulders. Chandler's face contorts in pain, and he tells Monica he doesn't like her massages. Monica starts to lecture him about lying before realizing they're around people who don't know about their relationship. Later, Chandler comes by to apologize. He tells Monica he really does like her massages. Monica informs him that she can handle the truth, so he tells her the massage wasn't good. She starts to cry, which he tries to make better by saying she can't be the best at everything. This makes it all worse. Chandler tells Monica that she gives the best bad massage; that her massages are so bad she deserves an award. This makes her feel better.
Ross: doesn't do much. Except tease Joey.
- This episode is good, but not particularly special.
- Poor, Phoebe. It's so sad her grandma dies.
- Joey's bag.
- Seriously, when we learn that he's Frank, a guy in the audience gasps so melodramatically; it's ridiculous. It's like the gasp you reserve for the end of Sixth Sense not meeting Phoebe's dad the first time in an episode of Friends.
- I don't know how I'd feel about meeting the father that abandoned me... I'd probably be angry, but part of me wonders if I'd also feel just a tad bit ambivalent.
- The massaging thing is cute, and very couple-like for Chandler and Monica, but I'm not sure I care that much.
- It's hilarious that she feels better when Chandler tells her she's the best at giving bad massages, though.
- I like that Frank didn't know Lily was dead. It makes him slightly more sympathetic, that all these years he had no idea, and wasn't intentionally leaving the girls to live out on the street.
- Speaking of living on the street, did Ursula? And why didn't their grandma take them in?
- Aww, Frank's lullaby has the same tune as Smelly Cat.
- John Glenn!? I'm pretty sure this scene wasn't part of the episode when it originally aired. Still, John Glenn!?
Oh. My. God.
"Good-bye muscles!" -Chandler, during his first massage by Monica.
"Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up, I just--I didn't know what it was!" -Chandler, to Joey, about the massage.
"And the bunny got away?" -Chandler, examining Joey's top hat.
"Guys! Guys! I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside!" -Monica, before she learns that Phoebe's grandma died.
"Well, ummm, okay, we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt, and she just never came back up again." -Phoebe, explaining how her grandma died.
"Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago."
"No! No, Joey, u-n-i sex."
"Well, I ain't gonna say no to that." -Rachel and Joey, discussing the unisex qualities of the shoulder bag.
" Thanks! Enjoy your funeral!" -Ursula, to Phoebe.
"Wow, you look just like your son, Mrs. Tribbiani!" -Chandler, seeing Joey with the bag for the first time.
"What's the part, Auntie Mame?" -Ross, to Joey, after seeing the bag. The transcript has the line as "What's the part, anti-man?" Hahahahaha.
"I think it's sexy."
"U-n-i sexy?" -Rachel and Joey, about the bag.
"Pulling flowers out of it makes the bag look a lot more masculine." -Chandler, to Joey, at the memorial service.
"That bag is gonna get you the part."
"And a date with a man." -Rachel and Chandler, again with the bag.
"So from now on, you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey comes with a bag!" -Joey, defending his bad.
"Oh, stop it!!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?!" -Phoebe, after Monica tries to give her a massage.
"Oh my God! You don't know me at all!" -Monica, to Chandler, when he says she doesn't always have to be the best.
"Well, if she isn't, then cremating her was a big mistake." -Phoebe, to Frank, after he learns Lily's dead.
"Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you!" -Phoebe, to Frank.
"I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag." -Rachel, to Joey.