TOW: the Fake Party

Rachel: it all starts with Rachel selling Joshua a coat. She decides to write Joshua a letter telling him she has a crush on him, which she plans to stick in the pocket of a coat Joshua's going to buy. She writes a few rough drafts in Central Perk, and Chandler makes fun of her early efforts. What I can only assume is the next day, Rachel brings Joshua a trench coat to try on. She's already put the letter in one of the pockets, so she stops him from putting his hands in the pockets. She blames her strange behavior on a store policy. Joshua mentions that he went on a date, wearing a shirt Rachel picked out. He follows that up, saying that he had an okay time, but doesn't think he's ready to date yet. Rachel snatches the note out of the pocket, but Joshua catches her. Rachel says she was removing a theft device, but Joshua sorta knows something's up. After this, Rachel runs into Chandler and Joey's, telling them they have to throw a going-away party for Emily, but it's really for Joshua. Rachel explains about Joshua not being ready for a relationship, and that the party is the only way she can see him outside of work. She's planning on seducing him. Ross isn't into the party idea, because he wants to spend time with Emily, but Emily arrives and is thrilled by her surprise party. The seduction of Joshua does not go well. Rachel first tries to play hard-to-get, but that doesn't work. Then, she attempts to wow Joshua with her ability to tie a cherry steam with her tongue; she chokes herself. She changes into her lucky little black dress, hoping it'll do the trick. Joey suggests she take off her bra under her outfit, like in Flashdance, but Rachel doesn't like the idea. Monica tries to think of ways for Rachel to kiss Joshua, and suggests Spin-the-Bottle. Rachel laughs at that, until Ross, Emily, and Joshua try to leave. Rachel tells them they can't, because they'll miss the 'big thing,' which is playing Spin-the-Bottle. Rachel's spin actually lands on Joshua, but before they can kiss, the baby (Phoebe's) kicks for the first time. Rachel smells or kisses Joshua's pants; she pretends there was a bug on him when she gets his attention. Rachel decides to put on her high school cheerleader uniform. She does a cheer in honor of Emily's going away, ending up hurting herself. Her lip is swollen, and Joshua decides to leave. Joey's still mentioning the bra removal. Rachel takes Joshua to get his coat, and decides to do the bra thing. It gets stuck in her shirt sleeve. Frustrated, she blurts out that she was doing all the weird stuff because she was trying to seduce Joshua. Joshua admits to liking her too, but says he's really not ready to get into anything so soon after his divorce. Rachel ends up sitting out in the hall with Ross. Neither of their evenings has gone as they planned. Rachel gives Ross some advice about Emily, really improving his evening. Ross goes back into the party, but Chandler comes out and sits with Rachel. Before they can start talking, Joshua comes back up. He says he wants to try to make something work with Rachel, even though he's really not ready. They almost kiss, but Chandler's watching, so they go into Rachel's apartment.

Ross: and Emily meet up with the gang in Central Perk. They'd just gone to a museum display on Victorian doorknobs, which was surprisingly interesting. Emily leaves, giving Ross a chance to talk about how much he likes her, and how much fun they have together. The only thing is, Emily's going back to London in two days, so they aren't staying together. Ross knew that's how it had to be, but he's still pretty down about it. When Rachel comes barging in, telling everyone they have to throw a party for Emily, Ross really isn't interested. He had a whole evening planned for he and Emily, and doesn't want that messed up. However, Emily arrives, Rachel and the others do the surprise, and Emily loves it. She's having a great time at the party; whenever Ross wants to leave, Emily's not ready. The first time, Monica's been telling Emily all about Ross dressing up as Bea. The next time they try to leave, Rachel tells them they'll miss the 'big thing.' Emily has a great time talking to Chandler, but when Emily's not around, Ross scolds him. He wants Chandler to stop being funny and interesting, because he wants to leave. Finally, Rachel comes in with her cheerleader outfit on, and Emily thinks it's going to be a skit, and won't let Ross leave. Ross is drinking a beer out in the hall, when Rachel comes out. Rachel apologizes for ruining Ross' evening. She feels super bad that she made him do the party thing at the last minute, when he had other plans. Ross is upset, because Emily's leaving and he wants to spend as much time as possible with her. Rachel tells Ross that it seems like he and Emily like each other more than people committed to only being together for two weeks. Rachel comments that a girl who wasn't really interested wouldn't spend an entire evening with a guy's friends, asking to here stories about him. Rachel suggests Ross spend as much time as possible with Emily in the next few hours. Ross is comforted, and goes back to the party to be with Emily.

Joey and Phoebe: Phoebe's in a horrible mood at the beginning of the episode. She's hungry, but everything she tries to eat makes her nauseous. At Chandler and Joey's, she smells something that doesn't make her sick. It's coming from the bathroom because Joey's in the shower with a bologna sandwich. Phoebe's craving meat, but she doesn't want to eat any. The fact that she wants meat, only upsets her more, because she refuses to eat it. Phoebe watches Joey make a sandwich, encouraging him to tell her everything he's using to make it. Phoebe still wants meat, maybe more so, since watching Joey make his sandwich. She tells Chandler, as he's making a sandwich of his own, why she won't be eating any meat. She ends up eating Chandler's sandwich. Joey tells Phoebe to go all out, and offers her steak. She and Joey eat the steak, but Phoebe feels awful afterword. She's horrified about how much meat she ate, and how much she'll have to eat throughout the pregnancy. Joey offers to become a vegetarian to fill her place during her pregnancy. Phoebe makes a sandwich, and Joey makes her narrate as she makes it. He really wants some of the sandwich, but can't because he's being a vegetarian.

Monica and Chandler: don't do much this episode. Chandler can't keep himself from adopting a British accent whenever Emily's around. Monica asks him to stop doing it, because it's weird. Chandler decides Monica actually really likes the accent. Monica tells Emily stories about Ross as a child. Chandler gets upset because people keep telling him to be funnier or to stop being funny altogether.

• Blah, blah, Rachel and Joshua, blah, blah, blah.

• I think it's so cute how excited Emily is about her fake surprise party. Granted, she doesn't know it's fake, but it's totally adorable how happy it makes her.

• I really don't have a ton to say about this ep. It's not one of my favorites. Probably because it's so Joshua heavy.

• Uh, this is a pretty lame party if they have to resort to playing Spin the Bottle.

• Even though I hate the Josh stuff, Rachel is super adorable with her bra hanging out of her sleeve.

• I totally understand why Ross is upset, but I think Rachel's right. He should spend as much times as possible with Emily, even if it isn't what he wants to do.

• Joshua says the only time Rachel hasn't been sophisticated was at this party. Uhhh...kay...Do you not remember the awkward hand holding, the running into the mannequin, Rachel checking our your ass...any of that ringing a bell? She's not exactly subtle.

• Phoebe eating meat is sorta funny, but eh.

• Chandler's pretty creepy watching Joshua and Rachel.

• Speaking of Chandler, what happened in Yemen? I've always wondered.

• Gunther almost gets to kiss Rachel in Spin the Bottle. And he tells Emily he's dating Rachel. Why do they always invite Gunther to parties?

The Magna-Doodle Says

"Emily... Bon Voy see ya!

Oh. My. God.

"Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you never go out of style. What did you throw away?" -Chandler, to Rachel, as she's working on her note to Joshua.

"I don't know how museums work in England, but here you're not supposed to take stuff."

"I, uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there." -Monica and Emily, when Emily shows them a Victorian doorknob.

"That's sweat. You throw up all morning, you'll have that glow, too." -Phoebe, to Joey, after he compliments her pregnant lady glow.

"Or if you want to kiss him, umm, you could use mistletoe."

"It's not Christmas!"

"Or Spin the Bottle?"

"He's not 11!" -Monica and Rachel, trying to figure out how Rachel can kiss Joshua.

"There's a Phoebe on my sandwich!" -Chandler, after Phoebe attacks his sandwich.

"Oh, now see that's a fancy but." -Rachel, to Joshua, replacing 'but' with 'however.'

"You got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and you're sitting in the hallway with a 28 year old cheerleader with a fat lip." -Rachel, to Ross, about spending time with Emily before she leaves.

"I don't know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids."

"Oh my God! Those weren't albino kids, that was computer camp!" -Rachel and Ross, after Emily looked at old photo albums of Ross.

"Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those right?"

"Not if I get there first." -Joey and Phoebe, discussing Joey's temporary vegetarianism.

TOW: Joey's Dirty Day

Joey: is getting ready to go on a fishing trip with his dad. He tells Phoebe the different names of the fishing lures, which make her giggle (the names, not him telling her about them). Joey's excited for the fishing trip, because now, when his dad give him a hard time about his acting career, Joey can tell his dad he's going to be in a movie with Charlton Heston. Joey's not too beat up about leaving Chandler, he's confident he'll be back from the trip for phase 2; the strip club and getting drunk phase. Joey comes home after three days, having had a great time. They only trouble is, Joey smells horrible. He hasn't showered or changed clothes in three days, and, to make matters worse, Joey fell in to the bait cooler at the bait shop. Joey's smell is enough to get Chandler out of his chair. Instead of showering, Joey goes right to his room to memorize his lines for the movie, which he starts shooting the next day. Joey runs out of his room the next morning, he slept late and is now late to work. He doesn't have time to shower, even though he stinks. Joey gets to set, and they're running late. Joey sees Charlton Heston and gets all star struck. A guy working on set notices Joey's smell, which Joey tries to blame on Heston. The worker tells Joey that Heston is the only cast member to have a shower in his dressing room. Heston walks into his dressing room, and someone's using his shower. It's Joey. Heston isn't too pleased, and Joey explains what he's doing there. When Joey says he 'stinks,' Heston thinks he's talking about his acting abilities. Heston gives Joey a pep talk, even though Joey attempts to tell Heston the truth. Heston also scolds Joey for using his shower, and sends him on his way. Joey pouts in Central Perk, not because he was fired, but because he didn't get to go on the strip club adventure with Chandler.

Rachel: helps Joshua find some clothes again. She fawns all over him, and holds his hands while trying to ascertain his glove size. She gets all flustered after this, running into a mannequin torso in her giddiness. Joshua goes into a dressing room, and Mr. Waltham, Rachel's boss, asks Rachel to take his niece, just in from London, to the opera that evening. Rachel distractedly agrees. Joshua comes back from the fitting room, extending his hands for the gloves Rachel was supposed to get for him. She forgot all about the gloves, thinking Joshua wants to hold hands. It's awkward. Joshua then asks her to come to the opening of a club he's invested in. She eagerly says 'yes,' not realizing that she already promised Mr. Waltham to go to the opera with his niece. Josh leaves, but Mr. Waltham comes back in with the opera tickets, and Rachel realizes her mistake. She goes home, telling the gang about her horrible day, hoping that one of them will volunteer to take Emily to the opera. Monica has to work, Phoebe has her morning sickness at night, Chandler won't leave the house, Joey's gone, so Rachel turns to Ross. Ross refuses, but Rachel begs. Emily comes to the door, and Ross finally agrees to go to the opera with Emily. Emily is soaking wet and unhappy; when Rachel tells her there was a change of plans, Emily freaks out. She was strip searched at the airport, almost run down by a hot dog cart, and Rachel didn't bother to call her about the change in plans. Emily storms off, and Rachel runs after her. The next morning, Rachel tells Monica and Phoebe, that going to the club didn't go so well. Her name was wrong on the list, and another woman took her place. Then, someone else in line tried to steal Rachel's umbrella, and Rachel punched her in the face. She never saw Joshua and is miserable. She goes on the strip club adventure, but whines about Joshua the whole time. He hasn't called to figure out why she didn't show up at the club. Before they go to the strip clubs, Ross calls to say he's in Vermont with Emily. Rachel flips out. When Ross comes home, he thanks Rachel for saying they need to move on; he's doing that with Emily. Rachel's furious, even though she tells Ross she's happy for him.

Chandler, Phoebe, and Monica: Chandler's having a horrible time getting over Kathy. Monica doesn't think Joey should go his fishing trip, but Joey informs Monica that Chandler's still in phase 1. Phase 1 means Chandler mopes around home, wearing the same pair of sweats for days on end. Phase 2 is the phase where Chandler will want to go to strip clubs and get drunk. Joey will be back by that phase, which is all that matters. Chandler sits in his recliner, throwing playing cards into a bowl. Everyone but Joey is grouped around him, encouraging him to get up and have fun. Chandler's content in his chair, planning to spend the rest of his life in said chair, wearing the same pair of sweat pants. Joey comes home quite smelly, and his proximity gets Chandler out of the chair. Chandler finally gets up one morning and gets dressed; he's ready for phase 2. Ross calls to say that he's in Vermont with Emily, and won't be home for a few days. Joey's off shooting his movie. Chandler pulls his pants off, revealing his sweats underneath. Monica and Phoebe don't want him to keep wallowing, so they suggest they go to the strip clubs with him. Chandler's not so keen on the idea, and heads back to bed. Phoebe yells at him, telling him that they're going to the strip club. The strip club going is not a success. Phoebe gets in a fight with a dude because he's smoking. All the girls give the strippers and waitresses fashion advice. They're also super encouraging and positive about the dances. When Chandler suggests calling Kathy; Phoebe says it's a good idea, if he thinks it's the right thing to do. Chandler's upset, because that was a test. They're supposed to talk him out of calling his ex's, especially since he'll want to call Janice when he gets really drunk. Chandler's miserable. They get home, the trip having been a failure. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are the reason the hottest waitress is quitting to teach elementary school. Phoebe apologizes, telling Chandler that girls are just really good at listening, so maybe they should talk. Chandler doesn't feel like talking, he only wants to wallow. The girls all start talking about which dancer they found the most attractive. This conversation helps Chandler reach phase 3, where he's picturing himself with other women. Chandler has a dream about Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe with the dancers. The smoker Phoebe got in a fight with is there as well, as 'Joshua.' Rachel doesn't want to go with him, and 'Joshua' starts hitting on Chandler.

Ross: gets roped into taking Rachel's boss' niece to the opera. He doesn't want to, because he'd be helping Rachel go out with Joshua. Rachel tells Ross they need to move on and be happy for one another. Ross decides to take Emily. Emily doesn't make a great first impression, but she and Ross end up hitting it off. Ross calls from a bed and breakfast in Vermont. He and Emily decided to go on the spur of the moment. He tells Monica, who answers, what a great person Emily is; she's really quite nice in dry clothes. Rachel's furious. When Ross comes home, he tells everyone how great Emily is, and how much he likes her. Rachel comes back from the restroom, and Ross thanks her for encouraging him to move on. Rachel hits him on the arm pretty hard.

• Oh, sad Chandler! It may be wrong, but I totally love it.

• The phases 1) wearing the same sweat pants for days; not leaving a certain chair/room/house. 2) going to strip club; drinking copiously. 3) picturing yourself with other people 4) never having a relationship; having sex with strippers and friends.

• I'm so utterly, horribly sick of Joshua and this is only the second episode he's in. Freaking stupid, Joshua.

• Why's he back, anyway? Last episode he says bye, pretty much for, y'know, good. Yet here he is, with his funny pouffy hair and his stupid name.

• Oooo!! Emily!! I love fourth season Emily! She's awesome, y'know, until Ross says the wrong name at their wedding. But up 'til then, she's totally great. Also, I love people with accents.

• Why is throwing playing cards into open objects a popular past time with them? I don't get it, much like the concept of a frozen grape.

• The girls at the strip club is hilarious. Chandler should've known never to agree to that. I'm actually surprised Rachel goes; that really doesn't seem like her thing. Monica likes to do crazy things every once and awhile, and Phoebe's pretty much a loose cannon, but not Rachel.

• I guess it's novel that Charlton Heston's in this one. I'm not a Heston fan, so I don't care much.

• Chandler's dream sequence is amazing. Really. I'm all about Chandler's creation of the smoking guy into Joshua.

• Uh, so I had pictures all ready, and everything, and this morning when I came to post, they were gone. Sadness. And then blogger was down. It's been quite a day, y'all. Sorry for the delay!
  

Oh. My. God.

"You don't have to stop having fun just because I'm here. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you...Well, except you." -Chandler, to the gang, when he emerges from his room.

"You're into hardcore S&M, right?" -Joshua, after he asks Rachel to the club opening.

"This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Y'know the, 'wouldn't it be great if she was my wife.,' Rachel." -Rachel, on why she wants to go to the club opening and see Joshua.

"No, Chandler's still in phase one, and Joey's that thing you smell." -Monica, to Rachel, when Rachel's looking for someone to take Emily to the opera.

"Oh! She looked right at me! Oh wait, you can't see people through that little hole, can you?" -Monica, watching Emily through the peephole.

"Apparently to you people, I look like someone who's got a balloon full of cocaine stuffed up their bum!" -Emily, having been strip searched at the airport.

"Yeah, run ten blocks. That'll help the smell." -Monica, to Joey, as he's running late to work.

"But then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her." -Rachel, explaining her night at the club.

"Aww, Pheebs."

"Honey, that's your name."

"That's short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other!" -Phoebe and Rachel, having a slight miscommunication.

"Maybe she doesn't hit him all the time." -Chandler, to Rachel, when Ross calls from the B n' B.

"I've gotta go, there's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!" -Ross, also Emily and Monica, during his phone conversation with Monica.

"You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and wouldn't live as long." -Chandler, when Monica and Phoebe want to be guys and go the strip club.

"Okay, I've got some ones, you wanna put them in her panties?"

"No thanks, Mom!" -Monica and Chandler, at the strip club.

"Put some pants on kid, so I can kick your butt." -Charlton Heston, to Joey.

"And do you know what girls are really good at?"

"Stripping!" -Phoebe and Chandler, after the failed strip club trip.

"Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean, when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh..."

"Phase three! I just achieved phase three!" -Rachel and Chandler.

"Where I don't want to have a relationship ever! I just wanna have sex with strippers and my friends!!" -Chandler, explaining phase four.

"There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over." -Chandler, comforting Joey after he doesn't get to go to the strip club.