TOW: all the Thanksgivings

Everyone's sitting around, too stuffed to move after Thanksgiving dinner. Joey needs some pie. Phoebe considers turning on the TV, but is too tired and full to lift the remote. They start talking about the things they're thankful for; Joey goes on a monologue about the fall, a breeze lifting up a woman's skirt, and thongs. Monica urges someone else to contribute to the 'things they're thankful for' conversation. Ross doesn't have anything to be thankful for; saying it's the worst one ever. Chandler tells Ross that there's no way this Thanksgiving for Ross is worse than Chandler's very first horrible Thanksgiving, when his parents told him they were divorcing. No one wants to hear the story, except Joey, so Chandler tells it.

Flashback: Little Chandler's having Thanksgiving dinner with his parents. His mom (Morgan Fairchild) tells him that his dad is leaving for another man--more specifically, the house boy. Who at that moment walks up asking, "More turkey, Mr. Chandler?"

Phoebe asks what happened with Chandler's dad and the house boy; it didn't end well. Ross admits that Chandler's Thanksgiving is the worst, but Phoebe tells them her story beats Chandler's.

Flashback, 1862: Phoebe's a nurse during the Civil War. She's working on a patient when she has her arm blown off.

Ross says Phoebe's doesn't count, because it has to be a Thanksgiving from this life time. Joey's jealous, since he doesn't remember any of his past lives. Phoebe tells him he's brand new, and he feels better. Rachel chimes in, saying she knows Monica's worst Thanksgiving. Monica doesn't want her to tell, but Phoebe says she knows it, too, and it was when Joey got his head stuck in the turkey. Rachel and Ross have never heard the story.

Flashback, 1992: Phoebe comes home, hearing a voice calling 'hello.' She answers, but can't find the source. Joey comes out of the bathroom with the turkey stuffed over his head. He put his head in it to scare Chandler, but now he's stuck. They both know Monica'll freak out, so they try to think of a plan to get him unstuck. Before they can come up with anything, Monica comes home. She does, indeed, freak out. She has to make the turkey for her entire family, and she can't with Joey's head in it. She and Phoebe attempt to pull it off to no avail. Chandler walks in, and screams. At least Joey succeeded at one thing.

Everyone laughs at Joey. Joey tries to remind them of a time when Ross butternut squash wrong, but no one finds it funny. Monica agrees with Phoebe that the story was her worst Thanksgiving. Phoebe realizes it can't be, though, because Rachel wasn't there for that, so it can't be the story Rachel was talking about. Monica doesn't want to tell the story, but Chandler urges her to. Monica assures him he doesn't want to know, but it's told anyway.

Flashback, 1987: It's Thanksgiving at the Geller's!!! Monica's still fat, and Rachel's got a big nose. Anyway, Rachel comes over upset because she and Chip broke up. He was supposed to come over to her house, her parents are away, and they were going to have sex. Ross comes home with his college roommate, Chandler; they're also in a band together. Ross introduces Chandler to everyone, and tells his mom that Chandler hates Thanksgiving, and doesn't eat Thanksgiving food. Monica offers to make Chandler some macaroni and cheese, he agrees with a joke that makes Monica snort Diet Coke out of her nose. She runs off in embarrassment. Ross gazes longingly at Rachel, before going over to talk to her. He asks how things have been with him not around, but Rachel hasn't really noticed. Chandler teases him. Monica's in the kitchen, working on Chandler's dinner, when Rachel comes in to complain about Chip. He left Rachel for a girl who's rumored to be a slut. She's frustrated, says she's done with boys, and will only be dating men from now on. Ross overhears, and attempts to act mature. Monica thinks he's being a dork. After dinner, Monica asks Chandler how he liked the macaroni. He enjoyed it very much, suggesting she could be a chef. Monica thinks that's a great idea! Chandler abruptly walks off. Rachel talks to Chip, and they're back together. Apparently, the girl he left her for wasn't really a slut. Now they have plans to meet at her place. Chandler and Ross wash the dishes, talking about their plans for the evening. Ross wants to ask Rachel to hang out, which Chandler's okay with, but he wants to try out their new fake i.d's, too. Ross is into that, but starts considering what would happen if he and Rachel should stay out all night. Chandler doesn't want that to happen, not because he's uncomfortable being alone at the Geller's, but because he doesn't want to hang out with Ross's fat sister. Monica overhears the fat sister comment, and gets her feelings hurt. She runs out of the kitchen, nearly hitting her parents. Mrs. Geller asks Monica if she wants to finish off what amounts to an entire pumpkin pie. Monica refuses, and runs upstairs.

Chandler feels horribly guilty about calling her fat, apologizing profusely. Monica accepts the apology, but Rachel says it wasn't the story she was talking about. Monica tells everyone it's time to get ready for Christmas. Phoebe butts in with a cute Christmas story, but everyone wants to hear about Monica's worst Thanksgiving

Flashback, 1988: Rachel (with a new nose) is in the kitchen helping Mrs. Geller. The doorbell rings; it's Ross and Chandler. Mrs. Geller calls Monica downstairs. Monica comes and is all hot and skinny. Chandler's astonished, unable to stop talking about how great she looks. Ross scolds him. Mrs. Geller rushes through the talk about Monica's weight loss, only interested in hearing about Ross's new girlfriend. Ross tells everyone about Carol. Monica goes into the kitchen to help out, and Chandler checks her out as she walks by. Rachel follows Monica, eager to talk about her triumph over Chandler. The only problem is, Monica doesn't feel like she's done enough; she really wants to humiliate Chandler--in a way that involves him being naked, and people laughing. Rachel decides that Monica needs to seduce Chandler, get him to take his clothes off, then kick him out of the house, naked. Monica likes the idea, but doesn't know how to go about the seduction. Rachel tells her to pretend like everything she sees and touches turns her on. Chandler comes in to ask her to make macaroni. Monica agrees, and starts doing the thing where everything turns her on. The only issue is that Rachel used a dishtowel, and Monica grabs the box of pasta, some carrots, and a knife. Of course, she drops the pasta box, and ends up throwing the knife, which lands in Chandler's foot. He's rushed to the hospital, where he learns he cut off the tip of his toe. Monica thinks she brought it with her, but it turns out to be a piece of carrot.

Chandler's furious that this is why he lost his toe. He can't bring himself to speak to Monica, and leaves. When he's gone, Ross admits to making up the 'Sir Limps-A-Lot' nickname. Monica follows Chandler out, hoping there's something she can do to make him feel better. He just wants to be left alone.

He's at home, being bitter, when someone knocks at the door. It's Monica, with a turkey on her head. He doesn't think it's funny. She adds a Fez, but Chandler's still not impressed. She adds some big, yellow, sunglasses, but he's not laughing. Finally, she does a dance, making him crack up. He tells her he loves her, then tries to take it back. Joey walks through the door, freaking out when he sees Monica.

Flashback, 1915: Phoebe's a French nurse during WWI. She has her arm blown off.

• This is, without a doubt, one of the best episodes of the series. Flashbacks always worked wonders for this show.

• So, no wonder Chandler hates Thanksgiving. You'd think that responsible seeming adults would find a better way to tell him.
  

I totally get how this could traumatize Chandler for life, though. I still remember when my parents told me, and they were really good about it.

• Oh, nurse Phoebe.

That bonnet is friggin' epic.

• Those arms are so freaking fake. I guess Friends didn't have a big budget for special effects, but still. She never moves that arm. Also, there's a ridiculously long delay between the explosion and the arm flying off.

• I didn't realize you could show blood spurting to that extent on primetime, network TV.
  

Heh.

• Why doesn't Ross know about Joey getting the turkey stuck on his head? He'd have been around then, only married to Carol.

• It's pretty awesome that 1992 Joey is wearing one of those horrid vests.

• This wig is awful.

• I think Ross saying "squatternut bosh" is funny.

• Chandler's got Flock of Seagulls hair!!

"And I raaaan, I ran so far awaaaaay...."
My Dad and Ross look exactly alike in this decade.

• He's so mean about Monica's weight. Especially the part where she sits down on the couch and he bounces. And the fat sister comment was just cruel.

• None of the characters seem to notice that Monica became a chef because Chandler told her she should.

• Chandler and Ross seem to think they're on Miami Vice.

Dorks.

• I think I sorta hate Mrs. Geller. Monica's weight loss is a huge (pun a little intended) accomplishment, and she's basically like "Whatever. Ross, let's talk about how awesome you are."

• This matters very little to anything, but I'm talking about it because it bothers me. I used to be Fat Monica, only Fat Monica probably weighed more than I did. This is only important because it took me two years to get down to my target weight, but it only takes Monica a year. And she looks perfect, no stretch marks, no extra skin--just amazing. This is only possible if 1) she developed an eating disorder, or 2) she did nothing but workout for a year, like if she were on The Biggest Loser. I know it's a TV show, and not the epitome of reality, but I find it irritating.

1987

1988

• Why, why WHY, couldn't Monica just grab the dishtowel Rachel used?

The carrot fingers make her like some sort of veggie Freddy Krueger.

• See, this is a lesson for you all: wear wicker shoes, lose a toe.

• Monica's turkey dance.

• This episode is also called The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks.

• In, like, the first ever Thanksgiving episode, they have this whole conversation about putting Joey's head in a turkey. Funny, no one mentions that it happened before.

The Magna Doodle Says:

It's a drawing of winged heart, with the number 327 written inside. The word 'bye' is underneath.

No idea.

Oh. My. God.

"I think you killed us." -Rachel, to Monica, after Thanksgiving dinner.

"Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs." -Joey, after telling the story about the woman's skirt blowing up in the wind.

"I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering." -Joey, musing over the thong.

"Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmmm." -Ross, talking about what he's thankful for.

"I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me." -Chandler, to Ross, about which one's had the worst Thanksgiving.

"It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family." -Chandler, on how his story is part of Thanksgiving tradition.

"More turkey, Mr. Chandler?" -the House Boy, during Chandler's worst Thanksgiving.

"Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal's ass!" -Phoebe, to Joey, about why the turkey smells.

"That--that turkey has to feed twenty people at my parent's house and they're not going to eat it off your head!" -Monica, to Joey, after she finds him with the turkey on his head.

"Alright, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can." -Monica, to Phoebe, when they try to get the turkey off Joey's head.

"Oh, come on, Monica. Reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know for me anyway. And, of course, the Indians." -Chandler, wanting to hear Monica's worst Thanksgiving story.

"Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in." -Chandler, to Monica, when she offers to make him mac' and cheese.

"I think his begging days are over, now that he's going out with Nancy Branson." -Monica, to Rachel, after Chip leaves her for another girl.

"Umm, I'm sorry, Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for."

"Call them mom and dad, you loser!"

"Monica!" -Ross and Monica, when he's trying to seem more mature to Rachel.

"So, I'm thinking about asking Rachel out tonight. Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week."

"Emotional Knapsack?"

"Yeah."

"Right on." -Ross and Chandler, being awesome.

"I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister." -Chandler, to Ross.

"Well, Judy, you did it! She's finally full!" -Mr. Geller, when Monica refuses the pies.

"I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert, for crying out loud!" -Chandler, apologizing to Monica for calling her fat.

"I can't believe you let George Michael slap you." -Ross, to Chandler, about the Wham concert.

"Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving!" -Mrs. Geller.

"And uh, she's--she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!" -Ross, telling everyone about Carol.

"I didn't work this hard and--and--and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!"

"Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it." -Monica and Rachel, planning how to humiliate Chandler.

"Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese, like last year." -Chandler.

"There's a toe in my kitchen!" -Mrs. Geller.

"That's why for an entire year people called me, Sir Limps-A-Lot?!" -Chandler, after learning why his toe was accidentally cut off.

"Oh, oh, I'm a duck! I go 'quack, quack'! I'm happy all the time!" -Chandler, being bitter.

"Nothing! I said 'you're so great' and then I just--I just stopped talking!" -Chandler, trying to ignore that he said he loved Monica.

TOW: Two Parties

It starts with the gang at Monica's diner planning Rachel's birthday party. Monica wants something sophisticated, but everyone else wants a laid back party. They go over the guest list at Central Perk, but stop when Rachel comes in. Rachel was at her sister's college graduation and had a horrible time; her parents can't be in the same room together without fighting. The gang decides not to invite Dr. Green, but Monica already invited Mrs. Green.

The night of the party, Dr. Green (Ron Leibman) shows up wanting to spend time with Rachel on her birthday. Mrs. Green shows up around the same time and the gang has to work to keep the two of them from knowing the other one is there. The gang decides to throw two parties, one at Monica and Rachel's and one at Joey and Chandler's.

Rachel: has a horrible time because of her parents. She goes back and forth between the parties to talk to them and all they do is complain about each other. Her mom thinks Rachel should see a therapist because she's dating a man just like her father. She's upset and ends up sitting outside in the hall. She talks to Chandler about divorce and how she's having trouble dealing with her family being split up. She reminisces about how her family's always celebrated The 4th of July. Chandler and Ross both hug her. At the end, she blows out the candles on her birthday flan and is glad when it's squished by a volleyball.

Monica: wanted to have a really elegant party and still tries to. She makes birthday flan, instead of cake, and expects her guests to play low key party games. She lectures everyone on the proper way to recap a marker. She yells at Gunther when he tries to go to Chandler and Joey's party. She goes to Chandler and Joey's to ask them to keep it down and sees several of her party guests there. Phoebe leads in a group of party refugees and Monica's upset that people don't like her party. Mrs. Green tells Monica she had a great time and Monica takes it as proof that her party was good.

Ross: spends most of the episode herding Dr. Green. He makes awkward small talk with him and really irritates Dr. Green. Ross makes Dr. Green a drink and Mrs. Green notices. Ross says he drinks his scotch neat, too. Dr. Green wants to go over to Monica's apartment to get his glasses and cigarettes, but Ross offers to go. Mrs. Green notices Ross has glasses just like her husband and that he smokes the same brand of cigarette. Ross ends up with the glasses on and a cigarette in his mouth when he runs into Dr. Green. Dr. Green isn't happy that Ross has appropriated his things. Dr. Green tries to leave just as Mrs. Green is leaving and Ross holds the apartment door closed. Ross, Chandler and Joey jump and make a lot of noise to shield Dr. Green from Mrs. Green. By the end of it all, Dr. Green thinks Ross is an idiot.

Chandler and Joey: throw a better party than Monica. When they split the parties in two, Chandler sends all the girls to his apartment. Joey helps set up a volleyball court in Chandler's room and Chandler makes out with a random chick who thinks his name is Dennis. Their party is so awesome that people leave Monica's. They host Dr. Green. Chandler comforts Rachel because his parents divorce was really hard for him. When Dr. Green wants to leave Chandler, Joey, and Ross have to hide him from Mrs. Green and they act like huge idiots. Joey kisses Mrs. Green as Dr. Green walks past.

Phoebe: ends up ferrying people from Monica's boring party to Chandler and Joey's fun party. Gunther is the first she helps, after Monica yells at him. She pretends to see a water ring on a table and Monica is so upset about someone not using a coaster that Gunther can escape. Other party guests come to Phoebe hoping she'll get them out. She leads them over to Chandler and Joey's, only to run smack into Monica asking Chandler and Joey to be quieter.

• Rachel's outfit for the graduation is so adorable.

I'm a big fan of that shirt.

• Let's take a look at the two parties:
  

Monica's party. There's a lot of balloons and pastels at this party. Also, bored faces.

Dancing! Pizza! Fun! Aw, Monica with her trash bag. Sad.

• Ross with bifocals and cigarette

Funnily enough, this is how I always imagined a paleontologist would look.

• The lengths they go to to keep Dr. and Mrs. Green separated.

The face Chandler's making? Now, that's a good friend. The person in the pink coat, btw, is Mrs. Green.

• BIRTHDAY FLAN!!!
  

I've never had flan, but it sorta looks like cheese cake. How bad can it be?

• I know there are divorced parents out there who still get along great, despite the dissolution of their marriage. My parents are not that type. For that reason, I totally get how Rachel feels and understand wanting to keep her parents as far apart as possible.
  

• Not because of this episode, just generally, I think Dr. Green's a jerk. Mrs. Green is flighty and silly, but Dr. Green's kind of a douche.

• I've seen this episode too many times.

Oh. My. God.

"Question. Why do we always have to have parties where you poach things?" -Ross, not wanting poached salmon at Rachel's party.

"Wow, it's--it's like porno for clowns." -Chandler, after Monica honks one of her fake boobs.

"Agh, it was the graduation from hell."
"Y'know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship." -Rachel and Chandler, after Rachel goes to her sister's graduation.

" But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them." -Rachel, about her parents fighting.

"Oh, that's nice. Happy Birthday, Rachel, here's some goo." -Joey, on the birthday flan.

"Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus."
"So, basically just a Chinese guy." -Monica and Chandler, hiding Mrs. Green's arrival.

"Hey, some girls just walked up to me and said, 'I want you, Dennis,' and stuck her tongue down my throat. I love this party!" -Chandler, after a random make out.

"Uhh, let's just stay clear of 'I'm the guy that's doing your daughter' and you should be okay." -Rachel, giving Ross advice on how to talk to her dad.

"All righty-roo! What a great moment to say that for the first time." -Ross, making a fool of himself in front of Dr. Green.

"Great, I'm seeing water rings again." -Phoebe, after using someone not using a coaster as a diversion.

"I have a condition, apparently, that I require two different sets of focals." -Ross, getting caught by Mrs. Green with Dr. Green's glasses.

"I was just warming up the earpieces for you." -Ross, getting caught by Dr. Green.

"She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker." -Rachel, talking about the divorce.

"Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and--and wetting the bed." -Chandler, explaining to Rachel how he got through his parents divorce.

"Because it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other?" -Chandler responding to Rachel saying her parents fighting reminds her of The 4th of July.

"I'm getting ready for water skiing." -Ross, holding Chandler and Joey's apartment door closed so Dr. Green can't leave.

"Sorry, we're on a major flan high." -Chandler, explaining his, Joey, and Ross's erratic behavior to Mrs. Green.

"Yup, get ready for the gelatinous fun."
"Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection." -Chandler and Joey, before Rachel blows out the candles on her birthday flan.



"

"

TOW: the Lesbian Wedding

Ross: learns that Carol and Susan are getting married. They invite him to the wedding one day when they're picking Ben up. Ross decides not to go. The gang tries to convince him to change his mind, but he refuses. Ross tells them that it's not because Carol is a lesbian, but because she's marrying someone else. He points out that if she were marrying a man, the others wouldn't expect him to attend their wedding. The day before the wedding, Carol shows up at Monica and Rachel's. She says that she and Susan are probably calling off the wedding. Carol's parents aren't going to come and Carol and Susan get into a fight. Ross comforts Carol and says that she shouldn't call off the wedding just because her parents won't come. The wedding is back on. Ross walks Carol down the aisle. He and Susan dance together at the reception.

Monica: ends up catering Carol and Susan's wedding after their caterer is in a mountain biking accident. Monica is excited for the job and plans all the time. As the wedding day approaches, Monica starts freaking out because, though she spent a lot of time planning, she didn't leave enough time to actually prepare all the food. She enlists everyone to help and is really bossy and stressed. Ross won't help until Monica threatens him.

Joey: is in his first episode of Days of Our Lives. The gang all gets together (except Phoebe) to watch Joey's scenes. Joey explains how one of the actresses on the show taught him smell-the-fart acting, a technique to look intense while remembering your lines. He helps Monica cook. He's kind of miserable at the wedding, since there are lots of women there, but they're all lesbians.

Rachel: is excited because her mom is coming to visit her in the city for the first time. Mrs. Green (Marlo Thomas) comes into Central Perk and is so proud of Rachel having a job and making it on her own, but she doesn't seem to understand all the work Rachel puts into it. That night Rachel and Mrs. Green talk. Mrs. Green continues to go on and on about how great Rachel's life in the city is; she tells Rachel she's thinking of leaving Dr. Green and moving to the city. Rachel is astounded and wants to talk her mom out of it. Mrs. Green wants to experience new things, asking Rachel and Monica for weed and also about sex. Rachel is horrified, but more understanding when Mrs. Green explains that, unlike Rachel, she married her Barry. At the wedding, Mrs. Green dances with women and enjoys noticing that women find her attractive, glad to know of all the options.

Phoebe: has a client die during a massage. It really freaks her out, but worse than that, Phoebe believes she's been possessed by the woman, Mrs. Adelman. Phoebe talks as Mrs. Adelman and has to do stuff, like use the restroom, for Mrs. Adelman. She contacts Mrs. Adelman's husband to find out if Mrs. Adelman had any unfinished business. The husband (Phil Leeds) tells Phoebe his wife always wanted to see everything; he also tries to get Phoebe to sleep with him. Phoebe goes all around the city trying to show Mrs. Adelman everything. Mrs. Adelman finally leaves upon seeing Carol and Susan getting married. Phoebe gets hit-on at the reception.

Chandler: helps Monica with the cooking. He attempts hitting on a woman at the lesbian wedding, which goes about as well as you'd expect. Everyone thinks Chandler will be the last of the gang to get married.

• This is a good episode. Quite a lot of stuff happens.
  

• Monica, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Ross watch Joey's first scene in Days of Our Lives.

Joey Tribbiani's giving Stanislavski a run for his money. Method Acting? Bah!

• We meet Rachel's mom for the first time.
  

She's That Girl! Has anyone ever seen that show? Cause I sure haven't.

• There's a random mention of Soupy Sales from Mrs. Adelman possessed Phoebe. A long, long time ago, I had a copy of Nickelodeon magazine that was all about the early days of television and how technology had progressed--it was oddly riveting. Anyway, there was a blurb in the magazine about Soupy Sales, who had a kid's show in the fifties. Yay, for random, useless information!

• The lesbian wedding is pretty awesome. How many other sitcoms (or any show, for that matter) had gay weddings in 1996? And, even more astonishing, the fact that two women are getting married isn't a big deal! Ross is only sad because his ex-wife is re-marrying. He doesn't care that the person she's marrying is a woman. Kudos, Friends.

• Some notes on the wedding:

These hats defy all reason and logic. Susan looks like a hobo.

• I got all excited when I watched the episode earlier this morning because I thought one of the guests was wearing flannel. Sadly, upon further examination, she was not.

• I'm not into the possessed Phoebe thing. Just, eh. I mean, out of all the characters to be possessed, Phoebe's the obvious choice, but the storyline doesn't do much for me.

• Mrs. Green sees Ugly Naked Guy playing the cello.
  

Oh. My. God.

"As in, 'I now pronounce you wife and wife' married?" -Ross, learning about Carol and Susan's marriage plans.

"It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days of Our Lives! And then I started thinkin' about all of you, and how these are the days of our lives..." -Joey, in a philosophical mood.

"Yes! Carol and Susan's caterer had a mountain bike accident this weekend, and she's in a full body cast!"
"YES!" -Monica and Ross, Chandler, and Joey, as Monica is inappropriately excited.

"Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor!" -Chandler, teaching Ross to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

"For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something." -Chandler, watching Joey put smell-the-fart acting to good use.

"That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get." -Chandler, after Phoebe's massage client dies.

"Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called 'Silence of the Ducks'." -Chandler, helping Monica decide whether to serve lamb or chicken.

"Last time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten." -Mrs. Green, greeting Monica.

"All right. Tell me if this is too cute. Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts."
"Oh God. I think I'm gonna be sick."
"Why? It's not like I'm putting little nipples on them." -Monica and Rachel, after Rachel learns her mom is considering leaving her dad.

"Well, then, you know, couldn't she have just copied my haircut?" -Rachel, not being flattered that her mom wants to be more like her. Also, during the height of 'the Rachel' haircut phenom.

"Damn. My mail order grandfather hasn't come yet!" -Chandler, upon seeing Mr. Adelman.

"Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles." -Chandler, helping Monica cook for the wedding.

"It just seems so futile, you know? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly."
"Well, now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding." -Joey and Chandler, lamenting their lack of straight women.