TOW: Barry and Mindy's Wedding

Rachel and Ross: Rachel is Mindy's maid-of-honor. She tries on the dress and it's horrible. Big and ugly and pink. She's worried about looking awful, but everyone tells her she looks good. There's also a pink, wide brimmed, straw hat. She and Ross are at the wedding, it's about to start. Rachel went to the bathroom and starts freaking out a little because she sees the window she crawled out of at her wedding. She thinks she shouldn't be there, but Ross comforts her and she feels better. Ross goes into church and Rachel prepares to walk in with the other bride's maids. The back of her dress is tucked in her underwear. Rachel is humiliated. Ross didn't tell her about her dress, Barry's uncle does. She tells Ross this is her most embarrassing moment, even worse than when she had to sing "Copacabana" in front of the whole school and ran out after the first two lines. Guests keep coming up to Rachel saying "they're glad to see her back on her feet." Barry tells Rachel his parents told people that Rachel ran out of their wedding because she was insane because she had syphilis. Barry's best-man (Peter Spears) makes a speech where he makes fun of Rachel. Ross makes his own speech defending Rachel. Instead of making things better, Ross humiliates her more. Rachel starts to leave and Barry makes a snide remark about taking bets on when she'd walk out. Rachel makes a speech and sings "Copacabana." Ross feels bad for not kissing Joey to help get a role. He storms into Chandler and Joey's and kisses Joey.

Chandler and Phoebe: Chandler joins the group in Monica and Rachel's and they all notice he's wearing the same clothes as he did the day before. Chandler says he was up all night chatting to a woman on the internet. He's really in to his internet woman. She calls him on his sarcastic, defensive thing and Chandler stops doing it for awhile. The gang's a little creeped out. Phoebe hangs out with Chandler while he's having an internet date. She starts talking about how the woman might be old, or ugly, or even a man. She and Chandler think of ways to find out the truth without coming out and asking. The internet woman turns out to be married. Chandler's really upset and stops talking to her. Phoebe wants Chandler to not give up and tries to talk him into it. The internet woman asks if she and Chandler can meet. Phoebe convinces Chandler to meet her, even though she's married. Chandler sets up a date in Central Perk, the whole gang is there. He anxiously waits for his mystery lady to walk in. She does. It's Janice. He kisses her. The group is stunned. Phoebe kisses Joey as practice for an audition.

Monica: becomes curious about her future with Richard. Phoebe teases her about Richard and Monica acts like she doesn't need to know if Richard sees himself with her in the future. She comes clean, saying the real reason is that she's terrified to ask Richard about the future. She and Richard babysit Ben and Monica asks about the future. Richard's thought about it and sees them moving to France. Monica likes that idea, but likes the idea of having babies more. Richard doesn't want anymore children. They decide they don't need to make any decisions right away, but Monica's upset about the baby thing. They go to Barry and Mindy's wedding with Ross and Rachel. They talk about the future some more with Monica trying to convince herself she doesn't need to have kids. She realizes that she does really, really want children. She and Richard dance and Richard says he'll have kids with her if he has to for them to stay together. Monica breaks up with him because she doesn't want having children with her to be a burden to Richard.

Joey: has an audition that goes really well. He even meets the director, Warren Beatty. The only problem is, for the audition Joey had to kiss a guy. Joey doesn't mind having to kiss the guy, but Beatty tells him he's a bad kisser. Joey freaks out. He wants one of the girls to kiss him. Phoebe volunteers and says he's an excellent kisser. Monica points out that maybe he didn't kiss well because he was nervous about kissing a guy. Joey tries to get Chandler or Ross to kiss him, but they won't. The rest of the episode he tries to sneak-kiss Chandler, Ross, and Richard. Finally, Ross feels really guilty and kisses Joey, but it's too late. Joey's already had the audition and not gotten the part.

• This dress is almost a physical assault to the eyes.

This looks like a small town theater troupe's version of a Glenda the Good Witch gown.

To add to the horror:

There's a hat. YIKES. What the hell is that silver thing in the middle?

• I really like that Joey isn't particularly upset about having to kiss a guy. I know it's all to get a good role, but it's still cool that he takes it so nonchalantly. The focus isn't on who he's kissing, but his ability to kiss convincingly.
  

• I can't blame Richard for not wanting to have more kids. He's already in his fifties and done the kid thing, but it's definitely a trick situation. I, for one, would rather move to France. Just sayin'.

• Oh, Rachel.
  

To add insult to injury, I'm pretty sure her underwear are orange.

• Oooh, Mindy Sterling (Frau, from Austen Powers) is Barry and Mindy's wedding planner.
  

• Barry is a douche and I hate him. I'd be crazy mad if someone told a whole bunch of people I had syphilis. SYPHILIS.
  

• I miss Jennifer Grey as Mindy. Mindy is played by some person named Jana Marie Hupp.

This wedding is apparently the place fashion sense goes to die.

• Despite understanding Richard not wanting kids, it's still really sad. He and Monica are so good together.

I may've gotten a wee bit misty eyed. Just a wee bit, though.

• It makes sense that Chandler's internet lover is Janice. Part of me is waaay into it, but then...I always sorta want it to be someone else.
  

• Rachel singing.
  

Yeah...this is gonna be stuck in my head all day.

• This is the second season finale. As an episode it's really great, but it's not really...finale-ish. Y'know, usually there's, like, a cliff hanger of some sort, but there really isn't anything this episode. It's still a good episode, though.
  

Oh. My. God.

"See, I, uh, had to kiss this guy."
"Cause he was just so darn cute?" -Joey and Chandler, discussing Joey's audition.

"Over my dead body!"
"And I'll be using his dead body as a shield." -Ross and Chandler, when Joey wants to kiss them.

"I can not believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you're nauseous." -Rachel, on her dress.

"All right, stop it, you're freaking me out."
"Oh yeah, I don't like you this way." -Phoebe and Richard, when Chandler's not making jokes.

"Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel a chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum." -Chandler, about Monica and Richard getting married.

"Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?"
"Like a hound?"
"Not a basset, a bassinet." -Monica and Richard, on their future.

"You really need the bassinet?"
"Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog." -Richard and Monica, about the babies.

"I'm sorry we--we don't have your sheep." -Chandler, upon seeing Rachel in her full bride's maid get-up.

"See, she likes art, and I like funny words." -Chandler, telling Phoebe about the Guggenheim's website.

"It means we're holding hands."
"Are you the cutest?"
"I'm afraid I might just be." -Chandler and Phoebe, while Chandler's on his cyberdate.

"How do you not fall down more?" -Chandler, to Joey after he suggests a way to find out if Chandler's internet friend is a man or woman.

"Y'know what Bar, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least one of your weddings." -Rachel, making her speech.

"So what now?"
"I guess we just keep dancing." -Monica and Richard, after they break up.

"Yeah, cause life's just that kind." -Ross, when a beautiful woman comes into Central Perk and Chandler thinks it's his internet lady.

TOW: the Candy Hearts

Valentine's Day!!!

Ross-hangs out in Central Perk with Chandler and Joey on Valentine's Day Eve. While there, he sees an attractive woman that lives in his building, Kristen. He borrowed an egg from her once and Joey suggests that he give her an egg back as a conversation starter. Ross gets a date for Valentine's Day. He and Kristen go to a sushi restaurant for dinner. They have a pretty awkward date, which only gets worse when Carol and Susan come in. Susan is called away for her job and Ross feels bad for Carol. He invites Carol to eat with him and Kristen. Kristen ends up leaving. Ross talks to Carol about getting back together because they were so good together. Carol says no, telling Ross he just needs to find a woman who likes men.

Chandler- gets roped into going on a double date with Joey on Valentine's Day Eve. Chandler's date turns out to be Janice. Joey ducks out early with his date, leaving his credit card with Chandler and Janice. Chandler takes advantage of the card, buying lots of alcohol for he and Janice. The next morning Chandler wakes to find Janice in bed with him. She thinks they're back together. Chandler is forced to break up with her on Valentine's Day. She's also brought him special candy hearts that say "Chan and Jan 4ever." Janice tells him the breakup is okay, because she knows he loves her.

Monica, Phoebe, Rachel- don't have dates for Valentine's Day. Instead, they decide to do a cleansing ritual to break the bad boyfriend cycle. They burn their ex's stuff. Rachel pours Paolo's grappa into their small fire and it gets out of control. They call the fire department and are embarrassed when the firemen know they were burning their ex-boyfriends things. They flirt with the firemen and ask them out. The firemen agree and the girls think the ritual worked. As the firemen leave the audience learns they're married.

Joey- finally gets a date with Lorraine, a girl he's been after for awhile. The only catch is, Joey has to bring someone along for Lorraine's needy friend. Joey gets Chandler to come with him and the friend turns out to be Janice. During dinner, Lorraine is all over Joey and they leave early due to the promise of slathering. Chandler is mad at being left with Janice, especially after they end up sleeping together. Joey stays with Chandler as he breaks up with Janice.

• I really like the egg thing. It's pretty sweet, I think.

• Look at all of Janice's gold jewelry!!!

Cash 4 Gold was created with her in mind.

• I didn't know Joey had a credit card! I thought Chandler always paid for everything. He'll probably end up paying for all the charges anyway, so what's the point of pretending?

• As Janice is leaving Chandler and Joey's, Monica sees her. Monica has Rachel come out and see, Joey comes home, and Monica calls Ross. What about Phoebe? She really is the last to know.

Hehehehe, I love this picture. And Rachel's pj's.

• I think Ross's thing about how much a dog ages on a cross-continental flight is witty. I'm a nerd.
  

• Susan is some kind of photographer, or maybe, like, an ad. executive, or something. I didn't realize they had emergencies that required pagers and needing to be at the studio at a moments notice.
  

• Carol is admirably sweet with Ross. I like that they're able to have a conversation about getting back together, as unrealistic as that is, without fighting or being mean.

I've always wondered if the mushroom-on-forehead thing was an accident.

• The one firefighter has, like, Rod Blagojevich hair. It's weird.
  

Oh. My. God.

"She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend."
"Think it'll work.?"
"No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg." -Chandler and Joey, about Ross's egg.

"But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do." -Monica, telling Phoebe she shouldn't go out with Roger on Valentine's Day.

"Can you stop yelling'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous." -Joey, in the men's room with Chandler, being scolded about Janice.

"Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks." -Phoebe, discussing what a cleansing ritual entails.

"She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely wanna be a part of it." -Joey, bailing on Chandler.

"The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her...close personal friend." -Ross, explaining to his date who Carol and Susan are.

"Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man."
"Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place." -Phoebe and Rachel, during the cleansing ritual.

"And, Kristin--Kristin--does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!" -Ross trying to introduce his date to Carol.

"You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Jan-ICE, Jan-ICE. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it." -Janice, saying good-bye.

TOW: the Monkey

It's the holiday season in 'Friends' land!

Ross-gets a monkey, named Marcel. Ross is glad to have a pet since Carol left. Things with Marcel are not great; Monica doesn't like him, and he becomes distant with Ross. Chandler checks in on Marcel one night when Ross has to work late, and Chandler and Marcel have a great time. At the New Year's party, Marcel ignores Ross the whole night. Oh, Ross is the only person who doesn't have a date for New Year's at any time during this episode.

Monica-doesn't like Marcel at all, especially when he messes with her spatulas and pees on her coffee table. Really, can you blame her? She invites an ex-boyfriend, Fun Bobby, to New Year's. When Fun Bobby arrives he's no fun because his grandpa just died.

Phoebe- performs in Central Perk where she's interrupted by two geeky looking guys, David (Hank Azaria) and Max. They were discussing how beautiful David thought Phoebe was. David is a physicist. Anyway, he and Phoebe start dating and he becomes Phoebe's New Year's date. Before the party, though, David learns that he and Max got a grant to study in Minsk for 3 years, starting January 1. David doesn't know what to do and lets Phoebe make the decision, which is for him not to go. Max is furious. At the New Year's party, Phoebe sees how much going means to David and tells him that he has to go.

Joey-doesn't get the job as mall Santa Claus, a job he's had before. Instead, he's an elf. At work, he meets a single mom and invites her to New Year's. Sandy, the single mom, brings her kids to the party, which makes Joey feel awkward. He ends up taking care of the kids while Sandy hooks up with scientist guy Max.

Chandler- is freaking out about not having a New Year's date. To take the pressure off, he decides that everyone should make a pact not to have dates for New Year's. They halfheartedly agree. When Chandler learns Phoebe invited David, he acts all mad, but in actuality had already invited Janice. Janice thinks this means they are back together and spends most of the party saying how happy she is they're dating again. Chandler finally tells her the truth and Janice is mad.

Rachel-thinks Paolo is going to be in Rome for New Year's, so she's dateless irregardless of the pact. Paolo gets an earlier flight, though, but he misses it. Rachel is attacked by an angry woman at the airport, fighting over a cab. The woman tackles her, making Rachel hit her head on the curb and cut her lip on her attack whistle. Rachel tries to have fun at the party, but her eye is swelling shut and she can't drink anything without spilling it.

In the end, they all don't have dates, like they agreed on. Chandler really wants to kiss someone, but Phoebe's too sad and Rachel's lip hurts too bad. Monica doesn't want to kiss everyone. Joey ends up kissing Chandler to make him shut-up.

• I freaking love Hank Azaria!! Sweet, nerdy David is only one of the reasons I love Hank Azaria so very much. Agador, effing Spartacus???? I'm not sure if anyone else's ever seen Eulogy, but it's kind of awesome (also, Zooey Deschanel). And the Showtime show, Huff, which probably boasts one of the best, weirdest lines ever in, "You fucked my mother?!?!" Amazing.

• There are some incredibly, incredibly bad clothes in this episode. I think it's because the costume designers used up their budget on party clothes, but still. No excuse. Here's a sample of the bad.

Oh my God, the maroon. It hurts me. Chandler's sweater is frightening. Joey and Rachel are the only bright spots.


I feel physical pain looking at this.


I know better than to expect much from Janice, but yeesh. The big pink bow!

• I didn't realize getting a cab at the airport was so dangerous in the nineties. But, y'know, poor Rachel. I blame Paolo. Bastard.

• I'm with Monica on the Marcel thing. Gross, Ebola-ridden, flee-bitten thing.

• I'm legit creeped out by the chick Joey meets while dressed as an elf. That's just weird. I think there's a rule about not checking out dudes with pointed, jingly shoes.

• Ugly Naked Guy hangs candy canes...places.

• Chandler's midnight kiss.
  

Oh.My.God

" Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!" -Chandler, meeting Marcel the first time.

"I made a man with eyes of coal/ And a smile so bewitchin'/ How was I supposed to know/ That my mom was dead in the kitchen?" -Phoebe's song.

"That guy's going home with a note." -Chandler, while David is being scolded by Phoebe.

"...You are luminous with a kind of delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling." -David, explaining to Phoebe what he and Max were talking about.

"I mean, God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! Ooooh, did I just share too much?" -Rachel, learning that Phoebe and David hadn't even kissed by the 6th date.

"I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped!"
"Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history."
"I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!" -Chandler and Monica, as the dating pact unravels.

"Too many jokes! Must mock Joey!" -Chandler, seeing Joey in his elf costume.

"I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table." -Monica's response to Ross asking if Monica would treat Marcel badly if he was not a monkey, but Ross's girlfriend.

"And then your face exploded?" -Phoebe, seeing Rachel after she's attacked.

"I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocket book- starts yelling at me." -Rachel's explanation of the woman who attacked her.

"Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I mentally undressed an elf." -Sandy hitting on Joey. Ew.

"Kill me. Kill me now." -Chandler, responding to Janice asking Ross to take their picture.

"Hi, Max!"
"Yoko." -Phoebe and Max, after David decides not to go to Minsk.

TOW: the East German Laundry Detergent

Rachel and Ross: Rachel's dad has called her, promising her a Mercedes convertible if she'll come home. Neither of her parents believe she can make it on her own. Rachel and Monica have plans to do laundry Saturday night and Ross is going to join to spend time with Rachel. Monica bails to go on a double-date with Joey. Chandler tells Ross that without Monica there he and Rachel are now on a date. Rachel thinks that by doing laundry correctly she'll prove she's able to live on her own. It doesn't go well, Rachel dyes all of her whites pink. There's also a mean laundry lady, who takes advantage of Rachel. Ross fights with the lady the first time, but by the end of the episode Rachel is able to stand up for herself.

Monica and Joey: Angela, a woman Joey dumped, walks into Central Perk and Joey is all interested in her again. He starts talking to her, but learns she is now dating Bob. In a desperate attempt to try and win Angela back, Joey schedules a double date with his 'girlfriend' Monica. Joey tells Monica it's a blind date and that Bob is Angela's brother. On the date, Joey tries to create tension between Angela and Bob, while Monica is totally creeped out by how Angela and Bob act with each other. When Monica finally realizes that Bob and Angela are not siblings, but a couple, she stays and helps Joey break them up.

Phoebe and Chandler: Chandler has to break up with his girlfriend, Janice(Maggie Wheeler), and Phoebe has to break up with Tony. Chandler is really nervous, so they decide to do the break-ups together in Central Perk. Phoebe breaks up with Tony in about five seconds, but Chandler is having trouble. He drinks, like, fifteen cups of espresso and is spazzing out. In a burst of caffeine induced hyperness he hits Janice in the eye. She goes to the bathroom to fix her contact. When she comes back, Phoebe talks to her and it takes about five seconds for the break-up to be completed.

• The beginning Central Perk conversation is about how women can unhook their bras and pull it out of their sleeve....is this really that impressive? I never realized.
  

• Rachel is wearing yet another denim tank top. the overabundance is about to kill me.
  

• Ugly naked guy lays kitchen tile.
  

• This is Ross's bedroom:

with the bad picture, the violin, and dinosaur. The only thing that seems to belong is the dinosaur. When the scene first started I thought Ross and Chandler where in a waiting room of some sort. Or,like, a Hampton Inn. Either way, it's unpleasant.

• Chandler makes fun of Ross's fabric softener because of Snuggles. Ross buys "Uberweiss" instead. I prefer the Snuggles.
  

• Who in their right mind would let Janice be a photographer? Janice.
  

• Janice is a few levels less irritating than Fran Dreshcer, but I. Love. Janice. Seriously and Deeply. If ever there was a character I love to hate (and hate to love) it's Janice.

• Mean laundromat lady:
  

Yikes.

• Bob is supposed to be hot

I really don't get it. What's with the hair?

• There's this moment, which, while not being one of the best moments ever, is still pretty awesome.

Awww, Ross.

Oh.My.God.
"No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's this horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note." -Chandler, talking about why he doesn't want to break up with Janice.

"That guy, he burns me up." -Ross's reaction upon learning that Rachel's dad offered her a Mercedes to move back home.

"Ok, ok, now what's wrong with my Snuggles? What? It says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy. Y'know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way." -Ross, showing how Snuggles reflects his personality.

"Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies." -Chandler, giving Phoebe an option of something they could do together, besides break up with their significant others.

"Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin."
"Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle." -Rachel and Ross.

"Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing." -Ross, not wanting to tell Rachel she dyed her clothes pink.

"Oh, god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep." -Rachel, examining her pink clothes.

"Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like...cocktails in Appalachia." -Monica, being icked out by Angela and Bob.