TOW: the Boobies

Joey: is visited by his father, Joey Sr (Robert Costanzo). Joey Sr. is on the phone, saying romantic things. Joey assumes it's his mom and takes the phone from his dad. Joey learns that his dad has a mistress, Ronnie (Lee Garlington), a pet mortician. They've been together six years. Joey is furious. He and Chandler leave Monica and Rachel's one night to find a woman waiting outside their apartment. It's the mistress, looking for Joey Sr. Ronnie ends up staying over; Joey makes his father and Ronnie sleep in separate rooms, with he and Chandler taking the couch. Before bed, Joey tells his dad to end it with Ronnie or tell his mom what's going on. Joey tells Chandler he's worried he'll end up being like his father, but Chandler reassures him. The next day Joey's mom (Brenda Vaccaro) comes to visit. She tells Joey she was happy with the way things were; she knew about the affair, but was ignoring it. In the end, Joey butts out and his dad continues seeing Ronnie and his mom continues pretending it isn't happening.

Phoebe: dates a psychiatrist, Roger (Fisher Stevens). Phoebe really likes him and the gang seems to really like him, too. That is until Roger starts psychoanalyzing everyone. The gang starts to really hate Roger and they tell Phoebe how they feel. Phoebe talks to Roger about it. Roger responds by criticizing the group. Phoebe breaks up with him.

Chandler: goes to Monica and Rachel's one morning, raiding their refrigerator. Rachel comes out from a shower, wearing only a towel. Chandler sees her boobies. Chandler is Roger's first victim; Roger tells him he uses humor to create distance with people.

Rachel: walks out of the shower and drops her towel when Chandler scares her. She's a little mad at him for seeing her boobies. Ross suggests that she'd feel better if she got to see Chandler's thing. Ronnie tells Rachel that Chandler is in the shower and Rachel goes into Chandler and Joey's bathroom, expecting to see naked Chandler, but it's Joey. Rachel tells Roger a traumatic story about Weebels being given away.

Ross: is told by Roger that he married Carol because he wanted his marriage to fail. Roger also says Ross may have married a lesbian to make up for over shadowing a sibling. Ross is not happy thinking that he subconsciously knew that Carol was a lesbian and married her to make Monica look better to their parents.

Monica: is equally upset by Roger's psychoanalysis. She eats cookies to make herself feel better. Joey walks in on her in the shower, thinking it's Rachel. Monica tries to walk in on Joey as pay-back, but walks in on Joey Sr. instead.

• Here's a more concise breakdown of all the nakedness. Chandler sees Rachel. Rachel sees Joey. Joey sees Monica. Monica sees Joey Sr.
  

• I'm honestly surprised that they haven't all seen each other naked before this point. I mean, with all the times Joey and Chandler walk in unannounced. And in the flashback episode, of how they all met, Joey takes his clothes off when Monica fixes him lemonade.
  

• I hate Fisher Stevens.

It's an irrational sort of hate. I have no reason to dislike him. I just do. Doesn't he just--just look irritating?

• This is Ronnie and Joey Sr. :
  

Joey Sr. reminds me of Danny DeVito. I can't even bring myself to talk about Ronnie's clothes. Are--are those stirrup-pants?? With cowboy boots??? I love this picture, btw, it looks like Ronnie is about to beat the crap out of Joey Sr.

• I would not stay with my husband if he had a mistress. I'm not sure if it's admirable or stupid that Joey's mom is willing to overlook it. Granted, that's probably a little heavy for a 'Friends' episode. I'm just sayin.' I do like this storyline, though. It gives Joey a chance to be mature. And it shows that there's a heart under the womanizing exterior.
  

Oh.My.God.


"That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your...nipular areas." -Chandler, after seeing Rachel's boobies.

"It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts." -Chandler, explaining the boobie incident to Ross.

"Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice." -Rachel, disliking Chandler saying her boobies were only nice.

"Alright, alright. We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your pee-pee." -Ross, attempting to resolve the boobie incident between Rachel and Chandler.

"C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat."
"Well, I'm not showing you my 'tat'." -Rachel and Chandler, over whether she gets to see his 'pee-pee.'

"Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good!" -Ross, after Roger's psychoanalysis.

"Oh look, it's the woman we ordered." -Chandler, finding Ronnie outside their apartment.

"Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip." -Chandler, after Ronnie offers a Cheese Nip.

"I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room!" -Joey, after having a talk with his dad.

"I've been thinking. Y' know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls..."
"Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?" -Joey and Chandler.

"If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom." -Chandler on his future.

TOW: the Dozen Lasagnas

Monica: makes a dozen lasagnas for her Aunt Silvia, only Aunt Silvia doesn't want them because they're not vegetarian. Monica is stuck with all the lasagnas. She gifts the lasagnas to anyone she can. She has a lot of fun with Chandler and Joey's new Foosball table, but she is extra competitive and really cocky about winning. At the end, Chandler and Joey have to carry her out of their apartment because she will not leave.

Phoebe: is a masseuse. She's working one day when Paolo comes in for a massage. He unselfconsciously disrobes, but Phoebe quickly covers him up. The scene cuts away and the next time we see Phoebe she comes into Central Perk in a very bad mood. She tells the gang, except Rachel, who is waitressing, that Paolo hit on her during the massage. At Ross's prompting, Phoebe decides to tell Rachel what happened. Phoebe makes cookies and tells Rachel what Paolo did.

Rachel: is planning a trip to the Poconos with Paolo. She's really excited about the trip and is developing stronger feelings for him. Phoebe comes over and brings her oatmeal cookies. Rachel learns about what Paolo did. She's not angry at Phoebe, but is hurt and furious with Paolo. Rachel throws Paolo's clothes off their balcony and breaks up with him. She stays on the balcony, being sad, and Ross comes out to talk to her. She says she wants to stay away from men for awhile. While Ross is attempting to convince her not to swear off men, Rachel accidentally tells him the sex of the baby.

Ross: makes a point of being incredibly disgusted whenever Paolo is around or mentioned. He's been reading pregnancy literature to be able to help Carol. He has to take the books back to Carol and Susan and while at their apartment he learns that Carol had a doctors appointment and knows the sex of the baby. Ross doesn't want to know, but he's still curious and has to continually stop himself from asking what the sex is. The gang all know the sex, but Ross still doesn't want to know. When Paolo hits on Phoebe, Ross encourages Phoebe to tell Rachel. Chandler and Joey convince Ross to go comfort Rachel after the break-up with Paolo. While telling Rachel not to swear off men all together, Rachel lets slip that the baby is a boy.

Chandler and Joey: break their kitchen table. They go shopping for a new table, a big step in their roommate relationship. Joey is a little jealous of Chandler's old roommate, Kip. They go to the table store and argue about what kind of table they want. They end up getting a Foosball table. They play several games with Monica and Ross and with Monica solo. Monica always wins and they don't much enjoy playing with her after awhile.

• Joey does this little your-baby-is-tiny-and-this-is-what-he-sounds-like thing with Ross and is so adorable. I'm not all about Joey, but in this instance I want to, like, fluff his hair and pinch his cheeks.

So cute.

• Ugly Naked Guy makes shadow puppets!!!
  

• Chandler and Joey still have houseplants. How are they alive? Chandler and Joey can't even keep a table in one piece and we're supposed to think they can care for plants? I don't think so.
  

• Okay, seriously, where the eff does Paolo live? In TOW: the Blackout I thought he was supposed to live in the building. I mean if not, why is his cat in their apartment building and why is Paolo wondering around their building in the dark? Cause that's not creepy. But in this episode, Rachel has to wait a fair amount of time for him to come over. I'm confused.
  

• I like that Phoebe just rolls Paolo right off the massage table when he cops a feel. Yay, Phoebe!
  

I hate Paolo.

• I'm glad that the writers didn't make Phoebe and Rachel fight about the Paolo thing. If they had fought about it, I'd have lost my respect for the characters. Paolo really isn't worth it.

• Ross really has a problem with these giant necked sweaters. I kind of hate them. I can let the unfortunate sweater choice go, though, because of how sweet he is when he talks to Rachel.

• Any sort of sing-a-long, or in this case, hum-a-long, makes my life. This goes firmly in the 'best moment ever' category.
  

I am currently irritating everyone in my immediate vicinity with constant repetitions of the 'Odd Couple Theme.' Seriously, this is the most totally awesome thing ever. I fully support randomly breaking into song, or, uh, hum.

Oh. My. God.

"Ooh, this is cool. It says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta."
"And, we're done with the yogurt." -Phoebe and Chandler, reading Ross's baby books.

"How come you don't live with Mommy? How come Mommy lives with that other lady? What's a lesbian?" -Joey, pretending to be Ross's baby.

"Don't you want to know about the sex?"
"The sex? Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya..." Carol and Ross, having a misunderstanding discussing the sex of the baby.

"Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio."
"You knew about that?"
"Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination." -Chandler and Joey, discussing the broken table.

"I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt!"
"Or an uncle..." -Monica and Joey, talking about Ross's baby.

"All right, you know Paolo?"
"I'm familiar with his work, yes..." -Phoebe and Ross.

"Oh, boy scouts could've camped under there." -Phoebe, describing her encounter with Paolo.

"So what, like people are gonna come in and think, 'Uh-oh, I'm outside again?'" -Joey, wondering why he and Chandler can't buy patio furniture for their kitchen table.

"Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!" -Chandler, debating the merits of birds over lady bugs as furniture decor.

"Oh, but he was my pig man..." -Rachel, talking to Phoebe about Paolo.

"Ok, that's either, 'How could you?' or 'Enormous breasts!'" -Monica, interpreting the gestures Rachel's making to Paolo.

"And that would be a shut-down!"
"Shut-OUT!!!" -Monica, Joey and Chandler, playing Foosball.

TOW: Mrs. Bing

Monica and Phoebe: are at a newsstand when they see an attractive guy. Phoebe convinces Monica to whistle at him. When Monica does, the guy looks up and is hit by an ambulance. Phoebe and Monica visit 'Coma Guy' in the hospital and take care of him. They start fighting over him because they each start visiting the hospital separately. Phoebe is performing a song about the guy in Central Perk and Monica sneaks out to visit him. Phoebe chases after Monica. When they get to the hospital the guy is awake, but not as gracious as Phoebe and Monica expected. They're angry at him and leave the hospital as friends again.

Ross: is upset when Paolo comes back from Rome. Paolo and Rachel are all over each other and Ross is jealous. He drinks too much tequila at dinner with Chandler's mom (Morgan Fairchild) because of Paolo and Rachel. Ross goes to the restroom and when he exits Mrs. Bing is using the pay phone. They talk about Rachel and Paolo and how Paolo is a secondary character, but Ross is the hero. They end up kissing. Joey catches them, but d0esn't tell Chandler. Ross tries to convince Joey to never tell, but Joey doesn't agree. Ross first tells Chandler that Paolo kissed his mom, but then confesses he kissed Mrs. Bing. Chandler won't talk to him, but Ross tries to apologize. Ross attempts to make Chandler see that there were two people involved in the kiss and he should be mad at both. Ross and Chandler make up after Chandler talks to his mom.

Chandler: is not happy when he learns his mom is coming for a visit. Mrs. Bing ) is a romance novel author and appears on' The Tonight Show' to promote her book. She's over the top and very open about her sexuality, making Chandler incredibly uncomfortable. The group, and Mrs. Bing, go to dinner at a Mexican restaurant where they drink lots of tequila. Chandler notices that Joey and Ross are being weird, but does not know why, until Ross confesses he kissed Chandler's mom. Chandler is angry with Ross, but not as angry with his mom. Chandler finally confronts his mom about her behavior and feels better, forgiving Ross.

Joey: goes to the bathroom at dinner and sees Ross and Mrs. Bing kiss. He doesn't tell Chandler, but he thinks that Ross should confess. He gets upset when Ross says that Mrs. Bing isn't like a regular mom because she's hot. Joey wants to know why his mom isn't hot and tries to convince Ross for the rest of the episode that she was attractive in her day.

Rachel: spends most of the episode making out with or being licked by Paolo. She loves Mrs. Bing's books and decides to write her own. She hands out copies of the last chapter for everyone to read. There are a lot of typos in the manuscript and everyone makes fun of her. She takes the copies back.

• Let's take a moment to admire Phoebe's 'Blossom' Hat

Monica's hat is pretty epic, but Phoebe's is in a class all its own.

• I guess if you had to get hit by a car, an ambulance is the right vehicle for the job.
  

• I'm not sure how I feel about the hotness of Coma Guy. Here he kinda looks like Cary Elwes. 'Princess Bride' era Cary Elwes, not 'Saw' era.
  

But sometimes, especially in the coma and after he wakes up, he reminds me of Willem Dafoe.

• I for one think Nora Bing is freakin' awesome. She writes a book called 'Mistress Bitch' for christ's sake! What's not to love? Also, if that book really existed, I'd totally buy it.

• Monica and Phoebe's storyline is a little, ummm, boring and dumb. I'm just really not in to them fighting over this guy that neither of them know. Maybe if I found coma guy more attractive I'd understand, but as it is, this part of the episode makes me all 'eh.'
  

• I'll admit to occasionally having the mentality of a twelve year old boy when it comes to dirty things. I still giggle when people say sixty-nine, after all, but Rachel's typos in her book make my flippin' day.
  

• Chandler's mom:
  

• I still want to know why Mrs. Bing was arrested. They never say. It has something to do with sex and Kung Pow Chicken....ah, the endless possibilities.
  

Oh. My. God

"Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that he'd turn around and say 'I love that sound, I must have you now'? -Monica, after Coma Guy was hit by the ambulance.

"Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?" -Chandler, after learning about Coma Guy

"When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?"
"Last night."
"Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?...Just a dream I had-but, phew." -Ross and Monica.

"Your mom was arrested?"
"Shh, busy beaming with pride." -Phoebe and Chandler, watching Mrs. Bing on 'The Tonight Show.'

"Oh no, I'm a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms."
"...And then he burst into flames." -Mrs. Bing and Chandler.

"Uhhh, I'll just pee in the street." -Joey, seeing Ross and Mrs. Bing kissing on his way to the bathroom.

"He's not even wearing a jockstrap!"
"What did I ask?" -Joey and Monica, as Joey and Ross are trying to hide what they're talking about after Ross kisses Mrs. Bing.

"Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?" -Rachel, asking for Monica's advice on her romance novel

"Because it's complicated, it's complex-Hey, you kissed my mom!"
"We're rehearsing a Greek play." -Chandler and Ross, arguing in Central Perk.

"You kissed my best Ross!" -Chandler, confronting his mom.

"Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door." -Ross, finding Joey eavesdropping.

"Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not reaching for her 'heaving beasts'."
"What's a 'niffle'?"
"You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'." -Rachel, Monica, and Joey, reading Rachel's first chapter.

"Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? You don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!" -Ross, reading Rachel's first chapter.

TOW: the Monkey

It's the holiday season in 'Friends' land!

Ross-gets a monkey, named Marcel. Ross is glad to have a pet since Carol left. Things with Marcel are not great; Monica doesn't like him, and he becomes distant with Ross. Chandler checks in on Marcel one night when Ross has to work late, and Chandler and Marcel have a great time. At the New Year's party, Marcel ignores Ross the whole night. Oh, Ross is the only person who doesn't have a date for New Year's at any time during this episode.

Monica-doesn't like Marcel at all, especially when he messes with her spatulas and pees on her coffee table. Really, can you blame her? She invites an ex-boyfriend, Fun Bobby, to New Year's. When Fun Bobby arrives he's no fun because his grandpa just died.

Phoebe- performs in Central Perk where she's interrupted by two geeky looking guys, David (Hank Azaria) and Max. They were discussing how beautiful David thought Phoebe was. David is a physicist. Anyway, he and Phoebe start dating and he becomes Phoebe's New Year's date. Before the party, though, David learns that he and Max got a grant to study in Minsk for 3 years, starting January 1. David doesn't know what to do and lets Phoebe make the decision, which is for him not to go. Max is furious. At the New Year's party, Phoebe sees how much going means to David and tells him that he has to go.

Joey-doesn't get the job as mall Santa Claus, a job he's had before. Instead, he's an elf. At work, he meets a single mom and invites her to New Year's. Sandy, the single mom, brings her kids to the party, which makes Joey feel awkward. He ends up taking care of the kids while Sandy hooks up with scientist guy Max.

Chandler- is freaking out about not having a New Year's date. To take the pressure off, he decides that everyone should make a pact not to have dates for New Year's. They halfheartedly agree. When Chandler learns Phoebe invited David, he acts all mad, but in actuality had already invited Janice. Janice thinks this means they are back together and spends most of the party saying how happy she is they're dating again. Chandler finally tells her the truth and Janice is mad.

Rachel-thinks Paolo is going to be in Rome for New Year's, so she's dateless irregardless of the pact. Paolo gets an earlier flight, though, but he misses it. Rachel is attacked by an angry woman at the airport, fighting over a cab. The woman tackles her, making Rachel hit her head on the curb and cut her lip on her attack whistle. Rachel tries to have fun at the party, but her eye is swelling shut and she can't drink anything without spilling it.

In the end, they all don't have dates, like they agreed on. Chandler really wants to kiss someone, but Phoebe's too sad and Rachel's lip hurts too bad. Monica doesn't want to kiss everyone. Joey ends up kissing Chandler to make him shut-up.

• I freaking love Hank Azaria!! Sweet, nerdy David is only one of the reasons I love Hank Azaria so very much. Agador, effing Spartacus???? I'm not sure if anyone else's ever seen Eulogy, but it's kind of awesome (also, Zooey Deschanel). And the Showtime show, Huff, which probably boasts one of the best, weirdest lines ever in, "You fucked my mother?!?!" Amazing.

• There are some incredibly, incredibly bad clothes in this episode. I think it's because the costume designers used up their budget on party clothes, but still. No excuse. Here's a sample of the bad.

Oh my God, the maroon. It hurts me. Chandler's sweater is frightening. Joey and Rachel are the only bright spots.


I feel physical pain looking at this.


I know better than to expect much from Janice, but yeesh. The big pink bow!

• I didn't realize getting a cab at the airport was so dangerous in the nineties. But, y'know, poor Rachel. I blame Paolo. Bastard.

• I'm with Monica on the Marcel thing. Gross, Ebola-ridden, flee-bitten thing.

• I'm legit creeped out by the chick Joey meets while dressed as an elf. That's just weird. I think there's a rule about not checking out dudes with pointed, jingly shoes.

• Ugly Naked Guy hangs candy canes...places.

• Chandler's midnight kiss.
  

Oh.My.God

" Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!" -Chandler, meeting Marcel the first time.

"I made a man with eyes of coal/ And a smile so bewitchin'/ How was I supposed to know/ That my mom was dead in the kitchen?" -Phoebe's song.

"That guy's going home with a note." -Chandler, while David is being scolded by Phoebe.

"...You are luminous with a kind of delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling." -David, explaining to Phoebe what he and Max were talking about.

"I mean, God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! Ooooh, did I just share too much?" -Rachel, learning that Phoebe and David hadn't even kissed by the 6th date.

"I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped!"
"Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history."
"I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!" -Chandler and Monica, as the dating pact unravels.

"Too many jokes! Must mock Joey!" -Chandler, seeing Joey in his elf costume.

"I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table." -Monica's response to Ross asking if Monica would treat Marcel badly if he was not a monkey, but Ross's girlfriend.

"And then your face exploded?" -Phoebe, seeing Rachel after she's attacked.

"I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocket book- starts yelling at me." -Rachel's explanation of the woman who attacked her.

"Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I mentally undressed an elf." -Sandy hitting on Joey. Ew.

"Kill me. Kill me now." -Chandler, responding to Janice asking Ross to take their picture.

"Hi, Max!"
"Yoko." -Phoebe and Max, after David decides not to go to Minsk.

TOW: Underdog Gets Away

Rachel: is supposed to go to Vail with her family for Thanksgiving, only this year she's supposed to pay for her own ticket. She asks her boss for an advance and customers for advances on tips, but still doesn't have enough money. When she gets home from work, Monica gives her an envelope with the money for the ticket, everyone chipped in $20. When Underdog gets away and they get locked out of the apartment, Rachel misses her flight.

Ross: finds out from Monica that their parents are spending Thanksgiving in Puerto Rico. He's really upset and Monica agrees to make Thanksgiving dinner. Ross wants it exactly like their mom makes and is critical of Monica's cooking. Ross goes to Carol and Susan's because he let Carol borrow a skull and needs it back. Susan tells him that she's been reading to the baby. Ross thinks that's weird, but wants to try because Susan does it. He sings 'Hey, Hey, We're the Monkee's' to the baby and it kicks for the first time. He and Monica get in a fight when he finds Thanksgiving dinner burnt.

Joey: comes in to Central Perk wearing make-up. He tells the gang that he's now a model-slash-actor. He just came from a photo shoot for the NYC Free Clinic to be on a poster. Joey's in a subway station when he runs into a woman he used to work with at Macy's. She agrees to get a drink with him, but then quickly backs out. Joey turns around and see's his picture on a poster for VD. His family un-invites him to Thanksgiving because they think he has VD. He's going to have Thanksgiving at Monica's and wants tater-tots like his mom makes.

Phoebe- isn't celebrating Thanksgiving with her grandmother until December. She asks Monica to make mashed potatoes with onions and peas like her mom used to make before she killed herself.

Monica- agrees to make Thanksgiving dinner for everyone and in the special way they request. She gets really stressed, though, because Ross is giving her a hard time and people keep requesting different things. She's reluctant to leave when Underdog escapes, but relents only to find herself locked out. Dinner is ruined and Monica freaks out because it was her first Thanksgiving dinner and she was trying really hard. Everyone fights because they're disappointed about the meal.

Chandler-doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving because it's when his parents told him they were getting divorced. Monica brings him stuff for grilled cheese, tomato soup, and Funyuns. When the Underdog balloon escapes, he tells everyone at Monica's and they all go up on the roof to watch. After they get locked out and Thanksgiving dinner is ruined, he shares his grilled cheese and is glad that everyone is spending the day together.

• Rachel's boss, Terry, has the most irritating voice on the planet. He also reminds me of some sort of...varmint...like a weasel or a ferret.
• If I were Monica, I'd, like, puncture Ross with a meat thermometer, or something. He's so mean about wanting the food a particular way and Monica tries so hard.
  

• I feel pretty bad for Joey this episode.
  
• 

I mean, that's pretty humiliating. Especially since this poster is everywhere. Even in Times Square. It's also really unrealistic. I mean it is literally in every single place Joey goes. There are hundreds of copies of this poster and only this poster.

• After dinner is ruined, the gang watches Ugly Naked Guy take his turkey out of the oven. They see that U.N.G. has an Ugly Naked Gal and it makes them feel better. Awww.

• Rachel is one of my favorite characters, but seriously, the "shooping" gets really old after, like, the very first time.
  

• Joey and his tots remind me of 'Napoleon Dynamite.' Every time Joey says, 'tot,' I immediately think, 'Napoleon, give me some your tots!'

• Oh! This is the first episode where we hear about the 'Friends' head-in-Thanksgiving-Turkey thing.
  

Oh. My. God.

"That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman." -Chandler, after Joey comes into Central Perk wearing make-up.

"And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays?"
"Yes, every single one of them." -Monica and Chandler, making Thanksgiving plans.

"Ooh, ohh, because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner." -Ross, after Phoebe suggests inviting Carol to Thanksgiving.

"Kinda like a big face without skin." -Ross, responding to Susan asking what the skull looks like.

"Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian."
"Well, y'know, you have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it." -Ross and Susan.

"I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head." -Chandler, after Phoebe tells Ross to put his head in the turkey to simulate what a baby in a womb can hear.

"Oh, you must stop shooping." -Chandler, sick of hearing Rachel's skiing noise.

"But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a TOT!" -Joey, expressing his desire for Thanksgiving tater-tots.

"The balloon?"
"No, no, the actual cartoon character." -Joey and Chandler, after Chandler announces that Underdog escaped.

"Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts." -Ross, singing to the baby to the tune of 'Hey, Hey, We're the Monkees'.

TOW: Nana Dies Twice

Ross: The gang is having dinner together at Monica and Rachel's when the call comes that Monica and Ross's Nana is dying. Ross and Monica go to the hospital. A nurse tells the family that Nana has passed. Ross and Monica go in to say good-bye, but when Ross leans down to kiss her, Nana comes back to life. After Nana is definitely gone, Ross helps his mom and aunt pick out Nana's outfit. While in her closet searching for shoes, Ross finds all the Sweet n' Low packets Nana stole over the years. Ross falls in to an open grave at the cemetery and hurts his back. He takes prescription pain pills and passes out on Rachel's lap.

Monica: helps her dad pick out caskets after Nana dies. At the hospital, and then throughout the episode, Mrs. Geller continuously criticizes Monica. After the funeral, Mrs. Geller tells Monica how critical Nana could be. Monica asks her mom if it would've been better to tell Nana how she felt, but Mrs. Geller says 'no.' Mrs. Geller goes to fix Monica's hair, but stops when she realizes she's being like Nana.

Chandler: is at work when co-worker Shelly talks about setting him up on a blind date for Saturday. Shelly thinks Chandler is gay. At Monica and Rachel's, he asks if the others thought he was gay. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel thought he was when they first met. Chandler tries to find out what about him seems gay, but all anyone can say is that it's "a quality." At work, Chandler asks Shelly why she thought he was gay. They discuss Chandler's chances with Lowell from Financial Services and how Brian from pay-role is out of his league. At the end of the episode, Chandler talks to Lowell about gay-dar and how Brian is gay, but out of Chandler's league.

Joey: brings a portable tv to Nana's funeral to watch a Giants, Cowboys game. At the Geller's, all the male family and friends end up watching the game.

Rachel: Paolo sends her shoes from Italy. She steps in mud at the cemetery. Ross is gleeful.

Phoebe: doesn't have much to do this episode. :(

• Maybe Shelly thinks Chandler is gay because he calls her "gorgeous." Just sayin'.
  

• Nana has a giant armoire shoved in her closet. Ross has to climb over it so he can pick out the clothes she'll be buried in. So, uh, if her clothes are behind the armoire, how did Nana get dressed?
  

• It's raining sugar packets!
  

What's the point of collecting Sweet n' Low?

• Brian from pay-role makes me think of this Brian:

It'd really change the show, no?

• The sunglasses brigade makes me giggle.

• The gaggle of men behind Mrs. Geller's shoulder:

is, in no way, conspicuous. Way to be subtle, guys. Also, Rachel sitting their with Ross on her lap just about kills me. She wipes cracker crumbs off him at one point. Amazing.

Oh. My. God.

"Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights. Does it get any better than this?" -Chandler to Shelly, while having lunch at work.

"She may have died."
"She may have died?"
"We're looking into it." -Mr. Geller and Aunt Lillian, discussing Nana's status.

"Yeah, you have homosexual hair." -Phoebe, about Chandler's 'quality.'

"I just sharpened her this morning." -Rachel to Phoebe, after giving her a little yellow pencil to remind Phoebe of her dead friend, Debbie.

"...And then we throw your body in the water...Gee, that does sound fun." -Monica, responding to Mr. Geller wanting to be buried at sea.

"Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me...I'm really not." -Chandler, after Shelly says Brian from pay-role is out of his league.

"That's really a day shoe."
"And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier?" -Mrs. Geller and Ross, deciding on Nana's shoes.

"Not the first two, but the second two, woooo!" -Ross, after taking pain meds.

"Now I'm depressed!" -Mr. Geller, watching the football game.

"Your grandmother would've hated this."
"Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all." -Mrs. Geller and Monica.

TOW: the Blackout

The gang is in Central Perk getting ready to hear Phoebe perform when the power goes out. Everyone is together except for Chandler, who's at the bank.

Ross: tells Rachel he see's 'big passion in her future,' after the 'strangest place you've had sex conversation.' Joey tells him he's entering the 'friend zone' with Rachel and that he needs to make a move right away. Ross goes out on the balcony with Rachel and works up the courage to ask her out. A cat jumps on his back before he can get the words out and then Rachel becomes obsessed with finding the cat's owner. Rachel brings back Paolo.

Rachel: has never had sex in a weird place. She believes it's because she's never been in a relationship with that kind of passion. Ross comforts her and then he comes out to the balcony to talk to her. Before Ross can say anything she spots the cat and the cat jumps on Ross. Rachel decides she needs to find the owner of the cat, so she and Phoebe go around the building. Rachel runs in to Paolo and finds the passion she's been looking for.

Monica: thinks that Ross is planning her a surprise party when he's on the balcony with Rachel. Or at least, Joey tells her that to keep her from interrupting Ross making his move. She also used to have a crush on Joey when he first moved in because of his nice arms.

Joey: attempts to help Ross make a move. He lies to Monica to keep her from getting in the way. He keeps harassing Monica about his nice arms.

Phoebe: sings in this episode! She thinks she's the last person in the group to find out stuff. She goes with Rachel to find the owner of the cat.

Chandler: is in an ATM vestibule when the blackout happens and is trapped inside with a Victoria's Secret model (Jill Goodacre). He's really nervous and awkward, which leads to incredible, though inadvertent, creepiness. He chokes on a piece of gum and Jill gives him the Heimlich, breaking the ice between them. They hang out for the rest of the blackout and before Jill leaves she kisses him on the cheek. Chandler asks the security people for a copy of the surveillance tape.

• Ross wears a horrible sweater.
  

The neck looks like it's trying to eat his head.

• Jill Goodacre tells her mom she's stuck in the ATM vestibule with 'some guy.' Chandler's all excited to be 'some guy,' which makes me think of 'some pig' from 'Charlotte's Web.'
  

• They watch Ugly Naked Guy light candles and he burns...something.
  

• Rachel's never had sex in a strange place. This doesn't make sense to me because she had sex with, like, everyone when they were in high school. Surely, in all that time, she had sex somewhere weird. One would think.

• Rachel wears a really awesome skirt this episode. It totally makes up for all the denim.

It's pleated and all kinds of nifty and I want one.

• Mr. Heckles makes his first appearance. Rachel and Phoebe go to his apartment to see if the cat is his.
  

• I. Hate. Paolo. Sincerely.
  

My brain refuses to recognize any sort of hotness he may have. I don't get it. I feel like I should find him attractive, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe do, but all I can muster up is a lackluster meh. So greasy.

• Ross's face when the lights come on and Rachel and Paolo are kissing:

Poor, sad Ross.

• I can't adequately articulate how much I love this.
  

Oh.My.God.

"Well, it was the only thing that didn't have a line." -Ross, telling about he and Carol having sex on the 'It's a Small World After All' Disney ride.

"Eventually, it kind of...burns out. But hopefully what you're left with is trust, and security, and, well...in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism." -Ross, explaining passionate relationships to Rachel.

The First time Phoebe sings!!! It's really something that must be heard to appreciate.


"During a blackout? He'd get trampled!"
"Yeah?" -Rachel and Ross, after the cat jumps on Ross.

"No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives." -Ross, wanting to know where Paolo came from.

"That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!" -Ross, talking to Paolo.