Ross and Chandler: go to see a play Kathy's in. I guess she doesn't tell Chandler anything about it, because he's quite surprised to learn Kathy's playing a prostitute, gets half naked, and simulates sex with her very good looking co-star. After the play, Chandler and Ross tell the others about it in Central Perk. Chandler's freaking out, sure that Nick, the co-star, will try to steal Kathy away from him. Joey assures him that they're just actors, doing their job, and probably aren't together. However, Joey and Ross kinda kill it when they start listing couples who met on movie sets. Obviously, this doesn't make Chandler feel better, so Joey tells him that movie sets and play rehearsals are different. Joey then asks about the quality of the simulated sex. He tells Chandler that if the sex was hot, the co-stars aren't sleeping together; it's when there's no chemistry that the actors are actually having sex. The next morning. Chandler asks Ross to go to the play with him again. Ross is a little uncomfortable, but agrees to go. They wait for Kathy after the play, and Chandler is freaking out. There was absolutely zero chemistry between Kathy and Nick, making Chandler certain they're having sex. When Kathy comes out, Ross warns Chandler not to say anything, but, being Chandler, he just can't help it. Chandler and Kathy get into a fight because he insults the play and her. Then he brings up the fact that Kathy cheated on Joey with Chandler, infuriating Kathy. She stalks off, telling her to call him when he grows up. Chandler comes home completely drunk, telling everyone that Kathy slept with Nick. The next morning, Chandler comes out of his room, wanting to know if Kathy called. She hasn't, making him really upset. Chandler's worried that he assumed too much by thinking Kathy and Nick were sleeping together. He tells the gang his only evidence is Kathy and Nick's lack of chemistry on stage. Joey tells Chandler it was just a theory. Chandler goes by Kathy's apartment to apologize, but she's not exactly thrilled to see him. Chandler walks into her place, and sees Nick's pants hanging on a chair. Chandler goes back to the apartments, telling everyone that Kathy wasn't sleeping with Nick, but is now. Chandler blames himself for not calling Kathy sooner, but Rachel says Kathy shouldn't have hopped into bed with someone else after one fight.
Monica: works at making her and Rachel's new apartment presentable. Joey comes over, immediately going through the fridge for food, but Monica forbids him. She says that now the guys have the bigger place, they have to have everyone over and provide food. This is fair, I suppose, but Monica's a little miffed to go over to Chandler and Joey's one morning to find that Joey's making pancakes, and they have food for everyone. Chandler and Joey then proceed to invite everyone over to watch a game, and Monica gets jealous because she's not the hostess. Monica bakes all kinds of goodies to lure everyone over to her and Rachel's place. She even bought porn for the guys. The plan works out well, until Joey and Ross take the porn and some baked goods, and go back across the hall. Rachel and Phoebe start to leave, too, but Monica stops them by complaining about not being the hostess anymore. She was punishing the guys when she told them they had to entertain and feed everyone, but is done with that now. She wants everyone over, but Rachel and Phoebe point out that their apartment just isn't very nice. Monica decides she has to clean it up. She start at that moment, even going to the lengths of renting a floor polisher, which Rachel mistakes for a vacuum. Monica has some trouble using the polisher, but eventually gets the hang of it. She finally has everyone come over to look what she did to her and Rachel's new place. She spent two days cleaning, even going so far as to pull up the carpet. The place looks great, and everyone wants to hang out there. Monica falls asleep.
Phoebe and Joey: offer everyone their advice on their issues. Joey demonstrates "how you doin" to Phoebe and Rachel. Phoebe asks Monica for her old high school clothes, so Phoebe doesn't have to buy maternity wear.
- Ugh, Joshua. I hate Joshua. I hate that he calls himself Joshua. I hate how Rachel says the name "Joshua."
- Tate Donovan was the voice of Hercules in the Disney version! He also appeared in something called Jesus and Hutch. Read that again: Jesus. and. Hutch. I'm hurt by the mere knowledge that this exists.
- So when the head of a department at Bloomingdale's dies, they just eliminate that department? Alright....
- How does Kathy never mention the plot of the play to Chandler? No, 'oh, by the by, the play I'm in? Yeah, I have fake sex with my gorgeous co-star. Oh, and I almost forgot, I'm half naked.'?
I'm sure she was worried about Chandler's reaction, but you should probably be honest about stuff like that.
- Seriously, what kind of play is she in? What's the plot? Is it just, like, two hours of simulated sex?
- Eh, I don't really care about Monica needing to be the hostess. The thing with the floor polisher is funny, but I still don't care.
- Man, it's really depressing that all the couples Ross and Joey list are divorced/ broken up now. The couples were: Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, and Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.
- The cookies and porn thing is pretty awesome.
- I'm sad about Kathy and Chandler. I love them together. I also wish that something better had been done with Kathy, instead of having her cheat.
I can't help wondering, though, if Kathy really is a serial cheater, or if she'd have remained faithful if Chandler hadn't acted like an idiot.
- Monica rips up the carpet. Two things: 1) wouldn't the landlord/Mr. Treeger have an issue with them taking up the carpet? I'm pretty sure they're renters, not owners. 2) I'm almost positive there's carpet when Chandler and Joey move back in.
- Rachel's up in arms about having to ask Joshua out. But, uh, in TO: After the Superbowl, she makes fun of Monica for not telling Jean-Claude Van Damme she likes him.
The Magna-Doodle says:
"Have you seen our view?"
Oh. My. God.
"That is one good looking man!" -Ross, seeing Nick for the first time.
"Here's your girlfriend's button." -Ross, to Chandler, when Nick rips Kathy's shirt open on stage.
"Yeah, it's like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare, and then charged me thirty-two bucks to see it!" -Chandler, about Kathy's play.
"Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood."
"They're not a couple!" -Phoebe and Ross, while they're listing couples who met on set.
"Y'know what, I don't know how comfortable I am, going to see how hot the sex is between some guy and your girlfriend." -Ross, to Chandler, after Chandler asks him to come to the play again.
"Monica, I'm quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong, and she didn't even buy it!" -Rachel, to Monica via the answering machine.
"Let me show you my underwear." -Rachel, to Joshua.
"Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!" -Chandler, to Ross, the second time they see the play.
"Just be cool, don't be...y'know, you." -Ross, to Chandler, on how to act with Kathy.
"I'll tell you what, Chandler, why don't you call me when you grow up!"
"Yeah, well, don't expect that to happen anytime soon!" -Kathy and Chandler, during their fight.
"Rachel has a new doll."
"Oh, I wish he was a doll, then I could get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissey noises." -Phoebe and Rachel, about Joshua.
"Cookies and porn, you're the best mom ever!!!" -Ross, to Monica, when she makes cookies and supplies porn.
"You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!" -Drunk Chandler.
"Well, I think our second fight is going to be a big one!" -Chandler, to Kathy, after finding Nick's pants.
"I'm saying that she... is a devil woman! Y'know, I mean you think you know someone, and then they turn around and sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man nipples!" -Chandler, after learning Kathy's sleeping with Nick.
"I threw her at his man nipples!" -Chandler, blaming himself.
"Honey, this is not your fault. Just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone."
"Well, if--if she thought they were on a break..." -Rachel and Ross.