TOW: the Dollhouse

Monica and Phoebe: Ross tells Monica that their Aunt Sylvia passed away. Instead of being upset, Monica is positively giddy. Aunt Sylvia wasn't a nice woman, but she also had a much coveted dollhouse. Monica was never allowed to play with the dollhouse as a child, but now that Sylvia's dead, the dollhouse goes to her. Phoebe's excited by the news, too, because she never had a dollhouse as a child. Monica checks out all the features of the dollhouse. Phoebe comes in with a bag full of dollhouse stuff. The bag's filled with random stuff, like a giant ceramic dog, a hankie (it's a ghost), and a dinosaur toy. Phoebe's also decided that the dollhouse was built on radioactive waste and an Indian burial ground. Monica doesn't like any of the stuff Phoebe brought, or the story Phoebe made up about the house. Monica basically tells Phoebe she can't play with the dollhouse. The next time Phoebe comes over, she brings her own homemade dollhouse. Rachel and Ross love her dollhouse, and stop paying attention to Monica's. Monica tries to awe them with a newly purchased china cabinet, but it's not as awesome as the licorice or aroma rooms in Phoebe's dollhouse. Phoebe's dollhouse burns in a tragic aroma room disaster. A giraffe and pirate were rescued, but, tragically, the foster puppets didn't survive.

Chandler and Rachel: Chandler takes Rachel out to lunch, and walks her back to her office. He's hoping to see some women in lingerie; Rachel gives him a catalog. Rachel's boss, Joanna (Alison La Placa), comes in and meets Chandler. When he leaves, Joanna asks Rachel all about him; Joanna thinks Chandler's hot. Rachel agrees to talk to Chandler about Joanna. Chandler's receptive to the idea of going on a date with Joanna. Chandler has an awful time on the date. Joanna's really boring. Joanna, however, had a great time and expects Chandler to call her. Chandler doesn't call and Rachel confronts him about it. Chandler did tell Joanna he'd call her, but he didn't really have any intention of doing so. Joanna bugs Rachel at work about why Chandler hasn't called yet. Joanna threatens to fire Rachel. Rachel finds Chandler in Central Perk and forces him to call Joanna. He agrees to go on a short lunch date with Joanna and properly end things with her. Chandler and Joanna come back to Joanna's office after their date. Rachel gives Chandler dirty looks so he remembers to end things with Joanna. He ends up saying he'll call Joanna and starts to leave. Rachel grabs him and physically forces him to tell Joanna the truth. He does really well, explaining he has commitment issues and apologizing. Then, he tells her he'll call her.

Joey: is really upset about the situation with Kate. He's never been in a position where a girl he likes doesn't like him back. At the next rehearsal, Joey tries to talk to Kate, but the director/ Kate's boyfriend (Reg Rogers) interrupts. Kate's understudy, Lauren (Jennifer Milmore) , introduces herself and flirts with Joey. She asks Joey for coffee, and Joey agrees after watching Kate kiss the director. The director is a huge, pretentious douche. At another rehearsal, the director interrupts a scene to take a phone call. He's really rude to the actors. Joey criticizes Kate for dating him, and Kate criticizes him for dating Lauren. The director comes back and says the play and the actors are horrible; he ends rehearsals for the night. Joey and Kate are talking when Lauren comes up to ask Joey to hang out with her for the evening. Joey declines, saying he wants to work on the play. He and Kate discuss the scene they were having trouble with. Kate says the scene lacked heat and Joey agrees. They discuss what the characters need to do to one another to convey their need. They end up sleeping together. Joey is ecstatic the next morning, running over to tell Monica and Ross about his night. He really cares about Kate, and they're pleased for him. Joey talks to Kate at rehearsal, telling her he broke things off the Lauren. Kate has no intention of ending her relationship with the director. She indicates that Joey just has stronger feelings for her, then she has for him. Kate points out that Joey probably slept with a lot of women that really cared about him, but he didn't feel the same way. Joey calls the women he's dated to apologize for hurting them.

Ross: brings Monica the news that Aunt Sylvia died. He's also very excited by Phoebe's dollhouse. He comes over to Monica and Rachel's one afternoon, while Monica is in the shower. He smells something funny and realizes that Phoebe's dollhouse has caught fire. He tries to douse the flames with water from the sink, but it doesn't go well. He ends up running the dollhouse into the bathroom and putting in the shower with Monica (she's not too happy).

• A friend of mine and I bought one of those Fischer-Price dollhouses because of this episode. We'd save our money about buy furniture packages and stuff. It's a wonder I ever graduated college.
  

• Monica's a big meanie. Yeah, I totally called her a meanie. She's such a grouch about Phoebe's dollhouse contributions.
  

If Phoebe wants a giant dog, a dinosaur, and a ghost, then by God, she can have 'em! I totes agree that every dollhouse has to have a ghost.
Also, Monica's a hypocrite, complaining that Aunt Sylvia never let her play and doing the same thing to Phoebe.

• Phoebe wins the day, though, with this masterpiece

It comes fully equipped with a licorice room (tootsie roll-away-bed included), an aroma room, and bubbles!!!
Epic.

• I like seeing Joey struggling with having real feelings for a woman, but I hate Kate. She's a snooty bitch.
  

• The stuff with Joanna and Chandler is mildly amusing. It's better when there's bondage, though.
  

• It's quite a tragedy when Phoebe's dollhouse burns down. Gotta be careful about that aroma room.

Oh. My. God

"Oh, it's so great to see you feeling like this!" -Phoebe, to Joey, who's discussing his unrequited feelings for Kate.

"Oh, she was a cruel, crank, old bitch! And I'm sorry she died." -Monica, after learning that Aunt Sylvia died.

"Thanks, it's, uh, Gaelic, for 'thy turkey's done'." -Chandler, to Joanna, when they're introduced.

"HARDWOOD FLOORS!!!" -Monica, as she's inspecting her dollhouse.

"That's a dog. Every house should have a dog."
"Not one that can pee on the roof." -Phoebe and Monica, as Phoebe shows Monica the ceramic dog she brought for the dollhouse.

"And is this in case the house sneezes?" -Chandler, to Phoebe, after finding a handkerchief in the stuff Phoebe brought.

"Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen." -Monica, to Phoebe, about Phoebe's dollhouse back story.

"Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin' out the Chan-Chan Man." -Chandler, to Rachel, upon learning that Joanna likes him.

"Come dinosaur, we're not welcome in the house of no imagination." -Phoebe, after Monica says her stuff is not wanted in the dollhouse.

"Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the subject, I just have to say, dinosaurs, they--they don't go rrroooofff." -Ross, correcting Phoebe's dinosaur noises.

"This is the coolest house ever!!!" -Ross, inspecting Phoebe's dollhouse.

"Of course, I didn't get to enjoy any of that, because Joanna's such a big, dull, dud!" -Chandler, to Rachel, about his date.

"Maybe he could slip her the tongue." -Joey, to Kate, about how to make one of their scenes hotter.

"Multiple, so many paper cuts!" -Chandler, to Rachel, when she rips a magazine out of his hands.

"By the way, I was just checking the shower massager." -Monica, to Ross, after Ross barges in on Monica showering.

TOW: the Flashback

The Set up: The gang's in Central Perk with Janice. Janice asks how many of them have hooked up. They answer none of them (except, y'know, Ross and Rachel). Janice then asks if any of them have gotten close to hooking up.

Three years earlier:
Monica: keeps noticing Phoebe acting really weird about her stuff. She's incredibly, incredibly controlling about the cleanliness of her apartment. She sees Joey as he leaves after viewing Chandler's apartment. They check each other out. Monica and Chandler go to the bar and Monica asks him about the roommate situation; she wants his roommate to be Joey because she thinks Joey's cute. They're getting ready to play pool and she goes to the restroom (it's not specified, so just guessing). When she comes back she notices Rachel, who's in the city with her dumb rich friends. Monica and Rachel catch up and say they'll get together sometime. Monica doubts she'll ever see Rachel again. Monica runs into Joey again when he's moving in. She thanks Chandler for choosing Joey to be his roommate. She catches Joey when he picks up a box that's too heavy. She mentions it being hot out and offers him some lemonade. She prepares the lemonade and tells Joey about how she got her apartment. When she turns around, Joey is naked. She freaks out and Joey explains himself. Monica vacuums and finally notices that Phoebe's moved all of her stuff out. She asks Phoebe about it and learns that Phoebe couldn't stand living with her because she's so obsessive about cleanliness. Chandler comes in for beer and Monica's just gotten out of the bath. She's upset because Phoebe leaving and afraid no guy is going to want to be with her. Chandler comforts her. She, Chandler, and Joey go to the bar and run into Phoebe and Ross.

Ross: has kind of been having some problems with Carol. He tells Chandler that things have gotten better since Carol met a new girl friend, Susan, at the gym. Later on in the week (I'm assuming) Ross is at Monica's with Phoebe, talking to Carol on the phone. Carol's worried Ross will be upset if she has a girl's night with Susan. Ross assures her that it's okay; he just wants her to have fun. He knows about Phoebe's moving out of Monica's and encourages Phoebe to tell Monica. At the end of the episode, Ross goes into the bar and sees Phoebe. The bar is closed, they are the only two people there. Ross tells Phoebe that his marriage is over because Carol is a lesbian. He's really upset and Phoebe comforts him. Ross wonders about what he could've done wrong to cause their marriage to fail. Phoebe tells him how great he is and keeps kissing him on the cheek. They end up making out. Ross lays her down on the pool table, pushing the balls out of the way. He keeps hitting his head on one of the lights and the balls keep getting in the way. They give up on hooking up. Joey, Chandler, and Monica come in and Ross and Phoebe jump apart. Ross tells the others about Carol.

Chandler: is searching for a new roommate, but he's not excited about any of his prospects. He interviews a photographer, Eric. Eric is a fashion photographer, warns Chandler there might be models around a lot, and lets him know that his sister, who's also a porn star, has a beach house (which Chandler can use). Chandler thinks Eric is the perfect roommate, but he goes ahead and interviews Joey. He shows Joey the apartment as fast as possible and tries to get rid of him, but Joey insists that Chandler actually interview him. Chandler tells Monica he's going with Eric. He and Monica go to the bar and prepare to play pool. Monica goes to the restroom and Chandler's waiting when he notices Rachel and her friends. He overhears Rachel talking about wanting a fling with the next guy she sees. Chandler throws a ball on the floor at her feet to be that guy. Rachel dismisses him. Eric tries to move in, but is stopped by Mr. Heckles who says he is Chandler's new roommate. Chandler thinks Eric just didn't show up. He asks Joey to move in with him. Chandler notices Joey watching Baywatch. Chandler thinks it looks pretty silly until he sees the girls. He goes to Monica's later in the evening for beer and comforts her while she's upset. He goes to the bar with Joey and Monica.

Joey: interviews to be Chandler's roommate. He checks out Monica as he's leaving. He also checks her out as he's moving in. He grabs a big box, not expecting it to be too heavy and nearly falls. Monica holds him up. He picked the box up too fast and got a head rush. Monica suggests it was because of the heat and offers him lemonade. Joey assumes she's offering sex and as she prepares the drink, he undresses. When Monica freaks out, he explains that he really thought she was offering sex because that happens to him a lot. He introduces Chandler to Baywatch. He has beer in a cooler so they don't have to go to the fridge.

Rachel: is in the city with two of her friends to celebrate her engagement to Barry. She's getting married in a year. She shows off her ring, but isn't too sure about the marriage. She tells her friends she wants to have a fling. They laugh it off, but she's serious. Chandler wants to be the guy she has a fling with, but she doesn't pay much attention to him. A waitress brings she and her friends drinks and they're wrong. Rachel complains. Monica sees her and calls her name. Rachel automatically shows of her ring. She runs up to hug Monica and they catch up, but it's awkward. She suggests they get together the next time she's in the city. She goes back into the bar after it's closed. Chandler is there. She tells him she wants him and starts kissing him. It's a fantasy. Her friends tell her she's missed their exit on the interstate.

Phoebe: secretly moves out of the apartment she shares with Monica. She doesn't want to hurt Monica by telling her she wasn't able to live with her. She secretly moves stuff out each time she visits. Monica has no idea she doesn't live there anymore. Ross attempts to convince her to tell Monica the truth, but Phoebe won't. Finally, Monica notices that Phoebe's room is nearly empty. Phoebe tells her that they wouldn't have been able to stay friends and live together. Phoebe couldn't take Monica's obsessive cleanliness. She's in the bar, drinking a beer when Ross comes in upset. They talk about Carol's lesbianism and friendly comfort turns into something else. They start making out, but don't follow through. Chandler, Joey, and Monica come in and the moment passes.

• Cute Naked Guy appears to be gaining some weight.

• Aw, look at Chandler and his goatee!!

Matthew Perry with facial hair just does not do it for me.

• The episode where everyone discusses "the quality" that makes Chandler seem gay, TOW: Nana Dies Twice, all the guys say they didn't think he was gay. Except in this episode, Joey does think he's gay.
  

• Ugh!! I hate Rachel's friends. Hate them.
  

What is with that chicks hair? It's so big, like a giant orange plant is sprouting from her skull.

• Mr. Heckles comes buy to complain about the noise.
  

• We learn how Monica got her apartment. Her grandma (I'm assuming not the one that died twice) moved to Florida and Monica got the apartment. She pretends to live with her grandma so the landlord won't find out and kick her out.
  

• I kinda love that Joey gets hit on enough to take an offer for lemonade as a come-on.

• The play a lot of pool in this episode, and every time I start writing 'pull.'
  

• Rachel pulls a Fonz!! During her fantasy she comes back in the bar and hits the jukebox to get it to start playing. It's pretty awesome.

• Central Perk used to be a bar.
  

• Monica's place looks so different!

There are tons, tons, of plants. And a lot of floral patterned stuff. I guess maybe it's all Phoebe's? I don't know. I don't like it, though. The couch is also in a different place. Oh, and the kitchen table is different.

Oh. My. God.

"Who of the six of you has slept with the six of you?"
"Wow, it's like a dirty math problem." -Janice and Phoebe.

"Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together." -Joey, answering Janice's question with a fantasy.

"Oh-ho and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you Chandler Bing, Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!" -Chandler, about a guy he considered for a roommate.

"I answered the phone 'Chandler Bing,' he said 'Whoa-ho, short message'." - Chandler, commenting on Joey's phone mannerisms.

"Ross, foot on the floor or come over no more!" -Monica, scolding Ross for using the coffee table as a footrest.

"Oh, and don't worry, I'm totally okay with the gay thing."
"What gay thing?" -Joey and Chandler, during Joey's roommate interview.

"Oh yes, and that's what I want, a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one." -Chandler, to Monica about why he's not living with Joey.

"I mean, how hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?" -Rachel, criticizing the waitress at the bar.

"Excuse me, I seemed to have dropped my ball." -Chandler, wanting to get Rachel's attention so he can be her fling.

"Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life." -Monica, after seeing Rachel in the bar.

"So, what are they doing?"
"I don't know, something girlie." -Phoebe and Ross, discussing what Carol and Susan have planned.

"Okay, here's your penis!" -Monica, giving Joey lemonade and not realizing he'd undressed.

"Okay, this is what I'm talking about, this. I--I need to live in a land where people can spill!" -Phoebe, on why she can't live with Monica.

"What? I'm just sad."
"No you're not, you're wondering which cushion it is." -Monica and Phoebe, after Monica learns Phoebe spilled spaghetti on the couch.

"Wow! Look at them run!" -Chandler, watching Baywatch for the first time.

"Cause Carol's a lesbian. And--and I'm not one. And apparently it's not a mix and match situation." -Ross, telling Phoebe about Carol.

"Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover?"
"Well, now I do!" -Phoebe and Ross, about Carol and Susan.

"No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton?" -Chandler, hugging Monica and liking her towel.

"Stupid balls are in the way." -Ross, making out with Phoebe on the pool table.

"Oh, Ross, you're right, I don't know why I always thought this was real grass!" -Phoebe, about the pool table when Chandler, Joey, and Monica walk in.

"Hey, are you okay?"
"My wife's a lesbian."
"Cool!!" -Monica, Ross, and Joey.

TOW: the Chicken Pox

Phoebe: has an old boyfriend, Ryan, coming to town. Ryan is in the Navy, he's on a submarine and very rarely gets to go on leave. Phoebe tells the gang at Central Perk about Ryan and all the romantic plans she has for them. Ross makes his announcement about Ben's chicken pox, Phoebe feels left out because she's never had it, but then she sees her first pock. Monica and Rachel help her get ready for her first date with Ryan. Her face is covered with dollops of calamine lotion and she's embarrassed. Ryan (Charlie Sheen) comes in and Phoebe's turned all the lights off and is wearing a scarf as a veil. Ryan convinces her to remove the scarf and she does. Ryan's never had chicken pox, but doesn't want to miss out on being with Phoebe. They kiss. Ryan gets the chicken pox. They are playing Monopoly, talking about how they can't scratch. Phoebe starts using the dice to scratch and then she and Ryan start scratching each other. Rachel and Ross catch them. Monica duct tapes oven mitts on their hands so they can't scratch. Ross and Rachel help Ryan and Phoebe make a romantic dinner. They have trouble because of the oven mitts. Ryan and Phoebe start kissing and scratching. They rip the duct tape off with their teeth and remove their mittens. Ross walks in and right back out, giving up on them. Ryan and Phoebe recover and it's time for Ryan to leave. They say good-bye and Phoebe's a little disappointed they didn't get to do all the romantic stuff she had planned.

Ross and Rachel: Ross tells the group that Ben has chicken pox. All of them have had it, except Phoebe. Rachel helps Phoebe get ready for her first date with Ryan. Ross and Rachel come back from a date and find Ryan and Phoebe scratching. Ross and Rachel scold them. They help Phoebe and Ryan make dinner for a date, then go out themselves. Ross comes back in and sees Ryan and Phoebe scratching, but doesn't say anything. After Ryan leaves, Rachel says she thinks Ryan's uniform is sexy. Ross walks into Central Perk dressed in a sailor's uniform while Rachel's closing up. He sweeps her into his arms and starts to walk out with her, but she realizes she's forgotten to turn off the cappuccino machine, the light in the bathroom, and she's forgotten her purse. Ross drops her on the couch and tells her to just meet him upstairs.

Monica: has had the chicken pox and isn't worried. Richard stays over and has made the bed. He goes to take a shower and Monica starts to remake it. She's embarrassed to tell him why she has to remake the bed. Richard really wants to know, so Monica tells him the special way she has to make the bed. Monica thinks her neurotic behavior will drive him away, but he says it makes him love her more. Monica helps Rachel get Phoebe ready for her first date with Ryan. She also duct tapes oven mitts to their hands so they can't scratch. She tells Richard more about her neurotic behavior and then freaks out when she thinks he doesn't have any obsessive behaviors. Richard wakes Monica up, saying he's finally thought of something he has to do. Richard says he has to sleep on a certain side of the bed and Monica feels better.

Chandler and Joey: Joey really needs a job and Chandler suggests Joey apply to an open processing position with Chandler's firm. Joey isn't sure he can do it, but Chandler tells him it's just like acting. After his first day, Joey tells Chandler how great it was and how he made friends with Jeannie, the head of East Coast Operations. Joey's made a whole character named "Joseph" who's married with two kids. Chandler freaks out because Joey's taking the whole character thing too far. Joey keeps schmoozing with Jeannie and takes Chandler's boss, Mr. Douglas's, side when Chandler wants to give his team the weekend off to celebrate a holiday. Chandler's getting really irritated with Joey. Joey rats Chandler out to Mr. Douglas about a mistake that was made on an account. Chandler's furious and tells Joey he's firing him. Joey points out that Chandler can't fire him because Chandler isn't in his department. Chandler tells Joey he's having an affair with "Joseph's" wife. Chandler yells at him and Joey says he'll quit.

• I really like this episode. Not a huge fan of Charlie Sheen, but the whole chicken pox thing is pretty hilarious. And the "Joseph" thing cracks me up.
  

• I love, love, love when Phoebe takes her veil off for Ryan.
  

There's a flash of lighting and Ryan screams. It's amazing.

• Phoebe and Ryan with their oven mitts.
  

I've never seen an oven mitt with a long...tail...thing, like Phoebe's has.

• I love Joey's character, "Joseph." Joseph has two little girls, Brittany and Ashley, and a wife named Karen. Joseph's wife just had a baby. Brittany and Ashley go to school with Jeannie's kids. Joesph has a boat.
  

• I think Richard just makes his obsessive bed thing up. Instead of seeming embarrassed about it, it's more like he's trying to think of the most absurd thing he can. Seriously, "Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side." What's with that??
  

• Ross's sailor outfit

Aww. It's particularly sweet when he dumps her on the couch.

Oh. My. God.

" So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time?" -Rachel, about Ryan.

"That'll teach you to lick my muffin." -Monica, to Chandler who took the last muffin, licked it so Monica couldn't have it, and takes bites of it every time someone says something that could be mocked.

"If I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy."
"You're pretty much running that risk either way." -Monica and Richard, when Monica remakes the bed.

"Are all you processors dorks?" -Joey, meeting one of Chandler's co-workers.

"For God sakes, dim the lights." -Rachel, helping Phoebe get ready for her date.

"It's gonna be ok. Ryan's been under water. He's just gonna be so glad that you don't have barnacles on your butt." -Monica, reassuring Phoebe about her date.

"No, no, you have to stay back. I--I have the pox."
"Chicken or small?" -Phoebe and Ryan, when Ryan arrives.

"You don't want to see a face covered with pox."
"Your face could be covered with lox, and I wouldn't care." -Phoebe and Ryan. Note: The transcript I use to make sure I have the quotes right has "lochs", the Scottish lakes, instead of "lox." Hahaha.

"Sorry, the lightning. The lightning was an unfortunate coincidence." -Ryan, when he screams upon seeing Phoebe's face.

"I figure my character has kids."
"Y'know, there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained." -Joey and Chandler, on the inception of Joseph.

"Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there." -Chandler, after Joseph's imaginary wife, Karen, has a baby.

"I just wanna grab all these houses and rub 'em all over my body." -Phoebe, playing Monopoly with Ryan and itching.

"I hope you get a weenie pock!"-Phoebe, getting blamed for she and Ryan scratching.

"What a phony."
"Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing." -Joey and Chandler, when Joey passes judgment on Jeannie.

"Oooh, duct tape. Was I supposed to bring something, too?" -Richard, as Monica walks into the bedroom with duct tape.

"Because it's in a slightly different time zone than the kitchen?" -Richard, after Monica says she'll set all the clocks to 'her time.'

"I can't believe my boyfriend doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a thing."
"See, if anyone overheard that, I didn't come off well." -Monica and Richard, when Monica discovers he doesn't have an obsessive thing.

"Oh, well, it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah, the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer."
"Really?"
"No, freakshow, she's fictional!!" -Chandler and Joey, after Joey gets Chandler in trouble at work.

"Oh look, a low budget puppet show."
"It's such a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up." -Ross and Phoebe, when Phoebe and Ryan are oven mitted.

"Wow, it's--it's neat learning about submarines." -Ross, asking Ryan questions and not getting answers.

TOW: Two Parties

It starts with the gang at Monica's diner planning Rachel's birthday party. Monica wants something sophisticated, but everyone else wants a laid back party. They go over the guest list at Central Perk, but stop when Rachel comes in. Rachel was at her sister's college graduation and had a horrible time; her parents can't be in the same room together without fighting. The gang decides not to invite Dr. Green, but Monica already invited Mrs. Green.

The night of the party, Dr. Green (Ron Leibman) shows up wanting to spend time with Rachel on her birthday. Mrs. Green shows up around the same time and the gang has to work to keep the two of them from knowing the other one is there. The gang decides to throw two parties, one at Monica and Rachel's and one at Joey and Chandler's.

Rachel: has a horrible time because of her parents. She goes back and forth between the parties to talk to them and all they do is complain about each other. Her mom thinks Rachel should see a therapist because she's dating a man just like her father. She's upset and ends up sitting outside in the hall. She talks to Chandler about divorce and how she's having trouble dealing with her family being split up. She reminisces about how her family's always celebrated The 4th of July. Chandler and Ross both hug her. At the end, she blows out the candles on her birthday flan and is glad when it's squished by a volleyball.

Monica: wanted to have a really elegant party and still tries to. She makes birthday flan, instead of cake, and expects her guests to play low key party games. She lectures everyone on the proper way to recap a marker. She yells at Gunther when he tries to go to Chandler and Joey's party. She goes to Chandler and Joey's to ask them to keep it down and sees several of her party guests there. Phoebe leads in a group of party refugees and Monica's upset that people don't like her party. Mrs. Green tells Monica she had a great time and Monica takes it as proof that her party was good.

Ross: spends most of the episode herding Dr. Green. He makes awkward small talk with him and really irritates Dr. Green. Ross makes Dr. Green a drink and Mrs. Green notices. Ross says he drinks his scotch neat, too. Dr. Green wants to go over to Monica's apartment to get his glasses and cigarettes, but Ross offers to go. Mrs. Green notices Ross has glasses just like her husband and that he smokes the same brand of cigarette. Ross ends up with the glasses on and a cigarette in his mouth when he runs into Dr. Green. Dr. Green isn't happy that Ross has appropriated his things. Dr. Green tries to leave just as Mrs. Green is leaving and Ross holds the apartment door closed. Ross, Chandler and Joey jump and make a lot of noise to shield Dr. Green from Mrs. Green. By the end of it all, Dr. Green thinks Ross is an idiot.

Chandler and Joey: throw a better party than Monica. When they split the parties in two, Chandler sends all the girls to his apartment. Joey helps set up a volleyball court in Chandler's room and Chandler makes out with a random chick who thinks his name is Dennis. Their party is so awesome that people leave Monica's. They host Dr. Green. Chandler comforts Rachel because his parents divorce was really hard for him. When Dr. Green wants to leave Chandler, Joey, and Ross have to hide him from Mrs. Green and they act like huge idiots. Joey kisses Mrs. Green as Dr. Green walks past.

Phoebe: ends up ferrying people from Monica's boring party to Chandler and Joey's fun party. Gunther is the first she helps, after Monica yells at him. She pretends to see a water ring on a table and Monica is so upset about someone not using a coaster that Gunther can escape. Other party guests come to Phoebe hoping she'll get them out. She leads them over to Chandler and Joey's, only to run smack into Monica asking Chandler and Joey to be quieter.

• Rachel's outfit for the graduation is so adorable.

I'm a big fan of that shirt.

• Let's take a look at the two parties:
  

Monica's party. There's a lot of balloons and pastels at this party. Also, bored faces.

Dancing! Pizza! Fun! Aw, Monica with her trash bag. Sad.

• Ross with bifocals and cigarette

Funnily enough, this is how I always imagined a paleontologist would look.

• The lengths they go to to keep Dr. and Mrs. Green separated.

The face Chandler's making? Now, that's a good friend. The person in the pink coat, btw, is Mrs. Green.

• BIRTHDAY FLAN!!!
  

I've never had flan, but it sorta looks like cheese cake. How bad can it be?

• I know there are divorced parents out there who still get along great, despite the dissolution of their marriage. My parents are not that type. For that reason, I totally get how Rachel feels and understand wanting to keep her parents as far apart as possible.
  

• Not because of this episode, just generally, I think Dr. Green's a jerk. Mrs. Green is flighty and silly, but Dr. Green's kind of a douche.

• I've seen this episode too many times.

Oh. My. God.

"Question. Why do we always have to have parties where you poach things?" -Ross, not wanting poached salmon at Rachel's party.

"Wow, it's--it's like porno for clowns." -Chandler, after Monica honks one of her fake boobs.

"Agh, it was the graduation from hell."
"Y'know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship." -Rachel and Chandler, after Rachel goes to her sister's graduation.

" But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them." -Rachel, about her parents fighting.

"Oh, that's nice. Happy Birthday, Rachel, here's some goo." -Joey, on the birthday flan.

"Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus."
"So, basically just a Chinese guy." -Monica and Chandler, hiding Mrs. Green's arrival.

"Hey, some girls just walked up to me and said, 'I want you, Dennis,' and stuck her tongue down my throat. I love this party!" -Chandler, after a random make out.

"Uhh, let's just stay clear of 'I'm the guy that's doing your daughter' and you should be okay." -Rachel, giving Ross advice on how to talk to her dad.

"All righty-roo! What a great moment to say that for the first time." -Ross, making a fool of himself in front of Dr. Green.

"Great, I'm seeing water rings again." -Phoebe, after using someone not using a coaster as a diversion.

"I have a condition, apparently, that I require two different sets of focals." -Ross, getting caught by Mrs. Green with Dr. Green's glasses.

"I was just warming up the earpieces for you." -Ross, getting caught by Dr. Green.

"She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker." -Rachel, talking about the divorce.

"Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and--and wetting the bed." -Chandler, explaining to Rachel how he got through his parents divorce.

"Because it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other?" -Chandler responding to Rachel saying her parents fighting reminds her of The 4th of July.

"I'm getting ready for water skiing." -Ross, holding Chandler and Joey's apartment door closed so Dr. Green can't leave.

"Sorry, we're on a major flan high." -Chandler, explaining his, Joey, and Ross's erratic behavior to Mrs. Green.

"Yup, get ready for the gelatinous fun."
"Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection." -Chandler and Joey, before Rachel blows out the candles on her birthday flan.



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