TOW: Frank Jr.

Phoebe: waits outside Central Perk for Frank Jr. Frank shows up and Phoebe brings him inside to introduce him to her friends. Frank's excited about his first time in the city and wants to go to Times Square, buy ninja stars, and take a picture of a hooker. Phoebe and Frank Jr. hang out at her apartment. They don't have much to talk about. Phoebe wants to see if both she and Frank can roll their tongues; Frank can, but Phoebe can't. Frank shows Phoebe his favorite hobby, melting stuff. Phoebe goes to bed, leaving Frank Jr. with the fire extinguisher, which he promptly tries to melt. Frank does his own version of karate out on Monica and Rachel's balcony while Phoebe talks to Monica. Phoebe's upset that the weekend isn't going like she expected; she wanted to be closer to Frank Jr, like Ross and Monica are close. Phoebe and Frank Jr. are watching tv at her apartment when she gets a phone call. She has a client at work and she has to go in. She tells Frank she's a masseuse, but Frank thinks she means she's a hooker. She invites him to go along and he eagerly agrees. At the massage place, Phoebe is getting ready for her client when one of her co-workers brings Frank Jr. in. Frank felt her up and she's furious. The confusion is explained, but Phoebe's hurt that Frank thought she was a hooker. Frank tells Phoebe he did have fun over the weekend and he's sorry he ruined it. He really feels a connection with Phoebe and apologizes for ruining the weekend.

Chandler and Joey: Chandler comes home and finds the apartment full of wood and tools. Joey says he's building an entertainment unit and that it won't take longer than a day. Chandler goes into his bedroom, but only the top half of the door opens. He trips over the bottom half. Later, Joey works on the unit, while Chandler is sleeping in his room. Joey drills through the wall, nearly hitting Chandler. Chandler yells at him and says he never wanted the unit. Joey goes to Monica and Rachel's for a beer. While there, he tells Monica she can get new bathroom tile on sale. He shows Monica how dingy her floor is and how easy it is to take the old tile off. Since Joey ruined her floor, Monica says he has to lay new tile. Joey's worried that Chandler'll be upset that he isn't finishing the unit, but he has no choice but to fix Monica's floor. Chandler comes in later looking for Joey because a varnish lid is stuck to the seat of his pants. He finds Joey working on Monica's bathroom floor. Chandler and Monica argue over who Joey's supposed to be working for. Joey finishes Monica's floor and has to finish the unit. Chandler gets Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe to help set up the unit for the first time. It's so big it blocks half of both Chandler and Joey's bedroom doors. Chandler tries to push it so it blocks all of Joey's door; it doesn't budge and it's still wet. Chandler bets Joey that he can't fit in the space for the tv. Joey gets in, Chandler shuts the door and sticks a board threw the handles, locking Joey in.

Ross and Rachel: At Central Perk, Chandler starts a discussion about he and Janice's freebie list, the list of five celebrities they are allowed to sleep with without the other getting angry. Rachel decides she and Ross should have a freebie list. Rachel makes one really easily, but Ross puts a lot of thought into his. The next time they're all at Central Perk, Ross says he's come up with three out of his five. One of the three is Isabella Rossellini, but Chandler tells Ross she's too international and he has less of a chance of meeting her. Ross produces the final list at Monica and Rachel's, it's printed out and laminated. Per Chandler's advice, Isabella Rossellini has been removed. Ross goes up to the counter in Central Perk for a pastry, he sees Isabella Rossellini waiting for a coffee. Ross is upset he took her off the list because he'd hit on her. Monica and Rachel make fun of him, saying he wouldn't hit on her anyway. Ross decides to do it. He talks to Isabella, offering to buy her coffee. She dismisses him, but Ross stops her, saying that she's on his list. Isabella wants to see it and snatches it from Ross's hand. She's not on the list and when Ross says it's not finalized, she points out that it's laminated. Ross explains he bumped her because of her international status. She says she bumped him for another goofy coffee house guy and leaves.

Monica: is unaware about the dingy status of her bathroom tile. When Joey suggests she get new tile she doesn't understand why, until he shows her the pristine spot under the clothes hamper. She still doesn't want to do it, afraid it will be a big project. Joey pries up a chunk of tile to show her how easy it is, but the tile has been glued down. Joey is horrified and tells her to forget it, only now she's got a big spot of floor with tile missing. She orders him to fix it. She and Chandler get in a fight over Joey's labor, but Joey does finish her floor first. After it's finished, she won't let anyone go in the bathroom. She talks to Phoebe about her relationship with Frank Jr. She tells Phoebe that she and Ross didn't like each other at all while they were growing up. Monica says a relationship like she and Ross have takes time to build. She and Rachel kind of tease Ross into hitting on Isabella Rossellini.

• The Frank Jr. stuff I could take or leave, but uh, the entertainment unit and the list are AMAZING. I like the entertainment unit so much, in fact, that it is my profile picture. For inquiring minds, the text says "No you didn't 'get me'! You 'get me,' you kill me!" I love.

• Oh, construction shenanigans, how I love thee...

I can't stop thinking how random this would be. Go home after a (sorta) hard day at work, open your bedroom door and flop, right on your face.

• I'm pretty sure, Monica being the obsessive compulsive cleaner that she is, she'd have known about the gross state of her bathroom floor. She seems like the type of person who'd move everything out of the bathroom to mop it.

• Okay, so the lists. Chandler- Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and Jessica Rabbit. Rachel - Chris O'Donnell, John F. Kennedy Jr, Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and Parker Stevenson. Ross- The first three are Elizabeth Hurley, Susan Sarandon, and Isabella Rossellini. The final list is Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurley, Michelle Pfieffer, and Dorothy Hamill.

• My friends and I all made lists, but it's not, like, a fixed thing. My list changes all the time. Joaquin Phoenix was on it for years, until his recent strange period. Now my list consists of Alexander Skarsgard, Rob Pattinson, Tom Felton, James McAvoy, and Grant Wilson (from Ghost Hunters--shut up).
  

• Joey wears really tight pants while making the entertainment unit.

• Frank Jr is an idiot, but I get really embarrassed for him.
  

• ISABELLA ROSSELLINI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't lie, I've never seen her in anything but Friends. I get so excited because she's the daughter of director Roberto Rossellini and Ingrid Bergman. Ingrid effing Bergman!
  

Yeah, I'm watching Casablanca later.

• Best. Moment. Ever.
  

Oh. My. God.

"So what happened? A forest tick you off?" -Chandler, walking into his apartment and seeing all the lumber.

"You're building a post office?" -Chandler, after Joey says he's building something for the mail.

"Power saw kinda got away from me there." -Joey, explaining why Chandler's door is cut in half.

"Spiderman?"
"Hardy Boy."
"Peter Parker." -Ross, Rachel, and Chandler, about who Parker Stevenson is.

"Y' know, we don't really take advantage of living in the city." -Chandler, after Frank Jr. says he wants to buy ninja stars and take a picture of a hooker.

"Hey! Where ya headin' in those pants? 1982?" -Monica, seeing Joey's tight pants.

"Oooh-hooo, very attractive. Forgiving." -Chandler, when Ross says Elizabeth Hurley is on his list.

"Yeah, cause that's why you won't get Isabella Rossellini, geography." -Rachel, during the Isabella Rossellini is too international conversation.

"Y'know what, it's my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish." -Chandler, having sat on the lid for a can of varnish.

"Build the unit Cenderelly, lay the tile Cinderelly." -Phoebe, when Chandler and Monica fight over Joey.

"Whoa! Big octopus!" -Frank Jr., watching tv.

"No, no, no, I wouldn't do you myself. I mean, that would be weird. Yeah, no, I'll get one of the other girls to do it." -Phoebe, taking Frank Jr. to work with her.

"Whoa! What're you going in there for?"
"What, you want like a number?" -Monica and Chandler, when Chandler tries to go to the bathroom after the floor is finished.

"Okay honey, you do realize she only spins like that on ice." -Rachel, to Dorothy Hamill being on Ross's list.

"Yeah--yeah, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller!" -Chandler, when the unit is up.

"Honey, he's about to go hit on Isabella Rossellini. I'm just sorry we don't have popcorn." -Rachel, watching Ross and Isabella.

"I mean, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity."
"Yeah, for you." -Ross and Isabella, discussing he place on his list.

"I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy over there." -Isabella, after seeing she isn't on Ross's list.

TOW: the List

Ross and Rachel: Rachel tells Monica and Phoebe about her kiss with Ross. Ross tells Chandler and Joey. Everyone is excited about the kiss, but Ross is confused and upset. He's still with Julie and still cares for her, but he also cares about and wants to be with Rachel. Rachel thinks he's going to choose Julie. Chandler and Joey convince Ross to make a pro/con list on Chandler's new laptop. Julie's con is that she's not Rachel. Ross breaks up with Julie. Rachel comes over to Chandler and Joey's, where Ross is, and learns of the break up. Ross and Rachel decide to take a walk for a little privacy. Rachel ends up seeing the pro/con list. It hurts her feelings and she storms out. She refuses to speak to Ross. Ross climbs the fire escape when Rachel won't let him in the apartment. He wants to read her her pro list, but she refuses to listen to it all. She's upset because Ross's con list was everything she didn't like about herself and Ross listed them as reasons not to be with her. He calls a radio station and dedicates U2's 'With or Without You' to her. Rachel calls the station and tells them what Ross did and they refuse to keep playing his song.

Chandler and Joey: Chandler gets a laptop, which he's really excited about. It's his idea to make the Julie and Rachel pro/con list. He wants to do it on his computer so they can make perfect columns, and use different fonts and colors. He and Joey try to help Ross make a decision. Chandler tries to print out the list, but his printer won't work. He and Joey comfort Ross after his break up with Julie. When Rachel comes in to their apartment, Joey tells her of the break up. Ross goes to get Rachel's coat and while he's gone, Rachel see's her name on Chandler's computer screen. The printer also starts working. She wants to see why Chandler wrote her name, but he and Joey refuse to show her. When Ross comes back, he refuses, too. They tell her it's a short story Chandler's writing. Chandler 'reads' it to her. She snatches the print out from him and reads the list. At Central Perk the next day Joey tells Monica and Phoebe the list was Chandler's idea, getting him in trouble.

Monica: can't find a job. She has an interview with a Mr. Rastatter (Michael McKean). His company's made a chocolate substitute, 'mockolate,' which is disgusting. He hires Monica to make Thanksgiving themed mockolate dishes. Monica looks for and cooks up various mockolate dishes. Phoebe and Rachel try them and think they're gross. Monica brings in a tray of mockolate items for Mr. Rastatter to taste. He informs Monica that the FDA approval of mockolate didn't go through. At the end of the episode, Mr. Rastatter calls Monica back in and wants her to make some dishes using 'fishtachios'.

Phoebe: is excited for and comforts Rachel. She taste tests one of the mockolate dishes for Monica. She also plays a song at Central Perk the day after Ross and Rachel's kiss. The song is about a love triangle and Julie just happens to be there with Ross. It's really awkward.

• Chandler's computer makes me cackle with glee.

Now, that's a relic if I ever saw one. It has 12 megabytes of ram and a 500 megabyte hard drive. No way!

• Michael McKean, or whatever, the guy that plays Mr. Rastatter (what the hell kind of name is that?), creeps me out. I have no earthly idea why, but he just seems kinda evil.

• I think we can all agree that the pro/con list probably wasn't the brightest idea Chandler's ever had. Also, misspelling 'Rachel.' That's not so good.

• Rachel's con list: kind of ditzy, too into her looks, spoiled, just a waitress, and chubby ankles.

• I'm confused as to how chubby ankles can be a con. Why does Ross care? It's not like that trait is a deal breaker.

• Whenever I hear 'With or Without You' I think of Ross and Rachel. I love that the DJ cuts the song off when she learns what Ross did. Ha.
  

• Ah, moodily starring out the window as it rains...
  

...sooo cliche, yet so wonderful. Have I mentioned that I'm a sucker for sap?
Rachel's head looks like it's in a thought-bubble, or something.

• Let's, for just a second, ponder the possible existence of 'fishtachios.' Gross. Even the name makes me shudder.

Oh. My. God.

"Tongue?"
"Yeah."
"Cool." -Joey and Ross, about Ross and Rachel's kiss.

"How'd you make out last night?" -Phoebe to Ross, after his kiss with Rachel.

"You got all that from saline solution?" -Joey, about Ross's confusion over Julie and Rachel.

"Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call...Loolie?" -Phoebe's song about the love triangle.

"Ok, how about pilgrim Mockolate mousse?"
"What makes it pilgrim?"
"We'll put buckles on it." -Monica and Phoebe, searching for recipes to use mockolate with.

"Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh no, two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!" -Chandler, teasing Ross about being so upset.

"Ross, listen. I got two words for you. Threesome." -Joey, trying to help Ross.

"This is what evil must taste like!" -Phoebe, after eating some mockolate.

"It's always been you, Rach." -Ross, telling Rachel he broke up with Julie.

"It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end." -Chandler's 'story.'

"That's it!? That's all you wrote!? You're the worst writer in the whole world!!" -Ross, responding to Chandler's story.

"Now, that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type 'little', the idiot." -Ross, trying to make the con list seem better.

"She's not 'rachem.' What the hell's a Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress?" -Rachel, reading Julie's con list.

"You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency." -Monica, after Chandler realizes he could've told Rachel she saw his diary.

"Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list." -Rachel, fighting with Ross.

"Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down." -Rachel, when Ross calls.