The One With All the Snark

TOW: Joey's Big Break

2011-01-21T14:21:00.000-08:00

Joey and Chandler: Joey comes into Monica and Rachel's all sad after a call from Estelle. He slowly explains that he got the lead in a movie! Joey explains the plot of the movie and everyone's excited, especially when they learn it's shooting right outside of Las Vegas. Joey and Chandler decided to take a road trip to the shoot. There is one small problem with the plan, namely that they don't have a car. Phoebe offers up her dead Grandma's cab, and the guys accept. Oh, and another tiny issue, Chandler needs Monica's permission to go on the trip. She agrees with little hesitation. Joey's looking at a map in Central Perk; he cant decide whether they should take the northern or southern route to Vegas. Phoebe comes in, helping Joey decide by quickly asking him a sequence of questions where Joey has to answer with the first thing that pops into his head. He decides they should take the northern route. Chandler becomes concerned when he and Joey discuss where they'll be staying once they make it to Vegas. Chandler thinks the movie production will put them up in a nice hotel. Joey explains that the film is an Indie production, with very little budget. Chandler wants to know how much Joey's being paid, but it isn't much at all. Actually, it's practically nothing; Joey makes a cent for every dollar the movie takes in. They have this conversation right before they're about to leave, but it's cut short by everyone coming to say good-bye. They're on the road for thirty minutes before Joey decides he's hungry. He wants to stop for something, offering to pay with money Ross gave them to bet with at a Casino. Chandler agrees, but doesn't know what he wants to eat. Joey tries to help him decide by playing Phoebe's question game with him. During the game, Chandler tells Joey he doesn't think this movie will be Joey's big break. Chandler wants to take it back, but ends up sticking to the answer he gave in the game. Joey makes him get out of the car on the middle of a bridge and walk home. Chandler gets to Central Perk, explaining what he did to the gang. He realizes he was wrong, but doesn't know how to make it up to Joey. Later, Joey calls from a payphone, chatting with Monica and Phoebe about what happened with Chandler. When Chandler asks to talk to Joey, Joey hangs up. Monica gets the idea that Chandler should send Joey an apology gift. Joey finally arrives on location, but the crew is packing up. The director tells Joey that they didn't end up having the money to start filming. He suggests Joey stick around Vegas until the funding comes up. A guy comes up to Joey with a bunch of balloons; the gift from Chandler wishing him good luck on his big break. Joey calls Monica, telling her how great things are on the set of a movie. He urges her to brag about his luck so Chandler can know how wrong he was. As Joey hangs up the phone, we see that he's dressed as a gladiator and working at Caesar's Hotel and Casino.

Monica and Rachel: Sitting in Central Perk, Rachel starts squinting and rapidly blinking. Joey thinks Rachel's winking at him and begins winking back. Ross notices this awkward exchange, and asks Rachel what's going on. Rachel explains that her eye itches really badly, but she's not sure why. Monica notices that Rachel's eye is really red, and suggests Rachel see Monica's eye doctor. Rachel refuses to go to Richard, but Monica explains Richard isn't her optometrist anymore. Rachel still refuses to go, allowing Ross to figure out what's really going on. Rachel hates it when people touch her eyes, or even when they touch their eyes. Everyone starts touching their eyes to freak her out. Monica manages to make an appointment with the eye doctor, calling Rachel out of her bedroom when it's time to leave. As they walk towards the door, Rachel knocks over a box of cereal that was sitting on the table. She makes sure to walk over the pieces, thinking the mess will keep Monica from taking her to the eye doctor. She's wrong, Monica leads Rachel out the door, forcing Chandler to clean up the cereal mess. At the doctor's office, Monica tells Rachel one of the machines is used for pulling out people's eyes. The doctor comes in and the appointment is bad right from the start. Rachel can't sit still for the glaucoma test, flinching before the machine even goes off. The doctor gives up on the glaucoma test, and ends up having to sneak-exam Rachel's eye. Rachel has an infection; which the doctor prescribes eye-drops for. Rachel tells him they aren't necessary, but the doctor informs her that without the drops, she'll need a glass eye in about three months. The rest of the episode centers around everyone trying to make Rachel use the drops. She tires to convince Monica the drops are working even before Monica hands her the bottle. Monica ends up fighting Rachel, and holding her down in an attempt to get the drops in. It doesn't work. Everyone is hanging out at Monica and Rachel's. Monica yells "go" and with little warning everyone jumps on Rachel, holding her down so Monica can get the drops in. The stealth operation is successful, with the promise it will occur again in the next 3 to 4 hours.

Phoebe and Ross: Everything seems fine between Ross and Phoebe, until Ross leaves to take Ben to the park. After he's gone, Phoebe tells everyone that she's furious with Ross. They're all surprised because Phoebe was as nice to him as always. The episode progresses with Phoebe becoming more and more angry with Ross. Ross comes into Central Perk after Phoebe shows Joey her question game. Ross invites them to the movies, but Phoebe acts cold and distant. Joey agrees to go to the movies, and in attempt to decide what to see, tries to get Phoebe to teach Ross the question game. Phoebe refuses and leaves. Ross knows she's angry, but isn't sure what he did wrong. Before leaving for Vegas, Joey mentions how much he'll miss Ross, inadvertently re-awakening Phoebe's anger at Ross. It's not helped when Ross comes in to say good-bye to Chandler and Joey. Phoebe's left alone with Ross, and he tries talking to her. Phoebe hides behind her magazine until Ross gets right up in her face. Ross wants an explanation, but she refuses to give him one. He apologizes anyway, and Phoebe accepts. As he's walking towards the door, he overhears Phoebe calling him a fat ass. He confronts her, not understanding what he did to make her so angry. Phoebe confesses that she can't remember why she's angry, she only knows that she is. She apologizes for calling him a fat ass, but can't let her anger go. Later, Ross decides the only way they can figure out what he did to Phoebe is to have her play the question game. It comes out that Phoebe's angry because Ross said she was boring. This happened while they were sitting in the middle of a frozen lake, playing chess. Then Ross turned into Cameron Diaz. Ross realizes that Phoebe's mad at him for something he did in a dream. He gets mad at Phoebe.

This episode always leaves me with "A Horse with No Name" stuck in my head.

I can touch my eyes and watch other people touch their eyes, but I hate when other people try to touch my eyes. Also, when people do that thing where they flip their eyelids inside out.

I like this picture cause Ross reminds me of a pirate. Arrgh.

If I was distracting Monica from something, I'd definitely spill food, too.

Though, I'd go with something more likely to stain...like marinara sauce on the couch.

Joey can't decide between the northern and southern routes to Vegas, because the northern route features a guy with a beard of bees, but the southern route has a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.

I'm sorta thinking the bee-beard guy sounds more awesome.

The rapid-question game is awesome. I can never get it to work, though.

During the question game, Joey asks Ross who he'd pick between Monica and Rachel. When Ross says it's gross, Joey doesn't understand why.

I HATE THE GLAUCOMA TEST.

I flinch, too.

If I was angry with someone, I would not want them in my face like this:

I would bite them.

Joey should not ever be the driver.

It seems like it could only end badly.

I agree with Chandler, this movie has no chance of being Joey's big break. And I'm pretty sure I read the plot of this movie in a compilation of children's horror stories when I was seven.

Even though I agree with Chandler, I can't blame Joey for kicking him out of the car.

Wrestling.

Phoebe keeps the box of her grandma's ashes in the cab's floorboard.

Phoebe's dream that gets her mad at Ross is epic.

A far cry from the Russell Crowe movie.

I inexplicably hate Russel Crowe.

The real way to put in eye drops.

Oh. My. God.

"Yeah, I got too excited!" -Joey, to Chandler, after Joey pokes himself in the eye while tormenting Rachel.

"Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, 'Ross' on it." -Phoebe, explaining to Chandler what her list looks like.

"Betsy's been dead for ten years." -Joey, reciting a shocking line from the movie he's starring in.

"Oh wait, my grandmother's dead." -Phoebe, interrupting Chandler and Joey discussing their road trip.

"Who would you rather sleep with, Monica or Rachel?"
"Dude, you are sick." -Joey and Ross, attempting to play the question game.

"And you don't get one!" -Monica, to Rachel, after she gets a lollipop from the optometrist.

"Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough?" -Chandler, packing for Vegas.

"Oh, honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car, if you don't mind the pus." -Rachel, to Joey, before he leaves for Vegas.

"Well, if you don't know, I can't help you."
"Well, I don't know."
"Well, I can't help you." -Phoebe and Ross, while trying to sort out their differences.

"You actually have a very sweet little hiney." -Phoebe, apologizing for calling Ross a fat ass.

"We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once." -Chandler, on Joey's driving skillz.

"Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? 'Whom! Whom!' Sometimes it's who!" -Monica, giving a reason Phoebe could be mad at Ross.

"Okay, he should've pushed me off the bridge." -Chandler, explaining what happened with Joey.

"Well, you said it was practice!"
"Then why did you move?!"
"Cause I knew you were lying!" -Rachel and Monica, arguing about the eye drops.

"Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune!" -Rachel, after Monica wrestles her to the ground.

"Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did to his sweater vests!" -Joey, exacting revenge for Chandler's behavior.

"I wonder where I could get a basket of porn..."-Chandler, trying to decide what to get Joey as an apology gift.

TOW: the Ball

2011-01-10T20:40:00.000-08:00

Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica: In Central Perk, Gary tells Monica he's going to ask Phoebe to move in with him. He makes Monica promise not to tell, so the first thing Monica does is tell Phoebe. Phoebe isn't thrilled with the idea of moving in with Gary. Chandler freaks out about committing to someone like that. Phoebe isn't too thrilled with the idea; she thinks it's too soon. Phoebe asks Chandler to scare Gary away from the whole idea. To placate Monica, Chandler says he's doing a lot better with commitments, but behind Monica's back he agrees to the plan. Chandler goes to the police station to talk to Gary. Gary explains all the reasons he thinks it's right for he and Phoebe to move in together. After hearing the explanation, Chandler changes his mind. He suggests that maybe he and Monica need to move in together, but Gary shoots down the idea. Chandler goes to Central Perk to tell Phoebe to move in with Gary. Phoebe's pissed that Chandler didn't do his job correctly. Gary arrives and asks Phoebe to move in with him. Phoebe's the opposite of excited, starting to say no. Gary gets really mopey, making Phoebe feel bad. She agrees to move in with him. Phoebe and Gary go to Chandler and Joey's to announce their plans to move in together. Phoebe's obviously not thrilled. Later, she meets up with Gary at the station. She was supposed to have checked the paper for apartment listings in Brooklyn Heights. She tells Gary she couldn't find any, but Gary knows she's lying. He interrogates her, and she admits her feelings. Gary explains why he wants to live together, changing Phoebe's mind. The next morning, Phoebe and Gary wake up together. They talk about their future, but Gary's distracted by a bird twittering outside the open window. He shoots it. They break up.

Joey, Ross, Chandler, and Monica: Joey and Ross are playing catch across Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey realizes they've been throwing the ball for over an hour without dropping it. Joey and Ross decide to see how long they can keep throwing the ball. Joey ends up needing to use the bathroom, only Rachel's using it. He and Ross go across the hall and continue throwing the ball as Joey uses the restroom. Monica comes in, looking for her watch so she can go to work. Ross and Joey don't pay much attention to her, but she yells at them and takes their ball. They start freaking out, they'd been throwing it successfully for 2 hours and 27 minutes. The fact that they've been throwing the ball without dropping it for such a long time intrigues Monica; she gets in on the game, calling in sick to work. When Chandler comes in after dealing with Phoebe and Gary, he learns they've been throwing the ball for over four hours. He wants to play, too, but everyone is reluctant. Chandler, you see, is a 'dropper'. He argues with them, and they go ahead and let him play. The longer the game goes on it becomes clear that Monica, in pure, unadulterated Monica form, is taking it too seriously. After ten hours of throwing the ball, everyone wants to stop except for Monica. The guys are all tired and hungry, but instead of quitting, Monica leads them to her apartment for leftover pizza. The next morning they're still throwing the ball when Phoebe comes in to tell them about ending it with Gary. In an effort to cheer Phoebe up, Joey throws the ball to her. Phoebe's not in the mood to play, so she sets the ball down on the table. A collective gasp rises from Monica, Chandler, Joey, Ross, and Rachel. Monica says they can still play; that Phoebe putting the ball down doesn't count, but no one wants to keep going. Rachel decides they need to go out for breakfast. Monica suggests they should race to the restaurant, and runs out the door. The others decide to eat at home.

Rachel: In a moment of insanity Rachel buys a hairless cat. She comes home with it, telling Ross and Joey how she impulsively bought it, knowing Monica wouldn't like it. The cat (named Mrs. Whiskerson), cost Rachel $1,000; Ross and Joey don't know why she paid so much for something so ugly. Rachel's too excited--she always wanted a hairless cat, because her grandma had one and it was sweet--to let the guys ruin her fun. Rachel goes across the hall where Joey, Ross, and Monica are playing. She's covered in scratches, telling them that the cat (which Monica knew nothing about) is horrible. It's taciturn, mean, and hisses at her menacingly when she gets too close. She leaves, but comes back later carrying the cat on his pillow and wearing oven mitts. She's decided she doesn't want the cat anymore but the store won't give Rachel her money back, only exchange the cat for store credit. Joey suggests Rachel show the cat, but she isn't interested. Monica tells her she can keep the cat until she finds it a new home, but Rachel's more upset about losing $1,000. She tries to sell the cat on the street, but it doesn't go well. One lady thinks the hairless cat is a baby, another wants to buy the cat, but Rachel expects her to pay $2000 for it. When the ball throwing group comes in for pizza, Rachel's sitting at the kitchen table, catless. She sold it to Gunther for $1500.

Gunther is one gullible son of a bitch.

For some reason when I was younger, I thought it was sweet how much Gunther liked Rachel. Now, he seems like a creeper.

The Sphinx Cat.

I think it should continue its existence in statue form only. And in Egypt.

Maybe the cat hates Rachel cause she named it Mrs. Whiskerson. Just sayin'.

This strains the bonds of friendship.

Chandler's fear of commitment is getting really tired.

I love that Monica's obsessed with getting to work on time, but calls in sick to throw a plastic ball around. I guess everyone has their priorities.

Monica isn't very mad about that cat existing in her apartment, but she is upset cause Rachel owed her money.

When a Cop Pouts.

I think I once saw a Lifetime movie called that.

Chandler is definitely a dropper.

He looks as though he's enthusiastically clapping.

I thought animal allergies had to do with dander from pet hair, but Monica say the hairless cat aggravates her allergies. Confounded.

It bothers me that Gary knows Phoebe's unhappy about agreeing for them to move in together, but doesn't say anything until his little interrogation stunt.

Chicken or hairless cat?

It frustrates me that Rachel doesn't just put an add in the mother-effing newspaper.

It is supersupersupersuper lame that Gary's storyline ends because he shoots a bird. He deserves so much better. It's like the writer's got sick of him, and ended him in the easiest, dumbest way possible.

I heart the reaction when Phoebe puts the ball down.

I don't think it should count, because technically no one dropped it.

I would not still be throwing that damn ball after twelve hours. I'm not entirely sure that it's physically possible.

At the end of the ep, there's a montage of Chandler dropping things. I love.

The Magna Doodle Says
It's a spaceship. Surrounded by stars and other space paraphernalia.

Oh. My. God.

"I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna like, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I was a little girl."
"You bought Shawn Cassidy!?" -Rachel and Ross, before Rachel shows them the hairless cat.

"Why is it inside out?" -Ross, about the cat.

"Well, what am I gonna call her!? Fluffy!?" -Rachel, defending the name Mrs. Whiskerson.

"Don't you see, if you lived with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!" -Chandler, to Gary, about why he shouldn't want to move in with Phoebe.

"Alright, come on, I'm--I'm late for work!"
"How do you know? You don't have a watch." -Monica and Ross, while Monica's getting ready for work.

"Congratulations, that's quite a waste of time." -Rachel, to Ross, Joey, and Monica, after learning they haven't dropped the ball for three hours.

"And I swear, I know this sounds crazy, but every time that cat hisses at me I know it's saying 'Rachel'." -Rachel, explaining why the cat isn't awesome.

"You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right!" -Phoebe, to Chandler, when he suggests she move in with Gary.

"It's really a three person game, y'know?"
"It's throwing and catching!" -Ross and Chandler, when they won't let Chandler play cause he's a dropper.

"Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ." -Chandler, about Rachel's cat.

"Well, they said that would, but they would only give me store credit. I mean, what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats?" -Rachel, explaining why she hasn't taken the cat back to the store.

"I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand!" -Rachel, on why she's upset.

"Don't--don't throw it to me! My vision's been compromised!" -Monica, having an allergic reaction to the cat.

"Man, that was close."
"Yeah, you almost overreacted to something." -Monica and Chandler, after her allergic reaction.

"The oven mitts really freaked me out." -Phoebe, to Rachel, when Rachel comes in wearing oven mitts and carrying her cat.

"Are these for rent? I thought people were just bragging." -Phoebe, to Gary, when he points out all the apartment listings in Brooklyn Heights.

"Please! I made this game what it is!"
"Not fun anymore?" -Monica and Chandler, after they'd been throwing the ball for ten hours.

"Rachel, what is your cat doing in one of my bowls!?"
"It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken." -Monica and Rachel. Rachel knows how to make chicken?

"So what is this? Some kind of snake or something?" -Gunther, after coming by to get the cat's pillow.

Happy Holidays!!

2010-12-24T14:40:00.000-08:00

I'm the Holiday Armadillo!!

I hope the Holiday Season is wonderful for everyone! And that someone, somewhere gets to shake their belly like a bowlful of jelly.

New posts coming soon!

TOW: the Ride-Along

2010-11-28T15:17:00.000-08:00

Ross, Chandler, and Joey: First thing's first: Emily's getting remarried the day after this episode takes place.

Anyhoo... The gang's at Central Perk when Phoebe and Gary come in. Phoebe went on a ride-along with Gary the night before, and the all the guys decide they want to go, too. They get their chance that very evening; with Chandler sorta freaking out about going when it will be dark outside. The night starts out great. Ross is having a fantastic time, but Chandler less so. The sun is setting, and Chandler's beginning to fear for his life. Joey comes back to the car with a meatball sandwich, one that he claims is better than sex, but Gary forbids him to eat it while in the car. Later on in the evening, a debate starts among the guys about who would make a better cop. Ross thinks it's him since he's already riding in the front seat, like Gary's partner would. Chandler and Joey make fun of him, justifiably, as Ross sets off the lights when Gary's supposed to be undercover. Gary banishes Ross to the backseat with the other two. They head over to a witness's apartment. The witness won't talk to Gary anymore, so Gary wants to confront him. They park by the witnesses place, and Chandler starts to freak out about being in danger. Gary remembers that he needs them to sign a release saying they won't sue the city if anything happens to them. The witness walks out of his apartment, acting suspiciously, when there's a loud bang like a gunshot. Joey, who's sitting in the middle, throws himself over Ross. It was only the sound of a car backfiring, but Chandler's hurt that Joey attempted to save Ross instead of him. They head back to Central Perk, and Gary tells Phoebe what a hero Joey is. Chandler complains that they weren't in any real danger, so Joey's actions weren't very heroic. Then he storms upstairs. Joey follows him, and Chandler confronts him about saving Ross instead. At first, Joey thinks Chandler's upset because he wanted Ross to get hit, but eventually understands why Chandler's hurt. Joey tells Chandler that he saved Ross instead because he knew Chandler could take care of himself. Chandler doesn't buy that, still thinking that Joey cares about Ross more. Joey hesitatingly tells Chandler that he wasn't trying to save Ross, but his sandwich. To show Chandler how much he loves him, Joey gives Chandler a bite of the sandwich.

Rachel and Monica: Rachel comes home from work to find Monica in the living room, surrounded by piles of pictures. Monica's decided to organize all of their pictures in a very complicated filing system. She only has one box left to organize, and she asks Rachel to hand the box to her. Apparently it was pretty full of pictures, because as Rachel hands it over the bottom breaks open spilling pictures all over the already organized photos. Monica had spent hours organizing the photos, and can't go on now that it's all been ruined. To make Monica feel better, Rachel offers to make margaritas. The only problem is that Ross borrowed their blender. Rachel decides to run across the street to get the blender, and Monica suggests that Rachel also take any cash Ross left lying around. The first thing Rachel does while at Ross's is to break a dinosaur...thing. It's not real, but she panics and throws it in a wall sconce. She grabs the blender, but Monica calls to tell her they don't have any of the other ingredients for margaritas. Rachel ends up with tequila and the blender when she finds some cash on the coffee table, she's about to pocket it, but the phone rings again. The answering machine picks up, and Emily leaves a message about how she's getting married the next day, but having second thoughts about having ended things with Ross. Rachel takes a swig of tequila. She calls Monica over to have her listen to the message. Monica's advice is to erase it from Ross's machine. Rachel doesn't feel right doing that, but Monica lists all the reasons Ross shouldn't get back with Emily. Rachel agrees that Ross shouldn't be with Emily, but he still deserves the right to listen to the message and make his own decision. Rachel thinks Emily deserves the benefit of the doubt, and goes to play back the message again. She deletes it instead. Monica thinks everything is taken care of, and gathers up the rest of the margarita ingredients and Ross's money. Rachel doesn't feel right about keeping the call from Ross. She thinks maybe she could call, posing as Emily, and leave the message again, but she can't remember exactly what Emily said. Monica still thinks Rachel should leave it be, and doesn't want to talk about any other options. The phone rings again, this time it's Ross leaving a message to remind himself how lucky he is to be alive. Monica leaves, but Rachel waits for Ross to tell him about the call. She's trying to fix the thing she broke when Ross comes home. In her panic, Rachel throws the thing, probably breaking it again. Anyway, she tells Ross what happened, expecting him to make the right decision not to call Emily. Instead, Ross thinks that his near-death experience means he should take this chance with Emily. Rachel convinces him that maybe the day is all about escaping from things, like death and his crazy ex-wife. Ross notices the message light blinking, thinking maybe Emily's message didn't get erased, he hits play; it's the message he left for himself, which he quickly stops. Rachel gets ready to leave, but before she goes Ross tells her to make Monica give him his money back.

Phoebe: doesn't really do much this episode. Oh, but at the end they all discuss how they'd fair in a war.

I don't get when they decided to make Chandler all nervous and paranoid. I don't like it.

This makes my heart sorta freeze in place.

I like to think I'm considerably less neurotic than Monica, but still. Yikes.

Monica steals cash from Ross...it's surprising and yet not so much, all at the same time.

If the sandwich is better than the best sex Joey's ever had, why is this the first time we're hearing about this sandwich? And who's the best sex Joey's ever had?

Every time I see this, I worry about the apartment burning down. Sad, no?

Ugh, the dragonfly. Couldn't it have broken when Ross moved?

Ross's phone only rings one time before the machine picks up. Doesn't give you much of a chance to actually answer the phone, does it? I can totally see him sprinting for the living room, and tripping over the couch in his frenzy to answer it.

I love this.

That's straight tequila, ya'll.

Joey should totally be sitting in the front seat. Clearly, he'd make the best cop.

I half expect an alien creature to come flying out of his chest.

Uh, I can't believe that Monica thinks they should delete the message. That actually seems more like something Rachel would suggest.

Consequences of a car backfire

Epic.

Yeah...Joey was trying to save his sandwich...awesome?

Really, calling Emily back is a horrible idea. Why would Ross even consider it? Just no.

Ultimately it's Ross's decision whether to call her or not, but I can't blame Rachel for talking him out of it. Emily turned out to be kind of a horrible person.

The Magna Doodle Says
It's a neutral face.

Oh. My. God.

"We saw and prevented crimes." -Phoebe, to Monica, about her ride-along with Gary.

"Tonight? You--you didn't say it was going to be at nighttime." -Chandler, to Gary, about the ride-along.

"You can also find him under ummm, dog and dead." -Monica, explaining the photo organizational system to Rachel using a picture of Le Poo as an example.

"Ugh, everything's just falling apart!" -Monica, after the box of pictures breaks and ruins her system, and she remembers that Ross has the blender.

"Oh hey, Gary, want me to grab the berry for ya?"
"It's called the cherry." -Ross and Gary, after Chandler tells Ross the name for the single flashing light is 'berry.'

"Even though my tax dollars paid for this car."
"Your tax dollars?" -Joey and Chandler, after Gary refuses to let Joey eat his sandwich in the car.

"Made in Mexico! Yes!!" -Rachel, after she breaks a dinosaur thing at Ross's apartment.

"So all we have is ice?" -Rachel, to Monica, when Monica calls Rachel to ask her to get other ingredients from Ross's.

"Y'know, when you say partner, it doesn't sound cop. It sounds gay." -Chandler, to Ross, when they discuss which of them would make a better cop.

"Look at Officer Ross riding back her with the visitors."
'Yeah, what's up with that, Serpico?" -Chandler and Joey, teasing Ross after Gary banishes him to the backseat.

"She's obviously unstable, okay? I mean, she's thinking about running out on her wedding day. Okay, fine! But I mean, look at the position she's putting him in! What's he gonna do? Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage?! I mean, who would do that?! Okay, fine, all right, but that's, y'know, it's different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people." -Monica, to Rachel, about what Ross could do about Emily's phone call.

"Oh, it's nothing. It just says that you can't sue the city if you scrap your knee or, y'know, get your head blown off."
"Oh, hurry up, I want to sign that." -Gary and Chandler, about signing a release form on the ride-along.

"Well, if you're gonna be totally rational about this, I can't argue with you!" -Monica, to Rachel, about telling Ross that Emily called.

"Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message!" -Rachel, when Ross's phone rings.

"Wow! Play that message for Emily and this whole problem goes away!" -Monica, when Ross calls to leave himself a message.

"Hey Joe, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you."
"Who jumps at loud noises!" -Gary and Chandler, while Chandler's being bitter.

"I could've died tonight."
"Yeah, if the car that backfired had run over you!" -Ross and Chandler, still being bitter.

"Oh, I just went for a walk. Around the living room. Whatever..." -Chandler, to Joey, when Joey comes to see how he's doing.

"Alright, look, I--I wasn't trying to save Ross, okay? My sandwich was next to Ross. Alright? I was--I was trying to save my sandwich." -Joey, explaining his actions to Chandler.

"So you risked your life for a sandwich!" -Chandler, to Joey.

"And somebody took a shot at me!!!" -Ross, telling Rachel what happened.

"Ugh, Ross! That was not a near death experience! That was barely even an experience!" -Rachel, to Ross, when he wants to call Emily.

"I think I would make a fantastic military leader. I mean, I know I'd make General way before any of you guys."
"Before or after you were shot by your own troops?" -Monica and Chandler, during the discussion of how they'd do in a war.

"I know where Joey would be. He'd be down in the foxhole protecting all of us."
"Yes. If the foxhole was lined with sandwiches." -Ross and Chandler.

TOW: Ross Can't Flirt

2010-11-21T15:01:00.000-08:00

Ross: walks into Chandler and Joey's while Chandler is finishing getting ready for a date with Monica to celebrate their ten month anniversary. They get pizzas delivered, and the delivery girl, Caitlin (Kristin Dattilo), is pretty cute. Chandler chats with her, complimenting her hair, but when she leaves, Ross accuses him of flirting. They go across the hall with the pizza, where Ross continues to berate Chandler for flirting while he's already dating Monica. It comes out that Ross is jealous; he doesn't think it's fair for Chandler to flirt when he's already got a girlfriend. Ross thinks Chandler should let the single people do the flirting. The pizza order was wrong; the pizza place forgot Phoebe's vegetarian pizza. Ross is glad that Caitlin will have to come back to deliver the correct pizza;he plans to flirt with her. When Caitlin arrives with the pizza, Ross rushes to the door. He attempts to flirt, but accidentally comes off as pedophile. It gets worse as he explains that he was trying to compliment her very short hair, which she compared to the hair of an eight year old boy. Chandler patches up the awkwardness, which makes Ross freak out about Chandler flirting again. Rachel mentions that Ross has never been very good at flirting; this goads Ross into trying harder. He calls and orders another pizza, sure he'll be able to flirt well and get Caitlin's number. Ross practices his flirting skillz on Phoebe, but only manages to creep her out. Caitlin comes to deliver a pizza for the third time, Ross rushing to the door. Rachel tries to tell him not to worry about flirting, but he's determined. He ends up telling Caitlin that the smell is added to gas, so you know when there's a leak. She leaves without taking their money because Ross is so creepy. Ross is pretty upset, but Rachel runs after Caitlin. Rachel explains that Ross gets nervous when he flirts, but that he really liked Caitlin. Caitlin did think he was cute, and seems more interested as Rachel explains all the good things about Ross. When Rachel gets back to the apartment, she gives Ross Catilin's phone number.

Chandler and Monica: It's their ten month anniversary. Chandler got reservations at a really nice restaurant, but he could only get the reservations for a really late time. Plus, they have to watch Joey on Law & Order. Chandler gets all ready and heads over to Monica's, where Ross berates him for flirting with Caitlin. Chandler doesn't want Monica to hear Ross's accusations, afraid it will start a fight. Monica comes out of the bathroom, and Chandler suggests that she wear a pair of earrings he bought for her. Monica asks Phoebe for the earrings back, since she let Phoebe borrow them. It takes quite awhile for Phoebe to give them back, causing Monica to panic. After Caitlin comes back for the second time, Ross tells Monica about Chandler's flirting. Instead of being angry, Monica laughs, admitting to flirting with men all the time. This upsets Chandler. He gets all passive-aggressive, making Monica angry. She doesn't like the double standard. Chandler explains that men view a girl flirting with them as a real chance to get that girl into bed. Their fight is patched over, but Monica still doesn't have her earrings and doesn't understand what's taking Phoebe so long. Phoebe and Rachel both confess to losing the earrings. To make up for it, Monica tries to pass an old pair off as the earrings Chandler bought. The earrings she uses don't really look the same, but Chandler doesn't notice because Ross is the one who picked the earrings out.

Phoebe and Rachel: Monica comes to Phoebe wanting back a pair of earrings Phoebe borrowed. When Monica goes into her bedroom, Phoebe rushes to Rachel and asks for the earrings Rachel borrowed back. Rachel goes into her bedroom to get them, only she just brings back one. Rachel apologizes, but Phoebe explains that the earrings belonged to Monica. Rachel freaks out because she's not allowed to borrow Monica's things--she always loses them. Rachel searches the apartment, but can't find the missing earring. Monica asks Phoebe for the earrings again, and Phoebe goes to Rachel. Rachel's looked everywhere without any luck. Phoebe suggests Rachel check Joey and Chandler's place, but the earring's not there either. However, Rachel did find a pair of sunglasses she lost. Phoebe says the sunglasses really belonged to her, but Rachel borrowed them. They don't want to tell Monica the truth, especially not Rachel, but Phoebe offers to take the blame. Phoebe tells Monica about the missing earring. Monica's really understanding, telling Phoebe not to worry about it. Feeling safe, Rachel confesses to being the real culprit in the missing earring debacle. Monica is less forgiving, yelling at Rachel. Also, it turns out the sunglasses didn't belong to Phoebe at all. They were actually Monica's.

Joey: gets a part on Law & Order. He's really excited, and the whole gang gets together to watch, including Joey's elderly Italian grandma. Nonni (Lilyan Chauvin) speaks no English, but follows Joey's career obsessively. They watch the show, eager to see Joey's part, but it's been cut out of the episode. Joey's upset, knowing that his Nonni will react badly to his role getting cute. When he was killed off on Days of Our Lives she nearly died. He doesn't know what to do to make sure Nonni isn't upset, and none of the others have any good ideas. He runs out of Monica and Rachel's, seemingly leaving them to deal with Nonni. He finally comes back, though, this time with a video tape in hand. He distracts Nonni and sticks the tape in the VCR. Joey's recorded himself in a police standoff. Nonni is fooled, and all is well. Though the tape does cut to Chandler singing David Bowie's "Space Oddity."

I always forget how awesome this episode is!

I don't think Chandler's flirting.

At least, he's not flirting with intent. It's more of a playful banter than actual flirting. Plus, who sticks their tongue out like that when they're flirting???

I think Caitlin's haircut is cute.

Why does Monica let anyone borrow her things?

What kindergarten imagines that sharing is so fraught with peril?

Ross saying he likes eight year old boys always reminds me of Dumb and Dumber. When Lloyd says he wants to make love to a school boy.

I feel pretty awful for Joey when they cut his scene out of Law & Order that must really suck.

Lilyan Chauvin, the woman who plays Joey's grandma, was amazingly beautiful when she was young.

She played the Mother Superior in Silent Night, Deadly Night. Just, y'know, in case you wondered.

I think we should all agree the men should never do this when they flirt.

I think Chandler's on to something when he says that men think they have a chance to actually sleep with any woman who flirts with them. I work in retail, at a store which has a rewards program. A friend and co-worker suggested that I try flirting with the younger guys who come to the register to get more rewards sign-ups. I wasn't really into it, not being much of a flirt when it comes to men I don't know (also, at that point I was engaged). Buuuut, an attractive college boy came through the line one day and was flirting with me. He was blond in that all-American-Abercrombie sort of way, so I thought I might as well give my friend's theory a try. I flirted back. Pretty harmlessly, actually. Just witty banter. That didn't stop him from asking me out, though. And getting pretty pissed when I turned him down.

Monica forgives Phoebe for losing the earrings, but not Rachel. I want to be upset by Monica's attitude, but I totally understand the motivation behind it. You don't want to loan your stuff to someone who obviously doesn't care enough to keep track of it.

Seriously, Monica looks like she's about to rip Rachel's heart out.

It's so sweet of Rachel to track down Caitlin and explain Ross's strange behavior.

Chandler's rendition of "Space Oddity."

The Magna Doodle Says:

It's a drawing of the NYC skyline.

Oh. My. God.

"Ugh, I hate it! I look like an eight year old boy."
"Yeah, if that was true, gym class would've been a lot more interesting." -Caitlin and Chandler, discussing Caitlin's haircut.

"He's in the back. The duck pissed him off. Said that eggs came first." -Chandler, telling Caitlin where the chicken is.

"Okay first of all, the impression? Uncanny." -Chandler, to Ross mocking his conversation with Caitlin.

"But don't you think it should be called 'Order & Law'?" -Phoebe, to Rachel, about Law & Order.

"I was not and oh God, shhh!" -Chandler, to Ross, when Ross announces Chandler was flirting when Monica might overhear.

"Ross! We broke up two years ago! You've been married since then. I think it's okay that we see other people." -Rachel, to Ross, when she learns about his crush on Caitlin.

"Okay, Ross, I know she's pretty and you love her, but is she stupid?! She forgot my vegetarian!" -Phoebe, to Ross, when their pizza order is wrong.

"You have got to go home!"
"But I like it here!" -Monica and Phoebe, when Monica needs her earrings back.

"If you said, 'Big lima bean, bubbling up,' would she understand the difference?"- Chandler, to Joey, about his grandmother not understanding English.

"Oh, boy, I just can't watch. It's too scary."
"It's a diaper commercial."
"Oh yeah well, you know me, babies, responsibilities, ahhh!!" -Rachel and Monica, while Rachel's searching for the missing earring during Law & Order.

"Uh, by the way, if it makes you feel any better, I happen to like eight-year-old boys." -Ross, to Caitlin.

"You are a lot hotter than I am."
"True story." -Chandler to Monica, and Joey.

"Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women?"
"Uhh, no, no. It bothered me when he slept with other women." -Chandler and Rachel.

"Y'know what? You're right! We meet, you flirted, and then bam, nine years later you had me!" -Rachel, making fun of Ross's flirting skills.

"If we keep talking this way, aren't we gonna freak her out soon?" -Chandler, to Joey, when Joey's trying to hide that his scene was cut.

"Doesn't know 'hello,' but she knows Capricorn One." -Chandler, when Joey's grandma lists other things Sam Waterston acted in.

"Make sure you check Chandler's jewelry box."
"Wait a minute. Chandler has a jewelry box?" -Phoebe and Rachel, searching for the earring.

"Why are you being weird?" -Phoebe, to Ross, when he tries flirting with her.

"See, I'm finding out all this stuff about you today, like you like the Law & Order, and that you flirted with every guy in the Tri-State area!" -Chandler, to Monica.

"So...you're old and small." -Chandler, trying to make small-talk with Joey's grandma.

"Gas? Wow! Intense." -Ross, talking to Caitlin about the pizza place's ovens.

"If this is the way all the Gellers flirt, we don't have a problem." -Chandler, listening to Ross talking about gas with Caitlin.

"A lot of other gas smells."
"Oh the humanity." -Ross and Chandler, while Ross is talking to Caitlin.

"Was I talking to her about gas?"
More so than anything else." -Ross and Chandler, after Caitlin leaves.

"Well, y'know, we' have seven people and, like, ten pizzas, what do you think?" -Rachel to Caitlin.

"Look! Oh! Is that the Pope?!"
"Why am I looking?" -Joey and Chandler, when Joey attempts to distract his grandma.

"You couldn't have at least changed your shirt?" -Chandler, to Joey, while watching the video Joey made.

TOW: Rachel Smokes

2010-11-14T12:03:00.000-08:00

Rachel: has her first day of work at Ralph Lauren. It's going pretty awkwardly, as with all first days at a new job. She discusses which dress design she likes better with her boss, Kim (Joanna Gleason), and her co-worker, Nancy (Megan Ward). Kim and Nancy like the same dress, but Rachel disagrees. She's open about her opinion, which Kim and Nancy admire, but Rachel over-interprets their teasing. Kim decides she needs a cigarette break, and that they'll make the final decision on the dress when she and Nancy return. Rachel tells the gang that when Kim and Nancy got back, they'd already made the decision without her. She feels like she's going to miss out on everything if she doesn't go on the smoke breaks, too. Monica thinks that Rachel should go outside with them, not to smoke, but for fresh air. The next day, Rachel follows Kim and Nancy to the smoking area. She tries standing with them, but the smoke keeps blowing in her face, so Kim and Nancy move. Rachel panics, bums a cigarette off of a guy, and goes to stand with them. Kim and Nancy are shocked, since Rachel told them she didn't smoke. Rachel explains that she thought they meant they smoked pot. It's an incredibly uncomfortable moment. Rachel goes to the coffee shop, intending to tell Monica and Chandler about her day. Monica's first comment is that Rachel stinks. Rachel explains that she accompanied Kim and Nancy on their smoke breaks, but Chandler realizes that Rachel actually smoked. Rachel explains she only did it to keep her job, but Monica leaves cause Rachel smells too bad. Rachel smokes with her boss and co-worker again, but this time says she wants to quit. Kim and Nancy want to stop, too, but can never do it. Rachel decides they should all quit together, getting the other two to agree. A day later, Kim asks Rachel how she's doing with quitting. Rachel tells Kim it's going great. Nancy abruptly leaves the office to copy something, and Kim follows because she's suddenly hungry. Rachel realizes they're smoking again, and goes to the smoking area to catch them. She's all ready to light up again, but Kim and Nancy refuse to let her because Rachel's doing so good. Kim says she'll fire Rachel if she catches Rachel smoking. Rachel goes back upstairs, but before she does she overhears Kim asking Nancy to accompany her on the Paris trip.

Ross and Joey: Ross, Carol, and Ben come into Central Perk celebrating. They'd been at the park, playing with Ben, when Ben was noticed by a commercial casting director. The casting director gives Ross and Carol a business card, encouraging them to have Ben try-out for a role in a soup commercial. Joey recognizes the casting director's name, they're really big in the commercial industry, which makes Joey jealous. He's tried for a long time to be discovered, and Ben doesn't have to do anything to get an audition. Ross gets ready to go to the audition with Ben and Carol, and mentions that the commercial also has a role for a dad. Joey's excited, deciding to audition to play Ben's father. Joey's given permission to try-out. He points out a kid who's done a lot of commercial work, Raymond, and Ross gets defensive. Ross is sure that Ben will get the part, but he doesn't believe that Joey will play the dad, hurting Joey's feelings. After the audition, Ross and Joey go to Monica's, looking all sad. Everyone knows it's an act, Ben and Joey got callbacks. At the callback, Ross and Joey are extremely nervous. Joey's not gone on many callbacks, so he's not sure how it's all going to go. Ben, Joey, Raymond, and another man are announced as the top choices for the roles. But Ross and Joey are told that Ben and Joey won't be father and son because they don't look enough alike. Later that evening, Joey comes home and Ross is over. Joey offers to back out of the audition, so there won't be any weirdness. Ross agrees that Joey's decision is the best idea, but Joey's furious. He was hoping Ross would pull Ben out of the audition, to give Joey a better chance. Joey argues that it's his career, and Ben's just a kid, but Ross has no intention of pulling Ben out of the audition. They fight over which kid will eat the soup better. At the final audition, Carol asks Joey to watch Ben for minute. Joey tries to convince Ben to drop-out of the audition, but in doing so reminds himself how much he loves acting. Ross comes in, and they have a bit of a stand-off, but Joey's called in for his audition. It should be really simple, but Joey keeps blowing the line by saying "mmm, noodle soup!" instead of "mmmm, soup!" He doesn't get the part. During Rachel's surprise party, Ross apologizes to Joey, especially since Joey's audition didn't go well. Ross explains that he thinks Joey sabotaged himself so Ben could get the role. Joey agrees that could be the case, mostly cause it makes him look better. Ross tells Joey that Ben didn't get the role anyway.

Monica and Phoebe: When Rachel leaves for her first day of work, Phoebe suggests to the others that the start planning Rachel's birthday. They point out that Rachel's birthday isn't for another month, but Phoebe explains that it'll just make the surprise party more surprising. Everyone's on board, but Monica and Phoebe are doing all the planning. The first idea is to have an intimate party with Rachel's closest friends. Later, Phoebe tricks Rachel into going to get coffee, so that she and Monica can have some time to plan the party. However, Monica's already done all the planning, leaving Phoebe with nothing to do. Phoebe's hurt, but doesn't really say anything. Monica lets Phoebe be in charge of cups and ice. Phoebe brings two giant trash bags over to Joey and Chandler's, asking them if she can store the bags there until Rachel's party. She explains that the bags are full of cups, cause that's all Monica let her be in charge of. She's going crazy with the cups to teach Monica a lesson, she has more trash bags full downstairs. At the party, Phoebe's made everything out of cups. There are hats, a chandelier, centerpieces, and streamers all made out of cups. Monica's pretty furious. Phoebe's also supplied three different kinds of ice, chipped, cubed, and dry. Oh, and there are sno-cones! Which are a much bigger hit with the guests than Monica's finger food. Monica kind of apologizes for doing all the planning herself, and they decide to plan Joey's party together. Phoebe says she'll bring the beer, leaving Monica with nothing to do. Rachel comes home and is incredibly surprised. Not only is her birthday not for another month, but Chandler's is actually before hers.

Chandler: really wants to smoke. He tells Rachel all about the glories of smoking, and wants to smoke when she does. At the party, he steals a pack of cigarettes from a woman's purse (he's sad everyone forgot his birthday), but is caught by Monica. Monica says he has to choose between her and the cigarettes. He chooses Monica, but only because the cigarettes were menthol. He goes to Ralph Lauren to pick Rachel up for lunch, and ends up at the smoking area. He takes a drag from Kim's cigarette, before running upstairs.

I do feel a little bad for Joey. He's been a failed actor for years, but Ben deserves a chance, too. He's just a little kid for christ's sake.

How come Chandler doesn't realize his birthday comes first when they're all planning to throw Rachel a surprise party? I don't think he can be mad if he forgets his birthday, too.

Ross could've mentioned that the casting people were looking for a guy to play the dad when Joey was flipping out in Central Perk.

Oh, Chandler is Ben's godfather, but Joey thinks he is.

It's totally admirable that Rachel is honest about her opinions on the first day of the job. She'd do anything to fit in (obviously), but still manages to be truthful.

Nancy seems like a bitch.

Joanna Gleason, who plays Kim, was on The West Wing as Leo's lawyer/love interest. Megan Ward also guest starred on The West Wing, but I have no idea who her character is.

Seriously, Monica's getting on my nerves.

See, total bitch face.

Pouting

Phoebe and her cups

Joey trying to get Ross to pull Ben out of the audition is a douche move.

I'd be pissed, too.

I don't smoke, nor do I like inhaling large quantities of cigarette smoke, but I think Monica's reaction is ridiculous. It'd be different if Rachel was, like, smoking in her face, or something.

The "mmm, noodle soup!" thing is hilarious. Actually, I like that line better than the "mmm, soup!"

Rachel's understandably disappointed about not being asked to go on the Paris trip, but she's only worked there for a week. Clearly, accompanying Kim on the trip is going to be offered to the person with the most experience. It also reminds me of The Devil Wears Prada.

This is the best use of cups since...well, ever.

Phoebe's fez is epic.

I want dry ice at my next birthday part!

This isn't awkward.

For some reason, this makes me think "Look what you're doing to Chandler!"

The Magna Doodle Says

"Joey," unreadable name "wants you to call her."

Oh. My. God

"I'm always on the swings!" -Joey, complaining about Ben being offered an audition while he was swinging in Central Park.

"Uh, well, y'know what? I don't think I feel comfortable stealing on my very first day." -Rachel, to Chandler, after he asks her to bring back some polo shirts.

"Okay, great, so do you want to do it together?"
"I would love to do it together!"
"They're gonna do it together." -Phoebe, Monica, and Joey.

"Weirder than watching his two moms make out?" -Chandler, when they're speculating on how weird it'll be for Ross to watch someone else play Ben's dad.

"I look more like him than you do!" -Joey, to Ross, when they argue over the likelihood of Joey playing Ben's dad.

"Oh no, my dad's a doctor and he would always tell me just horror stories...about ghosts and goblins who totally supported the princess's right to smoke." -Rachel, to Kim, on why she doesn't smoke.

"It's like I'm being punished for not having this disgusting, poisoning habit!"
"Yeah, it is the best." -Rachel and Chandler, about smoking.

"Oh good, because, uh, we got Rachel 800 gallons of water." -Chandler, to Phoebe, as she's bringing in all the cups.

"Y'know, I rued the day once...didn't get a whole lot else done." -Chandler, to Phoebe.

"Well, I mean, let me get the door first. Oh hi, No One." -Chandler, when Joey wants Chandler to take his side in his fight with Ross.

"Are you saying your kid eats soup better than my kid?"
"You just give him a spoon, baby!" -Ross and Joey, arguing about the commercial casting.

"Your kid's name is Raymond!"
"Yeah?! So's yours!" -Ross and Joey, still fighting.

"You look happy and sick; you smoked!" -Chandler, to Rachel.

"I wish I had to smoke for my career..." Chandler.

"We could be like the Patch Sisters!" -Rachel, as she convinces Kim and Nancy to quit smoking.

TOW: Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss

2010-11-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

Rachel: gets a job interview at Ralph Lauren to be the coordinator of the women's collection. She's super excited as she tells everyone in the coffee shop. Phoebe offers to go over her interview skills with her, and praises Rachel's handshake. Rachel comes home from the interview, all happiness obliterated. She tells the others that it started out really well, Mr. Zelner seemed to really like her and she made him laugh. But at the end of the interview, Mr.Zelner shook her hand, and leaned in to open the door for her; Rachel misread the signals, and kissed Mr. Zelner on the cheek. She's sure that she has no chance of getting the job. Monica comes into the living room, excitedly tell Rachel that she got a call from Ralph Lauren requesting a second interview. Rachel thinks Monica's joking, and refuses to believe it's true. Joey thinks that Rachel only got the second interview because of the kiss, and now Mr. Zelner expects sex. Monica and Chandler try to convince Rachel it's not true, but the damage is done. As she's waiting for her second interview to begin, Rachel chews on a pen. She walks into Mr. Zelner's office with a huge ink blot on her bottom lip. Mr. Zelner keeps gesturing to his lip, to indicate Rachel has something on hers, but Rachel doesn't get it. She thinks he's hitting on her, yells at him, and storms out of his office. When she gets home, she starts to tell the gang what happened, starting with asking "You'll never guess what happened!" They all start gesturing to their lips, like Mr. Zelner did, and Rachel realizes her mistake. Rachel sets up a meeting with Mr. Zelner to apologize for her behavior. It's pretty awkward, but she explains her actions, then lists the reasons Mr. Zelner should hire her. With some reluctance, Mr. Zelner offers Rachel the job. Rachel wants to hug him, but is advised against it. Instead, she goes in for a handshake and grabs Mr. Zelner's crotch. She scurries away in embarrassment, but with a new job.

Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe: Monica and Phoebe start butting heads at the beginning of the episode, when Monica wants Phoebe to judge her handshake. Phoebe exclaims that Monica's hurting her, putting Monica on the defensive. Things between them get worse when Monica witnesses Phoebe and Gary saying good-bye to one another. Phoebe's all sad about Gary getting called to a crime scene, making Monica comment on how great Phoebe and Gary are. Phoebe tells Monica how great it is to be in that beginning, can't get enough of each other, stage of a relationship. Then she asks Monica when that phase ended for her and Chandler. Monica gets defensive (again), claiming that she and Chandler are still in that phase. As Monica's claims heat up, Chandler comes over to return a broom. Monica jumps on him. Gary, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler all hang out in Central Perk together. Monica invites Phoebe and Gary out to the movies with her and Chandler, but Phoebe declines the offer. She and Gary are planning to spend the night in bed, pretty much what they'd been doing most of the day. Monica laughs off the movie invitation, saying she only asked to see what Phoebe was doing later, so she wouldn't walk in on Monica and Chandler doing it. Monica pulls Chandler to the other side of the room, telling him they have to run upstairs and have sex right away, to beat Phoebe and Gary. Chandler doesn't see what the big deal is, then realizes he's saying no to sex. They run upstairs. The two couples go out to dinner together, where Monica brags about all the sex she and Chandler had the night before. As they're talking, Monica notices a twig in Phoebe's hair. Phoebe tells her that she and Gary took a walk in the park before dinner, and decided to have sex. Chandler had left to use the restroom, so Monica follows him, planning to have sex in a public place. In the bathroom, Chandler declines her offer of sex, not feeling comfortable doing it in a men's restroom. Monica explains that she's sad that she and Chandler aren't in the early phase of their relationship anymore. Chandler agrees that it's sad, but says that he likes their relationship as it is. Monica feels better, and Chandler celebrates not being the one to freak out.

Joey and Ross: Ross is quite pleased with the fact that his apartment is right across from Monica and Rachel's. He mimes things in his window for the pleasure (read: irritation) of the others across the street. Joey gets stuck watching Ross's act, but also catches the attention of a hot girl in Ross's building. The girl waves Joey over, and he calculates where her apartment should be. He runs across the street, arriving at what he believes is the correct door. He knocks, and Ross answers. Ross invites Joey in to play in front of the window, but Joey runs back across the street. Much to Joey's dismay, the hot girl is gone. Joey comforts Rachel with a hug after her disastrous interview, and sees the hot girl again. He runs off to find her, but ends up at Ross's place again. Joey starts going door-to-door in Ross's building, looking for the hot girl, but with no luck. He roams up and down the halls yelling "hot girl!" hoping to find her. Ross is checking his mail when another tenant hangs a sign to warn people to call the police when they see a man matching Joey's description. Ross makes an ill timed joke and the woman at the mail box, Joey's hot girl, gives him a look. Ross introduces himself, but she already knows who he is because of the handyman incident. Ross thinks she's a lost cause, but she praises him for not contributing when he'd just moved in. Ross asks her out for coffee, and gets her number. Oh, and her name is Jen, and not Hot Girl. Later, Joey is at Monica and Rachel's. Monica points out that the hot girl is back, but Joey doesn't care because he can never find her apartment. Monica figures out that Joey was counting wrong and directs him to the right place. Joey rushes across the street, just as Jen is getting her coat to go out with Ross. When Joey knocks, Ross answers the door, making Joey think he's at the wrong apartment again. Joey storms off. Because of Ross's window shenanigans, Monica and Rachel borrow Baywatch cardboard cut-outs from Chandler and Joey, and put pictures of their faces on the bodies. Ross thinks the girls are watching him, but really they're out at the movies. Genius.

I totally just forgot how to spell genius.

This episode lacks awesomeness. I like it, but not much happens. Plus, lately large doses of Monica irritate me.

Rachel's storyline is epic. I totally get why she thought Mr. Zelner was going in for a kiss, but still why??

That's really an awkward move, though. Going to open the door, while shaking hands.

Everyone acts like Rachel laid one on the guy, but she just kisses his cheek. There are worse things. (Like grabbing his crotch).

I'm envious of the way she looks in that skirt. If I ever tried to wear that, I'd look freaking Amish.

I know this has got to get old after awhile, but the window miming thing is hilarious. Seriously.

Ross's interpretation of the first seen of Jaws.

I want to run around the halls of a random apartment building yelling "Hot Girl!!!"

It almost seems like a baseball stadium vendor, but he's offering women instead of beer.

This is why you don't chew on pens before a job interview

I don't like her outfit. It's too big. And what the hell is that fabric?

Ugh, Monica's competitive thing gets on my nerves in this one. You know it's bad when Chandler's the one who has to talk you down.

I'm pretty sure this is Chandler's orgasm face.

Chandler did almost have sex in men's room, though. With Susie in TO: After the Superbowl.

And kudos for that one, writers. So often Chandler is the spaz, especially where romantic relationships are concerned. For once he gets to be the sane one, who is more than happy with the way things are going with Monica.

Okay, Joey continuously going to the wrong apartment, then getting the right one, but finding Ross on the other side of the door is amazing.

I don't really like Gary. He's not a jerk or anything, but I find him to be the opposite of attractive.

This isn't the most flattering picture, but still.

Yasmine and Pamela

You'd think that Ross would notice the lack of clothes.

Oh. My. God.

"I got a pair marked XS, I gotta tell you, there was no room for excess anything in there." -Joey, complaining about Ralph Lauren underwear.

"Did I squeeze too hard?"
"Let's just say, I'm glad I'm not Chandler." -Monica and Phoebe, after their handshake.

"But I counted, you're not supposed to live here!" -Joey, trying to find the hot girl, but ending up at Ross's.

"God, I woke the beast." -Phoebe, after getting Monica riled up about her relationship with Chandler.

"I even made him laugh. He said something about a boat and I was like, 'well, yeah! If you've got enough life jackets'." -Rachel, describing the good part of her interview.

"Well, you could've tried not kissing him." -Chandler, explaining to Rachel what she could've done differently.

"Damn it! Did you move?!?!" -Joey, looking for the hot girl and ending up at Ross's again.

"I'm Ross." -Ross, to Joey, when Joey freaks out about being at Ross's.

"Do you happen to have a got girl in there?" -Joey, to an old man.

"You got ink on your lip." -Ross, to Rachel, after her failed second interview.

"I mean, just to impress Gary and Phoebe we have to go upstairs and have sex over and over and I'm saying no to this why? Get your coat." -Chandler, trying to talk some sense in to Monica.

"You should check this out, tell the other tenants. Apparently, he's running around looking for some sort of hot girl."
"Who isn't?" - a man and Ross.

"Because it's impossible to find her apartment! She lives in some, like, hot girl parallel universe, or something." -Joey, explaining to Monica why he doesn't care about the hot girl anymore.

"I can't believe I almost lost another girl because of counting!" -Joey.

"So there you go, you got--you got courage, you got integrity, you got...courage again, and not litigious." -Rachel, listing her good qualities for Mr. Zelner.

"Honey, the tortilla chips know what you mean." -Chandler, to Monica, while they're at dinner with Phoebe and Gary.

"Now I gotta go, Officer Bing has gotta 10-100... That's pee-pee." -Chandler, because Gary got him a badge.

"You see, I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual. Haven't you?"
"No. And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out." -Monica and Chandler, when she wants to have sex in the restaurant's bathroom.

"You freaked out big time, okay?! And I fixed it! We have switched places. I am the relationship king, and you are the crazy, irrational screw up!" -Chandler, celebrating making Monica feel better about their relationship.

I'm baaaaack!!!

2010-11-13T18:51:00.000-08:00

Hey, All!!!

Please excuse my extended absence. My life was going through some major upheavals this last month, putting blogging on the back-burner. Luckily, things have evened out, so expect new posts starting tomorrow! Thanks for putting up with my frequent absences; I hope to be a much better blogger in the future.

TOW: the Cop

2010-09-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

Phoebe: digs in the chair cushions at Central Perk to find change for the tip, instead she finds a policeman's badge. Rachel tells her she has to turn the badge in, and Phoebe agrees. When she leaves the coffee house, she sees a woman (Nicole Robinson) putting out her cigarette against a tree. Phoebe's horrified, confronting the woman. The chick doesn't care, but Phoebe pulls out the badge, threatening to arrest her unless she apologizes to the tree. The woman apologizes. Phoebe tells Chandler and Monica all of the good deeds she's done since she's found the cops badge. They're glad she's doing good things, but impersonating a cop is a pretty serious crime. They encourage her to go ahead and turn the the badge in. Phoebe realizes she' drunk with power, and goes to turn the badge in. Phoebe's going into Central Perk, but there's a car parked on the curb, right in front of the door. Phoebe confronts the guy (Michael Rapaport), pulling out the badge. The guy tells her he's a cop, too, and asks her about her precinct. Phoebe makes up some stuff, answering his questions with things from NYPD Blue. The cop knows she's bluffing, it's his badge Phoebe's using. Phoebe drops the badge, running away. Phoebe tells Monica and Chandler what happened with the cop. They ask why she ran, and she explains that impersonating a cop is a felony that could lead to jail time. She also admits to having been in jail at some point. Phoebe and the others are over at Monica and Rachel's, when the cop knocks at the door. Phoebe turns herself in, but warns the cop that the charges against her won't stick. He agrees, says he won't arrest her, but asks her out. He's been thinking about her since they met. Phoebe's flattered, quickly agreeing to the date. The cop's name, by the way, is Gary.

Chandler, Monica, and Joey: Joey comes home one evening to find Chandler and Monica sitting together in a recliner, doing the crossword. They all talk a little, commenting on how cute Chandler and Monica are as a couple. Joey goes to bed, and ends up having a dream where he's doing the crossword puzzle with Monica. When he wakes up, he's totally freaked out. The next morning, he's really weird when he runs into Monica and Chandler in Central Perk. Monica's wearing one of Joey's sweatshirts, which really upsets him. Monica offers to take it off, but Joey doesn't want it because it'll smell like her. Monica's worried she smells bad, but Joey assures her she smells like a meadow. Then he runs away. When Joey comes home that evening, Monica's making dinner for herself and Chandler. She asks Joey to taste the sauce she's making, and Joey freaks out again. She and Chandler finally confront Joey about why he's acting so strangely. He confesses that he dreamed about Monica, and is now in love with her. Chandler and Monica come up with a few alternatives to explain the dream. Joey likes Monica's suggestion that he'd like to have the closeness that she and Chandler have. Chandler asks Joey if he's attracted to Monica, but Joey isn't really. This sort of hurts Monica's feelings, but it's forgotten when Joey asks how he can have the same kind of closeness with a woman. Chandler and Monica think he should be friends with the woman first. At this point, Rachel comes over looking for a measuring tape, and Joey starts giving her the eye. He ends up hitting on her when she comes over asking for his help moving Ross' couch. Rachel declines the offer, suggesting he needs to meet a woman, and start a friendship. Joey doesn't want to do that, since that takes a long time. He regrets not hitting on Phoebe. Joey ends up taking Chandler, Monica, and Rachel's advice about women. Only, their advice didn't work out too well, because when the woman Joey met found out he wanted a friendship first, she threw herself at him. And so did her roommate. He's not too upset about the failure of his relationship plans.

Ross and Rachel: Rachel goes with Ross when he buys a new couch. Ross is really particular, and has to make sure the couch meets all his specifications. He finally picks a couch (not without prompting from Rachel), and is given a form to sign. While looking over the form, he sees how expensive it'll be to have the couch delivered to his apartment. He and Rachel are both horrified over the cost, since Ross only lives three blocks from the store. Ross decides not to have the couch delivered, then expects Rachel to help him carry it home. On their way out of the store with the couch, Ross and the salesman get into a discussion of the likelihood of a guy like Ross dating a girl like Rachel. Ross is compelled to explain that he and Rachel did used to go out. They manage to get the couch to Ross's building, and Ross takes it towards the staircase. Rachel stops him, because he told her there was an elevator. He lied. Rachel thinks he should go back and have movers help him. Ross refuses partly due to the cost, but also because he saw a Dateline about how movers case your belongings to come back later and steal them. He and Rachel have a discussion about the show, and how much Rachel wants to kiss Jane Pauly. Ross shushes her, so they can start moving the couch up the stairs. It doesn't go well, and they end up dropping it. Rachel asks Joey for his help moving the couch. He agrees at first, but this is during the period where he wants her to be the friend he has a relationship with. She declines his advances, and I guess he doesn't want to help anymore. She gets Chandler to help instead, but Ross says he's barely any help. They try moving the couch again, this time with a diagram Ross drew. They end up getting it stuck. I guess they don't know what to do once they get it stuck, because Ross and Rachel just sorta chill on the steps. Ross gets motivated to move the couch again, and urges Rachel to help. She stands up, accidentally pulling the fire alarm. All the tenants of the building run down the stairs, stepping on the couch as they go. Ross takes the couch back to the store, wanting to return it. The saleslady refuses to take it back, since it's cut in half. Ross asks for store credit, and she agrees to give him four dollars.

This is pretty adorable. But why the bubble vest?

I'm horrible at crossword puzzles. I don't know why. Joey's "Not dog but--" "Cat" is about at my level.

Because it's really hard to walk across the hall and get a sweatshirt that belongs to you?

Cops and doughnuts are like the cockroaches of jokes. They will never go away.

Being generally against lugging couches for blocks and blocks, I'd totally pay the delivery cost.

I'm surprised Rachel didn't put up more of a fight.

The salesman looks like Bill Pullman with a facelift.

I can't believe Ross kept count.

Although, if I was having sex with Rachel, I'd probably keep count, too. Just saying.

The tree lady is Margaret, Leo's secretary, from The West Wing!

Ends badly.

Joey used to have a crush on Monica, has sex dreams about her, but says he's not attracted to her. Oookay.

It's epically awesome that Phoebe answers Gary's questions using characters from NYPD Blue.

Joey, putting the moves on Rachel.

Her outfit is super cute.

To quote Winnie-the-Pooh: "Stuck. Wedged there in a great tightness."

PIVOT

Joey steals a pizza from the second floor of the building, then thinks that the cops are after him when Gary shows up.

It'd make a good love seat.

Maybe?

The Magna Doodle Says:

Something about someone calling for Joey. And a spiral!!

Oh. My. God.

"Hey, do you know a six-letter word for red?"

"Dark red?" -Chandler and Joey, when Chandler and Monica are doing the crossword.

"There's only one left, three letter word, not dog but..."

"Cat!" -Monica and Joey, doing the crossword.

"Why would a cop come in here, though? They don't serve doughnuts." -Chandler, after Phoebe finds the badge.

"While I'm at the police station, I could check their Ten Most Wanted lists, because my friend Fritzy has been, like, number eleven forever, so this could be her year!" -Phoebe, before she goes to turn the badge in.

"Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter." -Chandler, to Monica, after Joey gets all awkward with Monica.

"I need a couch that says, 'kids welcome here,' but that also says, 'come here to me'."

"What?! You say that to kids?!" -Ross and Rachel, while he's couch shopping.

"The 'come here to me,' is, y'know, for the ladies."

"Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch." -Ross and Rachel, about the couch.

"Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!" -Ross, to the salesman, about he and Rachel's relationship.

"A loser you did it with 298 times!" -Ross, to Rachel, after she calls him a loser.

"I am not going to apologize to a tree!" -the tree lady, to Phoebe.

"Alright, yeah, I gotta take it back. I'm totally drunk with power." -Phoebe, to Monica and Chandler, about how the badge makes her feel.

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, what if Martin Luther Kind had said that? I kinda have a dream...I don't want to talk about it." -Chandler, teasing Joey when he won't share his dream.

"Hey, ummm, do you guys have that tape measure?"

"Oh yeah, it's actually in my bedroom." -Rachel and Chandler.

"Yeah, in fact I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore." -Phoebe, to Gary, when she learns he's a cop, too.

"Hey, by the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be alright. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good." -Gary, to Phoebe, when she names Sipowicz as a cop from her precinct.

"Don't hit on your existing friends!" -Rachel, to Joey, when he puts the moves on her.

"Man, I wish I saw Phoebe first!" -Joey, to Rachel, after she turns him down.

"What, you brought Joey?"

"Well, I brought the next best thing."

"Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica!" -Ross and Rachel, trying to move the couch.

"Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself."

"No! That's--that's my arm!"

"Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch." -Rachel, Ross, and Chandler, about Ross's diagram.

"PIVOT!" -Ross, moving the couch.

"I can't believe that didn't work!"

"I know, me neither! I mean, you had a sketch." -Ross and Rachel, when they get the couch stuck.

"I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! And her roommate!" -Joey, explaining how being friends first went for him.

"Closeness-shmoshness!! There was three of us for crying out loud!" -Joey, defending his actions.

"You're the prettiest, fake undercover whore I've ever seen." -Gary, when he asks Phoebe out.

"And don't worry, I'm not just gonna take you out for doughnuts."

"He has a gun." -Gary and Chandler, after Gary makes a bad joke, and Chandler laughs.

"You wanna return this couch? It's cut in half!" -the saleswoman, when Ross wants to return the couch.

TOW: the Girl who Hits Joey

2010-09-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

Joey and Rachel: Joey's started dating a very petite woman named Katie (Soleil Moon Frye). The gang meets her when she comes to Central Perk to meet Joey for a date. They're also introduced to one of Katie's regular habits, playfully punching people. When she goes to the restroom, Joey explains that even though Katie is small, she punches really hard. Everyone makes fun of him, not believing that Katie could hurt him. Joey has coffee with Katie in Central Perk. She's still hitting him, and he decides to talk with her about the habit. He moves away from her, telling her that she's little, but hits hard. She laughs, thinking he's teasing her, and hits him some more. Joey goes into Central Park wearing tons of sweaters. Rachel sees him, and he explains that he's wearing six sweaters because he's breaking up with Katie. Katie arrives, and Rachel compliments her on her coat. In thanks, Katie punches Rachel in the arm. It hurts, just as Joey said, but Rachel hits Katie back. They punch each other for awhile, before Rachel gets fed up and kicks Katie in the shin. Katie's pissed, telling Joey to do something about Rachel, or she'll walk out. Joey doesn't do anything. He and Rachel hug once Katie leaves.

Chandler and Monica: At the end of the the last episode, Ross saw Chandler and Monica making out. He runs over to confront them, furious that Chandler would sleep with his sister. Chandler wants to run away, but Monica wants to talk to Ross. They let Ross in, he yells some, but then they explain they're in love, not just having sex. Now that everyone knows, Chandler and Monica's relationship is a frequent topic of discussion. In Central Perk, the whole gang talks about what it'll be like if Chandler and Monica have kids, and what to get them as a wedding present. Chandler and Monica are quick to laugh off the speculation, since they haven't been together for that long. Chandler and Rachel are hanging out, when Rachel makes another joke about Monica and Chandler's future. Chandler asks her not to say things like that, because he doesn't want Monica to get ideas. Rachel explains that since it's Monica, she's already thought about her future with Chandler. Chandler tries to pretend it's not true, but Rachel brings up the fact that Monica dumped Richard because he didn't want babies. Chandler knows that Rachel's right, and starts freaking out. Chandler and Monica are cuddling in his recliner, when Monica asks if they couldn't just "stay there forever." Chandler loses it. Monica's not surprised by his reaction, having assumed he'd freak when everyone started making jokes about their future. Chandler thinks he's right to be worried, since he knows what Monica wants from their future. Monica knows it's Chandler's commitment phobia talking, but she's really disgusted with him and leaves. Chandler tells Ross and Joey about the argument. They think it can be fixed, but that Chandler probably won't be able to do the fixing. Monica comes in to get some coffee (to go, because she sees Chandler). Chandler asks her what he can do to fix their relationship, but Monica's still too upset to talk with him. She tells him that he has to fix their relationship this time. Later that day, Chandler runs into Monica and Rachel's, frantically searching for Monica. Everyone's over, playing cards, and witness Chandler proposing to Monica. Chandler's not sure why he's proposing, but the important thing is that he isn't afraid. He's really proposing as an apology, and Monica points out that it isn't a good reason to get married. Chandler realizes he's doing a really stupid thing, but he was afraid of losing Monica. He's also confused because he went to Ross and Joey for advice. Monica realizes that Chandler's not ready to handle relationship stuff like that by himself. Everyone makes fun of Chandler by apologizing to each other, then proposing.

Ross and Phoebe: Ross is getting settled into his new apartment, when Phoebe comes by with a house warming gift. While Phoebe's over, a neighbor, Steve (Willie Garson), stops by. He wanted to introduce himself, and ask Ross to chip in $100 as a retirement gift for the building handyman, Howard. Ross refuses to give the money, since he just moved in and doesn't know Howard. Steve leaves, having the impression that Ross is cheap. Ross is over at Chandler's, talking to him and Rachel about how everyone in his building hates him. They all think Ross is a cheapskate, and a kid even spit on him for not giving $100 to Howard. Ross decides to throw a party for his neighbors, where he'll explain his reasoning over the money. Rachel thinks he should just give the money, but it goes against Ross' principles. The night of the party, Ross sits in his apartment all by himself, playing with his name tag(s). He turns his music down for a second, and hears people chanting "Howard!". He goes across the hall, seeing that all his neighbors are having a party for Howard. Phoebe's there. She contributed money toward Howard, and all Ross' neighbors like her. She thinks it's good that they like her, that way she can make them like Ross. Steve walks by, and suggests Ross and Phoebe switch apartments. Ross is miserable at the party, wanting to leave, but Phoebe encourages him to stay. She's already started talking to the other guests about him. She was telling people about what happened between Ross and Emily, though that seems to be hurting more than helping. Phoebe suggests she and Ross get some food, and Ross gets a piece of cake. The problem is, the other guests hadn't cut the cake for Howard yet. This makes everyone hate Ross more. Phoebe steps in, telling the tenants that they just need to go to know Ross. She proceeds to tell the guests what her first impressions of them were. Ross and Phoebe are kicked out of the party, ending up back at Ross'. Phoebe explains that she was insulting the other guests in the hope that Ross would stand up for them and be the hero. He didn't get it.

It continuously bothers me that Chandler and Monica ignore the fact that Ross lives across the street from them.

Take it to the bedroom, people.

Maybe it'd be a good idea for the writer's to go ahead and address the fact that Ross flips out about Chandler and Monica in front of his boss? Maybe not...

HEY! It's Punky Brewster!

I never watched that show, so I don't care that much, but I feel I should exude some sort of excitement.

Soleil Moon Frye sounds like a porn star or stripper name.

Joey gets beat up by a girl!!

She's really very small.

The gay friend from Sex in the City is kinda mean.

I'd give the money, since I'm afraid of confrontation and not being liked, but I agree with Ross. He shouldn't have to give that much money to a man he's never met.

It was only a matter of time before Chandler totally lost it over being in a real relationship with Monica.

Someone should tell Ross that name tags aren't cool.

The "ROSS" makes it worse.

Joey, needing extra padding.

I don't condone violence (much), but it's awesome when Rachel kicks Katie.

Subtlety, thy name is Ross.

Phoebe insulting the guests so Ross can defend them wasn't a bad plan.

Chandler's first proposal.

Where did the ring come from?

The episode name sounds like the title of an anti-abuse PSA or the name of a Lifetime movie of the week. Starring Tori Spelling.

The Magna Doodle Says:

C.B. + M.G 4 Ever

Oh. My. God.

"I'm going on the lam." -Chandler, to Monica, when he attempts to run from Ross.

"What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he's--he's the one doing your sister." -Joey, to Ross.

"Guys, you're a few steps ahead of us."

"Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps." - Monica and Chandler, during the discussion about their future kids.

"Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is beating him up." -Chandler, when Joey explains Katie's hurting him.

"Howard's the handyman."

"Yes, but to me, he's just man." -Steve and Ross, on why Ross won't contribute money to Howard.

"Oh, they'll like me. Once they come to my awesome PAR-TAY!" -Ross, telling Chandler and Rachel about his party.

"It's not different at all, is it?"

"Not unless different means the same." -Chandler and Rachel, about what Monica expects from her relationship with Chandler.

"You want babies! You have baby fever!" -Chandler, to Monica, during his freak out. I'm wondering if baby fever is anything like Beiber fever.

"If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one." -Monica, to Chandler, when he goes to her about ways to make things right.

"Hey listen, is it obvious that I'm wearing six sweaters?" -Joey, to Rachel, when he comes in Central Park to breakup with Katie.

"You'd better do something, or I'm gonna walk out that door right now! Well? Are you gonna?"

"Nah." -Katie and Joey, after Rachel kicks Katie.

"Go back to 3-B, 3-B!!" -Steve, after Ross eats Howard's cake.

"Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked 'who here likes Ross,' and he's wearing two name tags!" -Phoebe, to the other party guests.

"Do you, ummm, think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?"

"No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy." -Monica and Chandler, after he proposes.

"Who? Two divorces and Joey?!" -Monica, about Chandler getting advice from Ross and Joey.

"Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door." -Chandler, to Monica, about what would've happened if she'd said yes to his proposal.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Will you marry me?" -Ross, to Joey.

Vacation

2010-09-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

Hey all!

I'm not going to be posting for the next two weeks. My work schedule is incredibly hectic, plus I'm applying to grad school, and I'm going to be out of town for a bit next weekend. Hopefully, I'll be able to get back to a more normal posting schedule soon.

TOW: Everybody Finds Out

2010-08-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

Ross: watches Ugly Naked Guy pack up his apartment. He decides it might be fun to live right across from Monica and Rachel. The next day, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel go over to check out Ugly Naked guy's place. Ross thinks it's amazing, stunned that he never noticed how great the apartment is. Phoebe threatens to go fill out an application herself, and Ross runs out to fill out an application of his own. When he comes back, Rachel and Phoebe are jumping and screaming. Rachel tells him it's because they're so excited he could get this apartment. he starts jumping and screaming, too. Ross goes over to Monica and Rachel's with news about Ugly Naked Guy's place. He learned that Ugly Naked Guy is subletting the apartment himself, and has already gotten over a hundred applications. To get more of an edge, Ross sent Ugly Naked Guy a basket of mini-muffins. He wants the gang to see it, so he calls them over to the window. Instead of seeing Ross's basket of mini-muffins, they see a pinball machine, a mountain bike, and a whole table of muffin baskets. Ross pouts because obviously his bribe isn't going to get him anywhere. He stresses over not getting the apartment, since he wants it so badly. Rachel suggests Ross go over, and talk to Ugly Naked Guy about something he's interested in. They discuss a few things Ross could relate to him about, but don't come up with anything concrete before Ross has to pick Ben up. Ross ends up knocking at Ugly Naked Guy's door. He applauds Ugly Naked Guy for his lack of clothes. Across the street, the rest of the gang notices that Ugly Naked Guy's got a naked friend; Ross. Ross gets the apartment, and invites his museum boss, Donald, over. He's trying to prove he's getting his life together. Donald invites Ross to come back to the museum, but as Ross accepts, he gets quite the surprise from Chandler and Monica.

Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey: go with Ross to look at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment. Rachel goes to the restroom while Ross is putting in his application, leaving Phoebe alone in the living room. She notices Chandler and Monica across the street, waving to them. They don't notice since they start doing other things. Phoebe screams in shock, making Rachel sprint out of the bathroom. Rachel calms Phoebe down, telling her that she knows about Chandler and Monica, and Joey does, too, but Ross doesn't. To divert Ross from what's going on across the street, Rachel starts jumping and screaming out of joy for Ross possibly getting such a great apartment. Rachel tells Phoebe what she knows about Chandler and Monica's relationship. Joey comes in, and Rachel tells him that Phoebe knows. Joey's relieved, thinking that the secret keeping is over. Only, Phoebe thinks it'd be really fun to mess with Chandler and Monica. Joey doesn't want to do it, but Rachel's on board. Phoebe tells Rachel to use her position as the roommate, while Phoebe uses her sexuality. Chandler comes in for coffee, and Phoebe goes to flirt with him. She squeezes his bicep, giggles, confesses she's gotta thing for him, and indicates she'd like to hook up. The next day, Rachel asks Monica if she'd like to go to a movie, but Monica declines since she has to do 'laundry.' Rachel goes to her room, bringing out a gigantic laundry bag. Phoebe gives Monica quarters. As Rachel and Phoebe leave, Phoebe pinches Chandler's ass. Phoebe gets a phone call from Chandler, wanting to set up a date. Rachel realizes this means that Chandler and Monica are on to them. Joey confirms Rachel's suspicions, but again Phoebe and Rachel aren't finished. When Chandler's over, Phoebe accepts the date. With Rachel and Joey's help, Phoebe prepares for the date with perfume and wine. Rachel listens at the door. She goes over to Chandler's, pulling out all the stops to seduce him. She dances, Chandler suggests they should go to his room, Phoebe'd rather be slathered in lotion; Chandler runs to the bathroom for lotion, while Phoebe scrambles to the hall. Phoebe's getting worried, since Chandler isn't breaking down. Joey, suddenly knowing that once Chandler breaks all the secrets'll be over, tells Phoebe to show Chandler her bra. He'll freak out because he can't work them. He rips Phoebe's blouse open, amazingly not tearing off any buttons, and sends her back in. Chandler and Phoebe actually kiss, before Chandler gives in.

Monica and Chandler: Chandler's astonished when Phoebe hits on him in Central Perk. He tells Monica all about it in bed that evening, but she doesn't believe him. She knows that Phoebe's never been attracted to Chandler, and thinks he's misreading her actions. Chandler says he's doing laundry with Monica when Rachel invites Monica to the movies. They're both miffed when Rachel gives them actual laundry to do. Monica catches when Phoebe pinches Chandler's ass. Even after seeing it, she can't believe Phoebe's seriously interested in Chandler. She realizes that Phoebe knows about the relationship, and is messing with them. They go across the hall to confront Joey, thinking he told. Joey admits that Rachel and Phoebe know, but that they found out on their own. Again, Joey thinks all the secrets will stop, but now Chandler and Monica want to mess with Rachel and Phoebe. Chandler calls Phoebe to set up a date. When Phoebe eventually agrees to the date, Chandler freaks out. Monica calms him down. They're in the bathroom, preparing for the date. Chandler's panicking, but Monica tells him that Phoebe'll definitely give in. The date starts, and it's incredibly awkward. Chandler runs to the bathroom for lotion and encouragement when Phoebe wants to be slathered, naked. Monica reassures him, sending him back out to deal with Phoebe. Chandler notices Phoebe's shirt is ripped open, it makes him even more uncomfortable. They prepare to kiss, lips actually meeting, before Chandler gives it up. He tells Phoebe they can't have sex, because he loves Monica. Monica comes out of the bathroom, and they say they love each other. Rachel and Joey come in from the hall, and everyone thinks it's sweet. Joey thinks the secrets are over, but Ross still doesn't know about them, and they don't want him to be told.

Bye, Ugly Naked Guy.

Your naked shenanigans will be missed.

Phoebe finds out.

It's always great when all of your friends have seen you doing it with your boyfriend.

When all else fails, jump.

Boy, that's an orange coat Phoebe's got.

Phoebe and Rachel

the faces of evil.

Joey has a stuffed animal. Um, aw.

In which Phoebe uses her sexuality.

Hello, Mr. Bing.

Chandler just can't win. Monica's dating him, and still doesn't think it's possible Phoebe could be attracted to him.

Rachel giving Monica and Chandler actual laundry to do is pure genius. And soooo evil.

Man, Ugly Naked Guy's apartment really is in high demand. I wish I had something that good to sell. I could use a pinball machine.

Ass pinching.

Monica does know Rachel knows, though. They had that whole conversation where Monica says Chandler's paying her to clean his room, and Rachel congratulates her on her new job.

Chandler and Phoebe's hot date.

That's about as awkward as Michael Jackson kissing Lisa-Marie Presley.

That shit takes talent.

Really, that's an exceptionally pretty bra.

CHANDLER LOVES MONICA

This is less like Joanie loves Chachi than I made it sound.

GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!

This is totally a best moment ever.

The Magna Doodle Says:

It's a little drawing of skiers.

Oh. My. God.

"Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled clothes." -Ross, watching Ugly Naked Guy move.

"Ohh, I'm gonna miss that big old squishy butt." -Rachel, watching Ugly Naked Guy.

"I can't believe I never realized how great it is!"

"Well, that is because your eye immediately goes to the big naked man." -Ross and Rachel, viewing Ugly Naked Guy's apartment.

"CHANDLER AND MONICA!!! CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!" -Phoebe, finding out about Chandler and Monica.

"All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp?!"

"Uh-huh, doing it. Doing it, phone doing it." -Phoebe and Rachel, discussing Chandler and Monica's relationship.

"Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window." -Rachel, telling Joey that Phoebe knows.

"Okay, so now they know that you know, and they don't know that Rachel knows?" -Phoebe, to Joey about who knows what.

"Oh yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal." -Joey, telling Phoebe and Rachel about his stuffed animal.

"Well, I try to, y'know, squeeze things." -Chandler, when Phoebe compliments his arms.

"Well, my grandfather was Swedish, and my grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny." -Chandler, to Monica, on why he's so cute.

"I'm sorry, it's just, Phoebe always thought you were--you were charming in a--in a sexless kind of way."

"Oh, y'know, I--I can't hear that enough." -Monica and Chandler, discussing Phoebe's motives.

"Someone sent us a basket at work once, and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day."

"Your work makes me sad." -Ross and Chandler, about the mini-muffins Ross sends to Ugly Naked Guy.

"Okay, but what about, y'know, my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps--she knows!!" -Chandler, realizing Phoebe knows about he and Monica.

"But see, they don't know that we know that they know!" -Monica, after learning Rachel and Phoebe know.

"Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming." -Joey, on what happened to Ugly naked Guy's cat.

"Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!" -Phoebe, after Chandler calls to set up a date.

"They don't know that we know they know we know! Joey, you can't say anything!"

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." -Phoebe and Joey, after learning Chandler and Monica know that Phoebe and Rachel know.

"I'm looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse." -Phoebe, to Chandler, after setting up their date.

"Check it out! Ugly Naked Guy has a naked friend!" -Joey.

"It's Naked Ross!" -Rachel.

"Y'know, when you say things like that, it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!" -Phoebe, on her date with Chandler.

"I'm very glad we're gonna be having all the sex." -Chandler, to Phoebe, during their date.

"I can't have sex with you, because I'm in love with Monica!!" -Chandler, cracking under the pressure.

"I just-- I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!" -Phoebe, after Monica and Chandler tell they love each other.

"What are you doing?!! GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -Ross, seeing Chandler and Monica doing it.

TOW: Joey's Bag

2010-08-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

Joey and Rachel: Ross nearly steps on Joey's top hat. Joey pulls it out from under Ross's feet, putting it on. He explains to Ross and Chandler that the hat is for an audition. Joey's going out for the part of a very suave, well-dressed character, and thinks the hat helps. Chandler and Ross make fun, but Rachel offers to help Joey out if he comes to the store. The next day, Rachel finds Joey the perfect outfit, but there's a little something missing. Rachel gives Joey a shoulder bag to complete the look. Joey's not into it at first, even after Rachel shows him that men are carrying it in the catalog. He changes his mind about the bag, though, when he sees how good it looks on him. When Joey gets to Central Perk, Ross and Chandler tease him, but Joey's pretty much in love with the bag. He's realized that not only is it fashionable, but it's functional as well. He's decided to keep it after the audition, and will pay Rachel with what he makes after he gets the part. The next morning, Joey comes in all ready for his big audition. Rachel thinks the bag will totally help him get the part. The others still aren't sure about the bag's merits, but Joey informs them that they better get used to it. At the audition, the director asks Joey to read the lines without his 'purse.' Joey agrees, but can't make it through the reading. He stops to tell the director that it's not a purse, but a shoulder bag. He gets out the catalog to show the director that men are wearing the bag, too. The director's not impressed, sending Joey off. Joey, however, thinks that he's got the part. He goes back to Monica and Rachel's, telling them he didn't get the role, after all. The director had a problem with the bag. Monica suggests it's time to give the bag up, and Joey turns to Rachel for support. Rachel's given up on the bag though, taking Monica's side. Joey decides to give up the bag, albeit reluctantly. Before he gives it up, he notices that there's a whole side of pockets he missed.

Phoebe: arrives at Central Perk during the discussion about Joey's hat. Tragically, her grandma just passed away. They comfort Phoebe, who's taking it remarkably well, already sure she'd see her grandma again. Phoebe goes to Ursula's apartment, to let Ursula know that their grandma died, and that they're having a memorial service. Ursula thought their grandma was already dead, and isn't going to come to the service. She's also got concert tickets for the same night. Phoebe hands out 3-D glasses at the memorial service. A man enters behind the gang, and starts talking with Phoebe. He tells Phoebe that he used to be close to Francis and Lily, and his name is Frank Buffay (Bob Balaban). Phoebe's understandably surprised, but when questioned, Frank claims his name is really Joe Hill. He gets flustered, running off. Phoebe tells the gang that the man is her father, and goes after him. When she comes back inside, she tells the group that she told Frank her name was Glenda, and that she was the executor of Francis's estate. They have a meeting set for the next day. The service starts, so they don't have more time to discuss the meeting. The next morning, Phoebe prepares to go to Central Perk to meet with Frank. Everyone wants to know if Phoebe'll tell Frank who she really is, but Phoebe's not sure if she will or not. Ross tells her he'd definitely tell, because he'd be so furious at being abandoned. Phoebe claims she's over all that, but Monica notices how tense she is. Monica attempts to massage Phoebe with disastrous results. At the meeting, Franks asks for what Francis left him, but all Phoebe has to give is a used tube of lipstick. She says Frank has to answer some questions to get the gift, but the questions make Frank uncomfortable. He's ready to leave, but before he does he gives a note to Phoebe to give to Lily. Phoebe's confused, since Lily's dead. She tells Frank, and he's horrified; he had no idea. He asks what happened to the girls, and Phoebe tells him about Ursula, then tells him that she's Phoebe. Frank apologizes for leaving, but Phoebe says it doesn't matter. Frank defends his actions by claiming he was a horrible father. They have a moment after Frank sings a lullaby he made up for the girls. It's got the same melody as 'Smelly Cat'. Phoebe calls Ursula to tell her about their father. Ursula doesn't really care, cause she thinks their dad is John Glenn, and she's in a paternity lawsuit against him.

Chandler and Monica: decide to give one another massages. Monica really enjoys hers, and informs Chandler he's lucky, because she gives great massages. As soon as she starts rubbing Chandler's back, he winces in pain. He tries to get her to stop, but she thinks she's great at it, and he doesn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. He tells Joey how horrible Monica's massages are, though. Joey encourages him to tell Monica the truth, but Chandler's afraid he'll ruin the first real relationship he's ever had. Everything's going pretty great until Monica attempts to give Phoebe a massage. Phoebe shrieks, and tells Monica it felt horrible. Monica's shocked, looking to the others for backup. Ross agrees with Phoebe, so Monica points out that Rachel used to like the massages until she became allergic. Monica then says that Chandler likes them, proceeding to start rubbing his shoulders. Chandler's face contorts in pain, and he tells Monica he doesn't like her massages. Monica starts to lecture him about lying before realizing they're around people who don't know about their relationship. Later, Chandler comes by to apologize. He tells Monica he really does like her massages. Monica informs him that she can handle the truth, so he tells her the massage wasn't good. She starts to cry, which he tries to make better by saying she can't be the best at everything. This makes it all worse. Chandler tells Monica that she gives the best bad massage; that her massages are so bad she deserves an award. This makes her feel better.

Ross: doesn't do much. Except tease Joey.

This episode is good, but not particularly special.

Boys in hats.

I feel that Joey should be driving a hansom cab.

Poor, Phoebe. It's so sad her grandma dies.

Joey's bag.

What's the big deal with it? It doesn't look like a purse, really, more like something a business man would carry.

I don't really get Ursula. Is she supposed to be completely out-of-touch or a bitch?

Frank Buffay

Seriously, when we learn that he's Frank, a guy in the audience gasps so melodramatically; it's ridiculous. It's like the gasp you reserve for the end of Sixth Sense not meeting Phoebe's dad the first time in an episode of Friends.

Everyone rocking their 3-D glasses.

What did they use them for?

I don't know how I'd feel about meeting the father that abandoned me... I'd probably be angry, but part of me wonders if I'd also feel just a tad bit ambivalent.

The massaging thing is cute, and very couple-like for Chandler and Monica, but I'm not sure I care that much.

God, Rachel, your smile's just evil.

It's hilarious that she feels better when Chandler tells her she's the best at giving bad massages, though.

I like that Frank didn't know Lily was dead. It makes him slightly more sympathetic, that all these years he had no idea, and wasn't intentionally leaving the girls to live out on the street.

Speaking of living on the street, did Ursula? And why didn't their grandma take them in?

Aww, Frank's lullaby has the same tune as Smelly Cat.

Joey's forced to give up his man's bag.

John Glenn!? I'm pretty sure this scene wasn't part of the episode when it originally aired. Still, John Glenn!?

Oh. My. God.

"Good-bye muscles!" -Chandler, during his first massage by Monica.

"Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up, I just--I didn't know what it was!" -Chandler, to Joey, about the massage.

"And the bunny got away?" -Chandler, examining Joey's top hat.

"Guys! Guys! I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside!" -Monica, before she learns that Phoebe's grandma died.

"Well, ummm, okay, we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt, and she just never came back up again." -Phoebe, explaining how her grandma died.

"Exactly! Unisex!"

"Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago."

"No! No, Joey, u-n-i sex."

"Well, I ain't gonna say no to that." -Rachel and Joey, discussing the unisex qualities of the shoulder bag.

" Thanks! Enjoy your funeral!" -Ursula, to Phoebe.

"Wow, you look just like your son, Mrs. Tribbiani!" -Chandler, seeing Joey with the bag for the first time.

"What's the part, Auntie Mame?" -Ross, to Joey, after seeing the bag. The transcript has the line as "What's the part, anti-man?" Hahahahaha.

"I think it's sexy."

"U-n-i sexy?" -Rachel and Joey, about the bag.

"Pulling flowers out of it makes the bag look a lot more masculine." -Chandler, to Joey, at the memorial service.

"That bag is gonna get you the part."

"And a date with a man." -Rachel and Chandler, again with the bag.

"So from now on, you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey comes with a bag!" -Joey, defending his bad.

"Oh, stop it!!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?!" -Phoebe, after Monica tries to give her a massage.

"Oh my God! You don't know me at all!" -Monica, to Chandler, when he says she doesn't always have to be the best.

"Well, if she isn't, then cremating her was a big mistake." -Phoebe, to Frank, after he learns Lily's dead.

"Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you!" -Phoebe, to Frank.

"I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag." -Rachel, to Joey.

TOW: Chandler's Work Laugh

2010-08-22T14:22:00.000-07:00

Chandler and Monica: go to one of Chandler's office parties together. They're pretty excited that they're able to be out about their relationship. Doug comes up with his wife, Kara (Lise Simms), and we're introduced to Chandler's fake laugh. Monica's never heard the fake laugh before, and is a little creeped out. Chandler explains about his work laugh, and Monica practices hers. The next day, Chandler tells Monica that she was a big hit with his co-workers; they even like him a little better because of her. Anyway, Doug invited Chandler and Monica to play tennis with him and his wife. Chandler's actually kind of excited since Doug's never asked him to do anything outside of work. During the tennis match, Monica does her insanely competitive thing, seriously kicking Doug and Kara's asses. Chandler wants her to ease up a little, letting Doug and Kara win the next match. Monica's horrified by what Chandler's suggesting. Doug asks that the next game be their last, and Monica says she'll try to let them win. Of course she can't do that, so Chandler purposefully makes bad moves to let Doug and his wife win. Monica's pissed off about it, complaining about Chandler throwing the last game all the way home. She was so angry, as a matter of fact, that she broke Chandler's tennis racket. She finally tells Chandler that she doesn't like his work personality. Monica thinks he should be more himself, instead of an irritating suck-up. Chandler decides to withhold sex that evening. Monica and Chandler have dinner with Doug and Kara. Chandler's been really irritating, and Monica's mostly unamused by Doug. When Doug and Kara excuse themselves to get coffee and desert, Monica tells Chandler she doesn't want to go to his work stuff anymore. She loves him, but doesn't respect the brown-nosing work Chandler. Doug comes from the kitchen with the coffee, making a lame joke about how weak Kara's coffee is. Chandler doesn't laugh, telling Doug he didn't think the joke was funny. It's really awkward, so Monica steps in, explaining the joke to Chandler. When the joke is explained, Chandler and Monica do the fake laugh.

Rachel: wants to talk Joey about Chandler and Monica all the time. Joey doesn't have much else to tell her about, but she continues pestering him with questions. Rachel decides to try and get some answers from Monica. She goes to Central Perk on her lunch break, specifically to talk to Monica. She thinks that they haven't been able to have a nice chat in awhile. They have a little small talk, Rachel steering the conversation toward men. Monica doesn't take the bait, and Rachel has to go back to work. A few days later, Rachel tries a new tactic. She confesses to Monica that she made out with a guy that Monica liked back when they were in high school. She waits for Monica to confess a secret she's kept from Rachel, but Monica doesn't have anything to confess. Rachel admits that she overheard Monica setting up a date with Chandler. Monica laughs it off, saying that they were just talking, and she was actually calling Chandler a bigot. Rachel doesn't believe it, but goes with Monica's explanation. Joey comes over one afternoon to get away from Chandler and Monica. Rachel's upset because Monica called her, saying she had to work late. She's sad that Monica's been lying about Chandler, deciding to go across the hall and confront them. She sneaks into Chandler and Joey's, creeping up to listen at Chandler's door. She hears Monica telling Chandler he has to make racist jokes, since Rachel now thinks he's a bigot. Monica goes on to say that lying to Rachel makes her really sad, since she's always told Rachel everything. Rachel feels guilty for spying, and leaves, only she knocks over a lamp on her way out. Monica comes out of Chandler's room, thinking it was Joey. Neither of them know what to say to one another. Monica tells Rachel that Chandler's started paying her to clean his room; that's what she meant when she said she was working late. Rachel goes along with this, saying she only came over to borrow a lamp. Rachel congratulates Monica on her knew job with a hug, and leaves. Chandler comes out of his room, laughing at how gullible Rachel is, not understanding that Rachel knows, but is pretending not to.

Ross: comes in to Central Perk after getting some bad news: Emily's getting married. He tells the gang unable to hide his anger, which is only more apparent when he orders, and crushes, a scone. Later, he tells Phoebe all about a nasty letter he wrote Emily. At first he's appalled to find that one of the birds has messed on the letter, but then finds it fitting. He, Joey, and Phoebe are supposed to go to a movie, but he backs out because he wants to be alone. The next day, everyone but Chandler is gathered at Joey's, worried because Ross was out all night. Monica's pretty freaked, since that's not particularly Ross-like behavior. When he finally strolls in, Monica confronts him. Ross says he just went out for a walk, and to a bar. Joey gaspingly announces that Ross must've hooked up with someone. Ross doesn't want to talk about it, but the apartment door flies open to reveal Janice, coming in to return Ross's scarf. Janice is upset that everyone knows, since she's supposed to be pining for Chandler in Yemen. The group assures Janice that they're not judging her. She leaves, and Ross tells everyone that he plans on seeing her again because they've got a lot in common. No one is amused. Ross tells Joey and Phoebe about another great date with Janice, saying it was really easy to open up to her about all the negative things going on in his life. Ross meets Janice in Central Perk, under the impression that their relationship is going really well. Janice starts to leave, but Ross pulls her back. He starts talking, but interrupts himself to whine about his coffee being wrong. Janice can't stand it anymore, and tells Ross that she can't be with him because he whines too much. Ross is stunned that Janice is breaking up with him because she finds him annoying. He realizes how ridiculous he's been acting, fully supporting Janice's breakup. Ross eventually tells Chandler about hooking up with Janice. Instead of being upset, Chandler laughs. Ross's surprised Chandler took it so well, since dating another guy's ex is one of those unwritten rules, along with dating someone's relative. Chandler quickly feigns anger, but tells Ross he forgives him for dating Janice. He's quick to encourage Ross to remember that he's forgiving him, that he's letting Ross live with him and Joey free of rent, and, for added brownie points, Chandler gives him twenty-seven bucks. He decides to write it all down, in case Ross forgets.

Joey and Phoebe: hang out quite a bit this episode. Joey does talk to Rachel some about Monica and Chandler. They go see You've Got Mail together, the night Ross disappears. They're racing the chick and duck when Ross comes home after his second date with Janice. They don't want him seeing her, and Phoebe tells him that they'll listen to his problems... before being distracted by the chick and duck race.

How is Joey not disgustingly fat?

Behold the power of the napkin bib.

Chandler's wearing his Leatherstocking vest again.

Scones! MY scones!

Ross's version of the Boston Tea Party

See, Chandler and Monica go to his work party, but I thought their relationship was secret from everyone. Not that they were just hiding it from their friends, which makes it seem like they're ashamed.

Doug is still disgusting, and I still can't type his name without making it dough.

I like that Rachel tries to get Monica to open up to her. She doesn't sneak around trying to catch Monica and Chandler in the act, but gives Monica chances to tell her about the relationship.

I love You've Got Mail. I'm sure this makes me lame, but seriously, I watch it every time it's on TV. Why Joey's willingly going to see it is beyond me, though.

Ross licks the envelope after one of the bird's makes a mess on it.

Matthew Perry plays tennis!

This is soooooo exciting! Cause, y'know, he used to play tennis, and was good enough to go pro. He guest-starred on an episode of the old 90210 as a tennis player, too!

Monica's sort of a jerk.

Tennis player, airplane--who can decide?

I get why Chandler acts fake with the people he works with, especially his boss. Obviously, he should be able to be himself, but sometimes it's easier to just play along.

Dear God, his mouth is open wide.

I play tennis a little like John McEnroe, but I have never once bent the top of my racket.

Ross is gone for one night, and Monica gathers everyone together to worry about what happened.

Hello, he's an adult, he can do that if he wants.

Janice and Ross!!!!

Janice still thinks Chandler's in Yemen. She's also wearing what I believe is a yeti.

Rachel says that Monica's nickname for Chandler is just Mr. Big. I'm pretty sure Monica was going to say more than that during the phone conversation Rachel overheard. It sounded more like "Mr. Big--" And since when do you coo at someone that they're a bigot?

I can think of nothing better to do with my free time, than race a chick and duck.

It's great how they handle Monica knowing that Rachel knows. Rachel understands not to say anything, but is still able to silently convey her approval.

God, you know it's bad when Janice dumps you for being too annoying.

I don't really understand why no one tells Chandler about Janice and Ross sooner. No one acts like it's supposed to be a big secret, or anything.

The Magna Doodle Says:

Joey call Kim :)

Oh. My. God.

"Sorry, Monica and Chandler are making love." -Joey, to Rachel, when he thinks she's scolding him for saying Monica and Chandler are doing it.

"STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!" -Ross, pummeling a scone after learning of Emily's upcoming marriage.

"So, are you still mad about the Louisiana Purchase?"

"Pheebs, I don't think anyone's mad about that."

"Exactly! Because it's in the past!" -Phoebe and Rachel, while Phoebe is trying to convince Ross he can't be mad about the past.

"He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club... strip church." -Chandler, to Monica, about Doug.

"Oh, I used to, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at... bigger rocks." -Chandler, to Monica, explaining why he has to find a tennis racket.

"Are you sure you don't want to come? Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, they get mail and stuff." -Joey, to Ross, trying to convince him to come to the movies.

"Am I on fire today or what?! Those birds are browned, basted, and ready to be carved!" -Monica, gloating during the tennis match.

"You're not even giving them a chance!"

"They have rackets, don't they?!" -Chandler and Monica, when Chandler wants to let Doug and Kara win the next game.

"Maybe we should check the trash chute." -Joey, when Ross is missing.

"Oh, nobody's judging you." -Phoebe, to Janice, after she and Ross sleep together.

"Okay, look, I--I know what you guys are going to say..."

"You two will have very hairy children."

"Okay, I didn't know you would say that." -Ross and Phoebe, after he spends the night with Janice.

"Congratulations on your new job." -Rachel, to Monica, after she catches Monica at Chandler's.

"Let--let me make sure I'm hearing this right. You're ending this with me because I'm too whiney? So you're saying, I've become so whiney that I annoy you, Janice." -Ross, after Janice breaks up with him.

"Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey." -Janice, to Joey.

TOW: all the Resolutions

2010-08-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

It's New Year's Eve and the gang's having a party at Monica and Rachel's. Joey's excited, but Chandler's not too happy because he wants to kiss Monica at midnight, but can't because the group didn't have plans to kiss. Joey runs around to arrange kisses, so that Chandler and Monica can kiss without it seeming weird.

After the party ends, they discuss their resolutions for 1999 (holy crap, that seems like such a long time ago).

Ross: first says that he's not going to have any divorces in 1999, before Rachel points out that his divorce from Emily isn't finalized yet. Ross then says that he wants to have fun, and do one new thing everyday. The firs thing Ross does is to ask out a woman he meets in Central Perk. It actually goes well for him, and he schedules the date for the next night. The afternoon of his date, Ross brings Ben over to Monica and Rachel's, because Monica's babysitting. Ross is wearing leather pants, which everyone pretends to like to mess with Chandler. Ross explains that he always walks by a leather store, thinking how great it smells, and he buys the pants to have good smelling pants. Chandler leaves, and everyone tells Ross the pants are horrible. He likes them, though, and wears them on his date with Elizabeth. He and Elizabeth (Sarah Peterson) watch a movie, but he's really hot and uncomfortable because of the pants. Elizabeth wants to snuggle, and Ross excuses himself to use the bathroom. Once inside, he pulls his pants down, sitting on the bathtub, fanning himself with a magazine, and splashing water on his legs to cool down. He feels much better, which is good since Elizabeth calls for him to come out and watch the movie. Ross tugs his pants up, but they're stuck. In a panic, he calls Joey for advice. Joey suggests using powder to absorb the sweat. Ross splatters powder all over himself and Elizabeth's bathroom. He tries to pull his pants up, but they're still stuck. After a few more suggestions, Joey mentions using Vaseline. Ross can't find any of that, but does see some lotion. He spurts the lotion on top of the powder, yanking his pants up. They still won't go up all the way, and now the powder and lotion have formed a paste. Elizabeth eventually goes to the door, begging Ross to emerge. He asks her to turn the lights off, but she won't. He comes out holding his pants, covered in the powder-lotion paste. Elizabeth's horrified. He goes over to Monica and Rachel's to get Ben. Everyone's over and are sympathetic over what happened to him with the pants. Ross feels like a huge idiot, but Monica comforts him by showing Ross a picture Ben drew. In the picture, Ross is a cowboy because of his leather pants. The drawing makes Ross feel much better, to the point that he's considering buying a pair of fringed leather pants.

Joey and Phoebe: Joey's resolution is to learn to play the guitar. He's listed some 'special skills' on his resume, and he'd like some of those to be true. Phoebe offers to teach him how to play, since she was able to teach herself. Joey thinks it's a great idea. The meet in Central Perk for their first lesson. Phoebe forbids Joey from touching an actual guitar, wanting to teach him the chords first. The problem is, Phoebe never bothered learning the names of the actual chords. Instead, she made up names based on how her hands looked when they were on the strings. She teaches Joey these made up names, and he does really well, at first. He's practicing at Monica and Rachel's, and Phoebe congratulates him at how well he's doing. He starts talking about how he stopped in a guitar shop the other day, making Phoebe freak out. She knows he touched a guitar, which he wasn't supposed to. She scolds him. Phoebe quizzes Joey about the chords, using her made up names. He's not doing so well, and Phoebe thinks he hasn't been practicing. Joey argues, saying he practiced a lot. Phoebe continues with the quiz, but is horrified when Joey mumbles the actual chord name to himself. She gets upset, since he's obviously using an alternative method to learn. They get in a fight, and Joey decides to use a professional. Joey goes home, having a talk with the chick and duck. He thinks they're guilting him for treating Phoebe badly. He's interrupted by Ross' panicked stuck-pants calls, and again when Rachel comes by with some big news. Joey eventually finds Phoebe in Central Perk and apologizes for their fight. He says he wants her to teach him, and he'll do everything she says. Phoebe decides he's ready to hold the guitar. Joey promptly drops it, and didn't even have the chord right.

Rachel: doesn't make a resolution of her own. Instead, her resolution is suggested after she finds a pair of glasses a guest named Blair forgot. Rachel promptly starts talking about Blair's philandering boyfriend. Monica tells Rachel that her resolution should be to stop gossiping. Rachel doesn't think she gossips very much, or at least, she looks at it as passing on vital information. Rachel agrees to the resolution, sure she won't have any trouble. Monica gets out Rachel's diary, to prove that she does have problems keeping resolutions. The year before, Rachel said she'd write in her diary every day, but didn't write more than one entry. Rachel thinks she can handle it. The day after she starts the resolution, Phoebe congratulates her for not gossiping at all that day. Rachel's proud of herself, because she learned a big secret about someone, and hasn't told. Rachel walks out into the empty common room to use the phone. When she picks it up, she hears Monica setting up a rendezvous. The man that replies is, of course, Chandler. Rachel's shocked, not sure what to do with the information. She ends up going over to talk to Joey about what she heard. Joey refuses to listen, he doesn't want to know anymore secrets, and Rachel's not supposed to gossip. Rachel and Joey end up alone, when Monica and Chandler have their tryst. Rachel hints around at what she knows, and Joey refuses to listen. Rachel suggests that if he found out on his own, then they could talk about it. Joey agrees to that, and Rachel tries to get him to go into Chandler's bedroom. They sorta realize that they each know something, but aren't really sure it's the same thing. It finally comes out, and Joey's relieved that someone else knows, but he swears Rachel to secrecy.

Chandler: makes a joke at Phoebe's expense when she says her resolution is to learn to fly a commercial airplane. She suggests that Chandler's resolution be to not make fun of his friends. The other's think that's a good idea, but don't believe Chandler can handle it. Ross bets him fifty bucks that he can't go a whole week without making fun of his friends. Chandler accepts the challenge. The gang makes it as hard for Chandler as possible. Ross's date, Elizabeth, has a funny last name--Hornswaggle. Ross and Joey keep bringing it up, wanting Chandler to break. He keeps it together, but almost loses it when Phoebe runs through her name for the guitar chords. Ross's leather pants don't help Chandler's plight much. He wants to make fun of them, but can't. The other's tell Ross they like the pants just to drive Chandler crazy. Chandler has to leave to avoid hysteria. The saga of the pants worsen when Ross considers getting a fringed pair to please Ben. Eventually, he gives up, giving Ross the fifty, and making all the jokes he kept in.

Monica: makes a resolution to stop worrying about cleanliness. Rachel crumbles a cracker on the floor, making Monica freak, and change her resolution. She decides to take more pictures of the group. She makes the resolutions competitive, saying that hers is the best because everyone can enjoy it.

Is it just me, or is Joey arranging it so Chandler and Monica can kiss at midnight not the sweetest thing?

Chandler's resolution is the best. Without a doubt.

I didn't realize that Rachel had a gossiping problem. I've never heard her do it.

Phoebe once lit a girl's bicycle on fire when the girl was gossiping about Phoebe. What was the girl saying? That Phoebe was crazy.

I love Phoebe's names for the chords. These names include bear claw, turkey leg, old lady, tiger, dragon, and iceberg.

Old Lady.

Phoebe doesn't know the chords (obviously), but she argues about them with Chrissie Hynde in the second season.

Ross's leather pants.

Amazing.

Rachel's expression when she picks up the phone and hears Monica and Chandler is priceless.

I'd like to know Chandler's nickname.

Ross, with a doctorate in paleontology, asks Joey what to do about the pants. Does he really think it's going to work out? Really?

Joey throws a little fit when Rachel's about to tell him what she heard on the phone. Chandler sneaks up while Joey's eyes are closed. This happens:

Is there a good way to explain this?

Anything at all?

You have to admit, Chandler does amazingly well with his resolution considering the leather pants debacle, and Phoebe flying airplanes.

Oh. My. God.

" 1999! The Year of Joey!" -Joey, celebrating the New Year.

"Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!"

"But your divorce isn't even final yet."

"Just the one divorce in '99!" -Ross and Rachel.

"Now, all you have to do is find a plane load of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths." -Chandler, to Phoebe, upon learning she wants to pilot a commercial plane.

"And you know what, paying me the fifty bucks could be the 'new thing you do' that day!" -Chandler, to Ross, after they decide on their bet.

"I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?"

"Well, if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would." -Rachel and Monica, after Rachel compares herself to Ted Kopel.

"Well, let's just say I found something out about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it." -Rachel not gossiping.

"Oooh, you nailed the old lady!" -Phoebe, to Joey, while he's practicing the chords.

"Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? Someone comment on the pants!" -Chandler, not being able to make fun of Ross's pants.

"I thought to myself, 'wow, I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before'." -Ross, on why he decided to buy leather pants.

"No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid!" -Joey, to Phoebe, about her guitar teaching abilities.

"They're still--they're still not coming on man, and the lotion and powder have made a paste!" -Ross, having taken Joey's advice.

"Well, I'm just--if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants, and she won't know the difference." -Joey, trying to help Ross with his pants.

"This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!" -Ross, after his awful date.

"Phoebe, you know weird stuff, what's the boiling point of brain?" -Chandler, not being able to make fun of Ross's pants.

"All right, how about I go over there, and I walk into Chandler's bedroom, and I will see that thing that I think that I know, is actually the thing that I think I know!" -Rachel, to Joey, trying to figure out who knows what.

"Phoebe? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggle Rock?" -Chandler, losing the bet.

A mostly post-less week.

2010-08-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hi, all!

I'm running into some scheduling conflicts. Sad. I'm applying to several graduate schools this fall, and unfortunately have quite a bit of work to do for that, as well as my normal, y'know, day job. I plan on continuing updating, but there won't be a regular schedule for awhile. I'm hoping to be able to write up several posts on the weekend, and put them up throughout the week. Do not be discouraged! I shan't be gone for long!

TOW: the Inappropriate Sister

2010-08-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

Rachel: is still obsessing over Danny. He comes into Central Perk, and Rachel points him out to the group. Danny pretty much ignores them all, and Rachel says this is proof that he's still ignoring his feelings for her. Danny walks over to them, Rachel urging them all to ignore him, but no one listens. Monica asks Danny to go out with Rachel. Danny agrees, and sets the date for Friday. Later on in the week, Rachel comes home, upset. She's just seen Danny on the subway, with his arm around another woman. Monica says she's sorry about Danny. Rachel thinks Monica should be sorry, because now Rachel's more upset about Danny. Before Monica asked them out, Rachel was happy with the status quo of their relationship. Monica points out that there was no relationship. She goes on to say that Rachel should stop worrying, go on her date with Danny, and charm him into forgetting about the subway girl. Rachel agrees. Rachel and Danny's date goes really well, ending with a kiss. Danny wants to invite her in, but his sister's visiting and asleep on the couch. Rachel realizes that the girl she saw Danny with was his sister. The door opens, it's Danny's sister, Krista (Julie Lauren), up because she heard voices. Danny introduces them, and starts playfully (read: flirtatiously) bantering with Krista. He chases her around the house, tackling her on the couch, and they wrestle. Rachel's pretty creeped out. The next morning, she asks Ross and Monica about their wrestling habits. They say the wrestled all the time, when they were kids. Ross taunts Monica, and they decide to wrestle. It's not anywhere near what Danny was doing with Krista. Danny and Krista end up hanging out with the group in Central Perk. Krista gives Danny a bite of the pastry she's eating; he licks it off her finger. Then she drops a gob of icing in Danny's crotch. Krista starts wiping at Danny's crotch. Everyone in the group is icked out by it, especially Rachel. Danny and his Krista run upstairs to clean Danny's pants. Rachel realizes she shouldn't go on her second date with Danny that night. She goes to his place to break it off with him. When she starts explaining why she's ending it with him, he gets upset. He indicates that, in the past, women have broken up with him because his relationship with his sister. He asks about Rachel's relationship with her siblings, which isn't close. He goes on to say that Rachel shouldn't be upset about his good relationship with his family; that he really thinks it could go well between them. Rachel's about to relent when Krista calls to him from the bathtub. They're supposed to take a bath together, but the water's getting cold. Rachel leaves.

Ross, Joey, and Chandler: Ross reorganizes Chandler and Joey's refrigerator. Joey figures out that Ross did it because he's bored. He's not used to being unemployed, and doesn't know how to use his non-working time wisely. Joey forces Ross into Chandler's recliner, putting it into it's most relaxing position. Then he dials the phone, and they prank call Chandler at work. Joey has a meeting with Estelle, learning that he didn't get a role he was perfect for. He asks if Estelle has anything else for him; her suggestion is gay porn. Joey goes home, telling Ross about his horrible meeting with Estelle. Ross suggests that Joey write something for himself, like the Good Will Hunting Guys. Joey likes the idea, but isn't sure he has the right kind of drive to be a writer. Ross urges Joey to start writing, telling Ross he'll help Joey out; that it'll be Ross's sabbatical project. Ross is going to make Joey a daily schedule. Joey's first task is to come up with the main character's name, and it can't be Joseph or Joe. Chandler and Joey are at home; Joey's writing, and Chandler's popping a ping-pong ball into a bowl with a spoon. Joey gets irritated with Chandler, not for distracting him, but for having the bowl too close. Chandler wants Joey to play, but Joey has to finish five pages of his play before Ross gets home. Chandler suggests that they play for half-an-hour, and then Joey finishes his five pages. Joey agrees, but decides to make their game more interesting. Using fire. When Ross gets home, he looks over what Joey's written. Joey only has a short description of a character's entrance. Ross scolds him for not writing enough. Then Ross sees the written out instructions for 'fireball.' He's furious with Joey and Chandler; Joey for not doing his work, and Chandler for distracting him. Ross makes Joey stop playing and write. They're all supposed to go to a hockey game, but Ross won't let them. Joey hasn't filled his writing quota for the day. Chandler urges Ross to relax about it, thinking that Joey'll get more done without all the pressure. Ross tells Chandler that he doesn't care about Joey, and keeps distracting him with stupid games. Chandler points out that Ross's just bored, and using Joey as a project. They end up getting in a fight. Joey tries to stop it, but it ends with Ross ripping up the hockey tickets. At first Chandler's pissed, because he thinks he paid for the tickets. Ross was the one who actually bought them, so Chandler gloats. The next night, Chandler comes home, telling Ross that there's some kids playing downstairs, and asking if he wants to ruin their fun. Ross shoots back, asking if Chandler wants to invent a life threatening game for the kids to play. Joey comes home, really excited because he wrote his five pages. Chandler and Ross are still bickering, but Joey gets them to stop by asking them to read his play out loud. He hands out copies, and they start reading. It's all about two guys making up after a fight. Chandler and Ross really apologize to each other, and Joey (in the play) thanks them for caring so much about him. Since the skit was so short, Chandler and Ross ask what Joey spent the rest of the day doing. He invented a new, more dangerous version of fireball!

Phoebe: comes into Central Perk ringing a giant bell. She tells everyone that she's going to spread Holiday cheer by taking donations for the Salvation Army. The group thinks it's awesome of her to volunteer. Phoebe's really excited, not just about the spreading of cheer, but because her Salvation Army donation post is at the front door of Macy's. She got such a good position, because she told the people at Salvation Army she could say Merry Christmas in twenty-five languages. Phoebe's Salvation Army gig goes really well at first. Monica comes by and Phoebe guilts her into donation a lot more than she intended. But Phoebe ends up getting in a fight with a guy who takes money out of the bucket. Her Salvation Army stint only gets worse. The next time she works, a girl throws her trash in the bucket. Then, a man throws a cigarette in. Phoebe grabs a drink out of a man's hand, throwing it on the smoldering donations. The once only smoking charity bursts into flame. Phoebe complains to Monica and Ross about how horrible people are. They've thrown their trash in the bucket, stole from it, and peed in it. Phoebe decides to be tougher, planning on acting like Street Phoebe. When she goes out collecting the next time, she's made a ton of warning signs to hang around the bucket. An old lady gives a donation, but Phoebe inspects it before allowing the woman to put it in. Phoebe finds some lint in the change and chases the lady away. As this is happening, Phoebe's boss from the Salvation Army arrives. He's brought another bell-ringer to replace Phoebe. They'd been getting a lot of bad reports about Phoebe.

Monica: says something sarcastic in Central Perk, which makes Phoebe comment that she's starting to act like Chandler. Chandler and Monica deny (at the same time, saying the same thing). She gets really tired of hearing Rachel moan over Danny, so she asks Danny out for Rachel. When Rachel comes home, after seeing Danny with another girl, Monica's got Chandler over. He's hiding out in her bedroom. When Rachel goes into her room, she smuggles Chandler out. She goes to Macy's to donate to the Salvation Army. Phoebe keeps commenting on how little she's contributing, but that she could buy an expensive coat and get her nails done. Monica ends up giving all the cash and change she has on her. She and Ross answer questions about wrestling when they were kids. Monica always won, but Ross says it was only because she was fat. They decide to end the discussion by staging a wrestling match (in a non-creepy, incestuous way). She's unbelievably grossed out by Danny and Krista during the sucking-pastry-off-her-finger-crotch-dabbing incident. At the end, Joey makes her and Rachel read a new play he's written. The play has the female characters getting, uh, intimate. When they realize, they refuse to keep reading.

Hehehehe, prank calling Chandler!

If it's been going on for six months, you'd think he'd have realized it was Joey. Hell, he should've realized that for the very first call!

In the DVD version of the prank, Joey says "I can seeeeeee you. You look sexy in your new suit." It's brilliant.

Finally! Phoebe notices strange instances of Monica/Chandler intimacy!

It's about freaking time, people.

I don't get why Danny agrees to go on a date withRachel, when only a few episodes before he was trying to set her up with Doug Benson. Y'know he just didn't seem that interested.

I guess that might be because he's got that 'special relationship' with his sister.
Every thing looks so damn festive.

I think Joey'd be good at gay porn.

Phoebe's such a good Salvation Army bell ringer.

That whole charitable thing fits her to a T.

Are people really such d-bags with the Salvation Army buckets? I totally get why Phoebe's upset, but I definitely wouldn't react the same.

The guy who takes money from the bucket is the pirate from Pirates of the Caribbean who says "Ello, poppet," when he finds Keira Knightley in the cupboard.

Y'know, the portly one who's friends with the one with the wooden eye.

I feel that life at Chandler and Joey's is fraught with peril. Hammer darts? Fireball?

And by fraught with peril, I mean awesome.

Flaming Charity

That kinda sounds like a great name for a band.

Yeah, I have a brother and we've rough-housed, but not like this. And definitely not when I'm only wearing a button down and underwear.

That kinda stuff's reserved for my fiance.

Ross really goes too far with making Joey write. It's because he's trying to be a good friend, yes, but Chandler's not wrong when he tells Ross he's only pushing Joey so hard because he's bored.

Ross, you want Joey to write a play. Dude, your expectations are too high.

Whenever I see this episode, I manage to convince myself these are Monica's pj's.

They are not.

In what kinda Flowers in the Attic family is it okay to suck pastry off of your sister's finger?!

Ew, ew, ew.

Random V.C. Andrews related side-note: "Eat the cookie, mother!!"

I've always felt ridiculously bad for the old woman who accidentally donates lint.

Phoebe, you've officially gone round the bend.

Yeah, the brother-sister bath time just takes the creepy to a whole new level.

I could take the wrestling and finger licking, but the bath is just an icky you can't erase.

Joey's Chandler-and-Ross-make-up skit is so cute.

Fear this

The Magna Doodle says:

"Shot", I think, but it's hard to read. There's something else written during Chandler and Ross's fight, but I can't make it out.

Oh. My. God.

"Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical."

"Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?" -Ross and Joey, when they're talking about how bored Ross is.

"Hey, you guys, guess what?"

"The British are coming?" -Phoebe and Chandler, when she comes into Central Perk ringing her Salvation Army bell.

"So this year, I'm going to do the whole city."

"Y'know, I knew a girl in high school who did that. She was very popular." -Phoebe and Monica, discussing Phoebe's spreading of Christmas cheer.

"Bite me, blondie!" -the guy who steals from the Salvation Army bucket, to Phoebe.

"Well, you suck. But at least you suck at a man's game, now." -Joey, to Chandler, after he makes Chandler move the bowl and spoon further apart.

"Yeah, I think we said good-bye to that when we invented hammer darts." -Joey, to Chandler, when Chandler urges him to be careful so they can get their security deposit back.

"A room. A man enters. He looks suspicious." -Ross, reading Joey's play.

"This is helping your career?! Huh? I thought you wanted to be an actor not the creator of crazy lawsuit game!" -Ross, to Joey, when he learns all he did that day was make up rules to fireball.

"No more Mrs. Nice Bucket!" -Phoebe, deciding to protect her bucket.

"In fact, I was undefeated."

"Uh, you weighed 200 pounds." -Monica and Ross, about when they used to wrestle.

"Oh, so being a good friend means acting like a total jerk?"

"If it does, then you're an amazing friend of mine." -Chandler and Ross, during their fight.

"They're brother and sister!!!" -Joey, learning that Danny and Krista are siblings.

"And call their mother!" -Monica, when Rachel says she's going to end it with Danny.

"That chick can't handle my corner." -Phoebe, to the girl who's taking her Salvation Army spot.

"Alright, I'll give you one pointer: look out for that bitch. -Phoebe, to the girl who takes her corner, about the old lady who donates lint.

"Danny, hurry up! That bath is getting cold!" -Krista, to Danny.

"There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day?"

"Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it, and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball." -Chandler and Ross, still fighting.

"Great! Now we can go to the Ranger game last night!" -Chandler, after Joey says he's finished his five pages for the day.

"Yeah, or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY." -Chandler, on why Joey got so much work done.

"Could I be more sorry."

"I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist." -Chandler and Ross, reading Joey's skit.

TOW: Ross's sandwich

2010-08-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

Ross: meets the group in Central Perk after work. He's very sad, because someone ate his special Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. The others don't really understand what the big deal is, and Ross explains that everything in his life sucked, except that sandwich, and someone else ate it. Monica has enough leftovers to make one sandwich, and she offers to make it for Ross, who gratefully accepts. Even though he's getting another sandwich, he still can't comprehend why someone ate the first one; he left a note and everything! The note, though, was a feeble knock-knock joke. Phoebe tells him that she learned how to protect her food when living on the streets; the trick is to be tough. She writes a new note for Ross, which makes everyone thinks she's a bad ass. Ross puts the note on his sandwich, and it has the desired result, only better! Now people are scared of Ross, calling him mental, and doing whatever he asks without question. Instead of being concerned that he's giving people the wrong idea, Ross is delighted. He likes his new nickname (Mental Geller), and the power he now has over his co-workers. At work, Ross's boss, Donald, comes over to have a little talk. Donald's heard some interesting stories about Ross, his new nickname, and that he won't do his work on time, expecting others to conform to his wishes. Donald thinks Ross needs to see a psychiatrist. Ross laughs, starting to explain about the stealing of his sandwich. He explains that the sandwich is super special because of what he calls 'the moist maker.' The moist maker is a slice of gravy soaked bread that Monica puts in the middle of the turkey sandwich. After this explanation, Donald confesses to having eaten Ross's sandwich. Ross is understandable upset, but absolutely loses it upon learning that Donald threw most of the sandwich away. Ross wanders into Central Perk with a giant stick of pink cotton candy. He doesn't say anything to Monica and Chandler, until they ask him what's going on. He explains that the psychiatrist at work give him a tranquilizer for his rage. He had to take it when he freaked out upon learning he had to take a leave of absence. Now, he doesn't really care that he's not working for awhile.

Monica, Chandler, and Joey: It all starts when Phoebe realizes she's sitting on something uncomfortable on Monica and Rachel's couch. What she pulls out is a pair of men's briefs. Everyone's disgusted, and Rachel take the underwear from Phoebe with some sort of kitchen instrument. None of the guys will fess up, but it's obvious that the underwear belong to Chandler. Chandler and Monica make begging faces at Joey, who confesses. His reasoning is that he's Joey, and just likes to take off his underpants in other people's homes. After this, he drags Chandler and Monica across the hall to yell at them. The day before all this happened, Rachel came over and found Monica's razor in their shower. Joey ended up telling her that he was appearing as a woman in a play. When all was said and done, Joey ended up shaving his legs. Monica and Chandler convince him not to tell just yet. It's going really great for them, and they think it's because it's a secret. Joey brings a date home one evening, expecting to have the apartment to himself. Instead, Chandler and Monica have a whole set-up going in the living room, which candles, blankets and pillows laid out on the floor, and a video camera. When they hear Joey's approach, they scurry into Chandler's room. Joey's date walks in, and is at first pleasantly surprised by the candles. Then she sees the bedding and video camera. She storms out, but Rachel witnessed the whole thing. Chandler comes out of his room, pretending not to know what's going on. Rachel yells at Joey, and Joey goes along with it. He confronts Chandler and Monica again, wanting to tell the truth. They ask him to wait, hoping to come up with a good explanation Joey can use to explain his actions to the group. They don't have any ideas yet, but Joey agrees to give them some time. Monica and Chandler are in Central Perk together. Monica gives him a Polaroid of her naked, since the video camera thing didn't work out. Ross walks in, and Chandler stuffs the picture inside the magazine he was reading. Later, Joey comes home, picking up the same magazine Chandler put the picture in. The picture falls out, Joey picks it up, and sees that it's of Monica. Of course, right at this moment, Rachel walks over and sees what he's looking at. She's convinced he's a pervert, with a secret peephole in the girl's apartment. Everyone ends up over, and Chandler and Monica tell them that Joey's a sex addict. Joey vehemently denies this, wanting to explain with the truth. Monica and Chandler make their pleading faces, so Joey says that he slept with Monica. Monica doesn't want to deny it, afraid Joey will out her and Chandler, so she goes along with it. Joey says it's really Monica that's the sex addict. She stole his underwear as a memento, and set up the camera and gave him the picture to entice him into bed. Monica doesn't deny it, but agrees to get over her obsession with Joey. She then asks that they never, ever talk about it again.

Phoebe and Rachel: Phoebe comes into Central Perk reading Wuthering Heights. She's enrolled in a literature class at the New School. Rachel thinks it sounds like fun, and they plan to go together. Phoebe asks if Rachel's read the book, and Rachel says she did in high school. Rachel comes in late to the first class, asking Phoebe what the book was about. She remembered that she started the book in high school, but never got around to finishing it. Phoebe tells her it's a tragic romance between Cathy and Heathcliff. She goes on to explain that she thinks the wild moors of England represent Heathcliff's character. Rachel's called on by the professor to tell her interpretation of the book. She doesn't have a good answer, so she uses Phoebe's. Phoebe is furious. It gets worse when Phoebe's called on, and doesn't have an answer, since Rachel took hers. They go to Central Perk, still talking about the class. Phoebe doesn't understand why Rachel didn't tell the truth about not doing the reading. Rachel didn't want to seem stupid. They go to the next class, where they were supposed to have read Jane Eyre. Rachel didn't read the book, choosing Vogue instead. She asks Phoebe what it's about, and Phoebe tells her it's about cyborgs. The professor calls on Rachel, and she give an extended answer about robots. After the class, Rachel's furious with Phoebe for making her look like an idiot. Phoebe thinks it's hilarious. She doesn't feel bad, thinking that Rachel deserved it for not reading. Phoebe explains that she took the class because she really wanted to learn. She didn't go to high school like everyone else. Rachel suggests she take Monica to class with her. Monica is a know-it-all, and irritates everyone. Phoebe and another girl complain about her. Monica runs in to tell everyone that she convinced the professor to give them a test.

ROSS'S SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Undies on a stick!

I hear that's a delicacy in some tribes of the Amazon.

Man, Joey's got some great legs.

Damn it, now "She's got Legs" is stuck in my head.

I can definitely see being seriously pissed about someone stealing your food. I mean, if I brought something special to lunch, and a co-worker took it, I'd be pretty angry. I wouldn't say or do anything about it--just silently fume--but still.

Ross totally reminds me of a gopher.

I've always wondered what Phoebe's note said.

Stabbing a cop? That's pretty intense, even for Phoebe.

It's oddly adorable how excited Ross is about his nickname. He really doesn't get that they seriously think he's crazy.

I hate Wuthering Heights. Stupid, stupid, stupid book. Cathy and Heathcliff suck.

If Phoebe's so great with symbolism, why can't she think of anything else beside her comparison of the moors to Heathcliff's character?

I feel bad for Joey. Everyone thinks he's disgusting, and he's only trying to look out for Monica and Chandler. I think it's sweet that he cares about them enough to continue lying, even when he's coming out with the rotten end of the deal.

Isn't Ross still living there? Does anyone else find it a tad bit unrealistic that Monica and Chandler would do this in the middle of the living room when Ross could walk in at any minute?

I'm intrigued by this moist maker idea. I'm not a huge fan of turkey. Or sandwiches. But this moist maker sounds like the best thing EVER.

See, Ross thinks so.

I think I like Ross on tranquilizers.

He looks like he's about to protect that cotton candy with his life.

Oh my God, Jane Eyre and robots.Can you imagine the possibilities? Mr. Rochester and St. John, cyborgs from space, fighting for control of the earth, when they come upon Jane Eyre, secret cyborg sent to protect humanity...

The Bronte's really were ahead of their time!

Unlike Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre is one of my favorite books of all time. It's the book that made me want to learn to read when I was kid.

I never take into consideration all the implications of the fact that Phoebe lived on the streets for quite awhile after her mom's death. Of course she's never gone to high school, but that never occurred to me. Anyway, I think it's awesome she takes the lit. class because she's legit curious, and into bettering herself intellectually.

I'm a big supporter of the whole Monica/Chandler thing, but Monica kinda deserves Joey claiming she's a sex addict. They kinda put Joey through hell.

Apparently I needed a montage of shocked faces.

Edited to add: Oh! The yelling at Donald is totally a best moment ever. Seriously, "You ate me sandwich?!" is one of the greatest lines of. all. time.

The Magna Doodle Says:

It's a nice little drawing of outer space related objects.

Oh. My. God.

"What am I sitting on?"

"Top of the world? Dock of the bay?" -Phoebe, and Chandler.

"Well, I'm Joey. I'm disgusting. I take my underwear off in other people's homes." -Joey, after the underwear discovery.

"And tighty-whiteys! What are you, eight?" -Joey, to Chandler, about the underwear.

"Well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took. Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something, y'know a little more intellectual, with a less painful final exam." -Phoebe, on why she's taking a class.

"Well, what did the police say?!" -Chandler, upon hearing that someone ate Ross's sandwich.

"Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!" -Ross, explaining why the sandwich was so important.

"Knock-Knock. Who's there? Ross Geller's lunch. Ross Geller's lunch, who? Ross Geller's lunch, please don't take me, okay?" -Chandler, reading the note Ross left on his sandwich.

"So, what would you say, Pheebs? Stuff like, uh, 'keep your mitts off my grub'?"

"Say, Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the streets, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?" -Ross and Chandler, when Phoebe prepares to tell Ross how to protect his food.

"Someday, I'll tell you about the time I stabbed the cop." -Phoebe.

"I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you!" -Rachel, to Phoebe, after their first class.

"I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low budget adult films." -Joey, to Rachel, after the video camera-date debacle.

"Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!" -Joey, to Chandler and Monica, after the video camera thing.

"Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a moist maker?" -Ross, to Donald, learning that Donald ate his sandwich.

"You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away?!"

"MY SANDWICH???!!!!"

"MY SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!" -Ross.

"Okay, alright, so Jane Eyre. First of all, you'd thinks she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg." -Phoebe, telling Rachel about Jane Eyre.

"Yeah, well, feminism, yes. But also the robots." -Rachel, to the professor.

"You're naked in this picture!" -Chandler, receiving a naked picture of Monica.

"On account of my rage." -Ross, explaining why he had to go to the psychiatrist at work.

"It's going to be weird not have a job for awhile. But I definitely don't care about my sandwich." -Ross, to Chandler and Monica.

"Joey's got a secret peephole!" -Rachel, finding Joey looking at the Polaroid.

"He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!" -Rachel, about Joey's perversions.

"I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants." -Monica, confessing to stalking Joey.

"I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs." -Joey, after saying he's not disgusting.

TOW: all the Thanksgivings

2010-08-10T19:04:00.000-07:00

Everyone's sitting around, too stuffed to move after Thanksgiving dinner. Joey needs some pie. Phoebe considers turning on the TV, but is too tired and full to lift the remote. They start talking about the things they're thankful for; Joey goes on a monologue about the fall, a breeze lifting up a woman's skirt, and thongs. Monica urges someone else to contribute to the 'things they're thankful for' conversation. Ross doesn't have anything to be thankful for; saying it's the worst one ever. Chandler tells Ross that there's no way this Thanksgiving for Ross is worse than Chandler's very first horrible Thanksgiving, when his parents told him they were divorcing. No one wants to hear the story, except Joey, so Chandler tells it.

Flashback: Little Chandler's having Thanksgiving dinner with his parents. His mom (Morgan Fairchild) tells him that his dad is leaving for another man--more specifically, the house boy. Who at that moment walks up asking, "More turkey, Mr. Chandler?"

Phoebe asks what happened with Chandler's dad and the house boy; it didn't end well. Ross admits that Chandler's Thanksgiving is the worst, but Phoebe tells them her story beats Chandler's.

Flashback, 1862: Phoebe's a nurse during the Civil War. She's working on a patient when she has her arm blown off.

Ross says Phoebe's doesn't count, because it has to be a Thanksgiving from this life time. Joey's jealous, since he doesn't remember any of his past lives. Phoebe tells him he's brand new, and he feels better. Rachel chimes in, saying she knows Monica's worst Thanksgiving. Monica doesn't want her to tell, but Phoebe says she knows it, too, and it was when Joey got his head stuck in the turkey. Rachel and Ross have never heard the story.

Flashback, 1992: Phoebe comes home, hearing a voice calling 'hello.' She answers, but can't find the source. Joey comes out of the bathroom with the turkey stuffed over his head. He put his head in it to scare Chandler, but now he's stuck. They both know Monica'll freak out, so they try to think of a plan to get him unstuck. Before they can come up with anything, Monica comes home. She does, indeed, freak out. She has to make the turkey for her entire family, and she can't with Joey's head in it. She and Phoebe attempt to pull it off to no avail. Chandler walks in, and screams. At least Joey succeeded at one thing.

Everyone laughs at Joey. Joey tries to remind them of a time when Ross butternut squash wrong, but no one finds it funny. Monica agrees with Phoebe that the story was her worst Thanksgiving. Phoebe realizes it can't be, though, because Rachel wasn't there for that, so it can't be the story Rachel was talking about. Monica doesn't want to tell the story, but Chandler urges her to. Monica assures him he doesn't want to know, but it's told anyway.

Flashback, 1987: It's Thanksgiving at the Geller's!!! Monica's still fat, and Rachel's got a big nose. Anyway, Rachel comes over upset because she and Chip broke up. He was supposed to come over to her house, her parents are away, and they were going to have sex. Ross comes home with his college roommate, Chandler; they're also in a band together. Ross introduces Chandler to everyone, and tells his mom that Chandler hates Thanksgiving, and doesn't eat Thanksgiving food. Monica offers to make Chandler some macaroni and cheese, he agrees with a joke that makes Monica snort Diet Coke out of her nose. She runs off in embarrassment. Ross gazes longingly at Rachel, before going over to talk to her. He asks how things have been with him not around, but Rachel hasn't really noticed. Chandler teases him. Monica's in the kitchen, working on Chandler's dinner, when Rachel comes in to complain about Chip. He left Rachel for a girl who's rumored to be a slut. She's frustrated, says she's done with boys, and will only be dating men from now on. Ross overhears, and attempts to act mature. Monica thinks he's being a dork. After dinner, Monica asks Chandler how he liked the macaroni. He enjoyed it very much, suggesting she could be a chef. Monica thinks that's a great idea! Chandler abruptly walks off. Rachel talks to Chip, and they're back together. Apparently, the girl he left her for wasn't really a slut. Now they have plans to meet at her place. Chandler and Ross wash the dishes, talking about their plans for the evening. Ross wants to ask Rachel to hang out, which Chandler's okay with, but he wants to try out their new fake i.d's, too. Ross is into that, but starts considering what would happen if he and Rachel should stay out all night. Chandler doesn't want that to happen, not because he's uncomfortable being alone at the Geller's, but because he doesn't want to hang out with Ross's fat sister. Monica overhears the fat sister comment, and gets her feelings hurt. She runs out of the kitchen, nearly hitting her parents. Mrs. Geller asks Monica if she wants to finish off what amounts to an entire pumpkin pie. Monica refuses, and runs upstairs.

Chandler feels horribly guilty about calling her fat, apologizing profusely. Monica accepts the apology, but Rachel says it wasn't the story she was talking about. Monica tells everyone it's time to get ready for Christmas. Phoebe butts in with a cute Christmas story, but everyone wants to hear about Monica's worst Thanksgiving

Flashback, 1988: Rachel (with a new nose) is in the kitchen helping Mrs. Geller. The doorbell rings; it's Ross and Chandler. Mrs. Geller calls Monica downstairs. Monica comes and is all hot and skinny. Chandler's astonished, unable to stop talking about how great she looks. Ross scolds him. Mrs. Geller rushes through the talk about Monica's weight loss, only interested in hearing about Ross's new girlfriend. Ross tells everyone about Carol. Monica goes into the kitchen to help out, and Chandler checks her out as she walks by. Rachel follows Monica, eager to talk about her triumph over Chandler. The only problem is, Monica doesn't feel like she's done enough; she really wants to humiliate Chandler--in a way that involves him being naked, and people laughing. Rachel decides that Monica needs to seduce Chandler, get him to take his clothes off, then kick him out of the house, naked. Monica likes the idea, but doesn't know how to go about the seduction. Rachel tells her to pretend like everything she sees and touches turns her on. Chandler comes in to ask her to make macaroni. Monica agrees, and starts doing the thing where everything turns her on. The only issue is that Rachel used a dishtowel, and Monica grabs the box of pasta, some carrots, and a knife. Of course, she drops the pasta box, and ends up throwing the knife, which lands in Chandler's foot. He's rushed to the hospital, where he learns he cut off the tip of his toe. Monica thinks she brought it with her, but it turns out to be a piece of carrot.

Chandler's furious that this is why he lost his toe. He can't bring himself to speak to Monica, and leaves. When he's gone, Ross admits to making up the 'Sir Limps-A-Lot' nickname. Monica follows Chandler out, hoping there's something she can do to make him feel better. He just wants to be left alone.

He's at home, being bitter, when someone knocks at the door. It's Monica, with a turkey on her head. He doesn't think it's funny. She adds a Fez, but Chandler's still not impressed. She adds some big, yellow, sunglasses, but he's not laughing. Finally, she does a dance, making him crack up. He tells her he loves her, then tries to take it back. Joey walks through the door, freaking out when he sees Monica.

Flashback, 1915: Phoebe's a French nurse during WWI. She has her arm blown off.

This is, without a doubt, one of the best episodes of the series. Flashbacks always worked wonders for this show.

So, no wonder Chandler hates Thanksgiving. You'd think that responsible seeming adults would find a better way to tell him.

I totally get how this could traumatize Chandler for life, though. I still remember when my parents told me, and they were really good about it.

Oh, nurse Phoebe.

That bonnet is friggin' epic.

Those arms are so freaking fake. I guess Friends didn't have a big budget for special effects, but still. She never moves that arm. Also, there's a ridiculously long delay between the explosion and the arm flying off.

I didn't realize you could show blood spurting to that extent on primetime, network TV.

Heh.

Why doesn't Ross know about Joey getting the turkey stuck on his head? He'd have been around then, only married to Carol.

It's pretty awesome that 1992 Joey is wearing one of those horrid vests.

This wig is awful.

I think Ross saying "squatternut bosh" is funny.

Chandler's got Flock of Seagulls hair!!

"And I raaaan, I ran so far awaaaaay...."
My Dad and Ross look exactly alike in this decade.

He's so mean about Monica's weight. Especially the part where she sits down on the couch and he bounces. And the fat sister comment was just cruel.

None of the characters seem to notice that Monica became a chef because Chandler told her she should.

Chandler and Ross seem to think they're on Miami Vice.

Dorks.

I think I sorta hate Mrs. Geller. Monica's weight loss is a huge (pun a little intended) accomplishment, and she's basically like "Whatever. Ross, let's talk about how awesome you are."

This matters very little to anything, but I'm talking about it because it bothers me. I used to be Fat Monica, only Fat Monica probably weighed more than I did. This is only important because it took me two years to get down to my target weight, but it only takes Monica a year. And she looks perfect, no stretch marks, no extra skin--just amazing. This is only possible if 1) she developed an eating disorder, or 2) she did nothing but workout for a year, like if she were on The Biggest Loser. I know it's a TV show, and not the epitome of reality, but I find it irritating.

1987

1988

Why, why WHY, couldn't Monica just grab the dishtowel Rachel used?

The carrot fingers make her like some sort of veggie Freddy Krueger.

See, this is a lesson for you all: wear wicker shoes, lose a toe.

Monica's turkey dance.

This episode is also called The One with the Thanksgiving Flashbacks.

In, like, the first ever Thanksgiving episode, they have this whole conversation about putting Joey's head in a turkey. Funny, no one mentions that it happened before.

The Magna Doodle Says:

It's a drawing of winged heart, with the number 327 written inside. The word 'bye' is underneath.

No idea.

Oh. My. God.

"I think you killed us." -Rachel, to Monica, after Thanksgiving dinner.

"Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs." -Joey, after telling the story about the woman's skirt blowing up in the wind.

"I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering." -Joey, musing over the thong.

"Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmmm." -Ross, talking about what he's thankful for.

"I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me." -Chandler, to Ross, about which one's had the worst Thanksgiving.

"It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family." -Chandler, on how his story is part of Thanksgiving tradition.

"More turkey, Mr. Chandler?" -the House Boy, during Chandler's worst Thanksgiving.

"Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal's ass!" -Phoebe, to Joey, about why the turkey smells.

"That--that turkey has to feed twenty people at my parent's house and they're not going to eat it off your head!" -Monica, to Joey, after she finds him with the turkey on his head.

"Alright, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can." -Monica, to Phoebe, when they try to get the turkey off Joey's head.

"Oh, come on, Monica. Reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know for me anyway. And, of course, the Indians." -Chandler, wanting to hear Monica's worst Thanksgiving story.

"Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in." -Chandler, to Monica, when she offers to make him mac' and cheese.

"I think his begging days are over, now that he's going out with Nancy Branson." -Monica, to Rachel, after Chip leaves her for another girl.

"Umm, I'm sorry, Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for."

"Call them mom and dad, you loser!"

"Monica!" -Ross and Monica, when he's trying to seem more mature to Rachel.

"So, I'm thinking about asking Rachel out tonight. Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week."

"Emotional Knapsack?"

"Yeah."

"Right on." -Ross and Chandler, being awesome.

"I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister." -Chandler, to Ross.

"Well, Judy, you did it! She's finally full!" -Mr. Geller, when Monica refuses the pies.

"I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert, for crying out loud!" -Chandler, apologizing to Monica for calling her fat.

"I can't believe you let George Michael slap you." -Ross, to Chandler, about the Wham concert.

"Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving!" -Mrs. Geller.

"And uh, she's--she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!" -Ross, telling everyone about Carol.

"I didn't work this hard and--and--and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!"

"Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it." -Monica and Rachel, planning how to humiliate Chandler.

"Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese, like last year." -Chandler.

"There's a toe in my kitchen!" -Mrs. Geller.

"That's why for an entire year people called me, Sir Limps-A-Lot?!" -Chandler, after learning why his toe was accidentally cut off.

"Oh, oh, I'm a duck! I go 'quack, quack'! I'm happy all the time!" -Chandler, being bitter.

"Nothing! I said 'you're so great' and then I just--I just stopped talking!" -Chandler, trying to ignore that he said he loved Monica.

TOW: Ross Moves In

2010-08-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

Chandler, Joey, and Ross: Joey's in Central Perk with Chandler, reading National Geographic and laughing at a pig with big boobs, when Ross comes in. Emily's cousin, who he and Emily planned to sublet their apartment from, has kicked Ross out, and now he doesn't have anywhere to live. He asks Chandler and Joey if he can live with them for a bit, and they agree. Chandler and Joey come home one evening, to find their place full of boxes from Ross moving in. They invite Ross to put his name on the answering machine out going message, but Ross already has. Their message is now set to "We Will Rock You." Chandler and Joey are not pleased. Joey makes a fort out of all of Ross's boxes. Chandler finds Ross's air purifier, which makes him seriously unhappy. He had to listen to Ross's air purifier all through college, finding it completely irritating. Joey and Ross are alone at the apartment together. Joey's fidgety, really wanting to do something, but Ross is working. Whenever Joey makes noise, Ross does a 'quiet down' gesture. Chandler comes home, and Joey drags him into his bedroom (where they had to move the foosball table) to complain about Ross. Joey can't stand the 'quiet down' gesture, and can't do anything without Ross scolding him. Chandler encourages him to chill, because Ross's going through a hard time. They start playing foosball, and Ross comes in, doing the 'quiet down' gesture. Chandler and Joey agree that they can't stand living with Ross for any longer. All three of them hang out in Central Perk, reading the newspaper. Joey and Chandler force Ross to look at the apartment listings. One of them, a studio apartment, available right away, is circled. Chandler and Joey force Ross to look at the apartment. None of them are impressed-the place is tiny- but Chandler and Joey strongly urge Ross to take it. Ross understands what's going on, and goes down to put in an application. Chandler and Joey start feeling a little bad. They go back home, without Ross, still feeling bad about Ross and the apartment. The phone rings, Joey answers, and it's the landlord for the apartment building Ross applied to live in; Ross listed Chandler and Joey as references. Joey starts telling the landlord good things about Ross, but Chandler takes the phone. He tells the landlord that Ross has a dog and tap dances. The landlord doesn't mind either of those things, so Chandler tells him that Ross is a pimp. Chandler and Joey are playing around in the apartment, when Ross comes in. He tells them that his application was denied, but he's going to move in with Phoebe. Chandler and Joey beg him not to move in with Phoebe, but to stay with them. Ross is reluctant at first, but soon agrees. Chandler comes home to see another box fort in the living room. Joey pops up wearing a cowboy hat, urging Chandler to play in the fort. Chandler makes fun of him, until Ross pops up wearing a Native American head-dress. Chandler joins them, and gets to wear a bonnet.

Monica and Rachel: They're hanging out in Central Perk, when Rachel asks Monica how Ross is doing since he and Emily decided to divorce. Monica's worried that Rachel's going to start chasing after Ross again, but Rachel assures her she's just curious; plus, she's not interested in dating recently divorced men. The conversation is interrupted when Monica notices Danny standing at the counter; she asks what's going on with Danny and Rachel, but Rachel hasn't been out with him since they got pizza. They greet Danny, and he tells them he's having a housewarming party in a couple of days. He's excited about it, but doesn't invite Monica and Rachel. Rachel decides that Danny's trying to get her to ask him out, because then he'll have the power in the relationship. Not inviting Rachel to the party was a way of getting her interest, in the hopes that she would ask him out. Danny eventually comes over to Monica and Rachel's, to invite them to the party. Rachel declines the invitation, telling Danny she has to go to a regatta gala. After Danny leaves, Monica asks Rachel what she's doing, because all she wanted was Danny to ask her to the party, now he has and she said no. Rachel said no to keep the power. The night of the party, Danny comes by the apartment looking for a ladle, and Rachel's forced to hide because she's supposed to be at the gala. Around time for the party to start, Rachel gets all dressed up to seem like she's coming back from the gala. She and Monica head down to Danny's place, but find that the party's spilled into the hallway. Rachel needs to get down the stairs, to pretend like she's just coming up from the gala. She makes Monica distract Danny as she attempts to get further downstairs. When they're done with this subterfuge, Danny tells Rachel he's glad she stopped by, and asks her to stay where she is. Rachel's excited, because she thinks Danny wants to spend time with her. Instead, Danny brings a guy (Doug Benson) over that he wanted to hook Rachel up with. When Danny leaves, Rachel decides that Danny put the guy up to it.

Phoebe: goes with Monica during a health inspection at the restaurant. Phoebe thinks the inspector, Larry (Gregory Sporleder), is cute. She ends up giving him her number, and they start dating. On their first date, Phoebe can't stop looking at Larry's inspector badge. Larry excuses himself to use the restroom, but quickly returns because he saw several violations on his way to the restroom. He closes the restaurant down, which Phoebe thinks is hot. The next day, Phoebe tells Monica about the restaurant closing. Monica's disappointed, because she liked that restaurant a lot. Monica and Rachel offer to share their Chinese food with Phoebe, but Phoebe refuses once she hears where it's from. Joey comes into Monica and Rachel's, looking for food because the place he wanted to eat at had been closed. Phoebe laughs, telling him that she went there with Larry and he shut it down. Joey wants to know where they're supposed to eat, if Larry's going to close everything. Phoebe meets Larry in Central Perk for a date. Larry starts noticing that Central Perk has a lot of violations, and then Gunther comes from the back carrying trash. Larry tells Gunther this is a violation. Phoebe quickly steps in, telling Larry that he has to stop being the health inspector all the time; if he doesn't they won't be able to eat anywhere. Larry agrees, and Gunther scurries away.

Eh, I can't blame Joey for laughing at the naked tribes ladies in National Geographic.

A pig's a little weird, though.

Ross's hair.

Proving it can always get worse since 1994.

Larry the Health Inspector is a such a doof.

I don't get why Rachel always becomes totally unhinged when she gets a crush.

The whole, Danny-playing-hard-to-get, thing she decides is utterly absurd.

It seems like there was something going on in the late nineties where everyone felt the need to sing on their answering machine.

I could never date a health inspector. I wouldn't even want to hang out with a health inspector.

I love Joey's box fort!

Do they even have regatta gala's anymore? And Rachel totally sails because she teaches Joey.

How does Ross have any friends?

He may be irritating, but it's super sad when he realizes Chandler and Joey are trying to get rid of him.

I think the Friends writers missed a great opportunity with the Ross-as-pimp storyline.

Why do Monica's clothes never match?

Hey! That guy Danny wants to set Rachel up with is Doug Benson! He does stuff on VH1 all the time!

I--I went through a phase where all I watched was VH1. What?

Oh my God, I love that Chandler spins Joey in the chair!

Fort Friends!!

The Magna Doodle Says:

No Girls Allowed

Oh. My. God.

"Are you looking at naked tribes women?" -Chandler, to Joey, after catching him giggling at a National Geographic.

"But you have to promise to tell me the second you are feeling better, so that we can make fun of your hair!" -Chandler, to Ross.

"He thought you said 'gonad'." -Chandler, to Ross, when Joey starts giggling uncontrollably.

"I'd let him check out my kitchen floors." -Phoebe, to Monica, about Larry.

"Right, you only go for them five minutes before they get married." - Monica, to Rachel, during their conversation about Ross.

"Well, I guess we won't be warming his house." -Monica, to Rachel, when Danny fails to invite them to his housewarming party.

"You're fake laughing, too, right?"

"Oh, the tears are real." -Joey and Chandler, after hearing Ross's "We Will Rock You" answering machine greeting.

"Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!" -Joey, to Chandler.

"So the ball is in his court?"

"Ball? There is no ball." -Monica and Rachel, having a strange conversation re: Danny.

"Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand?" -Chandler, to Joey, when Joey demonstrates Ross's 'quiet down' thing.

"What? What kind of regatta gala starts at night?!"

"The fake kind!" -Rachel and Monica, when Danny stops by for a ladle.

"Hey, guys, you know what Larry would say? He would say, 'See you ladle'." -Phoebe, after Danny leaves with the ladle.

"Yeah, well look at this kitchen-slash-bathroom. Well, that's great. Y'know, so you can cook while in the tub." -Chandler, to Ross, about the amenities of the apartment they want Ross to take.

"You think we could get a bathtub in our kitchen?" -Joey, to Chandler.

"He's a big, tap dancing pimp!" -Chandler, to the landlord when he calls about Ross.

"Alright, whose court is the ball in now?"

"I thought there wasn't a ball." -Rachel and Monica, with the balls again.

"Well, I see you've had a productive day." -Chandler, to Joey, when he finds Joey in the fort wearing a cowboy hat.

"Isn't this a woman's hat?"

"Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!" -Chandler and Joey, in the fort.

TOW: the Yeti

2010-08-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

Monica and Rachel: go down to the apartment building's storage room. Rachel wants waffles, and Monica's waffle iron is down there. It's really creepy, crowded, and dark in the storage room; both of them are a little freaked out. Monica finds the waffle iron under a can of bug bomb. They grab the waffle iron, turn to leave, and are cornered by a shaggy-haired, ax wielding, beast. They spray him with the bug bomb, and run away. They go to Central Perk to tell the others what happened, and end up saying that their attacker was like a yeti or bigfoot, because of all his hair. Joey wants to know more about the so-called yeti, so Monica and Rachel describe what he looked like. Joey tells them that their yeti was actually Danny, a guy who just moved into the building after being out on a four month nature adventure; he's actually a very nice guy. Monica and Rachel go to Danny's apartment to apologize for fogging him with bug spray. Rachel knocks, Danny (George Newbern) answers, she apologizes, and he's very abrupt. They do this several times, with Monica and Rachel becoming more agitated each time. Neither of them understand why he's being rude about their apology. Another day, Rachel's getting the mail at the apartment, and notices a really attractive guy. They smile and greet one another before Rachel realizes that it's Danny sans long, shaggy hair. She apologizes again for the fogging incident, and explains it's because he looked scary. He accepts her apology, saying he knows that some people are all about looks. Rachel's offended by this, and starts correcting him because he really knows nothing about her. He's abrupt, walking off to his apartment. Rachel follows him, still yelling. He invites her out for pizza, and she agrees, albeit a little confusedly. Rachel goes home after the pizza to find everyone, including Ross, over. She tells them all about her date with the yeti, then declines their offer to hang out. She doesn't want to get Ross in trouble by spending time with him. Ross and Joey beg her to stick around, and she agrees. So, of course, Emily calls.

Joey, Ross, and Chandler: Joey walks in on Chandler and Monica making out in his apartment. He scolds them because if he's going to pretend nothing's going on, they need to act like there's nothing to know. He chases them out of the apartment by telling them he can still hear them kiss, even once he's gone into his room. Ross hands out fliers in Central Perk; he's getting rid of all of his stuff. Monica asks him about what's going on, and he explains that Emily wants them to start their lives over with all new stuff. Everyone knows that it's because Emily wants to get rid of everything associated with Rachel. Joey's not dealing well with the situation between Ross, Rachel, and Emily. He hates that every thing's changing with the group. Joey's certain that once Emily gets to New York, Ross won't be hanging out with them anymore because of Rachel. Monica makes Joey promise not to say anything to Ross, because they want him to be happy and for things to work out with Emily. Joey promises, but not happily. Another day in Central Perk, Ross gets off the phone with Emily, and tells everyone that they're getting a new apartment. It's pretty far away from where the group congregates, and Joey freaks out, but is able to tone it down. Ross is trying to be okay with the move, even if it is far from the museum. Once Ross leaves, Joey complains a lot about the move. Everyone besides Rachel helps Ross move. Joey and Ross end up alone, and Ross starts reminiscing about all the good times he had in his apartment; he doesn't really want to move. Since Ross isn't happy about moving, Joey decides to speak his mind. Joey tells Ross that Emily isn't being fair to him. The others come back up, and Phoebe makes Joey stop talking. He defends himself because he only spoke up when Ross indicated he was unhappy. Ross really has no clue what's going on, and asks the others to explain. Joey's a little extreme about their feelings for Emily, so Monica and Chandler step in. They just feel that Emily's making Ross make a lot of sacrifices, and that Ross isn't getting much in return. Ross yells at them, because they're immature and not married, so they don't know what it takes to make a marriage work. The others go to Central Perk to mope. Joey says that what happened with Ross feels like his fault. Chandler tells him it is his fault, and Joey's quick to remind him that it's hard to keep all this secret stuff to himself. Chandler's suddenly very understanding of why Joey spoke up. They end up going back to Ross's to apologize. He's still pretty pissed at them, but they're able to patch things up. Monica invites him over to her place for dinner; she's planning on making his favorite meal. At dinner, Joey apologizes some more about what he said; going on about how he's an actor with a lot going on and is really emotional. Ross and Joey convince Rachel to hang out with them for dinner. They eat, see Ugly Naked Guy, and Monica mentions how it's the last time they all might be together. The phone rings, it's Emily calling for Ross. Ross has everyone say 'hi,' and puts Emily on speaker phone. Emily asks who she's talking to, and Joey says it definitely isn't Rachel. Emily's a bitch, saying that Ross should know better than to spend time with Rachel. Everyone gets upset and awkward; Rachel heads toward her room. Ross tells Emily that Rachel's with them, and Emily's super pissed. Ross goes out onto the balcony to talk to her. Emily's sure Ross can't stay away from Rachel, but before Ross can explain, Joey picks up the phone and tries to make a call. Once that's straightened out, Ross tells Emily he's doing a lot to make her happy, all he wants now his for her to get to New York. She agrees that'd be for the best, thinking that she'll feel better when she can always know what he's doing. Ross tells her there's no way she can know that, and says without trust they can't have a marriage. Emily tells Ross she can't trust him. Inside, Joey's explaining to everyone why he thinks the phone call's going well. He thinks Ross's smiling, and Joey demonstrates how you can tell facial expressions when someone's back is toward you. Ross hangs up, goes inside, and tells the others his marriage is over. Phoebe covers him with her fur coat. Rachel asks what they can do for him. Ross responds by asking them to get his furniture from Gunther.

Phoebe: gets a big box from Phoebe Two. It's a family heirloom, something Phoebe's grandma owned. Phoebe's really excited about what it could be, ripping the box open to find out. She pulls out a big fur coat, which she throws at Joey out of surprise. Joey really likes it, but Phoebe's freaking out because she doesn't wear fur. Phoebe isn't sure what to do with the coat, and really can't belive her mom gave it to her. Joey thinks the coat is awesome, and puts it on. Chandler makes fun of him. She's go to Monica and Rachel's, finally having some idea about what to do with the coat. She's got a friend who owns a crematory, who will cremate it for free. Rachel sees the coat for the first time during this conversation, and thinks it's awesome. She's horrified about Phoebe wanting to cremate it. Phoebe takes the coat from Rachel, putting it on to make a point about how horrible and selfish it is to wear fur. While wearing the coat, Phoebe realizes how warm and comfortable it is. She has to explain to everyone why she's started wearing fur. She defends her choice by saying that minks are mean. Monica asks if that means they deserve to die. Phoebe tells them it's the warmest, most comfortable thing she's ever worn. Phoebe goes to a newsstand wearing the coat, and thinks a squirrel is criticizing her for wearing fur. She can't handle it anymore, and gives the coat up.

Uh-oh, Phoebe's got a fur coat!

I don't get why it's such a big deal. She doesn't have to wear it; she could just hang it in her closet, keeping it for sentimental, heirloom value.

Gunther tells Ross he can't put up his flier about all the stuff he's selling. Other people are allowed to put up fliers, just not Ross.

But then Gunther takes all the stuff Ross's selling anyway, because Rachel used it, touched it, or otherwise interacted with it.

Gunther's, like, a few steps away from being a serial killer.

I've always enjoyed that Joey's the one who gets so upset about what's happening with the group because of Emily. It gives him a nice emotional depth.

Uh, why does Monica keep her waffle iron in the storage room?

The yeti!!!!!! Run for your lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I find it admirable that Monica and Rachel immediately go up to apologize to Danny for bug bombing him. If it were me, I'd probably be too embarrassed to ever face him again.

I don't get Rachel wearing all these outfits with flower embroidery.

This would be sooo cute without the flowers!

His dismissiveness, though? Not endearing.

Okay, my biggest issue with fur coats? I mean, I'm not big on senselessly killing animals for a coat, but gah, are they ugly. I will always see them as matted, smelly, pelts of grossness.

Case in point: Victoria from Twlight

So dirty.

I'm glad Joey speaks up. Someone needed to. Emily's totally unreasonable, and Ross is so focused on making everything right, that he can't see it. No, the others aren't married, but they're able to see what Ross ignores.

Danny's pretty cute without his mountain man look.

But, seriously, dude, if somebody comes at me in the dark, with an ax, I'd bug bomb him, too.

I swear I once had a scrunchie made of this material.

Aw, Ugly Naked Guy's back! I, uh, didn't even realize he'd gone anywhere.

Emily, I'm going to give you a little pointer, people don't like it when you bitch about one of their friends. It's awkward. And won't make you any more popular. As a matter of fact, everyone will hate and resent you.

Way to go Ross, speaking up for Rachel!

I don't understand how Emily could go from the cool British chick of season four, to the heinous bitch of season five. I understand that she's threatened by Rachel and the relationship she had with Ross, but Ross never behaves inappropriately with Rachel. Ross makes a lot of sacrifices for Emily, but Emily's not interested in doing much for him. Like maybe getting the fact that Rachel's one of Ross's best friends, and it's not easy to let someone like that go.

Uh, I think you can tell facial expressions when someone's back is turned. When someone smiles their ears move up.

I'd like to quickly point out how enormous Ross's hair is.

I feel bad for Ross. He tries so hard to make it work. He deserves better than Emily.

The Magna Doodle says:

WHY?

Oh. My. God.

"Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman!" Joey, after Chandler asks him about an audition.

"Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!"

"Yeah, just some nine year old Filipino kids, who worked their fingers bloody for twelve cents an hour." -Phoebe and Chandler, after Phoebe gets her fur coat.

"So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale."

"Touched. Used. Sat on. Slept on." -Monica and Ross, on why Emily's making him sell his stuff.

"Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Sylvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green." -Phoebe, to Ross, about how bad Emily could be to him.

"What, Emily thinks Ross's furniture has Rachel cooties?" -Joey, expressing his disgust with Emily.

"Yeah, I know, we're losing Ross. Joey said 'hence'." -Chandler, about all the changes going on in their lives.

"Oh, here it is! Right underneath the can of--of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?" -Monica, finding her waffle iron.

"Oh my God!! Fog him! Fog him!" -Monica, when they're faced with the yeti.

"You're on in five, Ms. Minnelli." -Chandler, to Joey, when he puts on Phoebe's coat.

"Now, that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum." -Chandler, to Ross, after Ross says his new work commute will give him the gift of time.

"Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab, and I fogged his yeti ass!" -Rachel, about the yeti encounter.

"He's nice! Y'know, you always stick up for the people we fog!" -Monica, to Joey, after Joey explains about Danny.

"Crematorium Chris? Sure!" -Monica, to Phoebe, about Phoebe's crematory owning friend.

"If you destroy a coat like this, that is like a crime against nature! Not nature. Fashion!" -Rachel, to Phoebe, on why she can't cremate the coat.

"Okay, what is in here? Rocks?"

"No--no, this is my collection of fossil samples."

"So, rocks." -Chandler and Ross, when they're helping Ross move.

"We all hate Emily." -Joey, to Ross.

"I think he's right. You guys hand out at the coffeehouse way too much." -Phoebe, after Ross says that life isn't about hanging out at Central Perk all the time.

"Pheebs, are you wearing fur?"

"Okay, let's get some perspective people! It's not like I'm wearing a seeing-eye dog coat!" -Ross and Phoebe, when everyone goes over to Ross's to apologize.

"That yeti is one smooth talker." -Rachel, on how she ended up having pizza with Danny.

"I just realized this might be the last time we'll all be hanging out together."

"It's almost as if he knew." -Monica and Joey, when they see Ugly Naked Guy.

"Well, uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here, and that's Rachel!"

"Well, I should hope not. Ross knows better than that by now." -Joey and Emily. Bitch.

TOW: the Kips

2010-08-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

Ross and Rachel: Ross still hasn't told Rachel what Emily's asking him to do to make their relationship work. He goes over to Monica and Rachel's to tell her, but Rachel's out shopping. He tells everyone that he told Emily to come to New York. They're shocked that he made the decision, and want to know how he's going to deal with not seeing Rachel anymore. Ross can't answer that question; he only wants to focus on making his marriage work. Plus, whenever he thinks about not speaking to Rachel ever again, he gets indigestion and has to swill Pepto-Bismol straight from the bottle. Monica wants to know how Ross plans to make sure he and Rachel are never in a room together. Ross has no ideas. Joey puts his fears to rest by saying that arrangement will never work. Rachel comes home, wondering why everyone is huddled together in the living room. Chandler says they're trying to figure out the best way to flip Monica's mattress. Rachel asks them to flip hers, too, so they go away to do that. Ross starts talking to Rachel about the deal with Emily, while Rachel's reading a letter from her mother. Ross gets to the part about what Emily wants him to do, when Rachel bursts into tears. Her mom wrote to tell Rachel her dog, Le Poo, died. The others come out from the mattress flipping to comfort her. Ross comforts her, too, temporarily diverted from his task. Ross and Rachel are alone in Central Perk when Ross decides to give breaking the news to her another try. He begins explaining about Emily coming to New York, but with a catch. He's almost about to tell Rachel he can't see her anymore, when Rachel's nose starts to bleed. Rachel covers the bleed with a Kleenex, leaning her head back. Ross says "I can't see you anymore," which Rachel thinks is a comment on how her head is tipped back. She decides she's going home, so she can jam Kleenex up her nose, and asks Ross to come with her to explain about the Emily situation. Ross gives up again. The next time they meet alone, Ross is able to tell her about Emily. Rachel thinks that Ross isn't going to agree to Emily's demands, before realizing that he already has. Ross tells her he has to do it for his marriage, but that they can still hang out until Emily arrives. Rachel's less than enthused. Ross talks to the gang in Central Perk about how it went with Rachel. He's drinking Alka-Seltzer. Anyway, he goes to the restroom and Rachel comes in. She tells the gang she doesn't want to think about the Ross thing anymore, but Joey informs her that Ross is in Central Perk. Rachel says she's turning into Kip. Kip was Chandler's old roommate, who dated Monica, but then couldn't be in the same room with her once they broke up. Kip eventually drifted away from the group. Phoebe tells Rachel it's not going to happen; that they handled the Kip situation really badly. Rachel isn't sure how they can make it work, since Monica is Ross's sister and Chandler his old college roommate. Rachel's especially upset because she always thought Phoebe'd be the group member to drift away. Rachel and Phoebe are in Central Perk; Phoebe's not speaking to Rachel. Rachel apologizes, then decides she and Phoebe should split off and form their own group. Ross interrupts them, wanting to talk to Rachel. He doesn't want her to feel out of the group. Actually, since he's the one that's causing all the changes, he offers to step-back. Rachel's not particularly comforted by this, because she wants to be able to see him. He apologizes, but it doesn't change anything.

Monica and Chandler: meet at Chandler's apartment at 3 in the morning. They head toward his bedroom, when Joey comes out of his. He's obviously surprised to see Monica in his apartment so early in the morning, but Chandler and Monica manage to convince him it's actually 9. After this interruption, Monica announces she's sick of sneaking around. Chandler agrees, and they decide to go away for the weekend for some privacy. The next morning at breakfast, Monica tells everyone that she's going to a culinary fair in New Jersey. Which is funny, because Chandler just told them he was going to a conference in Jersey! He and Monica get into a little thing about how come his conference couldn't be in Vermont or Connecticut, but no one seems to notice that this is weird. Monica and Chandler arrive at their hotel, which seems extremely nice. Monica's inspecting the room, while Chandler turns on the TV, and starts watching a high-speed car chase. Monica comes out of the bathroom, saying they have to change rooms, because she found a glass with lipstick on it. Chandler doesn't want to change rooms, but Monica tells him that the carpet smells, too. They're shown to a different room, where Chandler promptly turns on the TV, and starts watching the chase with the bellboy. Monica deems the room unacceptable, since they paid for an ocean-view, but this room is garden-view. The bellboy distractedly informs her that she found the last available ocean-view room unacceptable. She calls Chandler over to talk with him privately; he's mostly interested in the car chase. Monica thinks the hotel's trying to cheat them; He tells her to pick a room, cause all he really wants to do is watch the chase. They finally find a room that Monica likes, but the chase is already over. Monica's ready to start their romantic weekend, but Chandler just wants to watch TV. They get into a fight, and Chandler calls her 'mom.' Monica storms out. Chandler gets home, telling Joey about what an awful time he had. The only bright spot was that he saw Donald Trump on an elevator. Monica comes over, tells Joey that her trip wasn't any good, either, and asks Chandler to come out to the hall. They're both still furious with one another. Monica writes Chandler a check for her half of the room. Joey sticks his head out, seeing what's wrong. Monica tells him Chandler's been stealing money from her. Chandler comes home one day, to find Joey waiting for him. It seems that the hotel called to let Chandler know someone left an eye-lash curler in the room. Chandler says it's his, but Joey just assumed that Chandler'd picked up a girl. Finally, Chandler goes over to talk to Monica about what happened. He thinks that they're finished, but Monica explains they only had a fight; it wasn't too big of a deal. Chandler's never been in a relationship that lasted longer than the first fight. Monica assures him that they are, indeed, in a relationship. They kiss. Everyone but Ross is hanging out at Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe asks Monica about seeing Donald Trump in the elevator. Monica then asks Rachel to borrow her eye-lash curler, because Monica's lost hers. Everyone plays Mad Libs, but stops once Monica starts to make it hyper-competitive.

Joey: believes Chandler and Monica that he's awake at 9 am. He falls asleep again while he's brushing his teeth. He, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica go in to 'flip Monica's mattress,' while Ross and Rachel talk. Joey's planned for having to be trapped in the bedroom again by stashing a box of food and magazines under Monica's bed. When Phoebe says the thing about Monica seeing Donald Trump in the elevator at the hotel, he starts to put the pieces together. He's certain he's right when Monica asks to use Rachel's eye-lash curler. Joey starts making shocked noises, pointing at Chandler and Monica. Chandler drags him into Monica's bedroom before Joey can let the cat out of the bag. Monica and Chandler explain that they're together, but they're not ready to let the whole group know. They want Joey to promise not to tell, which he eventually does, albeit reluctantly.

Phoebe: is really hurt by Rachel saying she'd be the group member that would drift away. Rachel placates her by saying they should start a group of their own. Phoebe suggests recruiting Joey to be in their group. When Chandler, Monica, and Joey go into Monica's bedroom after Joey finds out about them, Phoebe thinks they're plotting to start their own breakaway group.

The whole Chandler-and-Monica-dating-and-everyone-finding-out is one of my all time favorite story lines. I think it's just awesome the way that writer's structured it.

I really have a hard time believing that Rachel and Phoebe miss something's going on between Chandler and Monica. Mostly because some of the things Chandler and Monica do are so obvious. Like Chandler's European kissing, and the whole 'why couldn't your conference be in Connecticut or Vermont' thing. It's just a totally strange thing for someone to be upset over.

Watch out, Chandler, Monica will eat you.

Ross should realize he can't stop seeing Rachel. I mean, if thinking about never seeing her again makes him do this:

he's not going to be able to go through with it.

It's incredibly telling that he doesn't get indigestion from thinking about never seeing Emily again. I like it.

Why would you name your dog Le Poo??? This dog was totally a poodle.

Even though the dead dog and nose bleed are funny (not the dead dog, so much) and good plot points, part of me thinks it'd be even better if Ross just told her straight out, no shenanigans.

The high-speed chase always makes me think of O.J. Simpson

I don't get the need to switch hotel rooms over and over. I mean, I would if there was obviously something wrong, like the lipstick glass, or if their was a highly and noticeably unpleasant odor, but I think I'm just too non-confrontational to deal with all the switching.

Even if I don't understand about the room switching, I understand why she's pissed at Chandler. You don't go away for a romantic weekend and watch a car chase!

I see why Chandler thinks he and Monica are over. I mean, neither of them are just a little bit mad, they're totally freaking pissed at one another. Plus, Chandler does call her 'mom.'

Scary.

I don't think Rachel'd be a Kip, but I see why she's worried. Is it bad that I agree with her about Phoebe?

I didn't realize Kip was supposed to have dated Monica. Wouldn't that have made her completely hesitant over crushing on Joey and his nice arms?

It's sweet that Ross offers to step away from the group, because he's causing all the changes.

This seems like one of those situations where Ross would freak about losing his friends (like when he and Rachel first broke up), but it's nice that he doesn't.

Joey figuring out about Chandler and Monica is just freaking classic. Definitely a best moment.

Oh. My. God.

"Well, that's because you always sleep till noon, silly! This is what nine looks like!" -Monica, to Joey, when he catches her with Chandler at 3 am.

"Ohh, I've always wanted to go to this culinary fair that they have in Jersey!"

"Okay, y'know you're not though." -Monica and Chandler, thinking up cover stories for their trip.

"I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference." -Chandler, to Monica, when she scolds him for having his conference in New Jersey.

"We're flipping Monica's mattress." -Chandler, to Rachel, when she walks in on them talking about her and Emily.

"Condoms?"

"You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth."

"And condoms are the way to do that?" -Chandler and Joey, while looking through Joey's emergency box.

"Le Poo's still alive?!" -Ross, to Rachel, when she learns that Le Poo died.

"It's Le Poo."

"I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better." -Rachel and Phoebe, having a slight misunderstanding.

"Oh, you should live with Joey, Rollo's everywhere." -Chandler, to Monica, when she's excited about the chocolates on the pillows.

"Oh, dear God, they gave us glasses!" -Chandler, to Monica, when she brandishes a glass at him.

"I hear ya, Mugsy!" -Chandler, to Monica, when she thinks the hotel's trying to cheat them.

"It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!" -Chandler, finding the car chase is over, after switching rooms for the tenth time.

"I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!" -Monica, to Chandler, about who ruined their weekend.

"Ohh!! Lucky me! Oh my God, that is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!" -Rachel, to Ross, when he tells her the good news is they can hang out until Emily arrives.

"Damn Rollo's!" -Chandler, sitting on a Rollo.

"I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food."

"Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first, but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea." -Monica and Chandler, telling Joey about their horrible weekends.

"300 dollars?!"

"Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!" -Monica and Chandler, settling the room payment.

"Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!" -Monica, to Joey, when he comes out to the hall to check on them.

"I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go... Honey, come on! You live far away! You're not related! You lift right out." -Rachel, about the one she thought would be phased out of the group.

"Were you, or were you not, on a gay cruise?!" -Joey, to Chandler, after the hotel calls about the eye-lash curler.

"Well, for starters, I would've said the right name at my wedding!" -Rachel, to Ross, when he asks what she'd do in his situation.

"IN LONDON!!!" -Joey, finding out about Monica and Chandler.

TOW: Phoebe Hates PBS

2010-08-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

Phoebe and Joey: Joey comes over to Monica and Rachel's wearing a tuxedo. He's co-hosting a PBS telethon. He's sort of excited, but mostly he's glad for the opportunity to be on TV. Phoebe tells everyone that she hates PBS. After her mother killed herself, Phoebe wrote Sesame Street, but never got a written reply back; they just sent her a key chain, but by then she didn't have a house. Joey defends himself, saying he's just doing a good deed. Phoebe disagrees; she thinks he just wants the chance to be on TV. Joey argues that there are no unselfish good deeds. Phoebe attempts to think of one, but can't. She makes finding a selfless good deed her new goal. Joey mentions that Santa Claus isn't real, which apparently Phoebe didn't know. At the telethon, Joey's shown to his phone. He doesn't understand, Estelle told him he'd be hosting. The lady who shows Joey to his seat tells him he's definitely not the host, but taking pledges. Phoebe tells Monica and Rachel about her failures at finding a selfless good deed. She snuck over to her neighbors, and raked his leaves, but he caught her, giving her cookies as a thanks. Rachel suggests that maybe there's no such think as an unselfish good deed. Phoebe rejects that; she can't imagine a world like that. Joey's taking calls, but is incredibly bored. Phoebe calls from Central Perk, to tell Joey she's come up with a good deed: she let a bee sting her, so he'd look good in front of his bee friends. Joey points out that the bee probably died once it stung her. After they hang up, Joey decides he wants to be on camera more. He asks a guy, who's in the shot, if they can switch seats. The guy refuses. He and Joey end up getting in a fight. Phoebe calls the telethon again, this time to make a $200 donation. Joey reminds Phoebe that she hates PBS, but she doesn't care. She's decided that Sesame Street is good for kids whose mom's didn't kill themselves. Joey then asks if she feels good about her donation. She does not, she was going to use the money to buy a hamster. They hang up, and the host announces that the $200 donation set the telethon over the mark. He goes over to congratulate Joey for taking the donation, which makes Phoebe feel good about her donation. Selfless good deed fail.

Monica and Chandler: Rachel comes home, looking for Monica. She knocks on Monica's door, and Monica answers in a sexy, come-hither voice. Rachel's a little creeped, but goes in. Monica's on the bed in a position provocative enough to have Rachel come running back out of the room. Monica tells Rachel that she's got a secret boyfriend, a guy she works with, and she thought it was him. Rachel gathers up her stuff, planning on giving Monica some privacy, when there's a knock at the door. Monica gets all anxious, thinking it's Chandler, but it's only Joey and Ross. Finally, Chandler does come in, holding a bottle of champagne. When he sees that everyone's over, he pretends he brought it to celebrate something at work. Rachel, Chandler, and Monica hang out in Central Perk. Rachel asks Chandler if he's heard about Monica's secret boyfriend. Rachel encourages Monica to introduce the secret boyfriend, but Monica insists that he's shy and not ready to meet everyone. Rachel mentions that Monica said the secret boyfriend was the best sex she ever had. Chandler's quite gleeful. Later on, he comes into Monica and Rachel's with a 'cooking question': is the new secret boyfriend better than Richard in bed? Rachel scolds Chandler for asking, but really wants to know. Monica decides to protect the secret boyfriend's privacy by not answering. Chandler tells her that he'd like to know, if he was the secret boyfriend. He does a dance on the coffee table to show how knowing he was the best Monica ever had would make him feel. Chandler goes over to his apartment, and Monica follows him to ask about a broiling pan Joey borrowed. Chandler tells her the pan's ruined, because the duck threw caterpillars up in it. She tells him where to order another one from. Chandler asks if she wants to hook up, because Joey's still gone at the telethon. She tells him she's not in the mood, because of all the gloating he's doing. Chandler looks at the catalog for the broiling pan, learning that it's seriously expensive. Chandler finally catches Monica alone to apologize about how he's been acting. He explains that if he's the best she ever had, it's only because she made him that way. This makes Monica feel pretty good. Chandler continues, saying that he was nothing before her. Monica forgives him, and they decide to go over to Chandler's place. Chandler carries her to his apartment. At the end of the episode, they sneak back into Central Perk, half dressed, from a side door.

Ross and Rachel: Ross's still trying to get in touch with Emily. He and Joey are kicked out of a movie, because Ross is talking on his cell phone so loudly. He's decided to call every single one of Emily's relatives in order to get in touch with her. Emily ends up calling Ross, but only to ask him to stop harassing her relatives. Ross refuses to do that; he's going to call as many people as it takes, because he loves her and misses her. Emily relents, saying she misses him, too. Ross comes into Central Perk after the conversation, telling everyone that Emily asked him to move to London to make their marriage work. He really can't do that, though, because of Ben. He decides to ask Carol to move to London. He goes to talk to Carol, and it doesn't go well. Carol's not interested in moving to London; she, Susan, and Ben have their lives in New York City. Ben and Susan come home, and Ross tells Ben they're moving to London, sending him to go pack. Carol and Susan tell Ross it's not happening. The next time Ross's on the phone with Emily, he tells her he can't move to London, but he really wants her to move to New York, like they'd planned. She agrees, but on one condition: he can no longer hang out with Rachel. Ross runs over to Monica and Rachel's to discuss the problem. He doesn't know how to pick between his marriage to Emily and his friendship with Rachel. The others don't know what to tell him either. Eventually, Ross relies on the power of the Magic 8 Ball to make his decision. The first two times he asks the Ball, it tells him to 'try again later.' He decides it's broken, but Monica asks it if Chandler's going to have sex that night, and it says 'don't count on it.' Ross grabs the Ball, asking it again, when Rachel walks in. She's excited to see the Magic 8 Ball, wondering what they asked it. Ross thinks on the fly, saying they asked if Rachel got to pick the movie they'd go see that night. The answer is 'yes.' Rachel's super excited, she wants to see How Stella Got her Groove Back. The others are not happy, since they know what question Ross really asked. Ross's at home, taking apart the Magic 8 Ball, when Rachel comes by. She thinks they're going to the movies, but Ross asks for a rain check, since Emily's going to call. Rachel wants to talk about how things are going with their relationship. Ross tells her it's okay, they still have a lot of stuff to work out. Rachel offers to talk about it, but Ross declines. Rachel tells him to agree to whatever Emily wants. Emily calls, Ross answers, and tells her he'll do what she asked. Emily agrees to come to New York.

I don't really know how they answer fan mail anywhere, let alone at PBS, but you'd think someone would take the time to answer the letter of a girl whose mom just killed herself. Though, if I were Phoebe, I'd hate Sesame Street and not all of PBS. It's not like the Public Broadcasting System did it on purpose.

I think there can definitely be unselfish good deeds. What about you guys?

Ross calling all of Emily's relatives is pretty hilarious. I'm not sure that irritating the crap out of all of them is the best way to get her back, but that's just me.

When Emily calls, Ross hands Chandler a lamp. I don't know.

I don't get why Monica's so upset about Chandler's gloating. The dancing is a bit much, but still.

Emily says they can only be together, if Ross moves to London. If that's, like, her big thing, then why the freak does she give it up so easily? I feel like there should be more of a fight, or something.

I love Chandler freaking out about the chick and duck watching Emeril. Beautiful.

I know it doesn't matter, but I'd still like to know. Why was the duck throwing up caterpillars? ... He doesn't go outside.

It's cute that Phoebe lets a bee sting her, so it'll look cool in front of its bee friends.

Like letting Monica make all your relationship decisions for you, having the Magic 8 Ball do it is a BAD IDEA.

I don't think Phoebe's donation becomes selfish when Joey gets recognition and screen time for taking the donation. She doesn't give the money so Joey can benefit.

I can't believe that Ross listens to Rachel about what to do with Emily. He has to know that her solution wouldn't be the same if she actually knew what the problem was. Stupid.

Part of me totally gets why Emily doesn't want him seeing Rachel anymore, but the other part of me finds it unbelievably selfish. It's punishing Rachel for something that's not her fault. It's also unfair for Emily to force Ross to stop hanging out with one of his best friends. I get that she's threatened, but she can't control Ross's entire life.

The Magna Doodle Says
Evil Joe

Oh. My. God.

"I was taking a nap."

"Since when do you take naps in that position?!" -Monica and Rachel, after Rachel walks in on Monica in a provocative position.

"That cute waiter guy from your restaurant? The one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?" -Rachel, to Monica, about the identity of the secret boyfriend.

"I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!" -Ross, on why he and Joey were kicked out of the movie.

"I--I--I don't care if I said some other girl's name you prissy, old twit!" -Ross, to one of Emily's relatives.

"I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!' -Chandler, finding everyone over, when he's planning on a date with Monica.

"Okay, cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know, personally." -Phoebe, when she's explaining about the PBS hate.

"Are you calling me selfish?!"

"Are you calling you people?" -Phoebe and Joey, during their selfless good deed conversation.

"Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife will be more than happy to move to another country so you can patch things up with your new wife." -Monica, to Ross, about the chances of Carol moving to London.

"If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?" -Chandler, to Monica.

"Alright. I'll come to New York, and we'll try and make this work... As long as you don't see Rachel anymore." -Emily, to Ross, when she makes her decision to come to NYC.

"Thanks for the help, problem solved." -Ross, when no one can find a solution to his problem.

"How many times have I told you guys, you never watch the cooking channel!" -Chandler, to the chick and duck, when he catches them watching Emeril.

"Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars." -Chandler, to Monica, explaining what happened to her broiling pan.

"The bee is happy and I am definitely not." -Phoebe, to Joey, after she lets the bee sting her.

"A Magic 8 Ball?! You can't be serious, you can't make this decision with a toy!" -Monica, to Ross. I agree.

"If I'm the best, it's only because you made me the best." -Chandler, to Monica, about his gloating.

"But when I'm with you, and we're together... oh. my. god." -Chandler, to Monica.

"When is Joey going to be home?"

"Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him." -Monica and Chandler, deciding to have sex.

"Never done that before." -Monica, to Chandler, after they sneak back into Central Perk.

The One Hundredth

2010-07-30T12:32:00.000-07:00

Phoebe: arrives at the hospital, announcing to the receptionist that babies are coming out of her. The receptionist takes her information, then Phoebe asks if contractions hurt. The receptionist hesitates, giving Phoebe the answer she didn't want. The receptionist asks after the father, allowing Phoebe to announce that she's having her brother's babies (for the thousandth time. Really, it never does get old). Joey has a camcorder, because he wants to make a tape for the babies. Phoebe asks them not to hurt her too much. Phoebe has the gang to call Frank, Alice, and Phoebe Two, letting them know she's gone into labour. Phoebe learns that her doctor fell in the shower. She freaks out, but Rachel assures her that the attending doctor is the head of the department, and very good. Phoebe has her first contraction, but it doesn't hurt too badly. She thinks Joey's having sympathy pains when he doubles over. Phoebe's at first very impressed by Doctor Harad (Sam Anderson), that is until he announces his love for the Fonz. Frank runs in the room, telling everyone that Alice is in Delaware, but will be there soon. Until she arrives, Frank is going to coach Phoebe. Phoebe has another contraction; this one hurts. She gets a little irritated with Joey, thinking he's trying to steal her thunder with his 'sympathy pains'. The doctor comes back to the room, they talk more about the Fonz, ascertaining that it is, in fact, the one played by Henry Winkler on Happy Days. Once the doctor leaves, Phoebe demands Ross get her a new one. Ross brings in a new doctor, one who doesn't care one way or the other about the Fonz. There's one problem, the new doctor (T.J. Thyne) is incredibly young. Phoebe refuses to let him be her doctor, and makes him cry. She confides to Rachel that she'd like to keep one of the babies, hoping that Rachel will talk to Frank for her. Rachel attempts to talk her out of it, but Phoebe's made up her mind. Phoebe ends up with the Fonz loving doctor again. The babies will be coming soon, but Alice hasn't made it back yet. Frank asks if Phoebe can hold them in a little longer. The doctor asks everyone, but Frank to leave the room. Phoebe has the first boy, which Frank runs out to the waiting room to announce. After Frank Jr. Jr., Phoebe doesn't want to have anymore, but obviously doesn't have a choice. Next comes Leslie, who Frank announces excitedly, with a small amount of panic. Finally comes Chandler, who is unexpectedly a girl. Frank announces this, too. After the delivery, the gang is gathered around Phoebe, holding the babies. Rachel comes back in the delivery room, having to tell Phoebe that Frank and Alice aren't going to let her have one of the babies. Phoebe's disappointed, but expected as much. She asks to be alone with the babies. Once everyone is gone, Phoebe holds them, and tells them how much she loves them, and will miss them. All the people she talked to about having babies said the delivery was the hardest part, but for Phoebe, giving them up is the worst. She's okay with being the favorite aunt, though. She cries.

Joey: brings a video camera to document the birth of the babies. Once in the delivery room, he starts filming, but doubles up in pain. He doesn't know the cause of it, but it's over nearly as soon as it starts, so he doesn't spend a lot of time worrying. He's okay for a considerable amount of time, making dirty jokes about the nurses Rachel and Monica have dates with, and filming the front page of USA Today for the babies. He also brought a Playboy tucked into the newspaper, so the boy babies' could get a head start on their sexual education. Ross asks where Monica and Rachel are, and Joey starts explaining about the nurses. During this discussion, he's again overwhelmed by pain. At one point, he leaves the delivery room to go to the gift shop. He exits the elevator after his shopping trip, and doubles over with pain. He hurts so badly that he attempts (half-heartedly) to steal an old man's wheelchair. Joey ends up getting seen by a doctor (Iqbal Theba), who diagnoses kidney stones. Joey's admitted to the hospital because of his kidney stones: Monica's with him. Ross comes in, too, after hearing about Joey's problem. The doctor goes over Joey's treatment options; the stones are too close to the bladder to do the normal procedure, so they can either let the stones pass, or send something up Joey's urethra. Joey's not having anything to do with the up the urethra business, and this is even before he knows what the urethra is. Ross stays with Joey the whole time he deals with his kidney stone issues. Joey passing the stones and Phoebe giving birth are showed to happen simultaneously. Once Joey passes his stones, the doctor gives them to him in a small glass vial. Ross and Joey kind of coo at them.

Rachel: gets herself and Monica dates with some cute male nurses. Monica's not exactly interested, but Rachel says it's helping her get over Ross. She spends a considerable amount of time in the delivery room with Phoebe. During one of these times, Rachel tells Phoebe how great it is she's having Frank and Alice's babies. Phoebe admits to wanting to keep one, and begs Rachel to ask Frank. Rachel thinks it's a horrible idea, and tries to convince Phoebe that it's never going to work out, and it's unfair of her to ask. Phoebe won't take 'no' for an answer. Later on, Phoebe asks Rachel if she's had a chance to ask Frank. Rachel hasn't asked yet, because she and Frank haven't been alone together. Phoebe reminds her that they're kinda limited on time. The Fonz-lover comes in, and Rachel makes small-talk by mentioning she always liked Mork. The Fonz-lover nearly has a conniption because Mork froze the Fonz. Rachel hurriedly mumbles some stuff about the Fonz's innate coolness to placate the doctor. After this incident, Rachel ends up alone in the waiting room for Frank. She learns that, instead of being scared of having three babies, he's very excited. After the babies are born, she's forced to give Phoebe the bad news. Even though Phoebe knew it probably wouldn't happen, it's still very hard for Rachel to say it and Phoebe to hear it.

Monica and Chandler: are late getting to the hospital. Ross asks where they've been, and Monica says she had to go back upstairs because she forgot her jacket. One problem, she's not wearing a jacket, and didn't bring one to the hospital. When Rachel tells Monica about the dates, Monica's not very excited. She tries to get out of it, but Rachel won't take no for an answer. Chandler's not around to hear any of this, but Joey does. Chandler's in the delivery room with Ross and Joey, when Ross asks where Monica and Rachel disappeared to. Joey tells them about the male nurses. Chandler's shocked. Chandler goes to find Monica. Once he does, he tells her he's okay with her dating a nurse; that they were just 'goofing around'. Monica'd been looking for Chandler, to tell him she wasn't going to go on the date. Since they're just 'goofing around' though, Monica's changed her mind about it. Later, in the delivery room again, Rachel introduces Monica to one of the nurses, Dan (Patrick Fabian) they're going on the date with. Monica acts really pleased to meet him, and Chandler gets jealous. He starts teasing Dan about being a nurse. It turns out that that Dan is nursing to pay for med. school, and did nursing in the Gulf War. Chandler's really embarrassed. Monica asks Dan if they can move their date up to the next evening, instead of Saturday. The Dan agrees. Chandler asks out a nurse of his own, but is quickly turned down. After the delivery, Monica and Chandler talk about their relationship. Chandler explains his definition of 'goofing around', saying that Monica might've gotten the wrong idea. She decides to cancel her date.

Ross: is quite the Boy Scout this episode. He helps Phoebe in the delivery room, making phone calls, encouraging her, placating her about the Fonz-lover, finding her a new doctor... all kinds of fun stuff. He ends up helping Joey through the kidney stone passage.

You guys, this is the ONE HUNDREDTH EPISODE! That means I've done ONE HUNDRED episode posts!!! I can't believe it. I'm a bit overwhelmed.

"I'm having my brother's babies" really never gets old.

Neither does the hat box Rachel carries. I want one.

Note to Monica: when you're having a secret affair with one of your best friends, you gotta get better at lying.

I'd be really freaked out if my doctor couldn't make it to my delivery. It's the person you're accustomed to, and you trust them.

It just has to be said, the Fonz is cool. I'm not saying that I espouse the doctrine of the Fonz, like Dr. Harad does, but I get it. Actually, I think Henry Winkler's cool, and he imbued the character with his natural awesomeness. Hasn't anyone else ever watched Scream and thought, "Oh my God, they murdered Fonzie!"?

Rachel's wearing mom jeans!

1998 is crying out for low-rise jeans. Seriously.

Y'know, they say that the pain of passing a kidney stone for a man is the equivalent of giving birth.

I wish with all my heart that the really young doctor was played by Neil Patrick Harris. That'd be such a crazy random happenstance!

There's, like, a weird sexual vibe between Ross and Joey when Joey's thrashing about in kidney stone pain.

Maybe it's just me.

Phoebe wanting to keep a baby is at once delusional and heart-breaking.

I think the jealous-Chandler thing is awesome. It's really great to see he and Monica discussing the terms of their fledgling relationship.

When I was really little, I used to watch an inordinate amount of Nick at Night. Mork and Mindy was my favorite. I don't know why.

Joey and Ross get all misty eyed over the kidney stones.

I've always wondered how long Phoebe was in labor. Over twelve hours, I'm thinking.

Of all the people in the world you'd want in the delivery room with you, Frank Jr. is not one of them.

Wuppah!!

Chandler's a girl!

This picture makes me go, "Aww, wook at the wittle babbies!!!"

It kinda sucks that Alice missed the birth of her babies.

Phoebe's so sad. This is another one that always makes me cry.

There are a lot of familiar faces in this episode. Dr. Harad is played by the guy who played Bernard on Lost. Joey's doctor is Principal Figgins on Glee. The nurse, Dan, played a villain in an episode of Pushing Daisies.

Oh. My. God.

"I'm, umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me." -Phoebe, to the hospital receptionist.

"Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother." -Phoebe, to the receptionist.

"I gotta get the before shot!" -Joey, trying to stick his video camera under Phoebe's skirt.

"That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out of your vagina!" -Phoebe, to Ross, when he tries to comfort her after she learns that her doctor isn't coming.

"I didn't know I cared that much." -Joey, to Phoebe, after she says his pain must be sympathy pain.

"And also, I love Fonzie." -Dr. Harad.

"But don't worry, she told me all about the lamazda stuff."

"Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing." -Frank and Chandler.

"Grandma's chicken salad..." -Joey, making something mundane dirty.

"I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder." -Phoebe, to Frank, about Joey's pain.

"This--this Fonzie person you keep referring to, is that uh, is that another doctor?"

"Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzarelli. The Fonz." -Chandler and Dr. Harad.

"To be fair, he doesn't seem to be impersonating Fonzie..." -Ross, placating Phoebe.

"He has no strong feelings about Fonzie, or any of the Happy Days gang." -Ross, to Phoebe, about her new doctor.

"Ohhh, I'm gonna be on the news!" -Rachel, learning that Phoebe wants to keep one of the babies.

"Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie." -Dr. Harad, after Rachel makes the mistake of saying she liked Mork.

"Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do." -Phoebe, after Frank asks her to hold the babies in until Alice gets there.

"So Dan, nurse not a doctor, huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?" -Chandler, being threatened by Dan.

"Yes, it has a head!" -Frank, during the first delivery.

"I already had a baby. Leave me alone." Phoebe, after she has Frank Jr. Jr.

"Chandler's a girl!" -Frank, after baby Chandler turns out to be a girl.

"They're so small!!" -Joey, about his kidney stones.

"Well, if you're gonna cry." -Phoebe, to the babies, being sad.

"That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?"

"Works on you." -Phoebe and Chandler, about how Frank and Alice are keeping the name Chandler.

TOW: all the Kissing

2010-07-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

Chandler: takes a romantic, candle lit bubble-bath with Monica. They're interrupted by Joey coming home early from a date. Joey comes into the bathroom, because apparently he and Chandler are okay with that kind of intimacy, and Monica's forced to duck under the water. Joey's getting some chicken, and wants to know if Chandler wants any. Chandler shoos Joey away, because Monica is drowning. When she resurfaces, she decides she'd like to have some chicken, so Chandler calls Joey back and places an order. The bath shenanigans set the tone for the rest of Chandler's story line. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are all having breakfast together. Chandler gets up to go to work, giving Monica a lingering kiss good-bye. In panic, he kisses Rachel and Phoebe. Chandler gets home from work one evening, heading straight over to Monica's. They're kissing heatedly when Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in. Chandler pretends that he was just leaving, proceeding to kiss Rachel and Phoebe in turn. Joey ducks out of the way. Chandler suggests that the group all spend a day in Central Park, to make Phoebe feel better about missing London. After Chandler's idea is abandoned, he attempts to leave the coffee house, but Rachel stops him. She informs him that his new European style good-bye makes she, Monica, and Phoebe uncomfortable. Phoebe backs Rachel up, and Monica goes along with them. Before they go to the hospital, Chandler and Monica start making out in the hall. Because that's a safe, private place.

Monica, Rachel, and Ross: Ross comes over, the first morning of the episode, asking whether or not Rachel's made it back yet. Monica lets him know that Rachel's flight was delayed in Athens, but that she should be home anytime. Ross's worried that Rachel's really upset about being abandoned in Greece. Rachel arrives, absolutely not mad at Ross, and telling everyone what a great time she had. Ross leaves for work (and to send 72 long-stemmed roses to Emily), and Monica tells Rachel she's glad Rachel handled the whole, being-abandoned-by-Ross-in-Greece thing, well. However, Rachel didn't really deal all that well with it. She was miserable in Greece, couldn't get a flight home, had to use Ross and Emily's honeymoon suite, and explain to everyone at the hotel why "Mrs. Geller" cried all the time. She was humiliated and unhappy the whole trip. She's not mad at Ross because she blames herself for making bad decisions. Rachel thinks someone else should be in charge of making her decisions from then on. Phoebe doesn't want to do it, but Monica eagerly accepts the challenge. Monica, Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are in Central Perk, looking at pictures from London. Rachel won't pay any attention to the pictures, and Monica decides that it's because Rachel needs to get over Ross. Monica wants Rachel to talk to a cute guy in the coffee house; Rachel's not so into it, but Monica picks a guy and sends Rachel over. Rachel gets her date, set for the next evening. Dave (Zen Gesner) walks Rachel to her door, they had a great time. Rachel invites him in, but backtracks, realizing she needs Monica's permission. Rachel runs inside, and finds Ross sitting on the couch. Monica's out doing laundry, so can't make Rachel's decision. In front of Ross is a big box of the cut pieces of the 72 long-stemmed roses. He's absolutely miserable. Rachel decides to stay with Ross, comforting him. She sends Dave on his way, coming back into the apartment to make Ross tea. Monica comes in from doing laundry,and asks for Rachel to talk to her in the hall. Monica talked to Dave, and knows what Rachel's doing. As the person who makes Rachel's decisions, Monica orders her to finish her date with Dave. Rachel refuses, and explains that she wants to tell Ross she still loves him. Monica tells her it's a horrible idea, Rachel fires her, and they fight. Rachel throws some of Monica's clean clothes on the floor, and runs in the apartment, locking Monica out. Rachel tries to talk to Ross alone, but Monica's beating on the door, so Ross lets her in. Rachel refuses to talk to Monica out in the hall, so Monica refers to the Ross issue as 'swing dancing,' listing all the reasons Rachel can't 'swing dance.' It's very awkward. When Ross leaves, Monica tells Rachel she can make her own relationship choices, but before she tells Ross, Monica wants Rachel to find one person who thinks it's a good idea. In Central Perk, Rachel still hasn't found anyone to agree with her, but she thinks she just needs a guy's perspective. Joey tells her it's a bad idea to tell Ross. Rachel and Ross stay behind while the others go pack for the trip. Before leaving, Monica warns Rachel that telling Ross is a horrible idea, but Rachel's going to go through with it. Rachel tells him how she feels, then cracks up hysterically. She realized, right when she was saying she loved him, how ridiculous and idiotic it was. Ross was married, going through all kinds of trouble with his wife, and Rachel's confessing her feelings. Ross gets tickled about how messed up his marriage is; he hasn't talked to his wife since the wedding, and has no idea where she is. They both laugh for awhile, then agree that they won't talk about Rachel's confession. Ross is glad she told him, but it doesn't change anything between them. Upstairs, Monica wants to know if she was right about telling Ross, but before Rachel can say, the whole gang comes over.

Joey: keeps talking about what a great time he, Chandler, and Monica had in London. When he sees Chandler kissing all the girls, he decides he'd like to do it, too. Monica pushes him away. When Rachel locks Monica out, Joey promises to break down the door for a kiss. I don't know if she kisses him, I'm guessing not, but he tries to break down the door once Monica's already inside. Joey tells Phoebe about their exciting trip to Central Perk; he also decides they need a new plan when Phoebe hates the park idea. He and Ross fight over who came up with the Atlantic City idea.

Phoebe: is really bitter about not being able to go to London. She comes over one morning, preparing to tell a story about a cab driver. Chandler, Monica, and Joey interrupt with their reminisces of a cab driver from London. Then, they start talking about an awesome pub the cab driver took them to. After that, Phoebe's story's pretty lame. Phoebe comes into Central Perk while the others are looking at the pictures from London. Rachel's already smudged them, been scolded my Monica, then licked them. Monica shows the pictures to Phoebe, who smudges them, too. Worse than that, Phoebe's really upset that everyone was there, but not her. She gets out a Sharpie, and draws a Phoebe in the picture. Chandler apologizes for them talking about London too much. Phoebe accepts, saying that she's just disappointed she wasn't able to go. All she gets to do is pregnancy stuff. Monica tells Phoebe to shut her eyes, and think of all the good things about her life. Phoebe does, and when her eyes are closed, Monica takes the pictures back. Phoebe joins the group in Central Perk, everyone is incredibly excited to see her. They all felt bad because Phoebe didn't get to go to London, so they decided the entire group should go on a fun trip. To Central Park. Phoebe is less than enthused. Later, Ross brings Phoebe back into Central Perk, the came up with another plan; they're all going to spend the weekend in Atlantic City. Phoebe's much more excited about this. They have an hour to go pack, so they all split up. They meet back at Monica and Rachel's; Phoebe's totally happy about the trip, high-fiving Joey, and talking about all the fun they'll have. They're all celebrating when Phoebe's water breaks. The group tells her she has to go to the hospital, but she doesn't want to. Everyone starts celebrating the babies coming, hugging and high-fiving. Phoebe gets excited, too, and they head for the hospital.

Ah, the bubble-bath scene. It took me an inordinately long time to realize that Chandler's hurrying Joey along because Monica's holding her breath.

So sweet.

I've always wondered how long Rachel was in Greece. Obviously, she spent some time there, but how much?

I guess long enough to get that bitchin' hair braid.

Ross leaves Rachel at the airport and doesn't call. I don't know if it's because he's afraid of her, or what, but he totally should've called her. That's ridiculous.

Ross gets inordinately angry with Chandler and Monica for teasing him about Emily being faster. I believe this is the beginning of Ross's anger issues.

You should never ever tell your friends they can make decisions for you. This is a BAD IDEA.

All the kissing. Ha, A-freaking-mazing.

I've always wondered why Rachel and Phoebe never notice that Chandler's always kissing Monica first. They don't really believe the 'he picked it up in Europe' thing, yet Rachel and Phoebe go along with it.

Oh, the days before everyone uploaded their pictures on Facebook. How quaint.

Monica lists Gunther as someone Rachel could date. Gunther kicks Dave out after Rachel gets a date with him.

It'd be totally awful to be the only person in a group of friends who doesn't get to go on an awesome trip to Europe. You know she feels horribly left out, and it's completely understandable.

More kissing!!!

Phoebe just looks plain bored. "Oh, Chandler's, kissing us again. Ha, that guy."

Part of me is totally into this outfit. The other part is kinda upset by it.

It's a whole lot of yellow. Plus, funky embroidery.

The swing dancing thing is pretty epic.

CENTRAL PARK??? Their idea is to take Phoebe on a picnic in CENTRAL PARK??? Idea fail.

You have know idea how confusing it is, typing Central Park and Central Perk multiple times in the same paragraph. Brain=overtaxed.

So, should Rachel have told Ross? Was Monica right that it was a bad idea?

Phoebe's water breaks!!!

Great, great, great, great episode. Grrrrrreat!

Oh. My. God.

"Eh, you're just liquored up." -Chandler, to Monica, during their bath.

"I've had a very long, hard day." -Chandler, when Joey sees he's taking a bubble-bath.

"No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece." -Monica, to Ross, about whether Rachel is mad at Ross or not.

"Rachel is my wife! Y'know--Emily! Emily is my wife! Man, what is that?" -Ross, saying the wrong name. Again.

"Oh, Ross, when you make out the card, be sure to make it out to Em-il-y." -Chandler, to Ross.

"London is stupid! Stupid!" -Phoebe, being upset about London.

"Always a pleasure." -Chandler, after kissing all the girls for the first time.

"Alright, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me."

"Say that to him and you're golden." -Rachel and Joey, when Monica makes Rachel talk to the guy.

"I got caught up at work, but I'm quitting tomorrow." -Chandler, to Monica, after he's late meeting her.

"That's not European."

"Well, it felt French." -Rachel and Phoebe, after Chandler's second kiss.

"It's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!" -Ross, getting the roses he sent Emily returned.

"Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's going to make potpourri." -Ross, to Rachel, about the cut up roses.

"I'll kick that door in, if you give me a little sugar." -Joey, to Monica, after Rachel locks her out.

"Monica's right, swing dancing can be tricky." -Ross, to Rachel, about, uh, swing dancing.

"My God, think of the massacre." -Ross, before he calls to cancel an order of stuffed animals he's having sent to Emily.

"Central Park?!" -Phoebe, learning about the proposed trip.

"I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group."

"That's fine, just don't bring it in my mouth." -Chandler and Phoebe, about the kissing.

"Makes me wanna puke!" -Monica, about Chandler kissing them.

"I'm gonna go pack my ass off!" -Phoebe, packing for Atlantic City.

"My ass is already packed." -Ross, when everyone else leaves to pack.

"Was that a joke? Cause it's mean." -Ross, to Rachel, after she says she loves him, then bursts out laughing.

"Uh, Pheebs, you're leaking." -Joey, to Phoebe, after her water breaks.

TO: After Ross says Rachel

2010-07-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

Ross: The season five premier starts off with the wedding ceremony; we see again him saying the wrong name, and the looks of shock on everyone's faces. Emily tells the reverend to go on with the ceremony, and he starts over. Ross says the right name this time, but Emily's totally pissed off, glaring at him. She jams the ring on his finger, moves her head away when he goes in for the kiss, and refuses to let him hold her arm as they walk back down the aisle. Once they're away from the guests, Emily elbows him in the stomach. At the reception, Emily's locked herself in the bathroom, and Ross is in with her, attempting to calm her down. She's not having any of it, though, so Ross leaves to join the party. All the guests are pretty solemn, and Ross encourages them all to dance. Ross and Rachel talk about the wrong name debacle, with Ross agreeing that it didn't mean anything when he said the wrong name. During this conversation, Joey comes up to tell Ross that the band is ready for he and Emily's first dance. Ross starts yelling, but calms down fairly quickly. Joey mentions that Emily's been in the bathroom for a pretty long time. Rachel tells them that she locked herself in the bathroom at her wedding to figure out how to pop the window out of the frame. Everyone laughs, then Ross runs for the bathroom door. He goes in to find the window open and Emily gone. Ross eventually goes to his and Emily's honeymoon suite to find her. Instead, he finds Chandler and Monica. He thinks they came to help him look for Emily. Monica and Chandler encourage Ross to keep looking for Emily, but Ross decides to stay at the suite in case Emily's looking for him. He asks Monica and Chandler to stay with him, and he he ends up falling asleep. He wakes up when there's a knock at the door, expecting it to be Emily. Instead, it's Mr. and Mrs. Waltham, coming to pick up Emily's things. The Waltham's (Jennifer Saunders, Tom Conti) tell Ross it's over between him and Emily, but he refuses to accept that. He says that he loves her, wants her to meet him at the airport to go on their honeymoon, and that him saying the wrong name meant absolutely nothing. He makes Mr. Waltham promise to tell Emily all of this. Ross's waiting for Emily at the airport when he sees Rachel. Ross feels like an idiot, waiting for Emily to show up. Their flight is getting ready to take off, and he's miserable. Rachel encourages him to go ahead and go on the trip; it'll help him get some distance. Ross thinks that's a good idea, and ends up asking Rachel to go with him. Rachel agrees after some hesitation, and they start to board the plane. Ross realizes he left his jacket, and goes back to get it. He sees Emily, and is super happy she showed up. But Emily saw him with Rachel, so she leaves. Ross runs after her.

Rachel: is as shocked as anyone when Ross says her name instead of Emily's. She asks the woman sitting in front of her if she should go up to the altar, since Ross said her name. Thankfully, she doesn't, but Ross's slip up is weighing heavily on her mind. During the reception, Rachel goes up to Monica to talk about what she should do about Ross saying her name. Monica's really distracted, but eventually tells Rachel that she shouldn't talk to Ross about what it meant, because he's married. She eventually does talk to Ross, though, while he's pacing around waiting for Emily. She says his mistake obviously meant nothing; he only said her name because he'd just seen her. Ross agrees that it was meaningless, and they're interrupted by Joey. Rachel's the one who clues Ross in on the fact that Emily might not be in the bathroom anymore. Rachel's waiting for Monica in Monica's hotel room; she wants to talk about what happened with Ross. Monica shows up with Chandler, and Rachel suggests they all get a drink. Monica and Chandler want Rachel to go down and get a table, but before she can the phone rings. It's Phoebe, who tells Rachel that Ross saying the wrong name didn't mean anything. Rachel thinks he's still in love with her, and starts going over the history of her relationship with Ross. The next morning, Rachel goes into the honeymoon suite, excited over an unmanned cart of toiletries, but her joy is extinguished when she hears Ross's conversation with the Waltham's. Rachel's at the airport, on stand-by for a flight home. She's been there for hours when she runs into Ross waiting for Emily. She comforts Ross, and encourages him to go to Greece to clear his head. Ross asks her to come with him, but Rachel's hesitant. She agrees to go, and boards the plane, though Ross has to go back for his coat. Once in her seat, Rachel orders drinks, and starts looking out the window. That's when she notices that the plane is pulling away from the gate, and Ross isn't on it. She begins to panic.

Monica and Chandler: are both shocked by Ross's mistake, but have bigger things on their minds, like sex. Chandler comes up to Monica in the buffet line, and says he wants to cancel their plans. He enjoyed being with her, but he's worried sleeping together will ruin their friendship. Monica's okay with the change in plans; it only happened because they're in a foreign country. Despite this decision, Monica decides it'd still be okay to do it while they're still in London. Chandler agrees, and they make plans to meet in the Waltham's wine cellar. Monica is delayed by Rachel wanting to talk about Ross. She doesn't give very constructive advice at first, but eventually tells Rachel to give up because Ross is married. Chandler ends up back at the buffet line, surprising Monica. The wine cellar wasn't a good place to meet, as the Waltham's are giving tours. Chandler and Monica end up going to her hotel room for some private time. They open the door, and Rachel's sitting on the bed, ready for a long chat about her and Ross. They try to get Rachel to leave, saying they want to change clothes, but Rachel suggests they go downstairs for drinks. They agree, but get Rachel to say she'll go down right away and get a table. Phoebe calls before Rachel can leave, though, so Chandler and Monica decide to go to Chandler and Joey's room. They get into that room, and start taking off their clothes, when Joey tries to come in. Chandler doesn't want to let him in, saying he's got a girl with him, but Joey knows it's just Monica. Chandler won't tell him he and Monica are fooling around, so he has to give Joey the room. Monica tries to get him to go away by saying they bought a movie, My Giant. Joey wants to watch that movie, so Chandler and Monica end up leaving. They go to Ross and Emily's honeymoon suite. Monica doesn't feel right about using it, but Chandler convinces her that the room expects sex. Monica's into it, but before they can do anything, Ross bursts in. They pretend to be searching for Emily, too. They tell Ross to go out and keep looking, but he's already decided to stay at the hotel. Chandler and Monica try to leave, but Ross asks them to stay with him. He looks so pitiful that they do. It's only an hour until their flight, and Chandler suggests they go into the suite's other room to have sex. Monica's all for it, but before they can move Ross off their laps, the Waltham's come by. On the flight home, they're both miserable. They're both sad they never go to have sex one last time, even though it only being one night made it more special. There's a pleasant catch, though; they're still over international waters, so they make plans to meet in the bathroom. Before Chandler can get up to meet Monica, Joey comes to sit by him. Joey wants to talk about his acting career, and Chandler can't get away. Monica finally comes back after, like, half-an-hour. When they get home, Phoebe's in the kitchen eating. They all say 'hi' and hug. Joey and Phoebe leave, and Chandler and Monica are alone. They're both awkward, but eventually Monica thanks Chandler for the night they had together. Chandler shares her feelings. They hug and Chandler goes to unpack. Monica walks toward the door, like she wants to call him back, but she doesn't. Instead, Chandler comes back in, says he's still on London time, and they kiss.

Joey: doesn't do much. Ross makes him dance at the reception when no one else will. He interrupts Jack and Mrs. Geller when they're discussing Ross saying the wrong name. He's eating a steak with his hands. Monica scolds him because Joey isn't supposed to eat meat while Phoebe's pregnant. He comes to tell Ross the band is ready, and gets spit on when Ross yells. He interrupts Monica and Chandler when he brings Felicia back to he and Chandler's room. He saw Monica go in with Chandler, and doesn't think they're doing anything sexual. He interrupts again during the flight, when he comes up to talk to Chandler about his acting career. He doesn't think he'll ever be as good of an actor as the giant from My Giant. When they get back to the apartment, he leaves Chandler and Monica alone to check on the chick and duck.

Phoebe: calls Mrs. Waltham again, pretending to be Ross's psychologist. She says that Ross didn't take his meds, and without them he gets women's names mixed up. Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her. Phoebe calls Monica's hotel room, and tells Rachel Ross saying the wrong name didn't mean anything. Rachel spends a long time talking to her about it. Phoebe's eating cereal with the bowl balanced on her stomach when Monica, Chandler, and Joey get back. They all hug, and Phoebe knows that Joey ate meat, and Monica had sex. Monica denies it, and Phoebe thinks she's off because her pregnancy. Joey asks about the chick and duck. Phoebe forgot to feed them, so she leaves.

I've never understood why Emily goes ahead with the ceremony. I mean, I wouldn't.

If you can look at your future husband with such unadulterated hate written all over your face, maybe you shouldn't be getting married.

Why is everyone at this wedding dressed like it's a funeral? Maybe it's appropriate.

Mrs. Waltham is a prefect example.

I've always been a fan of the 'what happens in London, stays in London" thing.

I'm even happier that it doesn't work out.

Y'know, everyone seems remarkably calm about Ross's marriage falling apart before it's even started. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are worried about sex. Rachel's upset, but because she's wondering what Ross saying her name meant.

For all the renovations, the Waltham's house isn't that nice. Definitely not nice to be giving tours of the wine cellar. It's not freaking Monticello.

Should it be that unexpected that Emily's ran away?

Emily locks herself in the bathroom. But, gee, is it remarkably easy for Ross to just walk right in.

I wish Joey got to do more.

Nom, nom, nom.

How do Monica and Chandler get in the honeymoon suite?There must be something funny about British locks.

Mrs. Waltham has the hots for Ross.

I'm not entirely clear on what's happening in this picture. It looks like Mrs. Waltham is grabbing Ross's junk. Really, I think she just grabs his ass.

Yay, Chandler and Monica!!!

It's really stupid for Ross to ask Rachel to go on his honeymoon with him. Doesn't she remember Barry and Mindy? I know that neither of them think Emily's going to show up, but still.

I'd definitely be pissed if I was Emily. Obviously, we know that to Ross it doesn't mean anything, but what must it look like to Emily?

Well, it makes her make that face, so it's obviously not good.

This has not been a good day for Rachel.

Heh, apparently he's not a reverend, but a registrar.

Gheorghe Muresan is the giant in My Giant. He played for the NBA and is almost eight feet tall.

Oh. My. God.

"Like there'd be anybody else." -Ross, after saying the correct name.

"This is worse than when he married the lesbian." -Mrs. Geller, after the ceremony.

"It could've been worse. He could've shot her." -Chandler, after the ceremony.

"Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?" -Mr. Geller, at the reception.

"JOEY, DANCE!!!" -Ross, to Joey, when no one's dancing at the reception.

"What kind of bitch hangs up on a doctor?" -Phoebe, about Mrs. Waltham.

"I blame London!"

"Bad London!" -Monica and Chandler, about their night together.

"Y'know you just said it cause you saw me there. If you'd have seen a circus freak, you would've said, 'I take thee, circus freak'." -Rachel, to Ross, about what him saying her name meant.

"You spit on me, man!" -Joey, when Ross yells about the band.

"Well, look at that, same thing." -Rachel, when they see Emily went out the window.

"The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser." -Chandler, to Monica, when he wants to use Ross and Emily's honeymoon suite.

"Wow, in forty-five minutes you can find her twice." -Chandler, to Ross, encouraging him to look for Emily more.

"Y'know, umm, we gotta get up early, and catch that plane for New York."

"Yeah, it's a very large plane." -Monica and Chandler, trying to get away from Ross.

"We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey. But I think you're absolutely delicious." -Mrs. Waltham, to Ross, when they come to tell him Emily never wants to see him again.

"Come on, bugger face!" Mr. Waltham, to Mrs. Waltham.

"You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out the bloody window!" -Mr. Waltham, to Mrs. Waltham.

"But Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular size man?" -Joey, about how he compares to the giant in My Giant.

"You ate meat!! You had sex!!" -Phoebe, to Joey and Monica, about their time in London.

"I'm still on London time, does that count?" -Chandler, to Monica, when they get home.

"You can--you can lay on the beach, and I can cry over my failed marriage." -Ross, to Rachel, convincing her to come to Greece.

TOW: the Recap of Season Four

2010-07-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

Season Four is my favorite. It's the season where everything seems to coalesce, and more than half the episodes are above average. This made picking the best and worst slightly more difficult than usual. That doesn't mean there weren't any bad episodes, but even the bad was still pretty good.

The Best

TOW: the Jellyfish

The season four opener takes us back to the beach. Ross and Rachel get back together... sorta. Phoebe deals with her birth mother still being alive. Oh, and Chandler pees on Monica.

TOW: the Ballroom Dancing

Joey ballroom dances with Treeger. That pretty much solidifies this episodes greatness. Plus, Chandler wants to quite the gym.

TOW: Chandler Crosses the Line

Chandler finally kisses Kathy. Ross plays everyone his 'sound.' Rachel tries to eat out by herself. It's really the 'sound' and Kathy that always get to me. "Electrifying."

TOW: Chandler in a Box

My favorite episode ever. Chandler's in a box. That's all one needs to know to make it awesome.

TOW: the Embryos

Uh, Chandler and Joey switch apartments with Monica and Rachel because of a game gone bad. Awesome.

TOW: all the Rugby

Chandler goes to Yemen, and there's 'Red Ross!!' Red Ross is great, but there's always been something about Yemen for me.

TOW: Ross's Wedding

It's in London!! Hugh Laurie guest stars! Monica and Chandler hook up! Ross says the wrong name at the altar!

The Worst

TOW: the Girl from Poughkeepsie

This isn't an awful episode, but I don't care much about any of it. Just eh.

TOW: Rachel's Crush

Only because of Joshua

TOW: The Fake Party

Kinda boring. Lots of Joshua.

TOW: the Invitation

Flashback episode. Sorta unnecessary.

Best Moments

Best Quotes

"It so does NOT!" -Ross, 4.01

"It's between us and the sea, Ross!" -Joey, 4.01

"And, hey! Just so you know, it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!" -Rachel, 4.01

"Speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation." -Joey, 4.03

"Oh, Maria. You can't say 'no' to her. She's like this lycra, spandex covered gym treat." -Chandler, 4.04

"Hey, Duck, is Chick here?"

"Yeah...Bunny Rabbit..." -Treeger and Chandler, 4.04.

"And what are you laughing at, Ms.-my-keg-sucking-boyfriend-is-stealing-from-me?" -Monica, 4.05

"I can cook, and you can take care of the money!"

"Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties!" -Monica and Phoebe, 4.06

"I like it in the stern... of the boat." -Chandler, 4.07

"Over the line?! You--you're so far past the line, that you--you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!" -Joey, 4.07

"It's like inviting a Greek tragedy over for dinner!"

"If it was a Greek tragedy, I'd be blind in both eyes!" -Rachel and Monica, 4.08

"Fine! Judge all you want to, but married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay, ice dance, threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, livin' in a box!" -Monica, 4.08

"The meaning of the box is threefold. One, it gives me time to think about what I did. Two, it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three, it hurts!" -Chandler, 4.08

"I don't like guys with boring jobs."

"Oh, and Ross was what, a lion tamer?" -Rachel and Chandler, 4.09

"I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black." -Chandler, 4.11

"I've gotta go, there's a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!" -Ross, Emily, and Monica, 4.14

"Red Ross!!" -Ross, 4.15

"I'm going to Yemen!" -Chandler, 4.15

"Yeah, I definitely don't like the name Ross."

"What a weird way to kick me when I'm down." -Phoebe and Ross, 4.18

"I doooo." -Rachel, 4.20

"Yeah, well, that oughta do it." -Rachel, 4.20

"LONDON, BABY!!" -Joey, 4.23/4.24

"Do you think he knew I was here?" -Monica, 4.23/4.24

"I, Ross... Take thee, Rachel." -Ross, 4.23/4.24

TOW: Ross's Wedding

2010-07-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

Before leaving NYC

Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Ross have four hours before they need to be at the airport. That doesn't stop Monica from becoming a complete basket case about when they need to leave, though. She runs over to Chandler and Joey's to hurry them along. Monica goes back to her apartment, and starts packing things in her purse. Every time she puts an item in she says, 'check!'. Phoebe and Rachel make fun of her, but Monica didn't realize it was weird, because Mrs. Geller always used to do it. Ross comes in, doing the 'check!' thing, too. Chandler and Joey start to leave their apartment, but Joey's left his passport in his room. Monica tells Phoebe where she keeps all her cleaning stuff; Rachel doesn't know where the stuff is because she never cleans. The four going to London prepare to leave, but Phoebe wants hugs. She can't get up off the couch, so she has them come to her; she also asks them to bring her stuff she's left in the kitchen or over at Chandler and Joey's. Ross hugs Rachel good-bye, asking her again to come to his wedding. She says she can't because she has to work. Ross is totally disappointed, and tells her she can just watch the video. Monica breaks into all the hoopla to let them know they're really going to be late if they don't get a move on. After they leave, Rachel is sad. Phoebe offers her a hug, with no 'bring me ______" favors attached.

Arriving in London

Chandler and Joey: They leave their hotel, ready to do some sight-seeing, but Joey will not leave Chandler alone with the video camera. They're going to visit Westminster Abbey; to find the way, Joey pulls up a pop-up map of London. Chandler's horrified by this turn of events, but it gets worse as Joey puts the map on the sidewalk, proceeding to step on it to get his directional bearings. One can only assume that Joey finds the way; as he walks along he holds his pop-up map directly in front of him. Chandler's super embarrassed, and makes fun of Joey. Joey loses the way, and has to 'go into' his map again. There's a montage of Chandler and Joey doing touristy-y, London, stuff. Through out, Chandler is embarrassed by Joey's obviously a tourist actions. They finally get to Westminster, but Chandler is grouchy. He won't be on camera when Joey tries to film him and his thoughts on the Abbey. Their sight-seeing in London continues, and really only gets worse. At a street vendor cart, Joey picks up a Dr. Seuss hat with the Union Jack on it. Chandler's had enough, and tells Joey he can't buy the hat. Joey wants the hat, though, and he thinks he looks awesome. He goes ahead and buys it, even though Chandler says he won't hang around with Joey for the rest of the day if he's wearing the hat. If that wasn't bad enough, Chandler trips over some merchandise at another vendor cart, and falls into a display of flowers. After Chandler leaves, Joey introduces himself to some random British dude. Chandler's in the hotel room, trying to kick his shoes into a trash can, when Joey comes back (still wearing the hat). Chandler apologizes for being a jerk, saying he had a horrible day. Joey accepts the apology, but had a great day. He plays his video for Chandler, and we see Joey chatting up Duchess Sarah Ferguson. Fergie says she likes Joey's hat, and Joey hits on her, only to get shot down. Chandler wants to know how Joey met Fergie, but we never learn because Monica and Ross get into an argument.

Ross and Monica: are walking down a residential street in London. They are on their way to the building where they're having the wedding. While they walk, Emily details everything that's gone wrong with the wedding plans. The florist doesn't have tulips, and the caterer had to change the kind of chicken that was on the menu. Ross is trying to make her feel better, but Monica starts talking about how Emily'd be better off going with salmon. Ross keeps giving her dirty looks and kicking her, so she doesn't upset Emily more than she already is. Emily explains again why having the wedding in this particular building is important to her (it's pretty and her parents were married there). She points out the building to Monica, only to see that it's partially torn down. Emily and Ross run into the main room of the building; it's a mess with the roof gone, and piles of brick everywhere. Emily's horrified, especially when Monica comes back with the news that the crew decided to tear it down early (uhh, obviously). Emily and Monica go to a dress shop, so Monica can be fitted for her bridesmaid dress. Emily's flipping out about the building being torn down. Monica tries to reassure her that a new venue will be found, but Emily's in full panic mode. She's certain they won't be able to find another place to hold the wedding; it's on too short of notice, and all the good places will be gone, anyway. Monica points out that postponing the wedding isn't such a bad thing. If they move it back a little, Emily will be able to have the flowers and food she wants, instead of settling. This makes Emily feel much better. Emily goes to Ross's hotel room, where he informs her that Mr. Waltham thinks they'll be able to find a new place for the wedding. Emily tells Ross it's okay if they don't have a place, she's willing to postpone the wedding. Ross freaks, not wanting to put it off. He's upset because of all the money spent on wedding plans, and that his friends and family traveled all the way to London. Emily thinks they'll all come back, glad to allow Ross and Emily the chance to do the wedding their way. During the fight, Ross keeps putting on his pants backwards. Emily gets frustrated with Ross's attitude, and informs him that if he doesn't understand the importance of the wedding, then maybe they shouldn't be getting married. She stalks off, and Ross tries to follow, but closes his thing in his zipper and is immobilized by pain. Ross finds Monica in Chandler and Joey's room. Monica thinks Ross is going to thank her for calming Emily down, but Ross has to come to yell at her. He wants Monica to fix the thing between him and Emily. Monica explains that Emily was upset because she'd been envisioning her perfect wedding day since she was a little girl. What hurt Emily even more was the fact that, in her wedding fantasy, the man she was marrying understood why having the perfect wedding was important. Ross asks Monica to help him make it up to Emily. Monica takes Emily to the half torn down building, but Emily's not particularly happy about it. When they walk in the main room, Ross plugs in the strings of lights hung around the room. He and Monica describe how they can still make the wedding perfect, even if there's no ceiling. Ross and Emily kiss, and Monica's sad because she doesn't have a date.

Phoebe and Rachel: Rachel comes home to find Phoebe squirming all around on the couch. She's been doing as much as possible for Phoebe, insuring that Phoebe doesn't have to get off the couch that often. Rachel rushes over to help, but Phoebe only has a wedgie. Phoebe wants to talk about lunch plans, but is distracted because Rachel seems upset. Rachel explains that she's upset over how she left things with Ross; he seemed really hurt when she wouldn't come to the wedding. Rachel also feels bad for lying about having to work. Phoebe commiserates with Rachel, saying she'd be upset, too, if a person she was still in love with was getting married. Rachel starts arguing about still being in love with Ross. She says she still has feelings, loving feelings, for him, but she isn't in love with him. This goes on for awhile, until she slips, saying she's still in love with Ross. Once she says it, Rachel knows it's true, and is horrified. She's upset with Phoebe for not mentioning that Rachel was still in love with him before, but Phoebe thought (actually, everyone but Ross) thought Rachel knew. Rachel goes on a big shopping trip to get her mind off Ross, but it doesn't work. Phoebe thinks she knows the perfect way to get Rachel over Ross, and has Rachel bring a picture of Ross over to the couch. Phoebe wants Rachel to think of all the bad things about Ross. Phoebe starts describing a scenario, but it doesn't work. Phoebe decides she needs to take more a drastic measure in the form of aversion therapy. Phoebe makes Rachel look at the picture of Ross, then smacks Rachel in the head. This doesn't work either. Phoebe finally thinks of a real flaw of Ross'; he pops his gum. Rachel can't accept it as a flaw, because she does it, too. Rachel asks Phoebe if she knows where the duck food is. When Phoebe answers in the affirmative, then asks 'why?', Rachel informs her that she's going to London. Her plan is to tell Ross how she feels, so he has all the information before he marries Emily. Phoebe tries to convince Rachel not to go, but Rachel's mind is made up. Phoebe points out that Ross loves Emily, and that Rachel's going because she hopes Ross will say he loves her, too. Phoebe explains that Ross loves Emily, and that Rachel really, really can't go; she'll ruin the wedding. Rachel leaves, and Phoebe's too pregnant to run after her. Phoebe gets in a fight with the Waltham's housekeeper (June Whitfield). She calls for Emily, to tell Emily and Ross that Rachel's coming, but the housekeeper scolds her on her phone etiquette, and hangs up. Phoebe calls back, speaking with a British accent. The housekeeper tells her Emily's not at home, and that she's not at liberty to give out a number where Emily can be reached. Phoebe threatens the housekeeper, who hangs up.

Rehearsal Dinner and Wedding

Joey: gets really homesick after talking to Phoebe, who has just ordered 'the Joey special' (two pizzas). When they hang up the phone, Joey watches the intro to Cheers, making himself super homesick. He doesn't understand the food they have at the rehearsal dinner. He asks Chandler if they can go home, but obviously the can't. Joey gives a toast during the dinner, but won't stop talking about home. He feels better when the cute bridesmaid he's sitting by, Felicity (Olivia Williams), hits on him. Joey comes home the next morning, while Chandler's in the shower. The phone rings, and it's Phoebe. She tells him that Rachel's coming to ruin the wedding. When Chandler's out of the shower, he and Joey have a strange conversation about where Monica is; Joey wants to know because he wants to tell her about Rachel. At the wedding hall, Joey tells Monica the plan to watch out for Rachel. He starts putting his part into action, but he's distracted by Felicity. They start making out, and Joey misses Rachel's entrance. At the wedding, Joey holds up Mrs. Waltham's cell phone, so Phoebe can listen.

Phoebe: spends most of this time trying to talk to Chandler, Joey, or Monica, about Rachel coming to London. She can't get anyone on the phone, at first because of the housekeeper, but then because Mrs. Waltham (Jennifer Saunders) hangs up on her. She finally talks to Joey, explaining about Rachel. She listens to the ceremony on Mrs. Waltham's cell phone.

Monica and Chandler: Monica's been pretty weepy about Ross getting married for most of the episode. It gets worse when they up with Mrs. Geller at the rehearsal dinner. Mrs. Geller won't stop making snide comments about Monica not being married yet, or having a boyfriend. Chandler's night isn't going too well, either. His toast to Ross and Emily bombed, and he's embarrassed. They end up comforting one another about their failures of the night, but it just gets worse for Monica. A drunk man comes up to her and compliments her on what a nice guy Ross is--he thinks Monica is Ross's mom. Monica's humiliated, deciding no man will ever want her. Chandler tries to comfort her, but Monica's too busy pitying herself. The next morning, Ross bounces into Chandler's hotel room to announce he's getting married. Chandler's still in bed. When Ross leaves, Monica sits up beside him. They proceed to have some awkward, morning after conversation. Joey asks Chandler if he's seen Monica, and Chandler freaks out over the question. The same thing happens when Joey asks Monica where Chandler is at the wedding. Chandler misses Rachel because he's helping Ross practice saying "I do." Monica and Chandler walk down the aisle together. They discuss how wrong spending the night together was, then make plans for later.

Rachel: gets to the ticket counter at the airport. She learns there's one seat left on the next flight to London, but it's $2700 for the ticket. She doesn't think she has the much money on her credit card, but the ticket agent (Jane Carr) says Rachel can split the cost between cards; Rachel gives her five to use. The agent then asks for Rachel's passport, but Rachel's left it at the apartment. Rachel attempts to bribe the ticket agent, but to no avail. She runs home, and Phoebe tells her how proud she is that Rachel decided not to go through with it. Rachel's not heard anything of what Phoebe said, running right back out once she finds her passport. Back at the airport, Rachel has another run in with the ticket agent. The flight Rachel wanted to take already left the airport, so Rachel wants the ticket agent to call it back. The agent can't do that, and closes her ticket counter when Rachel won't leave her alone. Rachel finally gets on a flight, but is really fidgety. The guy (Hugh Laurie) she's sitting by asks her to stop, and she tries to tell him about Ross. He doesn't care. She ends up telling the whole story to the guy across the aisle. Hugh Laurie breaks in out of frustration. He agrees with Phoebe, Rachel shouldn't be going to London. Rachel explains that Emily is just a rebound. Hugh tells Rachel that it sounds like she and Ross were on a break. Rachel gets to the church, not stopped by anyone. She goes to the main room of the building, witnessing a kiss between Ross and Emily. When Emily leaves, Ross turns to Rachel; he's incredibly happy she decided to come to the wedding. They hug, and Rachel tries to tell him how she feels, but can't. She congratulates him, and Ross goes off to do his groom thing.

Ross: gets pulled into an argument between the Waltham's and the Geller's. His parents agreed to split the wedding with the Waltham's. Mr. Waltham (Tom Conti) gives Mr. Geller an itemized bill for half the expenses. When Mr. Gellar goes through the bill, he realizes he's being charged for renovations the Waltham's did on their house. Mr. Gellar refuses to pay, and wants to fight with Mr. Waltham, but Ross intervenes. Ross goes between both men, negotiating what Mr. Geller will pay for. Ross does this because he doesn't want Emily to be upset before the wedding. He gets the parent's down to one item they're still disagreeing over, and everyone decides to let it go until after the wedding. On the big day, Mr. Geller and Mr. Waltham fight over the bill. Emily shows turns up while they're fighting, and gets dragged into the mess. Ross comes upon the argument, and forces the family's to stop fighting by refusing them grandchildren. Emily's concerned that Ross has seen her in her dress before the wedding, but he assures her that nothing will go wrong. They kiss. When Emily leaves, Ross notices that Rachel's there. He's really happy she came. The ceremony starts out well, except for the fact that Joey's holding up a cell phone so Phoebe can hear. Emily says her vows, and Ross starts his. The only problem? He says Rachel instead of Emily.

This is one of the greatest episodes OF ALL TIME. It's funny, it's poignant, but most of all --it's surprising.

When traveling, I'm much like Monica. This was an upsetting realization.

I don't get why Ross is so mad at Rachel for not coming. I mean, I understand he's disappointed, but you'd think that it'd occur to him that Rachel might be upset about him getting married.

Joey standing on his map has always reminded me of Blue's Clues. Because Blue and Steve could go into paintings and stuff.

This wedding is obviously ill-fated. Caterer fail? Check. Florist fail? Check. Building torn down a few days early? Check.

Honestly, who starts tearing down a building a few days early when a wedding is scheduled there?

Also, three random people would not be allowed to run into a building that could collapse with little provocation.

I'm a little embarrassed by Joey's hat. Not the Union Jack, so much as the Dr. Seussical proportions.

A lot of people thought this look was awesome. Somehow, I think it has a lot to do with that MTV VJ, Jessie....

I've always thought what Monica and Ross do at the building was really sweet.

It's amazing how much night and Christmas lights improve the looks of a room.

It's pretty awesome that Phoebe would bodily prevent Rachel from going to London if she wasn't pregnant. You know she totally would, too. Remember "you guys are like my bitches."

The housekeeper is amazing.

Jennifer Saunders makes me happy. She's so daffy.

I don't like the whole, Joey being homesick thing. It's not like he's staying in London for an extended visit. It's, like, a week. Anyway, it's unnecessary.

This is one of the best moments in, like, all of TV history, let alone this episode.

I remember watching this the night it aired, but I can't remember how surprising it was that Chandler and Monica ended up in bed together. I think it's epic.

I love Hugh Laurie.

I don't watch House, because I decide that I have what ever disease they talk about that episode, but Hugh Laurie is, like, the best misanthrope ever.

Y'know, Ross, practicing your 'I do' with Chandler didn't really help. Maybe practice saying 'Emily' next time.

Those are some big boobs Emily has.

This gown looks so different on Emily. I honestly thought it was a different one from the one Monica wears. I'm glad she ditched that hideous veil.

When Rachel doesn't tell Ross she loves him, I mist up a little.

It's so well done. You can totally tell that she's aching to say the words, but at the last moment she realizes she can't ruin Ross's wedding day. It reminds me of Roman Holiday.

Tough questions, guys. If you were Rachel, would you tell? If you were Ross, would you want to know? Phoebe's right about Rachel telling because she wants Ross to return her feelings. It's very selfish to want to tell...that's not saying I don't understand the motivation. Sometimes I think I'd want to know, if I were in Ross's place. Other times I think it'd complicate things unnecessarily.

The wedding music has always bothered me. It sounds like something out of Lord of the Rings. Which is good in LOTR, but not so much in Friends.

Speaking of TV history...

Oh. My. God.

"Six hour trip to London. That's a lot of Monica." -Chandler, while Monica freaks out about being late.

"Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only did it the one time. But it was pretty weird." -Phoebe, to Monica, about the weird 'check!' thing.

"LONDON, BABY!!!" -Joey, being excited.

"Okay, if you see a little version of me in there, KILL IT!" -Chandler, to Joey, when he 'goes into the map'.

"Well, up yours, too!" -Emily, to Ross, because of 'time-out' hand gesture confusion.

"How's it going to be alright?"

"Uh-huh, I see that." -Emily and Ross, when the building's partially torn down.

"Hands down, the best Abbey I've ever seen." -Joey's thoughts on Westminster Abbey.

"Man, you are Westminster Crabby!" -Joey, to Chandler.

"Well, because we thought you knew! It's so obvious! God, that would be like telling Monica, 'hey, you like things clean'." -Phoebe, to Rachel, on why the gang never mentioned Rachel still loved Ross.

"Well, I don't have to buy that, 'I'm with stupid.' t-shirt anymore." -Chandler, to Joey, about his hat.

"Don't you point your pants at me!" -Emily, to Ross, while they're fighting over postponing the wedding, and Ross can't put his pants on right.

"Manhattan does not have enough stores." -Rachel, to Phoebe, about how well shopping helped her not think about Ross.

"Well, I like you less." -Rachel, to Phoebe, after the aversion therapy.

"You're even dumber than I am." -Monica, to Ross, about Emily postponing the wedding.

"And that--that pillowcase thing, I thought you guys were just doing the Flying Nun."

"Sometimes we were." -Ross and Monica, about why young girls wore pillowcases on their heads.

"No! Because he's in love with the British chippy!" -Phoebe, to Rachel, about why she shouldn't go to London.

"It's not over until someone says, 'I do'."

"I do! I do!" -Rachel and Phoebe, about telling Ross.

"Ugh, like I can really chase you. I'm carrying a litter." -Phoebe, after Rachel leaves.

"She's very self-absorbed, you know. I should never have married her." -Mr. Waltham, when his wife ignores the Gellers.

"You're different here, too. You're mean in England!" -Joey, to Chandler, when Chandler tries to comfort homesick Joey.

"Why am I always pregnant when she does that!?" -Phoebe, after Rachel comes back for her passport, and leaves again.

"Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast, or Melba toast, if you will." -Chandler's toast.

"I was laughing."

"Out loud?"

"Well, I didn't want everyone to think I was stupid." -Monica and Chandler, about his toast.

"You thieving, would be speaking German if it weren't for us, cheap little man!" -Mr. Geller, to Mr. Waltham, during the fight over the bill.

"He came up to me earlier, and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic." -Chandler, trying to comfort Monica after the drunk guy thinks she's Ross's mom.

"Do you think he knew I was here?" -Monica, to Chandler, after Ross comes in.

"Well, I've--I've never done that with you before." -Chandler, to Monica, after Ross leaves.

"No!! Okay!! What's with the third degree?! Why don't you just shine a light in my eyes?!" -Chandler, to Joey, who keeps asking where Monica is.

"You know, I just want to say--that you are a horrible, horrible person." -Passenger, to Rachel, about her plans to tell Ross how she feels.

"And by the way, it seems perfectly clear that you were on a break." -Passenger, to Rachel.

"Take thee, Rachel..." -Ross, repeating his wedding vows.

"Uhh, shall I go on?" -the Minister, after Ross says the wrong name.

Monday

2010-07-19T04:16:00.000-07:00

So, no post today. We're on the season finale, but it's a special two-part episode since Ross is getting married. Anyway, I went away for the weekend, not realizing that this episode was next. I want to give this episode my full attention, and write a really good post for it, but that wouldn't have happened if I'd stuck to the regular schedule. Stay tuned til Wednesday where I will make it up to you by writing a super good, really long TOW: Ross's Wedding post.