TOW: the Cat

Phoebe: gets done playing a set in Central Perk, when a cat crawls into her guitar case. Phoebe calls Gunther over to get rid of it, but Gunther doesn't. Phoebe picks the cat up, and upon touching it, believes that the cat is her mother. Or, well, that Lily's spirit is inside the cat. Phoebe explains all this to the group, and takes the cat with her. At Monica's, Phoebe explains that she feels weird talking about Phoebe Two around her 'mom.' She goes into Monica's bedroom to call Phoebe Two. Ross and Rachel discuss the likelihood that the cat is really home to the reincarnated spirit of Phoebe's mom. At Central Perk, Phoebe tells the gang how great of a time she's having with her 'mom.' Everyone (except Ross, who's having dinner with Ben), acts really weird, pretending someone's calling them so they can have an excuse to get up. Phoebe's at Chandler and Joey's; she has the cat with her. Ross comes in and sees that Phoebe still has the cat. He tells Phoebe that there's a little girl in the city looking for the cat. Rachel shows Phoebe the 'missing' poster. Phoebe isn't going to give the cat back, thinking that the cat found her for a purpose. Ross tells her she's being ridiculous, that the cat isn't her mom, and she needs to deal with her guilt issues stemming from meeting Phoebe Two. Phoebe gets upset with Ross, because he's never lost a parent and doesn't know what it's like. In the end, though, Phoebe decides to do the right thing and take the cat back to its owner.

Chandler and Joey: Chandler walks out of his bedroom and rips his suit on the corner of the unit. He's sick of running into it all the time, and tells Joey they're throwing it out. Joey doesn't want to just throw it away, having built it himself, so Chandler agrees to sell it. Ross and Chandler read the ad Joey put in the newspaper. It's incredibly misleading about the niceness of the unit, plus, Joey's asking for $5,000. Chandler changes it to $50. Also, no one knows what Chandler's job is. Joey thought he was an accountant. Later, Ross asks if they've gotten any calls about the unit. They have, but Joey decided none of the callers would work out. Chandler's not too happy about that. Two guys, roommates, come in to look at the unit. They don't have the money, but they're willing to barter a canoe. Chandler tells them to take the unit and throw away the canoe, but one of the roommates built the canoe and refuses to throw it away. In fact, he storms out at the suggestion. Joey's alone and showing the unit to an interested guy. As a selling point, Joey mentions that a grown man can fit into some of the cabinets. He tells the guy about Chandler locking him in for a bet. The guy doesn't believe Joey actually fit inside, so Joey decides to prove it. He climbs in and shuts the door; the guy locks Joey in with a hockey stick. Chandler comes home and throws his keys onto nothing. Everything in their apartment is gone except major appliances, the unit, and the ceramic dog. He lets Joey out and freaks about their stuff being gone. Everyone gathers in Chandler and Joeys to check out what they lost. Chandler and Joey didn't have insurance, so they're pretty much out-of-luck. Chandler's pretty mad at Joey for climbing into the unit in the first place. They end up with the canoe. They sit in it and pretend to be out on a lake, or something.

Monica: walks into her apartment with Ross. She checks her messages and got a call from a guy named Chip. She squeals when she hears the message, and Ross asks who Chip is. Apparently, Monica ran into Chip Matthews, the guy Rachel dated in high school. Monica calls him back, and she and Chip set up a date. Rachel finds out about the date and confronts Monica. Monica wasn't going to tell Rachel, knowing Rachel'd have some issues with Monica dating him. Rachel does have issues with it, but Monica convinces her. Monica wasn't popular in high school like Rachel, and always wanted to know what it was like to date the popular guy. Chip (Dan Gauthier) picks Monica up and, at first, things seem okay. Chip still has the same motorcycle from high school, but Monica's excited instead of thinking it's weird. Chip also still hangs around with a lot of people from high school, which is the first warning sign for Monica. He goes on to tell a story about how he (recently) gave a guy they went to high school with a wedgie. Monica's a little concerned, but goes to dinner with him. At dinner, all Chip can talk about is people from high school. Monica steers him into other conversational waters, but to no good result. Chip still works at the same movie theater he worked at in high school and lives with his parents. He hasn't matured even a tiny little bit. Monica walks into Chandler and Joey's, and Rachel asks about the date. Monica tells her how awful it was and that she dumped him.

Rachel: comes home and sees a message pad that says Chip called. She assumes Chip called for her. Since Ross is there, she talks about Chip to make Ross jealous. Ross knows that Chip called for Monica, but he urges Rachel to call Chip back. Rachel does and quickly learns her mistake. She's not okay with Monica dating Chip. She confronts Monica about it. She can't believe Monica would date Chip after what he did to Rachel during prom. Apparently, Chip disappeared for two hours to have sex with another girl. Monica makes her big speech about being the overweight, unpopular girl in high school. Rachel decides to relax and let Monica date Chip. Rachel and Ross get into it over whether the cat really is Phoebe's mom. Rachel's doing it to aggravate Ross; he always has to be right. Rachel comes into Central Perk, having just found the lost cat posters about Phoebe's 'mom.' She doesn't want to tell Phoebe, but Ross tells everyone that they have to tell Phoebe the truth. Ross leaves and the group can't go through with telling Phoebe the truth. Chip comes to pick Monica up, and Rachel talks to him about how great her life is going and how happy she is. Chip doesn't really care. She also brings up prom. She doesn't want Monica to go, and almost says something, but Monica scurries out before Rachel can. Rachel goes over to Chandler and Joey's after the robbery. She suggests Ross apologize to the cat after he hurts Phoebe's feelings. She and Monica go with Phoebe to take the cat back to its owner.

Ross: tricks Rachel into thinking Chip called for her. He's really quite pleased with himself at Rachel's expense. He does not believe, even a small amount, that the cat is a vessel for Phoebe's mom's spirit. He starts to argue with Rachel about it, which is what Rachel wants. He realizes what Rachel's doing, though, and won't get into it with her. After Rachel finds the poster, Ross tells the group they have to be honest with Phoebe and let her know someone's looking for their cat. Of course, when he gets to Chandler and Joey's, he sees that Phoebe still has the cat. He tells her about the poster, saying she has to give the cat up and get over her guilt. He's pretty mean about it, hurting Phoebe's feelings. Phoebe calls him on his behavior, pointing out he knows nothing about losing a parent. Ross feels really bad, but doesn't know how to make it better. Rachel suggests he apologize to Phoebe's 'mom,' knowing he'd have trouble doing it. Ross apologizes, though, and Phoebe accepts. He offers Chandler and Joey a futon.

• The chick and duck have a bitchin' fowl bachelor pad.

I especially like the disco ball and Christmas lights.

• My first thoughts upon seeing Monica:

That is some Gale Weathers in Scream 2 hair.

I tried to get a picture from the scene where David Arquette's all "by the way, nice streaks," but I couldn't find a good one. Pity.

• Ross and Rachel = awesome. They're great as a couple, but, boy, when they hate each other it's absolutely delightful.
  

• Now would be the time to address the issue of Phoebe's reincarnated mom.

I have a healthy belief in the paranormal and supernatural (most Wednesday nights, you'll find me watching Ghost Hunters and Destination Truth), but I'm also a natural skeptic. I think reincarnation is a nice idea, and I'd like to think it could be real. But I don't think the cat is Phoebe's mom. I'd find it more sympathetic if Phoebe's logic wasn't so flimsy, which I know is supposed to be the humor, but the episode'd be more touching if her most sound argument wasn't orange felt being similar to Lily's love for orange ruffie. Huh?

• Even though I feel the same way Ross does about the cat thing, he's unnecessarily mean about it. Yes, it's ridiculous Phoebe thinks the cat is her mom, but he could've at least let her down easily. Sure, this is about Phoebe's guilt about having a relationship with her birth mom, but he could have gone about telling her in a totally different way.
  

• Chip is lame with a capital 'L.'

I'm all for a hint of high school nostalgia, but ugh. Having the same motorcycle is okay, but the same job?? Living with your parents?? It is funny, but I don't think Monica would ever date this guy. I mean, I was the fat girl in high school, too, and I've lost a lot of weight, but I'd never ever date one of the guys I liked back then. Ew.

• The robbery is some great TV.
  

Oh, Joey...You gotta wonder the exact moment when he thought, "y'know, maybe this wasn't such a great idea."

Chandler's reaction is effing delightful. I heart when he throws his keys, expecting them to land on the Foosball table and they just clatter to the floor.


When all else fails...fake canoe.

• Their magna doodle says something along the lines of "Thanks for all your stuff." Such witty criminals.
  

Oh. My. God.

"I'm tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed!" -Chandler, to Joey, after ripping his suit on the entertainment unit.

"Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? They seem all right with it!" -Chandler, to the chick, duck, and Joey, about selling the unit.

"Good! Cause I've got a product report to read, it's like eight pages, I hope I don't fall asleep."
"Why? Did you write it?" -Rachel and Ross.

"Hey, here's a question, where'd you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?"
"Uh-huh, first you tell us where you got the prettiest lace in all the land." -Ross and Chandler, reading the ad for the unit in the paper.

"You mean the mom you met in Montauk? She was a cat?!" -Rachel, to Phoebe, after the revelation that the cat is Phoebe's mom.

"Are you sure she's in the cat, or have you been taking your grandma's glaucoma medicine again?" -Ross, to Phoebe, after the discovery of the mom/cat thing.

"You had me at orange felt." -Ross, to Phoebe, after she lists her reasons why she thinks the cat is her mom.

"Dude, Phoebe's mom has got a huge peni--" -Joey, before being interrupted by Chandler.

"I went to one where I wore a band uniform they had to have specially made." -Monica, to Rachel, about what high school was like for her.

"And the fat girl inside of me really wants to go. I--I owe her this. I never let her eat." -Monica, to Rachel, really wanting to go out with Chip.

"Yes, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails." -Chandler, when Joey decides callers aren't worthy of owning the unit.

"You'll have to pardon my roommate, he wanted to marry this." -Chandler, to the guys who come to look at the unit.

"Apparently, Phoebe's mother also goes by the name Julio." -Ross, looking at the missing pet flier.

"Little girl misses her cat. Crazy lady thinks her mother is in a cat." -Ross, showing that they have to tell Phoebe about the flier.

"Aww, man, he took the five of spades!!" -Joey, going through the pack of cards after the robbery.

"Oh my God! What happened?"
"Oh, umm, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!" -Monica and Chandler, after the robbery.

"Oh, they said uh, 'You don't have insurance here, so stop calling us'." -Chandler, to Ross, after calling the insurance company.

"It was insensitive of me to say that you were just a cat. When, clearly, you are also the reincarnated spirit of my friend's mother." -Ross, to the cat.

"Pheebs, if she could come back as a couch, we'd really appreciate it." -Chandler, to Phoebe, about her mom's spirit.

"Oh! Y'know, I've got an extra futon!"
"Dude, you don't have to brag! We got nothing here!!" -Ross and Joey, when Ross offers his futon and Joey misunderstands.

TOW: Frank Jr.

Phoebe: waits outside Central Perk for Frank Jr. Frank shows up and Phoebe brings him inside to introduce him to her friends. Frank's excited about his first time in the city and wants to go to Times Square, buy ninja stars, and take a picture of a hooker. Phoebe and Frank Jr. hang out at her apartment. They don't have much to talk about. Phoebe wants to see if both she and Frank can roll their tongues; Frank can, but Phoebe can't. Frank shows Phoebe his favorite hobby, melting stuff. Phoebe goes to bed, leaving Frank Jr. with the fire extinguisher, which he promptly tries to melt. Frank does his own version of karate out on Monica and Rachel's balcony while Phoebe talks to Monica. Phoebe's upset that the weekend isn't going like she expected; she wanted to be closer to Frank Jr, like Ross and Monica are close. Phoebe and Frank Jr. are watching tv at her apartment when she gets a phone call. She has a client at work and she has to go in. She tells Frank she's a masseuse, but Frank thinks she means she's a hooker. She invites him to go along and he eagerly agrees. At the massage place, Phoebe is getting ready for her client when one of her co-workers brings Frank Jr. in. Frank felt her up and she's furious. The confusion is explained, but Phoebe's hurt that Frank thought she was a hooker. Frank tells Phoebe he did have fun over the weekend and he's sorry he ruined it. He really feels a connection with Phoebe and apologizes for ruining the weekend.

Chandler and Joey: Chandler comes home and finds the apartment full of wood and tools. Joey says he's building an entertainment unit and that it won't take longer than a day. Chandler goes into his bedroom, but only the top half of the door opens. He trips over the bottom half. Later, Joey works on the unit, while Chandler is sleeping in his room. Joey drills through the wall, nearly hitting Chandler. Chandler yells at him and says he never wanted the unit. Joey goes to Monica and Rachel's for a beer. While there, he tells Monica she can get new bathroom tile on sale. He shows Monica how dingy her floor is and how easy it is to take the old tile off. Since Joey ruined her floor, Monica says he has to lay new tile. Joey's worried that Chandler'll be upset that he isn't finishing the unit, but he has no choice but to fix Monica's floor. Chandler comes in later looking for Joey because a varnish lid is stuck to the seat of his pants. He finds Joey working on Monica's bathroom floor. Chandler and Monica argue over who Joey's supposed to be working for. Joey finishes Monica's floor and has to finish the unit. Chandler gets Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe to help set up the unit for the first time. It's so big it blocks half of both Chandler and Joey's bedroom doors. Chandler tries to push it so it blocks all of Joey's door; it doesn't budge and it's still wet. Chandler bets Joey that he can't fit in the space for the tv. Joey gets in, Chandler shuts the door and sticks a board threw the handles, locking Joey in.

Ross and Rachel: At Central Perk, Chandler starts a discussion about he and Janice's freebie list, the list of five celebrities they are allowed to sleep with without the other getting angry. Rachel decides she and Ross should have a freebie list. Rachel makes one really easily, but Ross puts a lot of thought into his. The next time they're all at Central Perk, Ross says he's come up with three out of his five. One of the three is Isabella Rossellini, but Chandler tells Ross she's too international and he has less of a chance of meeting her. Ross produces the final list at Monica and Rachel's, it's printed out and laminated. Per Chandler's advice, Isabella Rossellini has been removed. Ross goes up to the counter in Central Perk for a pastry, he sees Isabella Rossellini waiting for a coffee. Ross is upset he took her off the list because he'd hit on her. Monica and Rachel make fun of him, saying he wouldn't hit on her anyway. Ross decides to do it. He talks to Isabella, offering to buy her coffee. She dismisses him, but Ross stops her, saying that she's on his list. Isabella wants to see it and snatches it from Ross's hand. She's not on the list and when Ross says it's not finalized, she points out that it's laminated. Ross explains he bumped her because of her international status. She says she bumped him for another goofy coffee house guy and leaves.

Monica: is unaware about the dingy status of her bathroom tile. When Joey suggests she get new tile she doesn't understand why, until he shows her the pristine spot under the clothes hamper. She still doesn't want to do it, afraid it will be a big project. Joey pries up a chunk of tile to show her how easy it is, but the tile has been glued down. Joey is horrified and tells her to forget it, only now she's got a big spot of floor with tile missing. She orders him to fix it. She and Chandler get in a fight over Joey's labor, but Joey does finish her floor first. After it's finished, she won't let anyone go in the bathroom. She talks to Phoebe about her relationship with Frank Jr. She tells Phoebe that she and Ross didn't like each other at all while they were growing up. Monica says a relationship like she and Ross have takes time to build. She and Rachel kind of tease Ross into hitting on Isabella Rossellini.

• The Frank Jr. stuff I could take or leave, but uh, the entertainment unit and the list are AMAZING. I like the entertainment unit so much, in fact, that it is my profile picture. For inquiring minds, the text says "No you didn't 'get me'! You 'get me,' you kill me!" I love.

• Oh, construction shenanigans, how I love thee...

I can't stop thinking how random this would be. Go home after a (sorta) hard day at work, open your bedroom door and flop, right on your face.

• I'm pretty sure, Monica being the obsessive compulsive cleaner that she is, she'd have known about the gross state of her bathroom floor. She seems like the type of person who'd move everything out of the bathroom to mop it.

• Okay, so the lists. Chandler- Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and Jessica Rabbit. Rachel - Chris O'Donnell, John F. Kennedy Jr, Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and Parker Stevenson. Ross- The first three are Elizabeth Hurley, Susan Sarandon, and Isabella Rossellini. The final list is Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurley, Michelle Pfieffer, and Dorothy Hamill.

• My friends and I all made lists, but it's not, like, a fixed thing. My list changes all the time. Joaquin Phoenix was on it for years, until his recent strange period. Now my list consists of Alexander Skarsgard, Rob Pattinson, Tom Felton, James McAvoy, and Grant Wilson (from Ghost Hunters--shut up).
  

• Joey wears really tight pants while making the entertainment unit.

• Frank Jr is an idiot, but I get really embarrassed for him.
  

• ISABELLA ROSSELLINI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't lie, I've never seen her in anything but Friends. I get so excited because she's the daughter of director Roberto Rossellini and Ingrid Bergman. Ingrid effing Bergman!
  

Yeah, I'm watching Casablanca later.

• Best. Moment. Ever.
  

Oh. My. God.

"So what happened? A forest tick you off?" -Chandler, walking into his apartment and seeing all the lumber.

"You're building a post office?" -Chandler, after Joey says he's building something for the mail.

"Power saw kinda got away from me there." -Joey, explaining why Chandler's door is cut in half.

"Spiderman?"
"Hardy Boy."
"Peter Parker." -Ross, Rachel, and Chandler, about who Parker Stevenson is.

"Y' know, we don't really take advantage of living in the city." -Chandler, after Frank Jr. says he wants to buy ninja stars and take a picture of a hooker.

"Hey! Where ya headin' in those pants? 1982?" -Monica, seeing Joey's tight pants.

"Oooh-hooo, very attractive. Forgiving." -Chandler, when Ross says Elizabeth Hurley is on his list.

"Yeah, cause that's why you won't get Isabella Rossellini, geography." -Rachel, during the Isabella Rossellini is too international conversation.

"Y'know what, it's my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish." -Chandler, having sat on the lid for a can of varnish.

"Build the unit Cenderelly, lay the tile Cinderelly." -Phoebe, when Chandler and Monica fight over Joey.

"Whoa! Big octopus!" -Frank Jr., watching tv.

"No, no, no, I wouldn't do you myself. I mean, that would be weird. Yeah, no, I'll get one of the other girls to do it." -Phoebe, taking Frank Jr. to work with her.

"Whoa! What're you going in there for?"
"What, you want like a number?" -Monica and Chandler, when Chandler tries to go to the bathroom after the floor is finished.

"Okay honey, you do realize she only spins like that on ice." -Rachel, to Dorothy Hamill being on Ross's list.

"Yeah--yeah, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller!" -Chandler, when the unit is up.

"Honey, he's about to go hit on Isabella Rossellini. I'm just sorry we don't have popcorn." -Rachel, watching Ross and Isabella.

"I mean, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity."
"Yeah, for you." -Ross and Isabella, discussing he place on his list.

"I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy over there." -Isabella, after seeing she isn't on Ross's list.