TO: After Ross says Rachel

Ross: The season five premier starts off with the wedding ceremony; we see again him saying the wrong name, and the looks of shock on everyone's faces. Emily tells the reverend to go on with the ceremony, and he starts over. Ross says the right name this time, but Emily's totally pissed off, glaring at him. She jams the ring on his finger, moves her head away when he goes in for the kiss, and refuses to let him hold her arm as they walk back down the aisle. Once they're away from the guests, Emily elbows him in the stomach. At the reception, Emily's locked herself in the bathroom, and Ross is in with her, attempting to calm her down. She's not having any of it, though, so Ross leaves to join the party. All the guests are pretty solemn, and Ross encourages them all to dance. Ross and Rachel talk about the wrong name debacle, with Ross agreeing that it didn't mean anything when he said the wrong name. During this conversation, Joey comes up to tell Ross that the band is ready for he and Emily's first dance. Ross starts yelling, but calms down fairly quickly. Joey mentions that Emily's been in the bathroom for a pretty long time. Rachel tells them that she locked herself in the bathroom at her wedding to figure out how to pop the window out of the frame. Everyone laughs, then Ross runs for the bathroom door. He goes in to find the window open and Emily gone. Ross eventually goes to his and Emily's honeymoon suite to find her. Instead, he finds Chandler and Monica. He thinks they came to help him look for Emily. Monica and Chandler encourage Ross to keep looking for Emily, but Ross decides to stay at the suite in case Emily's looking for him. He asks Monica and Chandler to stay with him, and he he ends up falling asleep. He wakes up when there's a knock at the door, expecting it to be Emily. Instead, it's Mr. and Mrs. Waltham, coming to pick up Emily's things. The Waltham's (Jennifer Saunders, Tom Conti) tell Ross it's over between him and Emily, but he refuses to accept that. He says that he loves her, wants her to meet him at the airport to go on their honeymoon, and that him saying the wrong name meant absolutely nothing. He makes Mr. Waltham promise to tell Emily all of this. Ross's waiting for Emily at the airport when he sees Rachel. Ross feels like an idiot, waiting for Emily to show up. Their flight is getting ready to take off, and he's miserable. Rachel encourages him to go ahead and go on the trip; it'll help him get some distance. Ross thinks that's a good idea, and ends up asking Rachel to go with him. Rachel agrees after some hesitation, and they start to board the plane. Ross realizes he left his jacket, and goes back to get it. He sees Emily, and is super happy she showed up. But Emily saw him with Rachel, so she leaves. Ross runs after her.

Rachel: is as shocked as anyone when Ross says her name instead of Emily's. She asks the woman sitting in front of her if she should go up to the altar, since Ross said her name. Thankfully, she doesn't, but Ross's slip up is weighing heavily on her mind. During the reception, Rachel goes up to Monica to talk about what she should do about Ross saying her name. Monica's really distracted, but eventually tells Rachel that she shouldn't talk to Ross about what it meant, because he's married. She eventually does talk to Ross, though, while he's pacing around waiting for Emily. She says his mistake obviously meant nothing; he only said her name because he'd just seen her. Ross agrees that it was meaningless, and they're interrupted by Joey. Rachel's the one who clues Ross in on the fact that Emily might not be in the bathroom anymore. Rachel's waiting for Monica in Monica's hotel room; she wants to talk about what happened with Ross. Monica shows up with Chandler, and Rachel suggests they all get a drink. Monica and Chandler want Rachel to go down and get a table, but before she can the phone rings. It's Phoebe, who tells Rachel that Ross saying the wrong name didn't mean anything. Rachel thinks he's still in love with her, and starts going over the history of her relationship with Ross. The next morning, Rachel goes into the honeymoon suite, excited over an unmanned cart of toiletries, but her joy is extinguished when she hears Ross's conversation with the Waltham's. Rachel's at the airport, on stand-by for a flight home. She's been there for hours when she runs into Ross waiting for Emily. She comforts Ross, and encourages him to go to Greece to clear his head. Ross asks her to come with him, but Rachel's hesitant. She agrees to go, and boards the plane, though Ross has to go back for his coat. Once in her seat, Rachel orders drinks, and starts looking out the window. That's when she notices that the plane is pulling away from the gate, and Ross isn't on it. She begins to panic.

Monica and Chandler: are both shocked by Ross's mistake, but have bigger things on their minds, like sex. Chandler comes up to Monica in the buffet line, and says he wants to cancel their plans. He enjoyed being with her, but he's worried sleeping together will ruin their friendship. Monica's okay with the change in plans; it only happened because they're in a foreign country. Despite this decision, Monica decides it'd still be okay to do it while they're still in London. Chandler agrees, and they make plans to meet in the Waltham's wine cellar. Monica is delayed by Rachel wanting to talk about Ross. She doesn't give very constructive advice at first, but eventually tells Rachel to give up because Ross is married. Chandler ends up back at the buffet line, surprising Monica. The wine cellar wasn't a good place to meet, as the Waltham's are giving tours. Chandler and Monica end up going to her hotel room for some private time. They open the door, and Rachel's sitting on the bed, ready for a long chat about her and Ross. They try to get Rachel to leave, saying they want to change clothes, but Rachel suggests they go downstairs for drinks. They agree, but get Rachel to say she'll go down right away and get a table. Phoebe calls before Rachel can leave, though, so Chandler and Monica decide to go to Chandler and Joey's room. They get into that room, and start taking off their clothes, when Joey tries to come in. Chandler doesn't want to let him in, saying he's got a girl with him, but Joey knows it's just Monica. Chandler won't tell him he and Monica are fooling around, so he has to give Joey the room. Monica tries to get him to go away by saying they bought a movie, My Giant. Joey wants to watch that movie, so Chandler and Monica end up leaving. They go to Ross and Emily's honeymoon suite. Monica doesn't feel right about using it, but Chandler convinces her that the room expects sex. Monica's into it, but before they can do anything, Ross bursts in. They pretend to be searching for Emily, too. They tell Ross to go out and keep looking, but he's already decided to stay at the hotel. Chandler and Monica try to leave, but Ross asks them to stay with him. He looks so pitiful that they do. It's only an hour until their flight, and Chandler suggests they go into the suite's other room to have sex. Monica's all for it, but before they can move Ross off their laps, the Waltham's come by. On the flight home, they're both miserable. They're both sad they never go to have sex one last time, even though it only being one night made it more special. There's a pleasant catch, though; they're still over international waters, so they make plans to meet in the bathroom. Before Chandler can get up to meet Monica, Joey comes to sit by him. Joey wants to talk about his acting career, and Chandler can't get away. Monica finally comes back after, like, half-an-hour. When they get home, Phoebe's in the kitchen eating. They all say 'hi' and hug. Joey and Phoebe leave, and Chandler and Monica are alone. They're both awkward, but eventually Monica thanks Chandler for the night they had together. Chandler shares her feelings. They hug and Chandler goes to unpack. Monica walks toward the door, like she wants to call him back, but she doesn't. Instead, Chandler comes back in, says he's still on London time, and they kiss.

Joey: doesn't do much. Ross makes him dance at the reception when no one else will. He interrupts Jack and Mrs. Geller when they're discussing Ross saying the wrong name. He's eating a steak with his hands. Monica scolds him because Joey isn't supposed to eat meat while Phoebe's pregnant. He comes to tell Ross the band is ready, and gets spit on when Ross yells. He interrupts Monica and Chandler when he brings Felicia back to he and Chandler's room. He saw Monica go in with Chandler, and doesn't think they're doing anything sexual. He interrupts again during the flight, when he comes up to talk to Chandler about his acting career. He doesn't think he'll ever be as good of an actor as the giant from My Giant. When they get back to the apartment, he leaves Chandler and Monica alone to check on the chick and duck.

Phoebe: calls Mrs. Waltham again, pretending to be Ross's psychologist. She says that Ross didn't take his meds, and without them he gets women's names mixed up. Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her. Phoebe calls Monica's hotel room, and tells Rachel Ross saying the wrong name didn't mean anything. Rachel spends a long time talking to her about it. Phoebe's eating cereal with the bowl balanced on her stomach when Monica, Chandler, and Joey get back. They all hug, and Phoebe knows that Joey ate meat, and Monica had sex. Monica denies it, and Phoebe thinks she's off because her pregnancy. Joey asks about the chick and duck. Phoebe forgot to feed them, so she leaves.

• I've never understood why Emily goes ahead with the ceremony. I mean, I wouldn't.

If you can look at your future husband with such unadulterated hate written all over your face, maybe you shouldn't be getting married.

• Why is everyone at this wedding dressed like it's a funeral? Maybe it's appropriate.

Mrs. Waltham is a prefect example.

• I've always been a fan of the 'what happens in London, stays in London" thing.

I'm even happier that it doesn't work out.

• Y'know, everyone seems remarkably calm about Ross's marriage falling apart before it's even started. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are worried about sex. Rachel's upset, but because she's wondering what Ross saying her name meant.

• For all the renovations, the Waltham's house isn't that nice. Definitely not nice to be giving tours of the wine cellar. It's not freaking Monticello.
  

• Should it be that unexpected that Emily's ran away?

• Emily locks herself in the bathroom. But, gee, is it remarkably easy for Ross to just walk right in.
  

• I wish Joey got to do more.

Nom, nom, nom.

• How do Monica and Chandler get in the honeymoon suite?There must be something funny about British locks.
  

• Mrs. Waltham has the hots for Ross.

I'm not entirely clear on what's happening in this picture. It looks like Mrs. Waltham is grabbing Ross's junk. Really, I think she just grabs his ass.

• Yay, Chandler and Monica!!!

• It's really stupid for Ross to ask Rachel to go on his honeymoon with him. Doesn't she remember Barry and Mindy? I know that neither of them think Emily's going to show up, but still.

• I'd definitely be pissed if I was Emily. Obviously, we know that to Ross it doesn't mean anything, but what must it look like to Emily?

Well, it makes her make that face, so it's obviously not good.

• This has not been a good day for Rachel.

Heh, apparently he's not a reverend, but a registrar.

• Gheorghe Muresan is the giant in My Giant. He played for the NBA and is almost eight feet tall.
  

Oh. My. God.

"Like there'd be anybody else." -Ross, after saying the correct name.

"This is worse than when he married the lesbian." -Mrs. Geller, after the ceremony.

"It could've been worse. He could've shot her." -Chandler, after the ceremony.

"Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?" -Mr. Geller, at the reception.

"JOEY, DANCE!!!" -Ross, to Joey, when no one's dancing at the reception.

"What kind of bitch hangs up on a doctor?" -Phoebe, about Mrs. Waltham.

"I blame London!"

"Bad London!" -Monica and Chandler, about their night together.

"Y'know you just said it cause you saw me there. If you'd have seen a circus freak, you would've said, 'I take thee, circus freak'." -Rachel, to Ross, about what him saying her name meant.

"You spit on me, man!" -Joey, when Ross yells about the band.

"Well, look at that, same thing." -Rachel, when they see Emily went out the window.

"The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser." -Chandler, to Monica, when he wants to use Ross and Emily's honeymoon suite.

"Wow, in forty-five minutes you can find her twice." -Chandler, to Ross, encouraging him to look for Emily more.

"Y'know, umm, we gotta get up early, and catch that plane for New York."

"Yeah, it's a very large plane." -Monica and Chandler, trying to get away from Ross.

"We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey. But I think you're absolutely delicious." -Mrs. Waltham, to Ross, when they come to tell him Emily never wants to see him again.

"Come on, bugger face!" Mr. Waltham, to Mrs. Waltham.

"You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out the bloody window!" -Mr. Waltham, to Mrs. Waltham.

"But Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular size man?" -Joey, about how he compares to the giant in My Giant.

"You ate meat!! You had sex!!" -Phoebe, to Joey and Monica, about their time in London.

"I'm still on London time, does that count?" -Chandler, to Monica, when they get home.

"You can--you can lay on the beach, and I can cry over my failed marriage." -Ross, to Rachel, convincing her to come to Greece.

TOW: all the Rugby

Ross, Joey, Phoebe: Ross and Emily (Helen Baxendale) are out walking. Emily's a little freaked out about walking at night in the city, but Ross reassures her; he's never worried about being out at night. Out of nowhere, two huge guys run up and grab Emily, carrying her off. Ross starts yelling for help, but Emily's okay. The guys are her friends from back home, Liam and Devon. They're both pretty big guys, especially Liam. Emily catches up with the guys, and we learn that she and Liam used to be lovers. Ross gets super possessive of Emily. Liam invites Ross to play rugby with them, but Emily laughs at the idea. Ross wants to prove himself, so he agrees. Ross goes to Joey and Chandler's to watch rugby on ESPN. Joey can't believe that Ross's actually going to try to play rugby; it's an incredibly brutal sport. In the spirit of the thing, Joey gives Ross a little lesson on the playing of rugby. Phoebe wants to know why Ross is going through all the trouble in the first place. Ross explains about feeling threatened by Liam, who's a huge, tough looking dude. Rachel laughs at Ross trying to be manly, but he's sure he can do it. His plan is to be energetic and stay away from the ball. Ross, Joey, and Phoebe go to the game the next day. Joey lists all the guys Ross needs to stay away from. Ross is still sure he'll be fine, but knows he's going to have to go 'red Ross.' Neither Joey nor Phoebe know what 'red Ross' means; Ross explains, but neither of them have any idea what he's talking about. Emily asks her friends to go easy on Ross, of course she does this at a moment when Ross is being particularly idiotic. Ross jumps into the scrum. Ross gets tackled by, like, every man in the game. It's only half-time, and Ross is already limping. He sends Emily off to get him some water, and when she's gone Ross tells Phoebe and Joey that he's in a lot of pain. Emily urges Ross to quit, but Ross isn't interested. He's still doing 'red Ross.' Emily gives Ross tips on how to hurt the other guys. He rejoins the game, making a growly, shriek-roar thing, which help Phoebe and Joey remember 'red Ross.' After the game, they all come into Central Perk. Ross is seriously beaten up, but he's happy. He played the whole game, and even hurt some other guys pretty bad. He's proud of himself, which makes the pain not so bad. Joey and Phoebe are also kind of in with Monica trying to find what the light switch goes to. At the end, Phoebe thinks she's controlling Joey and Chandler's tv flicking on and off.

Chandler: goes to get his nails done with Rachel. I don't know why, or how he gets talked into it, he's just there. Anyway, Rachel's sitting on a broken nail, and the nail reminds Chandler of Janice. So, of course, Janice walks in the door. Chandler brings Janice back to the apartment with him. Joey screams when he sees her. She greets everyone and leaves. Chandler isn't interested in being with her; he's able to see all of her irritating qualities. He has plans with Janice that evening, but he's also going to end it with her. Rachel doesn't think he'll be able to, because he can't ever break up with Janice. Chandler isn't looking at it as a break up, though, since they aren't technically dating. They end up in Central Perk, with Janice talking about how excited she is to be back with Chandler. She thinks it's fate that she divorced her husband, and Chandler just got out of a relationship. Chandler attempts to tell her his doubts, but she's not having any of it. Chandler runs out of things to say, so he tells Janice his company is transferring him overseas. She's excited, thinking it'll be somewhere exotic and European, but Chandler tells her they're sending him to Yemen. Janice wants to spend every possible moment she can with him before he leaves. Chandler tells her he's leaving the next day. Instead of deterring her, she comes back to the apartment with him, deciding to help him pack. She actually makes him get boxes and a huge roll of bubble wrap. Joey seriously thinks Chandler's leaving and is pretty upset, until Chandler tells him the truth. Janice insists on taking Chandler to the airport the next day. She's confused about why none of his friends seemed that concerned about his leaving. Chandler tells her good-bye, but Janice has no intention of leaving. Chandler tries to get the ticket-counter woman to give him a fake ticket, but she's pretty dense and doesn't get it. Janice thinks Chandler might not have to go, getting excited at the prospect, so Chandler buys a ticket to Yemen. Chandler's flight is almost finished boarding, but he's still waiting for Janice to leave. Chandler has to get on the plane, but he runs back as soon as he thinks Janice isn't looking. She sees him, and though he tries to ignore her, he can't. Chandler tells her he came back for one last kiss. He wants her to leave, but she's going to stay until the plane takes off. Chandler has to go to Yemen.

Monica and Rachel: Monica finds a light switch that doesn't seem to go to anything. It's driving her crazy, so she asks Joey what it does. Joey says it doesn't do anything. Rachel comes home one evening, and Monica tells her that she found four outlets that don't work, and maybe the switch controls one of them. Monica and Phoebe plug loud appliances into each of those outlets, hoping that they'll be able to find which outlet is controlled by the switch. Monica turns the switch on, there's a noise, but it's only Joey humming. Rachel comes home another day, and Monica's bought the electrical plans for the building. She can't let the switch thing go, but neither her or Rachel know how to read the plans. Again Rachel comes home, this time she finds drawings taped up all over the apartment. Monica put them up to cover all the holes she made in the wall. She followed the wire that goes from the switch until she lost it behind the baseboard. There are holes in the floor and ceiling. Finally, Monica gives up with the switch. She's called in the super and an expensive electrician, but neither of them could help. Monica's also been shocked several times. She flips the switch a few times, and we cut to Chandler and Joey's apartment. The tv keeps turning off and on, and Phoebe thinks she's using mind control to do it.

• Rugby episode, I heart thee.

Where does he get his rugby clothes?

• You know what I particularly like about it? Making references to 'red Ross' and people not getting it. I appreciate the irony.

• And Yemen!! I can't watch the news, anything about the country of Yemen, without saying "I'm going to Yemen!!" several times in quick succession.

• I'd really like to know the conversation that proceeded Chandler and Rachel going to the nail salon.

• Emily's friends are Liam and Devon. I mean, they're British, obviously they have to have incredibly stereotypical British names.

• I'm not entirely clear on this, did Emily and Liam have a one-night-stand after the U2 concert or were they, y'know, dating?

Liam's in the grey and red.

• How does Joey know about rugby? But more importantly, why?
  

• I think it pretty cute that Ross plays rugby to impress Emily. He really must like her to get the shit kicked out him.

• The thing with Monica and the light switch makes me life. I don't know why; I just find it beautifully obsessive.

Gah, do you remember when everybody did pigtails like that???

• Rachel's really excited because she feels Joshua's pulse. I wish Joshua didn't have a friggin pulse.

• The 'red Ross' thing came from a fight Ross get in with some dude in line to see Dances with Wolves... Alright then...

• Oh, Ross and the exploding Styrofoam cup.
  

No dignity. None at all.
I really hate Emily's coat.

• This coat (because, apparently, I have an issue with them today)...I'm not a member of PETA, though I support their general ideas (I have some problems with zealotry that I'm really not going to get in to), but this coat makes me cringe. Cringe to my very toes.

Is it just me, or does she kinda look like Cher in this picture? Okay, Cher with really bad teeth.

• RED ROSS!!!!

Oh. My. God.

"Well, here's another question for you. Uh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?

"Sure! It flushes it."

"Okay, good. Now, since you know, when you come over would you mind actually using it?" -Rachel and Joey, on how to flush a toilet.

"Yeah, I know, but all of those little things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personality--Well, they're all back! Y'know? And she's picked up like nine new ones!" -Chandler, explaining how he feels about Janice.

"So, what are you doing bringing her here?! There's people here!" -Joey, after Chandler brings Janice over.

"My ass is like frozen!!" -Chandler, after he stands with his back to the open fridge.

"Well, I mean, you're American to start with. You don't even have rugby here."

"Well, we didn't have freedom here until 1776, either, so..." -Emily and Ross, when he agrees to play rugby.

"Oh my God, that's so freaky! Turn him off!" -Phoebe, when everyone thinks Joey's humming is an appliance noise.

"Dude, you're not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport." -Joey, to Ross, about Ross' manliness.

"Ohhh, good one! And Yemen! That actually sounds like a real country!" -Joey, to Chandler, when Chandler explains about Yemen.

"Joey, trade lives with me!"

"Nope." -Chandler and Joey.

"And is a hum kinda like a scuddle?"

"Ross! They're gonna kill you!" -Ross and Joey, after Joey explains a scrum.

"You're right, you are a tough guy. You're the toughest paleontologist I know." -Rachel, to Ross, again with the manliness.

"Well, maybe that's because you're closer to you. So, you look bigger to you from where you are." -Joey logic.

"Okay, I know what I have to do. I've got to go red Ross. Y'know, red Ross!!" -Ross, explaining red Ross.

"I was showing him some cuff links and I felt his pulse."

"Saucy!" -Rachel and Monica, about Joshua.

"Your friends don't really seem to care too much that you're leaving."

"Well, we're really not that close." -Janice and Chandler, when no one cares he's moving to Yemen.

"I'm red Ross!"

"Dude, if you go back out there, you're going to be dead Ross!" -Ross and Joey, on why Ross needs to stop playing.

"Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel." -Chandler, explaining to Janice how long he'll have to be gone.

"I'm going to Yemen! When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?" -Chandler, really going to Yemen.