TOW: Ross Finds Out

Rachel: goes on a date to try and forget about Ross. She's incredibly positive about the date until she learns that Ross and Julie are getting a cat. Monica set her up with a recently divorced man, Michael (Arye Gross). The date goes really badly. All Rachel can talk about is Ross, Julie, and the cat. She also gets drunk. Michael tells Rachel all she needs is closure; something to help her get over Ross. Rachel borrows a guy's cell phone to call Ross. She leaves a message talking about how she now has closure. Rachel doesn't remember much the next morning and when Ross comes in to the apartment she thinks she had a dream about him or maybe talked to him on the phone.

Ross: decides to get a cat with Julie. He's very excited and asks to have cat toys from Monica. He doesn't think anything weird is happening until he goes to Monica and Rachel's for the cat toys. Rachel is hungover and jumps on him when he checks his messages. Rachel wasn't able to stop him from hearing her drunk message about closure. He can't stay to talk to Rachel about the revelation of their mutual feelings; Julie is waiting outside with a cab, so they can get their cat. At the humane shelter, Ross can't decide which cat to get. Julie narrows it down to two cats, but Ross can't choose. He goes to Central Perk while Rachel is closing up.

They get into an argument. Ross is angry that she told him she had feelings for him when he's with Julie. They fight about why neither said anything before. Ross storms out and Rachel locks the doors behind him. She cries and Ross watches form the door. Rachel unlocks the door and they kiss. Um, awww.

Chandler and Monica: Chandler had a really bad time at a party and feels unattractive. Phoebe points out that he's gained a little weight. Monica decides to help him workout as an unemployment project. Monica is really excited about her new hobby; Chandler is less enthused. He keeps up with the exercise program pretty well for a few days, but gets fed up with Monica's never ending enthusiasm. She tries to get him to run early on a Sunday morning, but he refuses. Finally, Chandler tells her he's not working out anymore. Monica taunts him as motivation. Chandler tells Monica her energy is admirable because she's unemployed, a disappointment to her parents, and boyfriendless. Chandler says he'd have trouble getting out of bed if he was in her position. He depresses Monica so much she takes a nap on Chandler and Joey's couch.

Phoebe and Joey: Phoebe is dating a man named Scott. They've been on several dates, but Scott won't have sex with her. Joey asks if maybe Scott is gay, but Phoebe assures him that's not the case. After another date with Scott, Phoebe tells Joey she's decided she isn't sexy enough. Joey assures her that's not true. Joey tells Phoebe to just talk to Scott. Phoebe tells Joey she finally had sex with Scott. She took Joey's advice and talked to Scott about the no sex. Scott wanted to wait because he know how sex could make relationships serious, especially for women. Phoebe assures him they can have sex without it being a big thing. Joey is envious of Scott because he got Phoebe to beg for sex and then promise no-strings-attached sex.

• This may be my very favorite episode. It's hard to say definitively that it is, indeed, my most favorite, but it's definitely top five. Three words: Ross and Rachel.

• Phoebe's Scott thing is a little silly. It's entertaining, but mostly filler for the big story, which is Ross and Rachel.
  

• Chandler's supposed to have gained, I don't know, five--maybe ten--pounds.
  

It's a good thing they had the bulky, ugly sweater lying around. It still doesn't look like he's gained any weight, though.

• I just really like this moment

Chandler's so sore he can barely lift his coffee cup. Also of note, the "reserved" placard. Can you really do that in a tiny coffee shop? I'm thinking not so much.

• Two best. moments. ever. How could they not be? I mean it's Ross and Rachel.
  

Uh, it doesn't really need an explanation. Nothing, I repeat, nothing is better than "You're uh, you're, you're over me? When--When were you... under me?"



Moral issue: is Ross justified at being angry Rachel told him? If you were Ross, would you want to know? I'm thinking yes, but if it wasn't Ross and Rachel, I'm not sure that'd still be my answer....Thoughts?

Oh.My.God.

"Alright, ok, alright. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home." -Chandler, agreeing to workout with Monica.

"Oh, can't make...hands...meet..." -Phoebe, hugging Chandler.

"She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore." -Chandler, discussing Monica's exercise regimen.

"Maybe he, uhh...drives his car on the others die of the road, if y'know what I mean."
"No, whad'ya mean? He's not British." -Joey and Phoebe, talking about Scott.

"No, I felt it on my hip. I could tell." -Phoebe, on why Scott isn't gay.

"Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it." -Chandler, when Monica suggests playing racquetball.

"He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing." -Rachel, watching Ross and Julie outside Central Perk.

"When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, 'excellent butt, great rack'." -Joey, assuring Phoebe of her sexiness.

"And, you know, ya see there, I'm thinking of names, so obviously, I am over you. I am over you. And that, my friend, is what they call closure." -Rachel's message for Ross.

"How come you're watching a rabbi play electric guitar?" -Phoebe, at Joey's. This is also one of those meaningful questions of life, I think.

"This man is my God." -Joey, about Scott's success with Phoebe.

"Do you have any cats that are really old or incredibly sick?" -Ross, at the humane shelter after finding out about Rachel.

"Both? BOTH!? I can't have two cats! Joey's the kinda guy who could have two cats." -Ross, after Julie suggests getting both cats.

TOW: Phoebe's Husband

Phoebe: is married to a gay, ice dancer, named Duncan (Steve Zahn). Duncan comes into town, wanting to meet up with Phoebe. Phoebe was in love with Duncan, even though she knew he was gay. They got married because Duncan, who's Canadian, needed a green card. Phoebe visits Duncan after his show, he's in the Ice Capades, and Duncan asks for a divorce. Duncan has recently realized he's straight and has fallen in love with a woman. Phoebe is horrified, especially since she was in love with him. She asks if they'd be together if he'd realized he was straight when she was around, but decides she doesn't want an answer. She signs the divorce papers, they kiss, and she goes on her way, but not before asking about Duncan's definitely straight brother.

Rachel: talks to her mom on the phone. Her mom is worried about crime in the city, but Rachel assures her she's okay. During the conversation, a pigeon flies into the open kitchen window, freaking Rachel out. She catches the pigeon in a pot, but lets it go again when Duncan comes by for Phoebe and says he's Phoebe's husband. Rachel is anguishing over Ross and Julie, despite being encouraged by Monica to get over him. She attempts to stop Ross from having sex with Julie for the first time. First, she tells him that girls like not having sex better, that waiting is sexy. Then, after Ross decides to go through with it, she tries to keep the gang at Ross's apartment for as long as possible. She hopes that by the time they leave, Ross and Julie will be too tired for sex. Her plan doesn't work. She tries to psych Ross out and it works until he says he's really happy. Rachel encourages him to go for it, while simultaneously attempting to seduce him. It doesn't work.

Ross: asks Rachel how long she'd been in a relationship before having sex. It comes out that Ross hasn't had sex with Julie yet. He's sort of afraid to have sex with her because of the whole, 'Carol being a lesbian' thing. He considers Rachel's position, that women like waiting, but decides to go with Joey's advice, which is to get over it and have sex with Julie. He and Julie make dinner for Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler. They all stay up really late while Rachel interrogates Julie about herself, starting with her childhood. Despite the late hour, Ross tells Rachel he's still going through with it. Rachel describes the way she'd want Ross to approach her if they were about to have sex. Rachel and Ross get really close, seeming to have a moment, but when Rachel finishes speaking, Ross hurries into his apartment to be with Julie. The next morning, Ross struts down the street to 'Singin' in the Rain.'

Monica: gets upset when she hears that Phoebe married Duncan. She knew that Phoebe was in love with him and that he was gay. She's also upset that Phoebe never told her about the marriage because she tells Phoebe everything. During this who-tells-who-everything argument, it's revealed that Monica's underwear are hanging from the light post by the apartment building. This resulted from Monica having sex with Fun Bobby on the balcony. The only person Monica told that story was Chandler, but he told Phoebe. To get back at Chandler, Monica tells the group that Chandler has a third nipple. She thinks Rachel needs to get over Ross.

Chandler: has a third nipple! He calls it his nubbin. He'd only told Monica and Joey about the existence of the nubbin. Everyone else want to see it and they tease him. To take the attention off himself, he tells that Joey was in a porn. It doesn't work, they all just want to know about his third nipple. He brings Joey's porn to the dinner at Ross and Julie's. He gets roped into staying and listening to Rachel interrogate Julie.

Joey: did a porn. He was the lead, but got cold feet. They let him be a repairman who comes in to fix a copy machine, but can't because people are having sex on it. He doesn't mind that Chandler rents it and they watch it.

• Rachel and the pigeon make me giggle.
  

It's so great that the newspaper was already nicely laid out on the table.

• Phoebe having a secret husband is totally plausible. She's the only one who is mysterious and off-beat enough. You hear Phoebe's married to a gay, ice dancer-- it makes sense.

Is it just me, or is there nothing better than Steve Zahn dressed as a sparkly matador? I'm a wee bit concerned about Phoebe's Stepfordian look, but am also quite a fan of that dress.

• I'm never really sure how to spell Ice Capade. It seems like one word, like 'icecapade,' or maybe a hyphenate, 'ice-capade'. What's also remarkable is how many times the Ice Capades have been mentioned so far in the series.
  

• I think it's absolutely hilarious that Duncan was peer-pressured into gayness. The idea of a closeted straight man just cracks me up because it's always the other way around.It's nice to see the gay husband thing turned on its head.

• I'm sorta confused why Carol being a lesbian makes Ross nervous about having sex with Julie...Is it because he thinks he'll make Julie a lesbian? Or does he just not want to make himself vulnerable to getting hurt? The latter I understand, but the former...not so much.
  

• I've seen this season several times, but seriously,

KISS ALREADY!

• I can't get 'Singin' in the Rain' out of my head. Thanks, Ross.

Oh. My. God.


"Hey, how--how did you do that?" -Duncan, after Rachel let's the pigeon out of the pot.

"You bitch." -Chandler, to Monica after she tells about his third nipple.

"Oh as--as opposed to your other mutli-functional nipples?" -Rachel, about Chandler's nubbin.

"So, what's it shaped like?"
"Yeah, is there a hair on it?"
"What happens if you flick it?" -Ross, Phoebe, and Joey, about the nubbin.

"Why yes, Ross. Pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia." -Chandler.

"The Ice Capades?"
"No, no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast, but when Snoopy falls...funny."
-Joey and Chandler, learning that Duncan is in the Ice Capades.

"Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright." -Chandler, walking in on Julie and Ross kissing.

"Looks to me like he's the one getting the job." -Ross, watching Joey's porn.

"You know, that's bad for the paper tray." -Joey's line in the porn.

TOW: Ross's New Girlfriend

Rachel: is still waiting for Ross to get off the plane at the airport. She sees Ross with his arms around Julie and runs away before Ross sees her. She can't get by all the people and when she tries to go over the seats, she trips and hits her head. Ross witnesses the fall. Rachel is freaking out and weird with Julie, talking as though Julie can't understand English. Rachel comes running into the apartment, telling Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe about Julie and Ross. Rachel makes Chandler talk to Ross about Julie and finds out that Ross really likes Julie. Julie calls Ross at the apartment one night and Rachel freaks, leaving. She spends the night with Paolo because she's so upset. Joey tells her that she should just tell Ross how she feels. She calls Ross out to the balcony. She starts by saying she isn't getting back with Paolo. Ross tells her she deserves a guy who really loves being with her, like he feels with Julie. Rachel can't tell him how she feels.

Ross: is baffled by Rachel's appearance at the airport, but he goes along with it, even when Rachel is being really strange. He has no idea that Rachel knows he was in love with her. He and Julie knew each other in grad. school and she was in charge of the dig in China. He's pleased with his new relationship, introducing Julie to his friends and talking about her all the time. He tells Chandler that he took his advice and was moving on from Rachel, and that Julie made him happy. He and Julie are all mushy together. He's oblivious to the fact that Rachel is insanely jealous. When Rachel calls him to the balcony, he finally says that he hates Paolo. He tells Rachel she could do so much better and deserves a guy who really loves and appreciates her.

Monica: deals with the disappointment about Ross and Rachel getting together. She tries to be there for Rachel, who is horribly upset, and Ross, who is on cloud nine about his new relationship. She notices that Chandler and Joey got haircuts and she learns that Phoebe did it for them. After mentioning it several times, she talks Phoebe into cutting her hair. Monica winces every time Phoebe takes a snip. Monica wanted her hair cut like Demi Moore's, but Phoebe cuts it like Dudley Moore's. Monica spends the rest of the episode upset about her hair. Chandler and Ross tease her about having a Dudley Moore haircut.

Phoebe: gives the Season 1, Ross and Rachel recap to start the show off. She gets roped into cutting Monica's hair, despite the fact she really doesn't want to because she knows how anal and controlling Monica is. Of course, then she gets Demi and Dudley Moore confused and it's a whole big mess. After the haircut disaster, Phoebe talks to Rachel, Ross, and Joey as though Monica is a patient in the hospital and Phoebe is a doctor giving updates on her condition. She also manages to insult Ross's haircut. At the end of the episode, Julie asks Phoebe to cut her hair. Julie wants her hair cut like Andie MacDowell's. To make sure Phoebe has the actor correct, she asks Rachel if Andie MacDowell was the girl in 'Four Weddings and a Funeral.' Rachel tells her that Andie MacDowell is the guy from 'Planet of the Apes.'

Chandler: is in trouble with Rachel after Ross gets off the plane with Julie. He talks to Ross for Rachel, finding out that Ross is happy with Julie. He also needs a tailor because he has to get some pants altered. Joey recommends Frankie, the guy who does tailoring work for him and his dad. Chandler goes to Frankie and is, well, molested. Chandler tells Joey about Frankie's inappropriate behavior.

Joey: encourages Rachel to tell Ross how she feels. He's horrified to learn that that, is in fact, not how you measure pants He worries that he's been touched inappropriately by other people, such as doctors. He calls his dad and tells him about Frankie.

• I've always felt bad for Rachel. She does act like a spaz, but I can't really blame her for freaking. That's not to say that I don't like Julie, because I do. The writers made Julie admirably difficult to dislike. It would've been so cliche for Julie to be a bitch, but generally she's very nice, which makes it more difficult for the Ross-Rachel-Julie triangle to be easily unraveled.
  

• I love this picture.
  

• I don't know how I feel about the introduction of the haircuts. It's obvious when Chandler and Joey first appear that their hair is different. It's disconcerting because the action of this episode takes place, like, an hour and a half after the season one finale. I'm not sure if I like that they draw attention to it so blatantly. I really wouldn't have liked it if they hadn't mentioned it all, but it's...too...I don't know...deliberate, maybe. I'm befuddled. I need to stop thinking about this.
  

• This is one of my favorite episodes! There are several moments throughout the series that I love, but there are only a handful of episodes that I enjoy with an irritating abundance and this is one of them! It's the Ross-Rachel-Julie love triangle and Joey's tailor--I just adore it.
  

• Haircut confusion breakdown:

Demi Moore

Dudley Moore

I don't know anything about cutting hair and I definitely wouldn't want to be trusted with a pair of scissors so close to someone's head, but...I'd think it'd be an easy fix for Phoebe to cut Monica's hair shorter, like Demi Moore's. Maybe not. Also, Monica specifically mentions Demi Moore's hair in 'Ghost,' which was short, like in the picture, but Monica says that the Dudley Moore hair is too short...Confused.

Andie MacDowell

Roddy McDowall, the guy from 'Planet of the Apes.'

• Joey's tailor. Another best moment ever.
  

The way this moment makes me feel is indescribable. Oh, Joey. Poor, naive, Joey. You wouldn't believe the myriad uses of the phrases, "Joey's tailor...took advantage of me!" and, "Yes. Yes it is. In PRISON!"

Oh. My. God.

" Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs." -Chandler, after Rachel rushes in from the airport, explaining about Ross and Julie.

"--And the chicken poops in her lap!." -Rachel, finishing Julie's story.

"I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-you-neck-fantastic?" -Rachel, about Ross and Julie running into each other again in China.

"Anybody know a good tailor?"
"Need some clothes altered?"
"No, no. I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk." -Chandler and Joey.

"You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!" -Chandler, to Joey as he tries to remember when he first went to Frankie (the tailor).

"What are you doing here?"
"I do Raquel." -Ross and Paolo.

"Your hair looks too good. I think it would just upset her. Ross, you come on in." -Phoebe, discussing who can come in and see Monica after the haircut disaster.

"When I saw him get off that plane with her, I really thought I hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap, then me." -Rachel, explaining to Joey how she feels.

"I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with, like, a lot of people's share of women." -Joey, comforting Rachel.

"I swear to God, Dad. That's not how they measure pants." -Joey.