TOW: Phoebe's Uterus

Phoebe: has coffee with Frank and Alice, and learns they got married. They were eating lunch at City Hall one day, and just decided to go ahead and get married. Phoebe congratulates them; Frank and Alice make-out. Phoebe asks if there's anything she can get them as a wedding present. Alice replies by talking about how she and Frank have been trying to have a baby, but can't conceive. They've been to several specialists, and they only way Frank and Alice can have a baby is through a surrogate. They ask Phoebe to carry their child, but they want her to take some time and think through her decision. Phoebe's pretty shocked about the whole thing. Phoebe goes to Monica and Rachel's where the whole gang is hanging out. She tells them about Frank and Alice's proposal. Phoebe's fairly certain she's going to become their surrogate, but Monica, Rachel, and Ross aren't sure she should make the decision so quickly. They aren't sure that Phoebe's considered all the implications of giving up a baby. They suggest she talk to her birth mom about her decision. Phoebe visits Phoebe Two to discuss how difficult it is to give up a baby. To show how difficult giving up a baby will be, Phoebe Two gives Phoebe a puppy that she can only have for three days. Phoebe Two's really worried that Phoebe'll regret giving up a baby. Phoebe plays with the puppy a lot, even bringing it over to Monica and Rachel's. She doesn't give it a name though, because she doesn't want to get attached. Phoebe goes to Central Perk with Monica and Rachel to give Phoebe Two back the puppy. She can't imagine giving the puppy up, and decides she won't be able to carry Frank and Alice's baby. It is, of course, at this moment that Frank and Alice decide stop by, in case Phoebe's made a decision. Frank and Alice become enchanted with the puppy, and Phoebe decides to give it to them. Seeing how happy having the puppy makes them, causes Phoebe to change her mind. She wants to see them looking even happier after she has their baby. Phoebe tells Frank and Alice her decision; they're overjoyed. Phoebe Two comes in for the puppy, and Phoebe lets her know she's going to carry the baby. Phoebe Two's upset, not because Phoebe's going to be the surrogate, but because Phoebe gave away her puppy.

Ross and Joey: Ross gets Joey a job as a tour guide at the museum. Joey doesn't know a thing about dinosaurs, but he has a script to follow. The only period he can pronounce is Jurassic, so that's the only one he uses. Joey gives a tour to a group of grade school kids. One of them corrects him when he puts the Mastodon in the Jurassic period. Ross is working in one of the displays, and Joey points him out to the kids. Ross does some magic, which embarrasses Joey. Several members of the museum staff, including scientists, gather in the cafeteria for lunch. Joey's saved a seat for Ross, but a female tour guide takes the seat, telling Joey that the scientists don't sit with the tour guides. Joey assures the woman that he and Ross are best friends, and Ross will be sitting with him. Ross arrives for lunch, but doesn't sit with Joey, choosing to sit with the other scientists. That evening, Ross goes to Monica and Rachel's, and finds Joey eating at their kitchen table. Ross explains the cafeteria division, trying to use Monica and Rachel as examples. Monica eats alone, though, cause everyone hates her. Rachel eats in an executive cafeteria. Ross apologizes profusely, but Joey tells him not to worry about it and leaves. The next day at lunch, Ross sits in the middle of the cafeteria, and invites Joey to sit with him. Joey agrees. Ross makes a big speech about changing how they do things in the cafeteria. Ross says that it was a tour guide who showed him the error of his ways. Ross takes his jacket off and introduces himself. Joey does the same, and soon tour guides and scientists are ripping their jackets off left and right. It's like paleontologist porn.

Monica, Rachel, and Chandler: spend possibly a considerable amount of time trying to throw playing cards into a vase. Chandler fails at making fun of Joey's blue museum blazer, and Monica and Rachel tease him mercilessly. Chandler and Kathy say good-bye to one another in Central Perk. Monica and Rachel comment on how Chandler and Kathy are in the talking and having lots of sex part of their relationship. Chandler tells them he and Kathy haven't had sex yet. When questioned, he says it's because he wants to wait until they're ready. Ross pipes in, saying Chandler's lying. Chandler agrees with Ross' assessment. Chandler's worried about how he'll compare to Joey. He knows he's not as good in bed as Joey is, and he doesn't want Kathy to be disappointed. Monica points out that it'll be different for Chandler and Kathy, because they love each other. Chandler's convinced, and decides to have sex with Kathy. Chandler comes over, after having sex with Kathy. Chandler's worried because Kathy didn't respond like she did when she was with Joey. He asks Monica and Rachel for some advice on what to do. Monica draws a diagram, numbering the seven erogenous zones. She then proceeds to show Chandler how to mix up the different zones to give a girl a great time. When Monica finishes, it's gotten quite awkward, and the three go their separate ways. Monica and Rachel talk about if they'd ever become surrogates, but are interrupted by Kathy. She came to give Monica a hug and thank her.

• I may be weird, but I think it's sweet that Frank and Alice want Phoebe to carry their child.

• I freaking love when Chandler messes up his blue blazer joke! And everyone teases him because he always makes fun of them--oh, how the table has turned!!

• There's been quite a bit of talk in the comments about Kathy's clothes. Check out this awesome coat!!
  

She looks good in red. It matches her hair in a weird way.

• Yeah, I get how Chandler could be intimidated by following Joey. But I find it kinda hard to believe that Kathy and Chandler hadn't had sex yet. It's been at least over a month, maybe two, since they first started dating.

• Does anyone else find it awkward that Phoebe Two tells Phoebe about her passion for erotica? I mean, I'm all for erotica, but I don't want to hear about my mom's fondness for it, and I'm sure she feels the same about me.
  

Erottery may be the best made up word EVER.

• The cafeteria thing is kinda stupid.

Why do they all eat at the same time?

• Oh my God, guys, it's SEVEN!!! This is so a best moment ever. And so awkward.

• Phoebe agrees to have her brother's baby. Aw.

I want to feel bad for Phoebe Two losing her puppy, but she should've told Phoebe it was her puppy. Solve the whole problem.

Oh. My. God.

"I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black." -Chandler, messing up his joke.

"You messed it up. You're stupid." -Monica, to Chandler, after he fails at his joke.

"You're really thinking about having sex with your brother?" -Joey, after learning Phoebe's going to have her brother's baby.

"It's her--it's her egg and her sperm, and I'm--I'm just the oven. It's totally their bun." -Phoebe, explaining to Joey she's not having sex with her brother.

"I love this tushie! Can I take it to work with me?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. It's not mine anyway. It came with the pants." -Kathy and Chandler, saying good-bye to one another.

"Yeah, I was going for the metaphor."

"Yes, and I was saying the actual words." -Ross and Chandler, during the discussion of Chandler being as good in bed as Joey.

"We share a wall! So either he's great in bed, or she just likes to agree with him a lot." -Chandler, defending his knowledge of Joey's skills in bed.

"Alright, alright, I'll go sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys." -Chandler.

"It gave me time to finish glazing my nipples." -Phoebe Two, when Phoebe arrives late.

"Oh, I didn't know that you did...pot." -Phoebe, to Phoebe Two, about her pottery.

"Ooh, errotery!" -Phoebe, combining the words poetry and erotica.

"I eat by myself in the alley because everybody hates me." -Monica, explaining her work eating habits to Ross and Joey.

"Why is Phoebe singing to Karl Malden?" -Chandler, seeing Phoebe with the puppy.

"But she didn't agree with me as strongly as she agreed with Joey. She was more like, 'I see your point; I'm alright with it'." -Chandler, to Monica and Rachel, about his first time with Kathy.

"I need to know what makes it go from nice to, 'My God! Somebody's killing her in there!'" -Chandler, asking Monica and Rachel for help.

"Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn."

"Well, you might if it were anything like seven!" -Rachel and Chandler, about the importance of seven. Having never been to Disneyland, I googled the Matterhorn, and I gotta say, I might spend the whole day on it.

"I'm Andrew, and I didn't pay for this pear!" -Andrew the Scientists, introducing himself.