TOW: the Lesbian Wedding

Ross: learns that Carol and Susan are getting married. They invite him to the wedding one day when they're picking Ben up. Ross decides not to go. The gang tries to convince him to change his mind, but he refuses. Ross tells them that it's not because Carol is a lesbian, but because she's marrying someone else. He points out that if she were marrying a man, the others wouldn't expect him to attend their wedding. The day before the wedding, Carol shows up at Monica and Rachel's. She says that she and Susan are probably calling off the wedding. Carol's parents aren't going to come and Carol and Susan get into a fight. Ross comforts Carol and says that she shouldn't call off the wedding just because her parents won't come. The wedding is back on. Ross walks Carol down the aisle. He and Susan dance together at the reception.

Monica: ends up catering Carol and Susan's wedding after their caterer is in a mountain biking accident. Monica is excited for the job and plans all the time. As the wedding day approaches, Monica starts freaking out because, though she spent a lot of time planning, she didn't leave enough time to actually prepare all the food. She enlists everyone to help and is really bossy and stressed. Ross won't help until Monica threatens him.

Joey: is in his first episode of Days of Our Lives. The gang all gets together (except Phoebe) to watch Joey's scenes. Joey explains how one of the actresses on the show taught him smell-the-fart acting, a technique to look intense while remembering your lines. He helps Monica cook. He's kind of miserable at the wedding, since there are lots of women there, but they're all lesbians.

Rachel: is excited because her mom is coming to visit her in the city for the first time. Mrs. Green (Marlo Thomas) comes into Central Perk and is so proud of Rachel having a job and making it on her own, but she doesn't seem to understand all the work Rachel puts into it. That night Rachel and Mrs. Green talk. Mrs. Green continues to go on and on about how great Rachel's life in the city is; she tells Rachel she's thinking of leaving Dr. Green and moving to the city. Rachel is astounded and wants to talk her mom out of it. Mrs. Green wants to experience new things, asking Rachel and Monica for weed and also about sex. Rachel is horrified, but more understanding when Mrs. Green explains that, unlike Rachel, she married her Barry. At the wedding, Mrs. Green dances with women and enjoys noticing that women find her attractive, glad to know of all the options.

Phoebe: has a client die during a massage. It really freaks her out, but worse than that, Phoebe believes she's been possessed by the woman, Mrs. Adelman. Phoebe talks as Mrs. Adelman and has to do stuff, like use the restroom, for Mrs. Adelman. She contacts Mrs. Adelman's husband to find out if Mrs. Adelman had any unfinished business. The husband (Phil Leeds) tells Phoebe his wife always wanted to see everything; he also tries to get Phoebe to sleep with him. Phoebe goes all around the city trying to show Mrs. Adelman everything. Mrs. Adelman finally leaves upon seeing Carol and Susan getting married. Phoebe gets hit-on at the reception.

Chandler: helps Monica with the cooking. He attempts hitting on a woman at the lesbian wedding, which goes about as well as you'd expect. Everyone thinks Chandler will be the last of the gang to get married.

• This is a good episode. Quite a lot of stuff happens.
  

• Monica, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Ross watch Joey's first scene in Days of Our Lives.

Joey Tribbiani's giving Stanislavski a run for his money. Method Acting? Bah!

• We meet Rachel's mom for the first time.
  

She's That Girl! Has anyone ever seen that show? Cause I sure haven't.

• There's a random mention of Soupy Sales from Mrs. Adelman possessed Phoebe. A long, long time ago, I had a copy of Nickelodeon magazine that was all about the early days of television and how technology had progressed--it was oddly riveting. Anyway, there was a blurb in the magazine about Soupy Sales, who had a kid's show in the fifties. Yay, for random, useless information!

• The lesbian wedding is pretty awesome. How many other sitcoms (or any show, for that matter) had gay weddings in 1996? And, even more astonishing, the fact that two women are getting married isn't a big deal! Ross is only sad because his ex-wife is re-marrying. He doesn't care that the person she's marrying is a woman. Kudos, Friends.

• Some notes on the wedding:

These hats defy all reason and logic. Susan looks like a hobo.

• I got all excited when I watched the episode earlier this morning because I thought one of the guests was wearing flannel. Sadly, upon further examination, she was not.

• I'm not into the possessed Phoebe thing. Just, eh. I mean, out of all the characters to be possessed, Phoebe's the obvious choice, but the storyline doesn't do much for me.

• Mrs. Green sees Ugly Naked Guy playing the cello.
  

Oh. My. God.

"As in, 'I now pronounce you wife and wife' married?" -Ross, learning about Carol and Susan's marriage plans.

"It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days of Our Lives! And then I started thinkin' about all of you, and how these are the days of our lives..." -Joey, in a philosophical mood.

"Yes! Carol and Susan's caterer had a mountain bike accident this weekend, and she's in a full body cast!"
"YES!" -Monica and Ross, Chandler, and Joey, as Monica is inappropriately excited.

"Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor!" -Chandler, teaching Ross to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

"For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something." -Chandler, watching Joey put smell-the-fart acting to good use.

"That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get." -Chandler, after Phoebe's massage client dies.

"Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called 'Silence of the Ducks'." -Chandler, helping Monica decide whether to serve lamb or chicken.

"Last time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten." -Mrs. Green, greeting Monica.

"All right. Tell me if this is too cute. Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts."
"Oh God. I think I'm gonna be sick."
"Why? It's not like I'm putting little nipples on them." -Monica and Rachel, after Rachel learns her mom is considering leaving her dad.

"Well, then, you know, couldn't she have just copied my haircut?" -Rachel, not being flattered that her mom wants to be more like her. Also, during the height of 'the Rachel' haircut phenom.

"Damn. My mail order grandfather hasn't come yet!" -Chandler, upon seeing Mr. Adelman.

"Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles." -Chandler, helping Monica cook for the wedding.

"It just seems so futile, you know? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly."
"Well, now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding." -Joey and Chandler, lamenting their lack of straight women.

TOW: Russ

Rachel: dates a guy named Russ. Russ looks and acts exactly like Ross, only Rachel doesn't see the resemblance. She believes she's moving on from Ross. She tells the gang that she doesn't really have feelings for Ross anymore. Phoebe tries to get Rachel to notice the Ross/Russ similarities, but Rachel is blind to them. Russ is in Central Perk waiting for Rachel to get off work. He's sitting with Chandler and Ross when he and Ross get in an argument. As Ross and Russ fight, Rachel realizes they're exactly alike. She breaks up with Russ.

Ross: doesn't like that Rachel's dating. He didn't realize they were seeing other people. He talks to Rachel about a woman at work he may start dating. Ross hates Russ, but, like Rachel, doesn't notice the similarities between himself and Russ. Ross, Russ, and Chandler all sit on the couch at Central Perk; they're doing a crossword. Ross and Russ argue about the crossword and Chandler leaves. They fight about their professions. Rachel overhears and is disgusted because Russ is just like Ross.

Monica: starts dating Fun Bobby (Vincent Ventresca) again. The gang is pleased they're back together, but they notice that they went through five bottles of wine when Fun Bobby was over. In Central Perk, Monica tells Bobby she thinks he might have a drinking problem and he agrees to stop drinking. No alcohol, though, makes Bobby boring. Monica doesn't feel like she can break up with him because she blames herself for him being boring. She starts drinking a lot to get through their dates. They're going away together for the weekend and Monica packs tons of mini-bottles of alcohol. Bobby comes by and breaks up with her because he thinks she has a drinking problem.

Joey: gets his first ever reviews in the newspaper. They're all bad. Joey thinks he should give up acting. This is until he gets a call from his agent, offering him a part in Days of our Lives. Joey goes to the audition and gets a callback. He visits his agent, Estelle (June Gable), and tells her he thinks the Casting Director was hitting on him. Estelle calls the Casting Director and learns that, yes, Joey would have to sleep with her to get the job playing a cab driver. He doesn't know what to do because he wants to get the job on the merit of his acting, not his sexual abilities. Joey goes to his callback and refuses the Casting Director's advances. That is until she offers him the bigger role of Dr. Drake Ramore.

Chandler and Phoebe: attempt to get Rachel and Ross to see that Russ is exactly like Ross. Chandler helps Joey decide what to do about his future. Chandler thinks that if sleeping with the Casting Director will help, maybe Joey should do it.

• Man, all this Ross/Russ crap is confusing. I keep having to check that I'm talking about the right one.

I see the resemblance to Bob Saget, but the chin and hair make me think of Jay Leno. Weird.

• What's with Ross dating bug people from work? Not, like, literally people who are bugs (thought that'd be interesting), but people who study them. First it was the Curator of Insects and now it's the Curator of Moths. He must be really sexy to the entomologist set.

• I'm a non-smoker

But I want one of these cigarette tree, things. Much in the same way that Rachel wanted the shell lamp and the girlie clock.

• Some fun clothing options:

Number one: A nifty skyline vest.

Number two: a moose sweater (ew).

And three: a leopard print mock turtleneck.

• Starting this episode, I thought Joey was trying out for a big role in Days of our Lives. I mean, usually it's starring roles that actors sleep with people for. But Joey's trying out for the role of a friggin' cab driver! That's ridiculous. I wouldn't sleep with someone for that.
  

• I sincerely hope that 'Vincent Ventresca' is a stage name. Otherwise, his parents must've hated him.

• Russ and Julie meet. Aw. (In the way that that's incredibly strange and a little gross).

• Okay, this barely has anything to do with this blog, but it's smile generating amazingness makes it totally worth posting. Think of it as a Friday treat.
  

Oh. My. God.

"Yeah, Yeah, just a tough day at work. A Stegosaurus fell over and trapped a kid." -Ross, telling about his day.

"I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug." -Chandler, on how much he had to drink.

"Well, I would make them Belgian, but the waffles are hard to get into that flask." -Fun Bobby, wanting to add alcohol to everyone's coffee.

" Hey, yeah...we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia!" -Chandler, responding to Phoebe's idea of a soap opera themed party.

"There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village." -No Longer Fun Bobby.

"Bye...ridiculously dull Bobby." -Chandler.

"Ross, Russ. Russ, Ross." -Chandler, making introductions.

"You know, this is actually good, because if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare." -Chandler, about Ross and Russ.

"See? They're as different as night and...later that night." -Monica, on Ross and Russ.

"Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part, or...uh, Italy called and said it was hungry." -Chandler, walking in on Joey making lots of sauce.

"Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas." -Chandler, giving Joey advice.

"And weenie number two has it. Unless, of course, nine down, Knights in White Satin was sung by the Doody Blues." -Chandler, doing the crossword with Ross and Russ.

"You could not be more wrong. You could try... but you would not be successful." -Russ, fighting with Ross.

"Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in." -Ross, not being jealous that Russ is a periodontist.

"I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant." -Chandler, taking a mini-bottle from Monica.