TOW: Joey's Big Break

Joey and Chandler: Joey comes into Monica and Rachel's all sad after a call from Estelle. He slowly explains that he got the lead in a movie! Joey explains the plot of the movie and everyone's excited, especially when they learn it's shooting right outside of Las Vegas. Joey and Chandler decided to take a road trip to the shoot. There is one small problem with the plan, namely that they don't have a car. Phoebe offers up her dead Grandma's cab, and the guys accept. Oh, and another tiny issue, Chandler needs Monica's permission to go on the trip. She agrees with little hesitation. Joey's looking at a map in Central Perk; he cant decide whether they should take the northern or southern route to Vegas. Phoebe comes in, helping Joey decide by quickly asking him a sequence of questions where Joey has to answer with the first thing that pops into his head. He decides they should take the northern route. Chandler becomes concerned when he and Joey discuss where they'll be staying once they make it to Vegas. Chandler thinks the movie production will put them up in a nice hotel. Joey explains that the film is an Indie production, with very little budget. Chandler wants to know how much Joey's being paid, but it isn't much at all. Actually, it's practically nothing; Joey makes a cent for every dollar the movie takes in. They have this conversation right before they're about to leave, but it's cut short by everyone coming to say good-bye. They're on the road for thirty minutes before Joey decides he's hungry. He wants to stop for something, offering to pay with money Ross gave them to bet with at a Casino. Chandler agrees, but doesn't know what he wants to eat. Joey tries to help him decide by playing Phoebe's question game with him. During the game, Chandler tells Joey he doesn't think this movie will be Joey's big break. Chandler wants to take it back, but ends up sticking to the answer he gave in the game. Joey makes him get out of the car on the middle of a bridge and walk home. Chandler gets to Central Perk, explaining what he did to the gang. He realizes he was wrong, but doesn't know how to make it up to Joey. Later, Joey calls from a payphone, chatting with Monica and Phoebe about what happened with Chandler. When Chandler asks to talk to Joey, Joey hangs up. Monica gets the idea that Chandler should send Joey an apology gift. Joey finally arrives on location, but the crew is packing up. The director tells Joey that they didn't end up having the money to start filming. He suggests Joey stick around Vegas until the funding comes up. A guy comes up to Joey with a bunch of balloons; the gift from Chandler wishing him good luck on his big break. Joey calls Monica, telling her how great things are on the set of a movie. He urges her to brag about his luck so Chandler can know how wrong he was. As Joey hangs up the phone, we see that he's dressed as a gladiator and working at Caesar's Hotel and Casino.

Monica and Rachel: Sitting in Central Perk, Rachel starts squinting and rapidly blinking. Joey thinks Rachel's winking at him and begins winking back. Ross notices this awkward exchange, and asks Rachel what's going on. Rachel explains that her eye itches really badly, but she's not sure why. Monica notices that Rachel's eye is really red, and suggests Rachel see Monica's eye doctor. Rachel refuses to go to Richard, but Monica explains Richard isn't her optometrist anymore. Rachel still refuses to go, allowing Ross to figure out what's really going on. Rachel hates it when people touch her eyes, or even when they touch their eyes. Everyone starts touching their eyes to freak her out. Monica manages to make an appointment with the eye doctor, calling Rachel out of her bedroom when it's time to leave. As they walk towards the door, Rachel knocks over a box of cereal that was sitting on the table. She makes sure to walk over the pieces, thinking the mess will keep Monica from taking her to the eye doctor. She's wrong, Monica leads Rachel out the door, forcing Chandler to clean up the cereal mess. At the doctor's office, Monica tells Rachel one of the machines is used for pulling out people's eyes. The doctor comes in and the appointment is bad right from the start. Rachel can't sit still for the glaucoma test, flinching before the machine even goes off. The doctor gives up on the glaucoma test, and ends up having to sneak-exam Rachel's eye. Rachel has an infection; which the doctor prescribes eye-drops for. Rachel tells him they aren't necessary, but the doctor informs her that without the drops, she'll need a glass eye in about three months. The rest of the episode centers around everyone trying to make Rachel use the drops. She tires to convince Monica the drops are working even before Monica hands her the bottle. Monica ends up fighting Rachel, and holding her down in an attempt to get the drops in. It doesn't work. Everyone is hanging out at Monica and Rachel's. Monica yells "go" and with little warning everyone jumps on Rachel, holding her down so Monica can get the drops in. The stealth operation is successful, with the promise it will occur again in the next 3 to 4 hours.

Phoebe and Ross: Everything seems fine between Ross and Phoebe, until Ross leaves to take Ben to the park. After he's gone, Phoebe tells everyone that she's furious with Ross. They're all surprised because Phoebe was as nice to him as always. The episode progresses with Phoebe becoming more and more angry with Ross. Ross comes into Central Perk after Phoebe shows Joey her question game. Ross invites them to the movies, but Phoebe acts cold and distant. Joey agrees to go to the movies, and in attempt to decide what to see, tries to get Phoebe to teach Ross the question game. Phoebe refuses and leaves. Ross knows she's angry, but isn't sure what he did wrong. Before leaving for Vegas, Joey mentions how much he'll miss Ross, inadvertently re-awakening Phoebe's anger at Ross. It's not helped when Ross comes in to say good-bye to Chandler and Joey. Phoebe's left alone with Ross, and he tries talking to her. Phoebe hides behind her magazine until Ross gets right up in her face. Ross wants an explanation, but she refuses to give him one. He apologizes anyway, and Phoebe accepts. As he's walking towards the door, he overhears Phoebe calling him a fat ass. He confronts her, not understanding what he did to make her so angry. Phoebe confesses that she can't remember why she's angry, she only knows that she is. She apologizes for calling him a fat ass, but can't let her anger go. Later, Ross decides the only way they can figure out what he did to Phoebe is to have her play the question game. It comes out that Phoebe's angry because Ross said she was boring. This happened while they were sitting in the middle of a frozen lake, playing chess. Then Ross turned into Cameron Diaz. Ross realizes that Phoebe's mad at him for something he did in a dream. He gets mad at Phoebe.

• This episode always leaves me with "A Horse with No Name" stuck in my head.

• I can touch my eyes and watch other people touch their eyes, but I hate when other people try to touch my eyes. Also, when people do that thing where they flip their eyelids inside out.

I like this picture cause Ross reminds me of a pirate. Arrgh.

• If I was distracting Monica from something, I'd definitely spill food, too.

Though, I'd go with something more likely to stain...like marinara sauce on the couch.

• Joey can't decide between the northern and southern routes to Vegas, because the northern route features a guy with a beard of bees, but the southern route has a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
  

• I'm sorta thinking the bee-beard guy sounds more awesome.

• The rapid-question game is awesome. I can never get it to work, though.
  

• During the question game, Joey asks Ross who he'd pick between Monica and Rachel. When Ross says it's gross, Joey doesn't understand why.

• I HATE THE GLAUCOMA TEST.

I flinch, too.

• If I was angry with someone, I would not want them in my face like this:
  

I would bite them.

• Joey should not ever be the driver.

It seems like it could only end badly.

• I agree with Chandler, this movie has no chance of being Joey's big break. And I'm pretty sure I read the plot of this movie in a compilation of children's horror stories when I was seven.
  

• Even though I agree with Chandler, I can't blame Joey for kicking him out of the car.
  

• Wrestling.

• Phoebe keeps the box of her grandma's ashes in the cab's floorboard.

• Phoebe's dream that gets her mad at Ross is epic.
  

• Sad
  

• A far cry from the Russell Crowe movie.

I inexplicably hate Russel Crowe.

• The real way to put in eye drops.

Oh. My. God.

"Yeah, I got too excited!" -Joey, to Chandler, after Joey pokes himself in the eye while tormenting Rachel.

"Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, 'Ross' on it." -Phoebe, explaining to Chandler what her list looks like.

"Betsy's been dead for ten years." -Joey, reciting a shocking line from the movie he's starring in.

"Oh wait, my grandmother's dead." -Phoebe, interrupting Chandler and Joey discussing their road trip.

"Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?"
"Dude, you are sick." -Joey and Ross, attempting to play the question game.

"And you don't get one!" -Monica, to Rachel, after she gets a lollipop from the optometrist.

"Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough?" -Chandler, packing for Vegas.

"Oh, honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car, if you don't mind the pus." -Rachel, to Joey, before he leaves for Vegas.

"Well, if you don't know, I can't help you."
"Well, I don't know."
"Well, I can't help you." -Phoebe and Ross, while trying to sort out their differences.

"You actually have a very sweet little hiney." -Phoebe, apologizing for calling Ross a fat ass.

"We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once." -Chandler, on Joey's driving skillz.

"Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? 'Whom! Whom!' Sometimes it's who!" -Monica, giving a reason Phoebe could be mad at Ross.

"Okay, he should've pushed me off the bridge." -Chandler, explaining what happened with Joey.

"Well, you said it was practice!"
"Then why did you move?!"
"Cause I knew you were lying!" -Rachel and Monica, arguing about the eye drops.

"Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune!" -Rachel, after Monica wrestles her to the ground.

"Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did to his sweater vests!" -Joey, exacting revenge for Chandler's behavior.

"I wonder where I could get a basket of porn..."-Chandler, trying to decide what to get Joey as an apology gift.

TOW: the Ball

Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica: In Central Perk, Gary tells Monica he's going to ask Phoebe to move in with him. He makes Monica promise not to tell, so the first thing Monica does is tell Phoebe. Phoebe isn't thrilled with the idea of moving in with Gary. Chandler freaks out about committing to someone like that. Phoebe isn't too thrilled with the idea; she thinks it's too soon. Phoebe asks Chandler to scare Gary away from the whole idea. To placate Monica, Chandler says he's doing a lot better with commitments, but behind Monica's back he agrees to the plan. Chandler goes to the police station to talk to Gary. Gary explains all the reasons he thinks it's right for he and Phoebe to move in together. After hearing the explanation, Chandler changes his mind. He suggests that maybe he and Monica need to move in together, but Gary shoots down the idea. Chandler goes to Central Perk to tell Phoebe to move in with Gary. Phoebe's pissed that Chandler didn't do his job correctly. Gary arrives and asks Phoebe to move in with him. Phoebe's the opposite of excited, starting to say no. Gary gets really mopey, making Phoebe feel bad. She agrees to move in with him. Phoebe and Gary go to Chandler and Joey's to announce their plans to move in together. Phoebe's obviously not thrilled. Later, she meets up with Gary at the station. She was supposed to have checked the paper for apartment listings in Brooklyn Heights. She tells Gary she couldn't find any, but Gary knows she's lying. He interrogates her, and she admits her feelings. Gary explains why he wants to live together, changing Phoebe's mind. The next morning, Phoebe and Gary wake up together. They talk about their future, but Gary's distracted by a bird twittering outside the open window. He shoots it. They break up.

Joey, Ross, Chandler, and Monica: Joey and Ross are playing catch across Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey realizes they've been throwing the ball for over an hour without dropping it. Joey and Ross decide to see how long they can keep throwing the ball. Joey ends up needing to use the bathroom, only Rachel's using it. He and Ross go across the hall and continue throwing the ball as Joey uses the restroom. Monica comes in, looking for her watch so she can go to work. Ross and Joey don't pay much attention to her, but she yells at them and takes their ball. They start freaking out, they'd been throwing it successfully for 2 hours and 27 minutes. The fact that they've been throwing the ball without dropping it for such a long time intrigues Monica; she gets in on the game, calling in sick to work. When Chandler comes in after dealing with Phoebe and Gary, he learns they've been throwing the ball for over four hours. He wants to play, too, but everyone is reluctant. Chandler, you see, is a 'dropper'. He argues with them, and they go ahead and let him play. The longer the game goes on it becomes clear that Monica, in pure, unadulterated Monica form, is taking it too seriously. After ten hours of throwing the ball, everyone wants to stop except for Monica. The guys are all tired and hungry, but instead of quitting, Monica leads them to her apartment for leftover pizza. The next morning they're still throwing the ball when Phoebe comes in to tell them about ending it with Gary. In an effort to cheer Phoebe up, Joey throws the ball to her. Phoebe's not in the mood to play, so she sets the ball down on the table. A collective gasp rises from Monica, Chandler, Joey, Ross, and Rachel. Monica says they can still play; that Phoebe putting the ball down doesn't count, but no one wants to keep going. Rachel decides they need to go out for breakfast. Monica suggests they should race to the restaurant, and runs out the door. The others decide to eat at home.

Rachel: In a moment of insanity Rachel buys a hairless cat. She comes home with it, telling Ross and Joey how she impulsively bought it, knowing Monica wouldn't like it. The cat (named Mrs. Whiskerson), cost Rachel $1,000; Ross and Joey don't know why she paid so much for something so ugly. Rachel's too excited--she always wanted a hairless cat, because her grandma had one and it was sweet--to let the guys ruin her fun. Rachel goes across the hall where Joey, Ross, and Monica are playing. She's covered in scratches, telling them that the cat (which Monica knew nothing about) is horrible. It's taciturn, mean, and hisses at her menacingly when she gets too close. She leaves, but comes back later carrying the cat on his pillow and wearing oven mitts. She's decided she doesn't want the cat anymore but the store won't give Rachel her money back, only exchange the cat for store credit. Joey suggests Rachel show the cat, but she isn't interested. Monica tells her she can keep the cat until she finds it a new home, but Rachel's more upset about losing $1,000. She tries to sell the cat on the street, but it doesn't go well. One lady thinks the hairless cat is a baby, another wants to buy the cat, but Rachel expects her to pay $2000 for it. When the ball throwing group comes in for pizza, Rachel's sitting at the kitchen table, catless. She sold it to Gunther for $1500.

• Gunther is one gullible son of a bitch.
  

• For some reason when I was younger, I thought it was sweet how much Gunther liked Rachel. Now, he seems like a creeper.
  

• The Sphinx Cat.
  

I think it should continue its existence in statue form only. And in Egypt.

• Maybe the cat hates Rachel cause she named it Mrs. Whiskerson. Just sayin'.
  

• This strains the bonds of friendship.

• Chandler's fear of commitment is getting really tired.

• I love that Monica's obsessed with getting to work on time, but calls in sick to throw a plastic ball around. I guess everyone has their priorities.
  

• Monica isn't very mad about that cat existing in her apartment, but she is upset cause Rachel owed her money.
  

• When a Cop Pouts.
  

I think I once saw a Lifetime movie called that.

• Chandler is definitely a dropper.

He looks as though he's enthusiastically clapping.

• I thought animal allergies had to do with dander from pet hair, but Monica say the hairless cat aggravates her allergies. Confounded.
  

• It bothers me that Gary knows Phoebe's unhappy about agreeing for them to move in together, but doesn't say anything until his little interrogation stunt.
  

• Chicken or hairless cat?

• It frustrates me that Rachel doesn't just put an add in the mother-effing newspaper.
  

• It is supersupersupersuper lame that Gary's storyline ends because he shoots a bird. He deserves so much better. It's like the writer's got sick of him, and ended him in the easiest, dumbest way possible.

• I heart the reaction when Phoebe puts the ball down.

I don't think it should count, because technically no one dropped it.

• I would not still be throwing that damn ball after twelve hours. I'm not entirely sure that it's physically possible.
  

• At the end of the ep, there's a montage of Chandler dropping things. I love.

The Magna Doodle Says
It's a spaceship. Surrounded by stars and other space paraphernalia.

Oh. My. God.

"I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl."
"You bought Shawn Cassidy!?" -Rachel and Ross, before Rachel shows them the hairless cat.

"Why is it inside out?" -Ross, about the cat.

"Well, what am I gonna call her!? Fluffy!?" -Rachel, defending the name Mrs. Whiskerson.

"Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!" -Chandler, to Gary, about why he shouldn't want to move in with Phoebe.

"Alright, come on, I'm--I'm late for work!"
"How do you know? You don't have a watch." -Monica and Ross, while Monica's getting ready for work.

"Congratulations, that's quite a waste of time." -Rachel, to Ross, Joey, and Monica, after learning they haven't dropped the ball for three hours.

"And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time that cat hisses at me I know it's saying 'Rachel'." -Rachel, explaining why the cat isn't awesome.

"You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right!" -Phoebe, to Chandler, when he suggests she move in with Gary.

"It's really a three person game, y'know?"
"It's throwing and catching!" -Ross and Chandler, when they won't let Chandler play cause he's a dropper.

"Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ." -Chandler, about Rachel's cat.

"Well, they said that would, but they would only give me store credit. I mean, what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats?" -Rachel, explaining why she hasn't taken the cat back to the store.

"I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand!" -Rachel, on why she's upset.

"Don't--don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!" -Monica, having an allergic reaction to the cat.

"Man, that was close."
"Yeah, you almost overreacted to something." -Monica and Chandler, after her allergic reaction.

"The oven mitts really freaked me out." -Phoebe, to Rachel, when Rachel comes in wearing oven mitts and carrying her cat.

"Are these for rent? I thought people were just bragging." -Phoebe, to Gary, when he points out all the apartment listings in Brooklyn Heights.

"Please! I made this game what it is!"
"Not fun anymore?" -Monica and Chandler, after they'd been throwing the ball for ten hours.

"Rachel, what is your cat doing in one of my bowls!?"
"It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken." -Monica and Rachel. Rachel knows how to make chicken?

"So what is this? Some kind of snake or something?" -Gunther, after coming by to get the cat's pillow.