TOW: the Cop

Phoebe: digs in the chair cushions at Central Perk to find change for the tip, instead she finds a policeman's badge. Rachel tells her she has to turn the badge in, and Phoebe agrees. When she leaves the coffee house, she sees a woman (Nicole Robinson) putting out her cigarette against a tree. Phoebe's horrified, confronting the woman. The chick doesn't care, but Phoebe pulls out the badge, threatening to arrest her unless she apologizes to the tree. The woman apologizes. Phoebe tells Chandler and Monica all of the good deeds she's done since she's found the cops badge. They're glad she's doing good things, but impersonating a cop is a pretty serious crime. They encourage her to go ahead and turn the the badge in. Phoebe realizes she' drunk with power, and goes to turn the badge in. Phoebe's going into Central Perk, but there's a car parked on the curb, right in front of the door. Phoebe confronts the guy (Michael Rapaport), pulling out the badge. The guy tells her he's a cop, too, and asks her about her precinct. Phoebe makes up some stuff, answering his questions with things from NYPD Blue. The cop knows she's bluffing, it's his badge Phoebe's using. Phoebe drops the badge, running away. Phoebe tells Monica and Chandler what happened with the cop. They ask why she ran, and she explains that impersonating a cop is a felony that could lead to jail time. She also admits to having been in jail at some point. Phoebe and the others are over at Monica and Rachel's, when the cop knocks at the door. Phoebe turns herself in, but warns the cop that the charges against her won't stick. He agrees, says he won't arrest her, but asks her out. He's been thinking about her since they met. Phoebe's flattered, quickly agreeing to the date. The cop's name, by the way, is Gary.

Chandler, Monica, and Joey: Joey comes home one evening to find Chandler and Monica sitting together in a recliner, doing the crossword. They all talk a little, commenting on how cute Chandler and Monica are as a couple. Joey goes to bed, and ends up having a dream where he's doing the crossword puzzle with Monica. When he wakes up, he's totally freaked out. The next morning, he's really weird when he runs into Monica and Chandler in Central Perk. Monica's wearing one of Joey's sweatshirts, which really upsets him. Monica offers to take it off, but Joey doesn't want it because it'll smell like her. Monica's worried she smells bad, but Joey assures her she smells like a meadow. Then he runs away. When Joey comes home that evening, Monica's making dinner for herself and Chandler. She asks Joey to taste the sauce she's making, and Joey freaks out again. She and Chandler finally confront Joey about why he's acting so strangely. He confesses that he dreamed about Monica, and is now in love with her. Chandler and Monica come up with a few alternatives to explain the dream. Joey likes Monica's suggestion that he'd like to have the closeness that she and Chandler have. Chandler asks Joey if he's attracted to Monica, but Joey isn't really. This sort of hurts Monica's feelings, but it's forgotten when Joey asks how he can have the same kind of closeness with a woman. Chandler and Monica think he should be friends with the woman first. At this point, Rachel comes over looking for a measuring tape, and Joey starts giving her the eye. He ends up hitting on her when she comes over asking for his help moving Ross' couch. Rachel declines the offer, suggesting he needs to meet a woman, and start a friendship. Joey doesn't want to do that, since that takes a long time. He regrets not hitting on Phoebe. Joey ends up taking Chandler, Monica, and Rachel's advice about women. Only, their advice didn't work out too well, because when the woman Joey met found out he wanted a friendship first, she threw herself at him. And so did her roommate. He's not too upset about the failure of his relationship plans.

Ross and Rachel: Rachel goes with Ross when he buys a new couch. Ross is really particular, and has to make sure the couch meets all his specifications. He finally picks a couch (not without prompting from Rachel), and is given a form to sign. While looking over the form, he sees how expensive it'll be to have the couch delivered to his apartment. He and Rachel are both horrified over the cost, since Ross only lives three blocks from the store. Ross decides not to have the couch delivered, then expects Rachel to help him carry it home. On their way out of the store with the couch, Ross and the salesman get into a discussion of the likelihood of a guy like Ross dating a girl like Rachel. Ross is compelled to explain that he and Rachel did used to go out. They manage to get the couch to Ross's building, and Ross takes it towards the staircase. Rachel stops him, because he told her there was an elevator. He lied. Rachel thinks he should go back and have movers help him. Ross refuses partly due to the cost, but also because he saw a Dateline about how movers case your belongings to come back later and steal them. He and Rachel have a discussion about the show, and how much Rachel wants to kiss Jane Pauly. Ross shushes her, so they can start moving the couch up the stairs. It doesn't go well, and they end up dropping it. Rachel asks Joey for his help moving the couch. He agrees at first, but this is during the period where he wants her to be the friend he has a relationship with. She declines his advances, and I guess he doesn't want to help anymore. She gets Chandler to help instead, but Ross says he's barely any help. They try moving the couch again, this time with a diagram Ross drew. They end up getting it stuck. I guess they don't know what to do once they get it stuck, because Ross and Rachel just sorta chill on the steps. Ross gets motivated to move the couch again, and urges Rachel to help. She stands up, accidentally pulling the fire alarm. All the tenants of the building run down the stairs, stepping on the couch as they go. Ross takes the couch back to the store, wanting to return it. The saleslady refuses to take it back, since it's cut in half. Ross asks for store credit, and she agrees to give him four dollars.

• This is pretty adorable. But why the bubble vest?

• I'm horrible at crossword puzzles. I don't know why. Joey's "Not dog but--" "Cat" is about at my level.

• Because it's really hard to walk across the hall and get a sweatshirt that belongs to you?

• Cops and doughnuts are like the cockroaches of jokes. They will never go away.

• Being generally against lugging couches for blocks and blocks, I'd totally pay the delivery cost.

I'm surprised Rachel didn't put up more of a fight.

• The salesman looks like Bill Pullman with a facelift.

• I can't believe Ross kept count.
  

Although, if I was having sex with Rachel, I'd probably keep count, too. Just saying.

• The tree lady is Margaret, Leo's secretary, from The West Wing!

• Ends badly.

• Joey used to have a crush on Monica, has sex dreams about her, but says he's not attracted to her. Oookay.

• It's epically awesome that Phoebe answers Gary's questions using characters from NYPD Blue.

• Joey, putting the moves on Rachel.

Her outfit is super cute.

• To quote Winnie-the-Pooh: "Stuck. Wedged there in a great tightness."

PIVOT

• Joey steals a pizza from the second floor of the building, then thinks that the cops are after him when Gary shows up.

• It'd make a good love seat.
  

Maybe?

The Magna Doodle Says:

Something about someone calling for Joey. And a spiral!!

Oh. My. God.

"Hey, do you know a six-letter word for red?"

"Dark red?" -Chandler and Joey, when Chandler and Monica are doing the crossword.

"There's only one left, three letter word, not dog but..."

"Cat!" -Monica and Joey, doing the crossword.

"Why would a cop come in here, though? They don't serve doughnuts." -Chandler, after Phoebe finds the badge.

"While I'm at the police station, I could check their Ten Most Wanted lists, because my friend Fritzy has been, like, number eleven forever, so this could be her year!" -Phoebe, before she goes to turn the badge in.

"Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter." -Chandler, to Monica, after Joey gets all awkward with Monica.

"I need a couch that says, 'kids welcome here,' but that also says, 'come here to me'."

"What?! You say that to kids?!" -Ross and Rachel, while he's couch shopping.

"The 'come here to me,' is, y'know, for the ladies."

"Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch." -Ross and Rachel, about the couch.

"Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!" -Ross, to the salesman, about he and Rachel's relationship.

"A loser you did it with 298 times!" -Ross, to Rachel, after she calls him a loser.

"I am not going to apologize to a tree!" -the tree lady, to Phoebe.

"Alright, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power." -Phoebe, to Monica and Chandler, about how the badge makes her feel.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, what if Martin Luther Kind had said that? I kinda have a dream...I don't want to talk about it." -Chandler, teasing Joey when he won't share his dream.

"Hey, ummm, do you guys have that tape measure?"

"Oh yeah, it's actually in my bedroom." -Rachel and Chandler.

"Yeah, in fact I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore." -Phoebe, to Gary, when she learns he's a cop, too.

"Hey, by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be alright. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good." -Gary, to Phoebe, when she names Sipowicz as a cop from her precinct.

"Don't hit on your existing friends!" -Rachel, to Joey, when he puts the moves on her.

"Man, I wish I saw Phoebe first!" -Joey, to Rachel, after she turns him down.

"What, you brought Joey?"

"Well, I brought the next best thing."

"Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica!" -Ross and Rachel, trying to move the couch.

"Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself."

"No! That's--that's my arm!"

"Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch." -Rachel, Ross, and Chandler, about Ross's diagram.

"PIVOT!" -Ross, moving the couch.

"I can't believe that didn't work!"

"I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch." -Ross and Rachel, when they get the couch stuck.

"I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! And her roommate!" -Joey, explaining how being friends first went for him.

"Closeness-shmoshness!! There was three of us for crying out loud!" -Joey, defending his actions.

"You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen." -Gary, when he asks Phoebe out.

"And don't worry, I'm not just gonna take you out for doughnuts."

"He has a gun." -Gary and Chandler, after Gary makes a bad joke, and Chandler laughs.

"You wanna return this couch? It's cut in half!" -the saleswoman, when Ross wants to return the couch.

TOW: the Girl who Hits Joey

Joey and Rachel: Joey's started dating a very petite woman named Katie (Soleil Moon Frye). The gang meets her when she comes to Central Perk to meet Joey for a date. They're also introduced to one of Katie's regular habits, playfully punching people. When she goes to the restroom, Joey explains that even though Katie is small, she punches really hard. Everyone makes fun of him, not believing that Katie could hurt him. Joey has coffee with Katie in Central Perk. She's still hitting him, and he decides to talk with her about the habit. He moves away from her, telling her that she's little, but hits hard. She laughs, thinking he's teasing her, and hits him some more. Joey goes into Central Park wearing tons of sweaters. Rachel sees him, and he explains that he's wearing six sweaters because he's breaking up with Katie. Katie arrives, and Rachel compliments her on her coat. In thanks, Katie punches Rachel in the arm. It hurts, just as Joey said, but Rachel hits Katie back. They punch each other for awhile, before Rachel gets fed up and kicks Katie in the shin. Katie's pissed, telling Joey to do something about Rachel, or she'll walk out. Joey doesn't do anything. He and Rachel hug once Katie leaves.

Chandler and Monica: At the end of the the last episode, Ross saw Chandler and Monica making out. He runs over to confront them, furious that Chandler would sleep with his sister. Chandler wants to run away, but Monica wants to talk to Ross. They let Ross in, he yells some, but then they explain they're in love, not just having sex. Now that everyone knows, Chandler and Monica's relationship is a frequent topic of discussion. In Central Perk, the whole gang talks about what it'll be like if Chandler and Monica have kids, and what to get them as a wedding present. Chandler and Monica are quick to laugh off the speculation, since they haven't been together for that long. Chandler and Rachel are hanging out, when Rachel makes another joke about Monica and Chandler's future. Chandler asks her not to say things like that, because he doesn't want Monica to get ideas. Rachel explains that since it's Monica, she's already thought about her future with Chandler. Chandler tries to pretend it's not true, but Rachel brings up the fact that Monica dumped Richard because he didn't want babies. Chandler knows that Rachel's right, and starts freaking out. Chandler and Monica are cuddling in his recliner, when Monica asks if they couldn't just "stay there forever." Chandler loses it. Monica's not surprised by his reaction, having assumed he'd freak when everyone started making jokes about their future. Chandler thinks he's right to be worried, since he knows what Monica wants from their future. Monica knows it's Chandler's commitment phobia talking, but she's really disgusted with him and leaves. Chandler tells Ross and Joey about the argument. They think it can be fixed, but that Chandler probably won't be able to do the fixing. Monica comes in to get some coffee (to go, because she sees Chandler). Chandler asks her what he can do to fix their relationship, but Monica's still too upset to talk with him. She tells him that he has to fix their relationship this time. Later that day, Chandler runs into Monica and Rachel's, frantically searching for Monica. Everyone's over, playing cards, and witness Chandler proposing to Monica. Chandler's not sure why he's proposing, but the important thing is that he isn't afraid. He's really proposing as an apology, and Monica points out that it isn't a good reason to get married. Chandler realizes he's doing a really stupid thing, but he was afraid of losing Monica. He's also confused because he went to Ross and Joey for advice. Monica realizes that Chandler's not ready to handle relationship stuff like that by himself. Everyone makes fun of Chandler by apologizing to each other, then proposing.

Ross and Phoebe: Ross is getting settled into his new apartment, when Phoebe comes by with a house warming gift. While Phoebe's over, a neighbor, Steve (Willie Garson), stops by. He wanted to introduce himself, and ask Ross to chip in $100 as a retirement gift for the building handyman, Howard. Ross refuses to give the money, since he just moved in and doesn't know Howard. Steve leaves, having the impression that Ross is cheap. Ross is over at Chandler's, talking to him and Rachel about how everyone in his building hates him. They all think Ross is a cheapskate, and a kid even spit on him for not giving $100 to Howard. Ross decides to throw a party for his neighbors, where he'll explain his reasoning over the money. Rachel thinks he should just give the money, but it goes against Ross' principles. The night of the party, Ross sits in his apartment all by himself, playing with his name tag(s). He turns his music down for a second, and hears people chanting "Howard!". He goes across the hall, seeing that all his neighbors are having a party for Howard. Phoebe's there. She contributed money toward Howard, and all Ross' neighbors like her. She thinks it's good that they like her, that way she can make them like Ross. Steve walks by, and suggests Ross and Phoebe switch apartments. Ross is miserable at the party, wanting to leave, but Phoebe encourages him to stay. She's already started talking to the other guests about him. She was telling people about what happened between Ross and Emily, though that seems to be hurting more than helping. Phoebe suggests she and Ross get some food, and Ross gets a piece of cake. The problem is, the other guests hadn't cut the cake for Howard yet. This makes everyone hate Ross more. Phoebe steps in, telling the tenants that they just need to go to know Ross. She proceeds to tell the guests what her first impressions of them were. Ross and Phoebe are kicked out of the party, ending up back at Ross'. Phoebe explains that she was insulting the other guests in the hope that Ross would stand up for them and be the hero. He didn't get it.

• It continuously bothers me that Chandler and Monica ignore the fact that Ross lives across the street from them.
  

Take it to the bedroom, people.

• Maybe it'd be a good idea for the writer's to go ahead and address the fact that Ross flips out about Chandler and Monica in front of his boss? Maybe not...

• HEY! It's Punky Brewster!
  

I never watched that show, so I don't care that much, but I feel I should exude some sort of excitement.

• Soleil Moon Frye sounds like a porn star or stripper name.

• Joey gets beat up by a girl!!

She's really very small.

• The gay friend from Sex in the City is kinda mean.

• I'd give the money, since I'm afraid of confrontation and not being liked, but I agree with Ross. He shouldn't have to give that much money to a man he's never met.

• It was only a matter of time before Chandler totally lost it over being in a real relationship with Monica.

• Someone should tell Ross that name tags aren't cool.
  

The "ROSS" makes it worse.

• Joey, needing extra padding.

• I don't condone violence (much), but it's awesome when Rachel kicks Katie.

• Subtlety, thy name is Ross.

• Phoebe insulting the guests so Ross can defend them wasn't a bad plan.

• Chandler's first proposal.
  

Where did the ring come from?

• The episode name sounds like the title of an anti-abuse PSA or the name of a Lifetime movie of the week. Starring Tori Spelling.

The Magna Doodle Says:

C.B. + M.G 4 Ever

Oh. My. God.

"I'm going on the lam." -Chandler, to Monica, when he attempts to run from Ross.

"What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he's--he's the one doing your sister." -Joey, to Ross.

"Guys, you're a few steps ahead of us."

"Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps." - Monica and Chandler, during the discussion about their future kids.

"Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is beating him up." -Chandler, when Joey explains Katie's hurting him.

"Howard's the handyman."

"Yes, but to me, he's just man." -Steve and Ross, on why Ross won't contribute money to Howard.

"Oh, they'll like me. Once they come to my awesome PAR-TAY!" -Ross, telling Chandler and Rachel about his party.

"It's not different at all, is it?"

"Not unless different means the same." -Chandler and Rachel, about what Monica expects from her relationship with Chandler.

"You want babies! You have baby fever!" -Chandler, to Monica, during his freak out. I'm wondering if baby fever is anything like Beiber fever.

"If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one." -Monica, to Chandler, when he goes to her about ways to make things right.

"Hey listen, is it obvious that I'm wearing six sweaters?" -Joey, to Rachel, when he comes in Central Park to breakup with Katie.

"You'd better do something, or I'm gonna walk out that door right now! Well? Are you gonna?"

"Nah." -Katie and Joey, after Rachel kicks Katie.

"Go back to 3-B, 3-B!!" -Steve, after Ross eats Howard's cake.

"Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked 'who here likes Ross,' and he's wearing two name tags!" -Phoebe, to the other party guests.

"Do you, ummm, think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?"

"No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy." -Monica and Chandler, after he proposes.

"Who? Two divorces and Joey?!" -Monica, about Chandler getting advice from Ross and Joey.

"Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door." -Chandler, to Monica, about what would've happened if she'd said yes to his proposal.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Will you marry me?" -Ross, to Joey.

Vacation

Hey all!

I'm not going to be posting for the next two weeks. My work schedule is incredibly hectic, plus I'm applying to grad school, and I'm going to be out of town for a bit next weekend. Hopefully, I'll be able to get back to a more normal posting schedule soon.