TOW: the Free Porn

Chandler and Joey: Joey changes the channel on the TV one day, to find that they've got free porn. The guys are super excited. Mr. Treeger, who was over snaking their shower drain, tells them that he got free porn once, too. He made the mistake of turning his TV off, and never got the porn channel again. Rachel and Monica come over for dinner, and Rachel tries to turn off the porn. Chandler and Joey freak out, telling the girls never, ever to turn off the porn. Monica mutes it, though. They leave the porn on for days, and days, until they can't stand to watch it all the time. They go over to Monica and Rachel's to watch cartoons. Monica and Rachel tell them to just turn the porn off, but Chandler and Joey refuse. They don't want to be the guys who turned off free porn. Chandler and Joey both notice themselves expecting real life to turn out like the dirty movies they've watched. They realize they need to turn the porn off to remain sane. They turn it off, both quite relieved they aren't watching it anymore. After a minute or so, they turn the TV back on, to see if they're still getting free porn. They are. The rejoicing commences.

Monica and Ross: Ross comes over to talk to Monica after Emily leaves for the airport. He's really sad to say good-bye, but he doesn't think he can do anything about it. Emily told Ross not to worry about their future, making him unsure if he'll ever even see her again. Monica tells him that he shouldn't let her go; he needs to fulfill the 'fantasy' of meeting a person from another country and falling madly in love with them. Monica makes him confess his love for Emily, and Monica tells him he has to go to the airport and tell Emily how he feels. Monica fantasizes that Ross and Emily will kiss, and everyone at the airport will applaud. She goes too far with the fantasy, blaming it on too much porn. Ross goes to the airport, catching up with Emily right before she boards the plane. They kiss, say good-bye again, she gives him a giant Toblerone bar, and tries to leave. He pulls her back and confesses his feelings. She hugs and thanks him, then gets on the plane. Ross goes to Chandler and Joey's, telling them all of his failed confession. Chandler's sure it's over, but Monica thinks he still has a chance. Monica's certain that Emily will call; she didn't say anything at the airport because she was overwhelmed by her feelings. Monica makes Ross go home to wait for Emily's call. Ross falls asleep waiting for the phone to ring, but Emily does finally call. She apologizes for her reaction to Ross telling her he loves her, and confesses that there's someone else. Ross tells everyone, but Rachel, about the phone call with Emily. Emily's seeing another man named Colin, nor does she know which guy she wants. Ross tells her to call him when she decides, but he's not sure he'll be around. Monica's miffed, because Emily's behavior doesn't conform to the fantasy, but then she decides that it's perfect. Monica tells Ross he needs to fly to England, proving how much he cares about Emily. Ross refuses to listen to Monica and Joey makes fun of her, but she knows she's right. She brings up how Ross acted with Paolo, telling him he shouldn't make the same mistakes. Ross decides she's right, and plans to go to England. Monica gets a call from Ross. He's in a phone booth by Emily's apartment. She hasn't been home all night, he's sure she's with Colin, and he's ready to give up. Monica suggests he waits a few more hours, then takes the next flight home. Later that day everyone's hanging out at Chandler and Joey's. There's a knock on the door--it's Emily, who's come looking for Ross. Monica has to tell Emily that he's in London. Emily calls her apartment, hoping Ross can hear her. She tells her answering machine that she loves Ross and is in New York City with his friends. He does hear her, and calls Chandler and Joey's apartment right away.

Phoebe and Rachel: Phoebe waddles into Chandler and Joey's carrying her massage table. Rachel scolds her for carrying something so heavy while she's pregnant. Phoebe knows she needs a different job, but isn't sure what to do. She notices the porn and it makes her remember she has an appointment with her OBGYN. Rachel goes with her to the appointment, and they hear the baby's heart beat for the first time. The doctor asks Phoebe how she feels about multiple births, and we learn Phoebe's having triplets. Phoebe's shocked about all the babies, especially because the doctor wasn't even sure she'd have any. Phoebe meets Frank and Alice in Central Perk to tell them about the triplets. At first, they're thrilled, but then Phoebe mentions the extra expense and stress of having three babies. Now Frank and Alice aren't so happy. Alice decides she can make her Home Ec. classes make baby clothes all year. Frank, however, is going to have to quit college (just to be clear, refrigerator college), and get a job to support the babies. Phoebe's pretty upset after this interview, wanting Frank to be able to finish school. She asks Chandler for insider trading tips on his company, but Chandler doesn't know anything about that. Next, Phoebe comes by Monica and Rachel's with a case of knives she's selling. She knows that knife selling won't make her enough to help Frank and Alice, she's just hoping to get enough to open a Saturn dealership. Phoebe and Rachel go out together later, and come back with a great idea on how Phoebe can help Frank and Alice with the babies. Phoebe's going to open a massage parlor with Frank; it'll be arranged around his schedule so he won't have to quit school. But the best part is, that Phoebe's going to fix up the catering van, and make the massages portable. Rachel and Phoebe get into a fight, though, about whether the business'll be called the 'Relaxi-Taxi' or 'Relaxicab' (like taxicab). Phoebe, Frank, and Alice all go to the OBGYN, and look at the ultra-sound.

• When this episode premiered, was everyone super shocked that Phoebe was having triplets? I've seen it too often to remember.
  

• Ahh, remember the good ol' days, when you actually had to pay to watch porn, and couldn't just google it?

I mean, you could google it then, too, but it wasn't as prevalent.
Joey looks more scared than excited.

• Kinda makes you question Emily's honesty, that she has a guy back in London and never mentioned it.

• The Toblerone bar. I've never had one. What's it like?

I can't help but draw a parallel between the porn and the phallic Tobleron bar.

• I'm waaay into Monica's person-from-a-far-away-place fantasy. My European fantasy boy of the moment is Alexander Skarsgard (if you don't watch True Blood, you should).

• Refrigerator college? That exisits?

• Aw, Ross going to London and Emily going to NYC is totally sweet.

Gah, I hate all her coats.

I love English phone booths. They're so pretty. In theory. I wonder if he dialed 6-2-4-4-2?
I would.

• Joshua tells Rachel he doesn't like porn. I think the guys that lie about such things are always the ones to look out for. I bet Jesse James said the same thing to Sandra Bullock.

• Sorta on the fence about this episode. The lack of Joshua is refreshing, to say the least, and the porn is epically awesome. I like Ross and Phoebe's stuff, as well, but there's just something missing from this one. A level of greatness that most of the 4th season achieves, but this episode falls short of.

• Except for Relaxi-Taxi or Relaxicab. Brilliant.
  

The Magna Doodle says

"Knock, Knock... Who's there? PORN!"

Oh. My. God.

"No, we didn't even pay our cable bill--maybe this is how they punish us." -Joey, to Chandler, upon seeing the free porn.

"Like finding money with naked people on it!" -Chandler, to Treeger, while discussing the porn.

"And no one touches the air around the TV!"

"Imagine a protective bubble if you will, okay?" -Chandler and Joey, protecting their porn.

"Oh, that reminds me, I have to see my OBGYN today." -Phoebe, watching the porn.

"You had fantasies about Emily?" -Ross, to Monica, when she tells him about 'the fantasy.'

"Then you two can--can sneak into the cockpit, and things will start to heat up, and then a stewardess comes in... I've been watching too much porn." -Monica, telling Ross what'll happen between he and Emily.

"So, I--I mean so in a few months, I'm going to have three full grown babies just walkin' around inside me?! Oh! Oh! And it's gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out!" -Phoebe, learning she's having triplets.

"I finally got my band!" -Frank, after hearing he's having triplets.

"It's the theme from Good Will Humping." -Chandler, telling Rachel what song she's humming.

"We need a porn break. We spent the last two hours watching In & Out & In, Again." -Chandler, to Monica and Rachel.

"Because then we would be the guys who turned off free porn." -Chandler, to Monica and Rachel, on why they won't turn off the porn.

"Now, I know what you're thinking..."

"Pregnant Woman Slays Four?" -Phoebe and Chandler, while Phoebe's trying to sell her knives.

"Does that mean the same thing in England as it does in America?" -Ross, when Emily confesses there's someone else.

"If I hadn't let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place, I never would've put my fist through the wall!"

"You put your fist through the wall?"

"No, I missed and hit the door. But it opened really hard!" -Ross and Chandler.

"I mean, that could be you and Emily!" -Monica, comparing Ross and Emily to some people getting it on in a porno.

"A place where no one will ever get out alive?" -Chandler, to Phoebe, learning about her massage van idea.

"No! Think about it, it's a taxi that people take when they need to relax, it's..."

"RELAXI-TAXI!" -Phoebe and Rachel.

"Okay, it's not Relaxi Cab. It's Relaxicab, like taxicab." -Rachel, explaining how to pronounce her name for the business.

"Are we in London?" -Chandler, when Emily shows up.

"I'm gonna call you right now from the phone booth! You can't hear me." -Ross, talking to Emily's voice on the answering machine.

"I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault!" -Chandler, having watched too much porn.