TOW: the Bullies

Chandler and Ross: plan to play racquetball, but the stop in Central Perk first. They decide to hang out at the coffee shop instead of playing their game. They sit on the couch, but two guys, Arthur (Nicky Katt) and Carl (Tom DeLuise), inform Ross and Chandler that they were sitting on the couch first. Ross and Chandler are okay with moving, but Chandler makes a sarcastic comment and guys get defensive. Arthur steals Chandler's hat and refuses to give it back. They tell the gang about the bullies. They go back to Central Perk the next day and sit on the couch. Arthur and Carl come in and want the couch. Ross tells Gunther on them. Arthur and Carl want to fight, but Chandler and Ross don't. Arthur and Carl tell Chandler and Ross not to come back to Central Perk unless they want to fight. Chandler and Ross try making cappuccino at home, but it doesn't go well. Joey says he'll go down to Central Perk with them and the bullies will leave them alone. Ross decides they need to stand their ground without Joey. Ross and Chandler go to Central Perk and try to drink their coffee incredibly fast. They leave, running into the bullies outside. They all prepare to fight, taking off their watches and removing their keys from their pockets. They lay down fighting rules, but before any punches are thrown, some guys steal their stuff. All four chase after the robbers. They become friends, though Chandler didn't do any fighting, having tripped over a jump rope. He takes his hat back from Arthur and runs away, tripping again.

Phoebe: decides that she's getting a lot of signs that mean she needs to go see her dad again. She enlists Joey and Rachel to accompany her. She's ready to go, gets out of the car, but is attacked by a vicious yippy dog. The dog chases her back to the cab, sticking around so no one can get out of the car. Once it's dark, they think the dog is gone. Phoebe's decided that the dog was a bad omen and she shouldn't go to the door. She starts driving away and runs over the dog. Phoebe takes the dog to the vet and learns it'll be okay. She picks the dog up and takes it to her dad's. A woman answers the door and Phoebe asks for Frank. Phoebe meets Frank Jr. (Giovanni Ribisi) and learns her dad moved out years ago. Frank Jr. sees her out and Phoebe reveals she is his sister. Frank Jr. asks for her phone number in case he wants to call her sometime and they hang out, talking about their father's penchant for stilts.


Joey and Rachel: go with Phoebe to talk to her dad. Joey warns Rachel how fragile Phoebe can be about her dad. Joey brings a sandwich, which Rachel feeds to crazy dog. Joey also suggests they bring pillows so they don't slam against the cab backseat barrier. Joey calls the Buffay household and tells the woman who answers that he has her dog. It sounds like a ransom call. Joey wants to go with Chandler and Ross to deal with the bullies. Monica asks Rachel to loan her a hundred bucks, which Rachel can't do.

Monica: starts watching the business channel because there's a stock with her initials, MEG. Her dad gets her an interview, but Monica doesn't want the job. It's to work at a 50's theme restaurant where she'd have to wear a costume (including wig and fake boobs) and dance. She decides to play the stock market, investing in MEG. She makes some money off of it and starts getting really serious, dropping MEG and buying lots of other stock. She ends up losing all her money and asks Rachel for a hundred dollars. Rachel can't give it to her and Monica has to take the diner job.

• I'd never play the stock market without knowing about what I'm buying. The whole thing makes me a nervous wreck. Also, I don't understand any of it.
  

• I can't believe someone steals Chandler's hat! The gall of that guy!!

• It's like a mini, incredibly less menacing Cujo.

• I don't know why I'm so excited by Frank Jr. I like Frank Jr okay...he's kind of a creep at first. Any time I see Giovanni Ribisi, even in Avatar, I'm all "FRANK JR.!!!!!"

• At one point, Carl the 'big bully' has on a Bolero tie. You read that right. Feel free to giggle with glee.
  

• Ooooh, Monica at the diner!! Doing the YMCA!!

I think she looks like Daryl Hannah from Steel Magnolia's with that wig and those glasses.

See?

• I'm not very excited by this episode. The bullies are funny at first, but then it's kind of sad. Like, are their really people in their late twenties and thirties that are like that? That's depressing. Ha, I do really like when Carl and Arthur start talking about their jobs and trying to have a baby before they beat up Chandler and Ross.
  

Oh. My. God.

"And there was a rotisserie with spinning chicken."
"His Indian name?" -Phoebe and Monica, when Phoebe thinks everything is a sign she needs to see her dad.

"Stop talking, stop talking now." -Chandler, after the bully steals his hat.

"Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one." -Chandler, when Rachel comforts Ross after the bully encounter.

"Nah, forget it, it's probably stripped and sold for parts by now." -Chandler, responding to Joey saying they should go get his hat back.

"Ok, Joey, the dog will lick himself but he will not touch your sandwich, what does that say?" -Rachel, being disgusted by Joey's sandwich.

"Do you have to be a Century 21 agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?"
"Do you say this stuff to girls?" -Chandler and Ross, musing at the coffee shop.

"Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then--and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to." -Chandler, when the bullies want to sit on the couch.

"Don't play with his thing." -Chandler, when Ross plays with the bullies Bolero tie.

"Uhh, I'm guessing the threshold's clear now." -Joey, when Phoebe hits the dog.

"Well, CHP because I used to have a crush on Eric Estrada. And ZXY because I think it sounds Zexy." -Monica, about the stocks she bought.

"Y'know, my motto is get out before they go down."
"That is not my motto." -Monica and Joey, when Monica discusses her stock philosophy.

"He said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear grow back, so...still hoping." -Phoebe, having talked to the vet.

"She'll be a much better friend when the market closes." -Rachel, as Monica freaks about Joey using the phone.

"Alright, hang on a second there, Custer." -Chandler, to Ross when he wants to stand up to the bullies."

"Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Y'know, because I think actually mine's growing back." -Chandler, to Ross saying getting in a fight was a right of passage.

"I don't wanna have to wear flame retardant boobs." -Monica, after losing all her money and knowing she'll have to take the diner job.

"You burn your mouth?"
"Cannot feel my tongue." -Chandler and Ross, drinking their coffee too fast to get out of the coffee house.

TOW: the Baby on the Bus

Ross and Monica: Ross has Ben over at Monica's. Every time Monica is near Ben, he cries. Monica makes kiwi lime pie, but Ross thinks it's key lime pie. Ross is allergic to kiwi and begins having a reaction. Monica has to rush Ross to the hospital and Ross leaves Joey and Chandler in charge of Ben. Ross is afraid of needles and makes Monica ask the doctor if instead of a shot, the medicine could be administered orally. It has to be the shot, so Monica allows Ross to squeeze her hand. Ross squeezes so hard he nearly breaks Monica's hand and she has to have x-rays. When they return to Monica's apartment, she and Ross reminisce about all the times they hurt one another when they were children. Monica learns that Ross cut the legs off her Malibu Ken. Ross says he only did it because the legs were infected and Ken was going to die.

Chandler and Joey: were planning to play basketball before a) Monica threw the ball out the window and b) Ross had the allergic reaction and they agree to watch Ben. They decide to take Ben out for a walk; Joey thinks it'll be a good way to pick up chicks (oddly like pick up sticks). The first woman they meet, played by Lea Thompson, thinks that they're a gay couple who've adopted a child. Deciding the walk was a bust, Chandler hails a taxi just as Joey sees some girls getting on a bus. They abandon the taxi and get on the bus, beginning a conversation with the women. Chandler and Joey get off with the women at their stop, forgetting Ben. They call the transit authority and are told to come pick up their baby. When they arrive, there are two babies and they don't know which is Ben. They pick one and bring him home. They're worried they chose the wrong baby because Ben doesn't cry when Monica first picks him up. Ben finally cries and they think they're home free until Ross changes Ben's diaper. The diaper is has a stamp on it that reads, "Property of Human Services." Ross chases them out of Monica's apartment.

Phoebe and Rachel: Phoebe is preparing to play at Central Perk; she wrote a new song and plays it for Rachel. Terry, Rachel's boss, calls her over and informs her that Phoebe can't play as planned. Instead, he's hired a professional musician. He makes Rachel tell Phoebe she can't play. Phoebe's upset, so Rachel talks Terry into allowing Phoebe to go on after the pro. Phoebe is excited until she learns she isn't being paid. Phoebe sets up outside Central Perk and plays in protest. Stephanie (Chrissie Hynde, from the Pretenders) is the pro and Phoebe challenges her on her knowledge of the chords. Stephanie knows all the chords, but doesn't have a guitar strap, so Phoebe feels superior. Stephanie is a hit at Central Perk. While Stephanie plays 'Angle of the Morning,' Rachel goes out to see Phoebe and brings her a cup of coffee. Phoebe doesn't enjoy playing for money and decides to play for herself. Phoebe teaches Stephanie 'Smelly Cat.'

• Chandler and Joey use their basketball as a Ben stand-in to make fun of Monica. Joey cries every time Chandler holds the ball close to him...which is why Monica throws it out the window.

• The dreaded Terry is in this episode. Ugh, I hate that man. And not just because he won't let Phoebe play. His voice makes my ears want to shrivel up and die.

• Look! It's Chrissie Hynde!

I always forget she's in this episode and then get really excited...but I'm not entirely sure why I care so much...

• Frank Jr. is here! Only...he's not Frank Jr. He's just some guy who tosses a condom in Phoebe's guitar case and then comes back for it. But still, it's Giovanni Ribisi. He must've run back for the condom really well to get a recurring role.
  

I also really like Phoebe's jacket. It's so--shiny.

• This is the first time Phoebe plays 'Smelly Cat.' Yay!
  

Oh. My. God.

"Is your tongue swelling up?"
"Either that or my mouth is getting smaller." -Monica and Ross, after Ross eats the kiwi.

"And Tegrin spelled backwards is 'Nirget'." -Phoebe's song she wrote in the shower.

"You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?" -Chandler, taking Ben for a walk.

"My--my name is written out in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk." -Phoebe, learning Terry hired a professional to play at Central Perk.

"Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it in my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun." -Ross, showing his fear of needles.

"That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out." -Chandler, after all the women they meet on their walk think he and Joey are gay.

"No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff." -Joey, to the women on the bus.

"We live in the building by the, uh, sidewalk."
"You know it?" -Joey and Chandler, to the women on the bus.

"Hey! Hey! I got my S's back!" -Ross, after the swelling goes down.

"Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because ducks have heads."
"What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?" -Joey and Chandler, trying to flip a coin to decide which baby is Ben.

"Stay back, I've got kiwi! Run, Joey, run!" -Chandler, as he and Joey run from Ross.