TOW: Ross Can't Flirt

Ross: walks into Chandler and Joey's while Chandler is finishing getting ready for a date with Monica to celebrate their ten month anniversary. They get pizzas delivered, and the delivery girl, Caitlin (Kristin Dattilo), is pretty cute. Chandler chats with her, complimenting her hair, but when she leaves, Ross accuses him of flirting. They go across the hall with the pizza, where Ross continues to berate Chandler for flirting while he's already dating Monica. It comes out that Ross is jealous; he doesn't think it's fair for Chandler to flirt when he's already got a girlfriend. Ross thinks Chandler should let the single people do the flirting. The pizza order was wrong; the pizza place forgot Phoebe's vegetarian pizza. Ross is glad that Caitlin will have to come back to deliver the correct pizza;he plans to flirt with her. When Caitlin arrives with the pizza, Ross rushes to the door. He attempts to flirt, but accidentally comes off as pedophile. It gets worse as he explains that he was trying to compliment her very short hair, which she compared to the hair of an eight year old boy. Chandler patches up the awkwardness, which makes Ross freak out about Chandler flirting again. Rachel mentions that Ross has never been very good at flirting; this goads Ross into trying harder. He calls and orders another pizza, sure he'll be able to flirt well and get Caitlin's number. Ross practices his flirting skillz on Phoebe, but only manages to creep her out. Caitlin comes to deliver a pizza for the third time, Ross rushing to the door. Rachel tries to tell him not to worry about flirting, but he's determined. He ends up telling Caitlin that the smell is added to gas, so you know when there's a leak. She leaves without taking their money because Ross is so creepy. Ross is pretty upset, but Rachel runs after Caitlin. Rachel explains that Ross gets nervous when he flirts, but that he really liked Caitlin. Caitlin did think he was cute, and seems more interested as Rachel explains all the good things about Ross. When Rachel gets back to the apartment, she gives Ross Catilin's phone number.

Chandler and Monica: It's their ten month anniversary. Chandler got reservations at a really nice restaurant, but he could only get the reservations for a really late time. Plus, they have to watch Joey on Law & Order. Chandler gets all ready and heads over to Monica's, where Ross berates him for flirting with Caitlin. Chandler doesn't want Monica to hear Ross's accusations, afraid it will start a fight. Monica comes out of the bathroom, and Chandler suggests that she wear a pair of earrings he bought for her. Monica asks Phoebe for the earrings back, since she let Phoebe borrow them. It takes quite awhile for Phoebe to give them back, causing Monica to panic. After Caitlin comes back for the second time, Ross tells Monica about Chandler's flirting. Instead of being angry, Monica laughs, admitting to flirting with men all the time. This upsets Chandler. He gets all passive-aggressive, making Monica angry. She doesn't like the double standard. Chandler explains that men view a girl flirting with them as a real chance to get that girl into bed. Their fight is patched over, but Monica still doesn't have her earrings and doesn't understand what's taking Phoebe so long. Phoebe and Rachel both confess to losing the earrings. To make up for it, Monica tries to pass an old pair off as the earrings Chandler bought. The earrings she uses don't really look the same, but Chandler doesn't notice because Ross is the one who picked the earrings out.

Phoebe and Rachel: Monica comes to Phoebe wanting back a pair of earrings Phoebe borrowed. When Monica goes into her bedroom, Phoebe rushes to Rachel and asks for the earrings Rachel borrowed back. Rachel goes into her bedroom to get them, only she just brings back one. Rachel apologizes, but Phoebe explains that the earrings belonged to Monica. Rachel freaks out because she's not allowed to borrow Monica's things--she always loses them. Rachel searches the apartment, but can't find the missing earring. Monica asks Phoebe for the earrings again, and Phoebe goes to Rachel. Rachel's looked everywhere without any luck. Phoebe suggests Rachel check Joey and Chandler's place, but the earring's not there either. However, Rachel did find a pair of sunglasses she lost. Phoebe says the sunglasses really belonged to her, but Rachel borrowed them. They don't want to tell Monica the truth, especially not Rachel, but Phoebe offers to take the blame. Phoebe tells Monica about the missing earring. Monica's really understanding, telling Phoebe not to worry about it. Feeling safe, Rachel confesses to being the real culprit in the missing earring debacle. Monica is less forgiving, yelling at Rachel. Also, it turns out the sunglasses didn't belong to Phoebe at all. They were actually Monica's.

Joey: gets a part on Law & Order. He's really excited, and the whole gang gets together to watch, including Joey's elderly Italian grandma. Nonni (Lilyan Chauvin) speaks no English, but follows Joey's career obsessively. They watch the show, eager to see Joey's part, but it's been cut out of the episode. Joey's upset, knowing that his Nonni will react badly to his role getting cute. When he was killed off on Days of Our Lives she nearly died. He doesn't know what to do to make sure Nonni isn't upset, and none of the others have any good ideas. He runs out of Monica and Rachel's, seemingly leaving them to deal with Nonni. He finally comes back, though, this time with a video tape in hand. He distracts Nonni and sticks the tape in the VCR. Joey's recorded himself in a police standoff. Nonni is fooled, and all is well. Though the tape does cut to Chandler singing David Bowie's "Space Oddity."

• I always forget how awesome this episode is!

• I don't think Chandler's flirting.

At least, he's not flirting with intent. It's more of a playful banter than actual flirting. Plus, who sticks their tongue out like that when they're flirting???

• I think Caitlin's haircut is cute.

• Why does Monica let anyone borrow her things?

What kindergarten imagines that sharing is so fraught with peril?

• Ross saying he likes eight year old boys always reminds me of Dumb and Dumber. When Lloyd says he wants to make love to a school boy.

• I feel pretty awful for Joey when they cut his scene out of Law & Order that must really suck.

• Lilyan Chauvin, the woman who plays Joey's grandma, was amazingly beautiful when she was young.

She played the Mother Superior in Silent Night, Deadly Night. Just, y'know, in case you wondered.

• I think we should all agree the men should never do this when they flirt.

• I think Chandler's on to something when he says that men think they have a chance to actually sleep with any woman who flirts with them. I work in retail, at a store which has a rewards program. A friend and co-worker suggested that I try flirting with the younger guys who come to the register to get more rewards sign-ups. I wasn't really into it, not being much of a flirt when it comes to men I don't know (also, at that point I was engaged). Buuuut, an attractive college boy came through the line one day and was flirting with me. He was blond in that all-American-Abercrombie sort of way, so I thought I might as well give my friend's theory a try. I flirted back. Pretty harmlessly, actually. Just witty banter. That didn't stop him from asking me out, though. And getting pretty pissed when I turned him down.
  

• Monica forgives Phoebe for losing the earrings, but not Rachel. I want to be upset by Monica's attitude, but I totally understand the motivation behind it. You don't want to loan your stuff to someone who obviously doesn't care enough to keep track of it.

Seriously, Monica looks like she's about to rip Rachel's heart out.

• It's so sweet of Rachel to track down Caitlin and explain Ross's strange behavior.

• Chandler's rendition of "Space Oddity."

The Magna Doodle Says:

It's a drawing of the NYC skyline.

Oh. My. God.

"Ugh, I hate it! I look like an eight year old boy."
"Yeah, if that was true, gym class would've been a lot more interesting." -Caitlin and Chandler, discussing Caitlin's haircut.

"He's in the back. The duck pissed him off. Said that eggs came first." -Chandler, telling Caitlin where the chicken is.

"Okay first of all, the impression? Uncanny." -Chandler, to Ross mocking his conversation with Caitlin.

"But don't you think it should be called 'Order & Law'?" -Phoebe, to Rachel, about Law & Order.

"I was not and oh God, shhh!" -Chandler, to Ross, when Ross announces Chandler was flirting when Monica might overhear.

"Ross! We broke up two years ago! You've been married since then. I think it's okay that we see other people." -Rachel, to Ross, when she learns about his crush on Caitlin.

"Okay, Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!" -Phoebe, to Ross, when their pizza order is wrong.

"You have got to go home!"
"But I like it here!" -Monica and Phoebe, when Monica needs her earrings back.

"If you said, 'Big lima bean, bubbling up,' would she understand the difference?"- Chandler, to Joey, about his grandmother not understanding English.

"Oh, boy, I just can't watch. It's too scary."
"It's a diaper commercial."
"Oh yeah well, you know me, babies, responsibilities, ahhh!!" -Rachel and Monica, while Rachel's searching for the missing earring during Law & Order.

"Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better, I happen to like eight-year-old boys." -Ross, to Caitlin.

"You are a lot hotter than I am."
"True story." -Chandler to Monica, and Joey.

"Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women?"
"Uhh, no, no. It bothered me when he slept with other women." -Chandler and Rachel.

"Y'know what? You're right! We meet, you flirted, and then bam, nine years later you had me!" -Rachel, making fun of Ross's flirting skills.

"If we keep talking this way, aren't we gonna freak her out soon?" -Chandler, to Joey, when Joey's trying to hide that his scene was cut.

"Doesn't know 'hello,' but she knows Capricorn One." -Chandler, when Joey's grandma lists other things Sam Waterston acted in.

"Make sure you check Chandler's jewelry box."
"Wait a minute. Chandler has a jewelry box?" -Phoebe and Rachel, searching for the earring.

"Why are you being weird?" -Phoebe, to Ross, when he tries flirting with her.

"See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order, and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!" -Chandler, to Monica.

"So...you're old and small." -Chandler, trying to make small-talk with Joey's grandma.

"Gas? Wow! Intense." -Ross, talking to Caitlin about the pizza place's ovens.

"If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem." -Chandler, listening to Ross talking about gas with Caitlin.

"A lot of other gas smells."
"Oh the humanity." -Ross and Chandler, while Ross is talking to Caitlin.

"Was I talking to her about gas?"
More so than anything else." -Ross and Chandler, after Caitlin leaves.

"Well, y'know, we' have seven people and, like, ten pizzas, what do you think?" -Rachel to Caitlin.

"Look! Oh! Is that the Pope?!"
"Why am I looking?" -Joey and Chandler, when Joey attempts to distract his grandma.

"You couldn't have at least changed your shirt?" -Chandler, to Joey, while watching the video Joey made.