TOW: Joey's Big Break

Joey and Chandler: Joey comes into Monica and Rachel's all sad after a call from Estelle. He slowly explains that he got the lead in a movie! Joey explains the plot of the movie and everyone's excited, especially when they learn it's shooting right outside of Las Vegas. Joey and Chandler decided to take a road trip to the shoot. There is one small problem with the plan, namely that they don't have a car. Phoebe offers up her dead Grandma's cab, and the guys accept. Oh, and another tiny issue, Chandler needs Monica's permission to go on the trip. She agrees with little hesitation. Joey's looking at a map in Central Perk; he cant decide whether they should take the northern or southern route to Vegas. Phoebe comes in, helping Joey decide by quickly asking him a sequence of questions where Joey has to answer with the first thing that pops into his head. He decides they should take the northern route. Chandler becomes concerned when he and Joey discuss where they'll be staying once they make it to Vegas. Chandler thinks the movie production will put them up in a nice hotel. Joey explains that the film is an Indie production, with very little budget. Chandler wants to know how much Joey's being paid, but it isn't much at all. Actually, it's practically nothing; Joey makes a cent for every dollar the movie takes in. They have this conversation right before they're about to leave, but it's cut short by everyone coming to say good-bye. They're on the road for thirty minutes before Joey decides he's hungry. He wants to stop for something, offering to pay with money Ross gave them to bet with at a Casino. Chandler agrees, but doesn't know what he wants to eat. Joey tries to help him decide by playing Phoebe's question game with him. During the game, Chandler tells Joey he doesn't think this movie will be Joey's big break. Chandler wants to take it back, but ends up sticking to the answer he gave in the game. Joey makes him get out of the car on the middle of a bridge and walk home. Chandler gets to Central Perk, explaining what he did to the gang. He realizes he was wrong, but doesn't know how to make it up to Joey. Later, Joey calls from a payphone, chatting with Monica and Phoebe about what happened with Chandler. When Chandler asks to talk to Joey, Joey hangs up. Monica gets the idea that Chandler should send Joey an apology gift. Joey finally arrives on location, but the crew is packing up. The director tells Joey that they didn't end up having the money to start filming. He suggests Joey stick around Vegas until the funding comes up. A guy comes up to Joey with a bunch of balloons; the gift from Chandler wishing him good luck on his big break. Joey calls Monica, telling her how great things are on the set of a movie. He urges her to brag about his luck so Chandler can know how wrong he was. As Joey hangs up the phone, we see that he's dressed as a gladiator and working at Caesar's Hotel and Casino.

Monica and Rachel: Sitting in Central Perk, Rachel starts squinting and rapidly blinking. Joey thinks Rachel's winking at him and begins winking back. Ross notices this awkward exchange, and asks Rachel what's going on. Rachel explains that her eye itches really badly, but she's not sure why. Monica notices that Rachel's eye is really red, and suggests Rachel see Monica's eye doctor. Rachel refuses to go to Richard, but Monica explains Richard isn't her optometrist anymore. Rachel still refuses to go, allowing Ross to figure out what's really going on. Rachel hates it when people touch her eyes, or even when they touch their eyes. Everyone starts touching their eyes to freak her out. Monica manages to make an appointment with the eye doctor, calling Rachel out of her bedroom when it's time to leave. As they walk towards the door, Rachel knocks over a box of cereal that was sitting on the table. She makes sure to walk over the pieces, thinking the mess will keep Monica from taking her to the eye doctor. She's wrong, Monica leads Rachel out the door, forcing Chandler to clean up the cereal mess. At the doctor's office, Monica tells Rachel one of the machines is used for pulling out people's eyes. The doctor comes in and the appointment is bad right from the start. Rachel can't sit still for the glaucoma test, flinching before the machine even goes off. The doctor gives up on the glaucoma test, and ends up having to sneak-exam Rachel's eye. Rachel has an infection; which the doctor prescribes eye-drops for. Rachel tells him they aren't necessary, but the doctor informs her that without the drops, she'll need a glass eye in about three months. The rest of the episode centers around everyone trying to make Rachel use the drops. She tires to convince Monica the drops are working even before Monica hands her the bottle. Monica ends up fighting Rachel, and holding her down in an attempt to get the drops in. It doesn't work. Everyone is hanging out at Monica and Rachel's. Monica yells "go" and with little warning everyone jumps on Rachel, holding her down so Monica can get the drops in. The stealth operation is successful, with the promise it will occur again in the next 3 to 4 hours.

Phoebe and Ross: Everything seems fine between Ross and Phoebe, until Ross leaves to take Ben to the park. After he's gone, Phoebe tells everyone that she's furious with Ross. They're all surprised because Phoebe was as nice to him as always. The episode progresses with Phoebe becoming more and more angry with Ross. Ross comes into Central Perk after Phoebe shows Joey her question game. Ross invites them to the movies, but Phoebe acts cold and distant. Joey agrees to go to the movies, and in attempt to decide what to see, tries to get Phoebe to teach Ross the question game. Phoebe refuses and leaves. Ross knows she's angry, but isn't sure what he did wrong. Before leaving for Vegas, Joey mentions how much he'll miss Ross, inadvertently re-awakening Phoebe's anger at Ross. It's not helped when Ross comes in to say good-bye to Chandler and Joey. Phoebe's left alone with Ross, and he tries talking to her. Phoebe hides behind her magazine until Ross gets right up in her face. Ross wants an explanation, but she refuses to give him one. He apologizes anyway, and Phoebe accepts. As he's walking towards the door, he overhears Phoebe calling him a fat ass. He confronts her, not understanding what he did to make her so angry. Phoebe confesses that she can't remember why she's angry, she only knows that she is. She apologizes for calling him a fat ass, but can't let her anger go. Later, Ross decides the only way they can figure out what he did to Phoebe is to have her play the question game. It comes out that Phoebe's angry because Ross said she was boring. This happened while they were sitting in the middle of a frozen lake, playing chess. Then Ross turned into Cameron Diaz. Ross realizes that Phoebe's mad at him for something he did in a dream. He gets mad at Phoebe.

• This episode always leaves me with "A Horse with No Name" stuck in my head.

• I can touch my eyes and watch other people touch their eyes, but I hate when other people try to touch my eyes. Also, when people do that thing where they flip their eyelids inside out.

I like this picture cause Ross reminds me of a pirate. Arrgh.

• If I was distracting Monica from something, I'd definitely spill food, too.

Though, I'd go with something more likely to stain...like marinara sauce on the couch.

• Joey can't decide between the northern and southern routes to Vegas, because the northern route features a guy with a beard of bees, but the southern route has a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
  

• I'm sorta thinking the bee-beard guy sounds more awesome.

• The rapid-question game is awesome. I can never get it to work, though.
  

• During the question game, Joey asks Ross who he'd pick between Monica and Rachel. When Ross says it's gross, Joey doesn't understand why.

• I HATE THE GLAUCOMA TEST.

I flinch, too.

• If I was angry with someone, I would not want them in my face like this:
  

I would bite them.

• Joey should not ever be the driver.

It seems like it could only end badly.

• I agree with Chandler, this movie has no chance of being Joey's big break. And I'm pretty sure I read the plot of this movie in a compilation of children's horror stories when I was seven.
  

• Even though I agree with Chandler, I can't blame Joey for kicking him out of the car.
  

• Wrestling.

• Phoebe keeps the box of her grandma's ashes in the cab's floorboard.

• Phoebe's dream that gets her mad at Ross is epic.
  

• Sad
  

• A far cry from the Russell Crowe movie.

I inexplicably hate Russel Crowe.

• The real way to put in eye drops.

Oh. My. God.

"Yeah, I got too excited!" -Joey, to Chandler, after Joey pokes himself in the eye while tormenting Rachel.

"Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, 'Ross' on it." -Phoebe, explaining to Chandler what her list looks like.

"Betsy's been dead for ten years." -Joey, reciting a shocking line from the movie he's starring in.

"Oh wait, my grandmother's dead." -Phoebe, interrupting Chandler and Joey discussing their road trip.

"Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?"
"Dude, you are sick." -Joey and Ross, attempting to play the question game.

"And you don't get one!" -Monica, to Rachel, after she gets a lollipop from the optometrist.

"Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough?" -Chandler, packing for Vegas.

"Oh, honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car, if you don't mind the pus." -Rachel, to Joey, before he leaves for Vegas.

"Well, if you don't know, I can't help you."
"Well, I don't know."
"Well, I can't help you." -Phoebe and Ross, while trying to sort out their differences.

"You actually have a very sweet little hiney." -Phoebe, apologizing for calling Ross a fat ass.

"We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once." -Chandler, on Joey's driving skillz.

"Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? 'Whom! Whom!' Sometimes it's who!" -Monica, giving a reason Phoebe could be mad at Ross.

"Okay, he should've pushed me off the bridge." -Chandler, explaining what happened with Joey.

"Well, you said it was practice!"
"Then why did you move?!"
"Cause I knew you were lying!" -Rachel and Monica, arguing about the eye drops.

"Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune!" -Rachel, after Monica wrestles her to the ground.

"Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did to his sweater vests!" -Joey, exacting revenge for Chandler's behavior.

"I wonder where I could get a basket of porn..."-Chandler, trying to decide what to get Joey as an apology gift.