TOW: all the Haste

Ross: is in bed with Emily. He got his ear pierced, and Emily's really pleased with it. Actually, Ross is too; he thinks he looks like David Bowie (no), but Emily thinks Ross looks dangerous (again, no). Ross talks about how much he likes the guy he is when he's with Emily. He begs her to stay in New York one more day, but she really has to go. She gets up to start packing, but Ross keeps taking her bags. She really needs to get ready to leave, but he throws her bags off the bed, and pulls Emily in with him. Ross meets Chandler and Joey in Central Perk, and they make fun of Ross' earring. Ross tells them how upset he is about Emily having to go back to London all the time. Ross is considering asking Emily to move in with him, but Chandler and Joey tell him that it's too soon. Joey tells Ross not to do it; that he'll probably only scare Emily by inviting her to move in. Ross decides to take Joey's advice. Ross comes up to find that Emily's packed all of her stuff while he was gone. Ross asks her to move in with him. Emily doesn't know how to answer. Her whole life is in London, so she tells him she can't move to New York. She asks Ross to move to London, but he can't because Ben is in New York. Emily says that if it was the future, and she and Ross were getting married, it'd be different. Ross decides that he'd like to marry Emily. She thinks it's too soon, but Ross works his hardest to convince her. He points out that moving fast has worked pretty well for them so far. Emily says 'yes.' Ross gets down on one knee, taking out his earring to propose. The earring is too small, but it's still romantic. Ross and Emily go to the apartments, dragging everyone into the big apartment. He makes his big announcement, but everyone's a little shocked. Phoebe thinks Emily's pregnant, too. Rachel's not in the room for the announcement, and when she comes in there's definite tension. She's stunned at first, but congratulates Ross and Emily. Once Rachel's given her blessing, they all hug and congratulate Ross and Emily.

Everyone else: Rachel's awakened to a man singing his joy at it being a new morning. Rachel is not pleased. She yells at the singing man, who lives across an alley, but he's too delighted with the beginning of the day to desist. Rachel slams the window down on him, storming out into the main rooms. She tells Monica and Joey everything she hates about the apartment. Monica tries to convince Rachel that the apartment's okay, but Rachel's having none of it. Monica scolds Rachel, because Monica worked really hard to make the apartment nice. They hug it out. Joey talks about how great the apartment is, but Monica yells at him because the apartment sucks. Chandler and Joey are in their apartment, watching a Kung Fu movie, when Phoebe comes in. She's wearing a pair of Santa Clause pants, which she believes are maternity pants. Joey and Chandler point out the mistake, but she pulls out a list of baby names, separated into good and bad columns. She finally realizes they're pants from a Santa costume. Monica and Rachel come over, wondering what's appropriate to wear to a Knicks game. Rachel's ended up with her Dad's season tickets, but doesn't really care one way or the other about them, even though they're great seats. Rachel offers them the tickets, but only if the girls can have their apartment back. Chandler refuses to give up his bachelor pad, though he's not had a girl in that apartment. Chandler and Joey go into Central Perk, and discuss the apartment/Knicks tickets issue. Joey wants the tickets, but Chandler doesn't want to give up the apartment. The girls come back later, offering the tickets again, but Chandler still says no. Joey really wants to do it, but Chandler holds him back; he's not giving up the big apartment. Chandler's adamant, but does admit they might switch apartments for more than Knicks tickets. Joey wants to give up the apartment precisely because it is Knicks tickets. Chandler refuses, but Rachel suggests a bet. Joey wants to do it, and convinces Chandler by playing the best friend card. Phoebe gets to decide what game they play, but Phoebe makes up a weird non-game thing. Monica protests, and decides they should just grab a pack of cards, the high card being the winner. The girls pick first, ending up with four. The guys get an Ace. There's some confusion over whether Ace is high or low, so they pick again. The girls draw a Queen, but the guys draw a King. Chandler's gleeful, because he gets the tickets and the apartment. Joey doesn't understand why Monica and Rachel are so cranky; he thinks they won the apartment back, but Chandler sets him straight. The guys come back from the game, deciding to give some free t-shirts to Monica and Rachel. They go into Monica and Rachel's, and Chandler immediately realizes that the girls have moved all he and Joey's stuff back over. Joey doesn't notice, going so far as getting a beer before he realizes. They run across the hall, but Monica and Rachel refuse to let them in. They switched apartments back while the guys were at the game; it was Phoebe's idea, but she feels bad about it now. Chandler tells Monica and Rachel that he and Joey will just switch the apartment backs when Rachel and Monica go to work. Joey's not so into this plan, because he doesn't want to move all the stuff around again. The girls open the door, having planned for Chandler and Joey to react badly. Monica and Rachel tell Chandler and Joey they will kiss for one minute if they can have their apartment back. The guys agree, the girls make-out, and everyone is back with their original apartments.

• I adore the 'morning's here' guy. I get that song stuck in my head all the time!

• David Bowie. Ross.

Not even a little bit. Although, that face Ross makes reminds me of Billie Idol. Also, was anyone else creeped out by David Bowie's bulge in Labyrinth? Scarred me for life.

• Aw, Phoebe in the Santa costume. It's so adorable.

• Rachel's parents divorced at least a year before this season...where'd the tickets come from? I mean, what's her mom been doing with them all that time?

• Ross' earring is ridiculous.

Some guys can pull that off. Not Ross.

• I love the apartment switch back. I don't have much to say, except it's really awesome.

Chandler looks like he's doing a jig of some sort.

He's seriously demented about this apartment thing.

• The earring proposal is super sweet.

For years I've had it in my head that Ross' earring was a diamond stud. Consequently, I couldn't figure out how he was getting it on her finger. I didn't realize it was a gold hoop til this morning. It's like he's trying to be Mr. Clean.

• Gah, poor Rachel. What a horrible way to find out that a guy you were in love with is marrying someone else. She handles it well, though.

You gotta admire the way she deals with this. Ross always comes unhinged with stuff, but Rachel's usually quite calm.

• Guys really are ridiculous. Knicks tickets won't do it, but two girls making-out will? Ooookay.

Oh. My. God.

"Monica, you don't even have a bed, you sleep in a ball on the floor!" -Rachel, to Monica, who's trying to make Rachel feel better about the apartment situation.

"See, this is a great apartment!"

"Shut up! This place is a HOLE!" -Joey and Monica.

"Santa pants. Santa Claus's pants." -Chandler, to Phoebe, about her pants.

"Hey, Pheebs! How are the elves?" -Rachel, seeing Phoebe's new pants.

"Hey guys, what-what should I wear to a Knicks game?"

"Uhh, a t-shirt that says, 'I don't belong here'." -Monica and Chandler.

"No, but, uh, Joey has, and I usually talk to them in the morning time." -Chandler, to Monica, because he hasn't ever taken a girl to his bachelor pad.

"Yes, Gunther, can I get two cups of chino, please?" Chandler, being kind of a yuppie idiot.

"You do know that Wham broke up?" -Chandler, seeing Ross' earring for the first time.

"And I love the milk! But, I'm not gonna ask some British girl to move in with me! Joey, you say things now." -Chandler, not making any sense.

"Screw the Knicks!" -Chandler, not wanting to give up the apartment for basketball tickets.

"I left some knickers under your pillow." -Emily, to Ross, before she leaves.

"I'm always hearing about uh, foreigners coming in here and stealing American jobs; that could be you!" -Ross, to Emily, wanting her to move to New York.

"Damn! I thought that was going to be romantic as hell!" -Ross, after his earring proposal.

"We'll discuss it in the morning!" -Monica, to the guys, after the apartment switch back.

"Oh, are you pregnant, too?!" -Phoebe, learning about Ross' impending marriage.

"Monica and Rachel made out." -Joey, to Ross.